| | high standards.. Page 5 of 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) | If you would have asked me this question a bit ago i would have said yes. The way i see it all now? Definatly not. Sure they have impacted my life in ways i might never forget, good and bad. But really i think someone has to be special to you for you to fall in love with them. To compare them to someone else is crazy. Afterall not all of us jump from relationship to relationship.  | |
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| high standards..
Posted: 12/28/2006 12:57:23 AM | Maybe I'm a little sleepy.....it sounds to me like you're describing a situation
where someone is so hung up on one person that has been in their life that
they are comparing every other person to that one.
If that's right......they're kind of chasing their tail.....because they believe
the first person is "perfect" for them.....and of course no one else will stand
up to that kind of comparison......in fact, they're comparing their "idea" or
memory of the first person to the reality of others.
It's jumping into a relationship with someone new when you're still in love
with person from the old one......I guess anything is possible.....but I'd
have to say that it's highly unlikely that something like that is going to work.
There will always be SOMETHING that is better about the old relationship
because it's now actually a fantasy where all you see is the best in it while
you're looking at the reality of the new one.
ARGH! Maybe I should just go ogle kitten's pics instead?
 <----or watch this little guy for a while? | |
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| high standards..
Posted: 12/28/2006 1:13:13 AM | | Come on. We have to open our eyes and be realistic in the fact that there isn't a perfect person out there... Don't compromise on quality, but rather ask yourself why do I have to have this particular trait in a partner. If it's for a superficial or selfish reason, then lose it. | |
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| high standards..
Posted: 12/30/2006 1:40:13 PM | | I think what is important is to learn from past mistakes. Past relationships make us learn a lot about ourselves too. But if you are looking for a cardboard cut out replica and clone of an ex..then you have issues and should get professional help to move on. | |
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| high standards..
Posted: 12/30/2006 2:26:00 PM | | Abs..So..Lute..ly. I would like to meet someone better than the ones I am dating. They for various reasons, don't or won't fit the LTR bill for me(Or I for them). They each have expressed that. One in particular while exting my life took the time to thank me for helping her raise the bar for her next suiter. Gosh!...Me. I know that we create caste levels in our society. Dateing up a level or two gives a person some selfconfidence. If the relationship does not work out. The new found esteem seems to generate a desire to test the next level. Are we all not looking for the best we can get? Wow that sounds shallow, But I think it is also true. I may not fill the bill for every woman but someday one is going to be very pleased. | |
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| high standards..
Posted: 12/30/2006 4:47:38 PM |
Nyet troski, Przyjaciel.
Katz is right - this mixture of Polish and Russian is more than a tad perplexing. They don't manditorily teach Russian in Polish schools anymore, do they Katz?
I'm thinking it was supposed to mean, "Not a little, Friend", which would be confusing in both languages, since both Polish and Russian use double negatives to simply emphasise the negative, rather than negate it.
Great thread.
I'm confused.
And I can't even blame alcohol. | |
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| high standards..
Posted: 12/30/2006 8:03:42 PM | From my experience dating mature women, I believe as women experience more they are more difficult to date because they have developed assumptions about appearance and character traits or patterns that they feel are not right for them. I have written POF emails to women in my same age bracket who seem to have similar interests from the profiles I read. They read my POF email but do not respond back.
I do not find the same reluctance I do on POF with the women I approach physically whether they are in my age bracket or much younger. In most cases they agree to go on a date with me.
So I think the older women get the more assumptions they develop about male characteristics (whether real or imagined). It isn't that they have higher standards so much as it is that they are more specific about the type of person they will date. Frankly, I feel these women set their acceptance boundaries (not standards) too narrow and because of that are missing out on a lot of very wonderful men. | |
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| high standards..
Posted: 12/30/2006 11:22:38 PM | My ex set the bar kinda high... if I could be happy with a man that wasn't completely right for me, I can't imagine how happy I will be with the one who IS right for me.
As lonely as I am now I'd be even more lonely and frustrated if I was in a relationship where he didnt meet any of the standards I've set for the man I want. | |
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| high standards..
Posted: 12/31/2006 1:52:32 PM |
high standards.. Posted: 12/27/2006 3  05 PM no, not really, sphinx-fire... my best friend is my soulmate, and she's a girl... sure she's my best friend, but she's not the only one in my life.. and even if it was true, if your soulmates dies, you stay lonely all the rest of your life??
Aaaahhh you are talking about your unique soulsister... but falling in love with a particular individual? In answer to your specifically directed question:
If my soulmate died ... like a glacial, aloof swan... isolated 'lonely' - on a tourmaline lake... I would roam broken-hearted: for he would be irreplaceable, an interminable echoeing ache for the physical being that was ... Such would be the poetic injustice that is to be expected, and cannot be insured against. Those with the wisdom to comprehend and therefore able to peer closer would see my consort's amber shadow, creating figure eights that intersected the waves I created in my dance, the rainbow spirit of my soulmate... always a part of me, as He always has been... an endless, eternity - waiting to be together - a tango in slowmotion.
Soulbrothers/sisters are many... platonic for sure... my creative website is all about my Friends... each - also unique, but I don't 'mate' with my Friends.
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| high standards..
Posted: 12/31/2006 4:00:13 PM | | Very good question, personally I think it's better to be selective than settle. | |
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| high standards..
Posted: 1/2/2007 4:22:05 PM | This is where many people are unrealistic. They want the best but they cannot offer the best themselves.
And you determine this how exactly? 
No one can predict what a person can "really get" except that particular person. Each of us has a specific amount of moxy (or "getting" power) within ourselves. It is self-defined... for each of us to figure out ourself... unless someone sitting on high in summary judgement is going on strictly superficial, therefore superfluous, criteria.
I love whenever anyone trots out the old "standards" post... it really reveals a ton about the various people posting. | |
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| high standards..
Posted: 1/2/2007 5:19:24 PM | It's not often that you see a really rich guy with a really ugly girl on his arm. But you quite often see really amazing girls on the arm of homely but rich guys. Look at rock stars -- some of the ugliest guys on earth, but they get laid more than you can ever hope to. Money and power will attract women just as much as a 12" penis... Girls upgrade all the time to a richer man and guys do it to with hotter and younger girls.
A Tom Likus(sp) disciple if ever I've seen one! While Likus 101 may bear an amazing amount of (cynical) truth, it also speaks to the lowest common denominator and our basest instincts. If one wishes to embrace that method of thinking then undeniably they will see their philosophy borne out again and again (the gorgeous girl with the thugly, rich old man, etc), thus reinforcing their belief... but they'll also miss that chance at a greater truth.
What are you willing to work for? What are you willing to risk for great reward? | |
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| high standards..
Posted: 3/22/2007 3:43:12 AM | I definitely think that someone you date can make you have higher or lower standards after that.
Most women have high standards compared to men anyhow.
But take a woman who is say average looking and she dates a hot looking guy. She will then set her standards in looks pretty high after that. Human nature I would suppose.
Men have a habit of trying to date women that are unattainable. Staying in your own league is best for men. Women? They can get better all the time, is why as they get older their standards go higher. Weeds out the undesirables. | |
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Posted: 3/22/2007 5:49:35 PM | | Yep, I believe that is very possible..... | |
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Posted: 3/22/2007 7:07:08 PM | | Yes... hate to say it.. but it does happen | |
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Posted: 3/22/2007 7:47:20 PM | People that are in your life are going to impact it. With past relationships, you learn what you like and don't like. If you know what you like and have a set of standards, I don't think you should back down.
If you listen to country you probably heard the song Settlin' by Sugarland... it fits perfectly here. Here's just the chorus:
i ain't settling for just getting by
i've had enough so so for the rest of my life
tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high
just enough ain't enough this time
i ain't settling for anything less than everything | |
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| high standards..
Posted: 3/22/2007 8:03:53 PM | | I told someone off - he was actually trying to string me a line - but I said "you'll never measure up to him" so yeah, I've done that. | |
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Posted: 3/22/2007 8:11:02 PM | | That is very possible , my ex was very spoiled . lol | |
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Posted: 3/22/2007 8:15:39 PM | i ain't settling for just getting by
i've had enough so so for the rest of my life
tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high
just enough ain't enough this time
i ain't settling for anything less than everything
^
Otherwise known as "The hopelessly long time single person's anthem"  | |
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| high standards..
Posted: 3/22/2007 9:05:29 PM | You take and keep a little bit of every relationship that you have ever been in. Mentally comparing them can be a very natural thing. It can also help you avoid a lot of mistakes that you made in previous relationships.
The danger comes when a person is so set on comparing the people that they don't really see the other excellent qualities that a person might have. Kind of tunnel vision you might say. | |
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| high standards..
Posted: 3/22/2007 10:39:53 PM | | Just Kat, yes ~ oh! yes ~ people rarly fall in love with a person, ~ but their illusion of that person. ~ It's their illusions of someone that you are competing with ~ in time this illusion will fade some and come more in line with reality. ~ sometime this take awhile ~ best not hold your breath. That's why, you might hear someone say, " it's impossible to compete with a dead spouse" ~ ~ but they don't really have to be dead ~ it's the mourning process of a great loss and has a end at some point in the future. Until then, their standards will stay very high. ~` Reality Check ~ we,~ all of us~~ don't like them. Reality bad, illusion good | |
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Sn0man
| | Joined: 1/12/2007
Msg: 123 | |
| high standards..
Posted: 3/22/2007 11:03:10 PM |
So, do you think it's possible that one person can make such an impact on your life, that all the others that will follow will have to either try harder or be really special in your eyes, for you to fall in love with them?
Absolutely!! Once you've tasted a bit of what you want - there's no turning back. If it doesn't compare, then it goes. If it isn't as good, then it goes. If it's better, it's a new standard. I think that's how it works.
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| high standards..
Posted: 3/23/2007 6:57:57 AM | ^^Exactly. Just like rejection, the more you get rejected, the more you drop your standards realizng you are trying for someone who's league you are not in.
My standards were high in my 20's, now in my 30's they are very low.
Just like when you date someone hot let's say, you try for that all the time as you have succeeded in getting that type of person. | |
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| high standards..
Posted: 3/23/2007 7:31:50 AM |
So, do you think it's possible that one person can make such an impact on your life, that all the others that will follow will have to either try harder or be really special in your eyes, for you to fall in love with them?
I certainly hope so.
Each woman that I've been with has raised the bar a for me and I hope that I've done the same for them. 
I wouldn't compare one woman to another, but because of the women that I have shared parts of my life with I now know more of what is important to me and more of what I can give.
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