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| When do us good guys get the woman?
Posted: 1/10/2007 5:37:19 PM | With all these women in this forum saying bad guys come under the disguise of being good, what has made them become bad in your eyes? Is it voicing his opinion on matters and standing up for himself? Does he want to engage in his interests with you and you don't seem interested? Or is it verbally and physically abusing you? What has made these "bad boys in disguise" seem so bad to you? I think that's where the problem "lies."
If you can identify and realizing what's good and bad, what's the problem with finding good men? They are all over the place, but that sense of "skepticism" in a woman's mind from the beginning has good men doomed before he ever has a chance. | |
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| When do us good guys get the woman?
Posted: 1/10/2007 10:07:46 PM | You're hit it on the nose, Arthur. However, it cuts both ways. There are men out there who strive to be decent, but when taken advantage of, they tend to shadow who they really are making it harder for other women to get a chance to see what great guys they can be. So the standard of 'nice' gets dimmed because of the fault of another in both men and women. And then if a couple does end up together, do they really get the full 100% of that person, or are both of them waiting around for the other to make a faux pas so they can say to themselves, " i knew it all along!"?
The challenge is are we ready enough to let our guard down if we are looking for that particular person to be with, keeping in mind that we may have to let down our guards many a time because we rarely meet the "ONE" on the first try? Focusing more on the good of people rather than the bad is a start, i believe. | |
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| When do us good guys get the woman?
Posted: 1/11/2007 8:22:42 PM | I am starting to think the entire modern dating mindset scars our hearts so badly that it is next to impossible to find the one. As a guy just out of a divorce, I was like a starving man at the Chinese buffet, wanting to sample a little of everything. Unlike a player, though, I tried not to lie or make promises I didn't intend to keep.
Even so, I don't think the process was healthy, and I do have regrets. I know I hurt a few women, never meaning to.
It is so easy to start a relationship with the knowledge that you will eventually end it and move on, even if you don't know that you're doing so at the time. Some people even go into marriages with that mindset.
On the other side of the field, I have been on first dates that were more like job interviews and walked away feeling alienated towards women. Also not a healthy thing...
I have met women who were emotionally dependant on whomever they were with and women who were looking for answers to their financial problems. Both were obviously stressful and draining, and I am not saying that only women are guilty of these things. I am sure there are plenty of guys out there who are the same.
I spent a lot of time on this site, reading profiles, etc, and I imagine if I had been looking for a new wife I would have put in a ton of work trying to find a perfect match, but I wasn't. I was just looking to make friends and post on the forums.
Guess what happened?
I was at work late one night, totally bored and so doing the most shallow thing possible here, which is of course rating pictures.
I saw a girl in England that I thought was quite beautiful (and likely out of my league) and I rated her a ten and sent her a note saying so. She wrote back and we started emailing each other once a week. I had no intention of pursuing this; it was the other side of the ocean and I knew how badly that sort of thing usually turns out.
It got to the point, though, where the emails were going back and forth daily. We both were just so looking forward to hearing from each other, you know?
Then we started talking on the phone. It is really cheap to call England with a bodega phone card. $5 buys you 11 hours of phone time. This is when I started going on cheapflights dot com and looking at airfares... Turns out New York to London is only a $200 round trip. We started talking about possibly meeting, but at this point, both of us were still holding our feelings back.
Everything changed when she went away for Christmas. She went to her mum's for 12 days and that meant no IM and no phonecalls...
I ached... I was miserable... I knew I was in love.
The point of this long tale is that I have decided to just cut away all the scar tissue around my heart and open it to her. She is all I want and I intend to see this through to the "Lived Happily Ever After" part of the story and it is the greatest thing I have ever done. | |
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| When do us good guys get the woman?
Posted: 1/12/2007 7:54:40 PM | | You are very wise and completely right. I could write a book on your comment. Then when I give the guy the benefit of the doubt and try to rationalize that they're just having a bad time of it right now, they're taking my kindness and being non-judgemental as a weakness and before I know it I'm taken advantage of. Many women feel like I do because the question becomes," can I trust him?" After a while the first question that comes into a woman's mind (even if he may be trustworthy) is, "when is he going to betray me"? It's just a matter of time. Then women get sick and tired of taking risks after a while so then the man calls them a "you-know -what." Why can't we all just get along? Is honesty such a terrible thing if a man truly wants a woman to be in a committed relationship with him? Life is too short for playing games with people's lives. I know that I may sound negative or too deep, but the truth can be painful and I'm just being "real." | |
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| When do us good guys get the woman?
Posted: 1/13/2007 6:08:38 PM | I left a comment almost a month ago... and on that day I turned my profile off. I then decided to turn it back on a week ago. I started talking to this guy on Monday, we made plans to meet tonight and then last night he asked if we could hold off on meeting. I was fine with that, however he text me saying he is going out tonight. Although, this morning I woke up with a different feel on this portrayed to be "nice guy", I knew this nice guy just wanted someone to talk to, until he found a slimmer... fit girl who will in time break his heart and he will come back to, the thought I wonder what Ms Sassy is doing. I am not upset, I am actually relieved from having to go further and finding out later he was indeed a jerk.
I said this before that the bad guys start off good and it is true. Same with the women, most start off as this wonderful woman, and then their true face come out.
We should all learn to do our research and think about the signs of your last bad guy or girl. Imagine yourself saving so much waisted time and energy if you beat it before things go too far.
I am honestly a good woman... with a wounded heart... but I have grown very strong and I have learned from my past experiences. I have the knowledge and capabilities to spot the rotten apple fallen from the tree before it is too late.
I love that theory about the apples. But unfortunately, you have to think... those good apples that are at the top of the tree which are out of reach... do you think those over riped apples are going to be the same apple it once was when it was first ripe? Of course not... those unreachable apples are going to rot. Guess what... when the very good ripe apples which are unreachable stay at the top of the tree for too long. They fall down to the ground and become rotten as well.
We may become desperate and lower our standards/expectations so we don't have to be alone anymore. We also find ourselves doing things, we would not ordinarily do. For example, if you are intended on finding a lifetime partner... and you are saving yourself sexually until then, you may sacrifice your self respect just to get laid.
Never settle for less, always keep your guard up. Keep your baggage bagged up or put it out with the trash and start each relationship with a fresh start.
Sassy
A Great... Good.... Gorgeous Girl
I put my baggage out with the trash      | |
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| When do us good guys get the woman?
Posted: 1/15/2007 9:27:49 AM | Lets face it. The true good guys don't know how to play the games that women claim they don't want to have played on them. The want the bad guy who is able to be confident enough to be rude, dangerous enough to push their physical and mental limits, and they want someone they can work on (as if we are cars) and say "See I changed him! I am SOOOOOOOO awesome." Not realizing that a person changes because they want to, not because you made them.
The truth of the matter is this, there are plenty of good guys who can do all the above, but requires a WHOLE lot less fixing. The good guys are usually the last one to the woman sees because we don't feel the need to prove we are the good guys, it is something that cannot be shown with words, just actions. This is why I don't say "I am a good guy." because, like several women have experienced and stated, is that they have run into the bad guy-in-good guy-clothing and now they are leary. Of this is my still single status. | |
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| When do us good guys get the woman?
Posted: 1/15/2007 11:09:59 AM | | I agree with pasqualeee....It seems like most guys just want to play around. WHERE ARE THE GOOD GUYS??? I'd love to find that ONE for me! I've found that when guys see something that's not stick thin on here they don't even bother looking at the rest of what I'm about. Face it guys.... most women are not size 0 or even a size 10 these days.....the average women is now a size 14-18....get used to it and get past it and find out what a person is really like! | |
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| When do us good guys get the woman?
Posted: 1/15/2007 12:28:24 PM | | NEWS FLASH: Good women don't get the good guys either. Guys seem to think the jerks we go out with actually start out being jerks and we go out with them anyway. Guess what, that's not how it is. These guys only start out nice to win us over and to get us to go out with them and when they think they have us then they turn back into who they really are. We constantly hear how this and that is suddenly wrong in their lives which is why they have suddenly changed and how it'll get better in time and never does, etc....No woman in her right mind purposely goes after a guy she knows is going to treat her like crap and will make her life miserable. | |
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| When do us good guys get the woman?
Posted: 1/15/2007 1:23:57 PM | NEWS FLASH: Good women are just as much jerks too. I can tell you from experience out of the 5 relationships I have had, except one that fell apart just due to my loosing her phone number, every woman broke up with me. My first ex, I guess was just too young for trying to build a lasting relationship. The second woman after her was about playing emotional games with me (oh that was an online relationship). The fourth we just grew apart because she had not time for me. And the last and the one I still pray will work, is hampered because of a felony I have which makes it hard for me to get a job in some foreign countries. And yes some good guys do have criminal records, and not because of true intent, just because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time or trusted the wrong person.
And yes, the women too started out as nice and sweet, and just turned out different. I won't say they are all jerks. Just that what I thought it was and what they wanted was not the same thing. And just like the most men won't go after a woman who will break our hearts, many of us do. And so the vicious cycle is continuely purpetrated until the jerk stops and changes his or her actions. And to let ALL YOU WOMEN KNOW! I AM NOT A GAME PLAYER. I AM NOT A MAN WHO LIVES BEHIND A MASK. I MAY NOT BE RICH OR A PRIZE WINNING STUD. I DO HAVE A DARK PAST, BUT I DON'T LET IT DETERMINE MY FUTURE. I DON'T HAVE MY OWN PLACE OR PLAN ON GETTING ONE WHILE I AM IN COLLEGE, LOGIC TO ME IS THAT I FOCUS ON GETTING THE GREAT GRADES I AM GETTING (A's and A-'s), GET MY CERTIFICATIONS, AND THAT WAY I WILL BE MARKETABLE BY NEXT YEAR. And if this is not what a women want in a man, then let me know that way I will leave you alone and not worry about being that man of honor and respect and everything else that I feel I should be for the woman in my life. | |
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| When do us good guys get the woman?
Posted: 1/17/2007 10:43:37 AM | | What ny_lady has said is interesting because I've heard that before. That those types of guys start off "sweet as honey" as it was put to me, but somewhere along the line -- around month 2 for example -- that all goes away. By then the lady is hooked, or longing for that "sweet as honey" guy she first met to return. I think this phenomenon is worth exploring. | |
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| When do us good guys get the woman?
Posted: 1/18/2007 6:36:22 AM | We can all sit here and say "I'm a good guy" or "I'm a good girl" but GOOD is a matter of perspective when it comes to a relationship and a partner. Do I know what qualities I want in a man? Absolutely. Will I find them all in one man? Not a chance in hell. That's reality. We all have different views on what qualifies as "good." What I find to be good and what you find to be good will be completely different based on our own personal morals and values in our lives. Whenever we enter into relationships, men and women, we are always on our best behavior. We hide those things that we think are our flaws. NO ONE is EVER completely honest about who they are. Slowly those flaws start to rear their ugly little heads. And that guy/girl you thought was so nice shows you qualities about themselves that you no longer like. Or your partner starts to see qualities about you that they don't like, which is bound to make them change how they act towards you. Every person here that claims to be one of the "good" ones has flaws. We have all been on both sides of the fence. NO ONE can say that they are such a good person that they haven't ever been the cause of a failed relationship. When ever we first meet people we dress or act to impress. Say all the things that we think a person wants to hear. Do all the things we think a person wants. But then we all get comfortable with the other person and slowly those things stop. That's life though.
And for all those people on here that have said they want people to see past their looks and give them a chance because they are a "good person inside where it counts"... That think the attractive people don't give you a chance because you aren't pretty enough or skinny enough... Can any of you honestly say that you have NEVER skipped over someone's profile because you didn't like what you saw in their picture? Probably not. I am definitely not one of the prettiest or skinniest people on here, by far really.... But I'll be honest enough to admit that while YES I want a person that is good on the inside, looks do matter. You have to be physically attracted to your partner. And I want a partner that is physically attracted to me. It's natural. IF your partner is physically attracted to you, they make you feel good about yourself. To anyone that says looks don't matter at all, I say you need to be more honest with yourself. | |
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vankar
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Joined: 9/23/2006
Msg: 64 | |
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| When do us good guys get the woman?
Posted: 1/26/2007 5:04:50 PM | You ALL leave me wondering...is normal too boring? Or is it a sign of being too desperate?
Honestly, I rather enjoy a "nice guy" who knows how to treat a lady with respect and kindness!
For instance, say you meet a person you feel an attraction to (on this site it is soley based on their mentality, thoughts...which could be True-Good or False-Bad... unfortunately) and he writes the BEST repsonses including many sweet and genuine words back to YOU! He then sparks your interest. Do you continue a written converation back and forth and try to see where he is coming from? Or do you chalk it up as tooooo nice tooooo fast and run for the hills? I guess what I'm trying to say is, " Are woman more attracted to guys who don't reveal their true feelings and make it a mysterious game? Or are they really looking for an honest and open guy?"
I would take the later...BUT most guys would take "the fifth" ...
Ammendment that is...Hmmmm?
Bonnie :)
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| When do us good guys get the woman?
Posted: 1/27/2007 6:54:42 AM | | Pasqualeee .. Baby you hit it right on the nose.. There are too many guys out there that have played the game on too many women.. that it honestly makes it harder on the nice guys .. yes it is ashame.. cause it makes it harder on you nice guys . but can you honestly blame us women for that ???? How do we know .. who is who ????? Cause the players .. try to come across as the nice guys... It isn't until the game is played .. that we learn .. So Baby .. be patient with us .. We do learn .. wink.. | |
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| When do us good guys get the woman?
Posted: 1/27/2007 7:36:07 AM | | I don't know about anyone else, but I have found that there are so many men and woman to talk to. Both good and bad. I have had my share of both, and I have been both. We all want to believe that there is someone out there for us, and maybe there is, but we certainly won't find it if we don't keep trying. So what if we have to harden our heart a little and get hurt some? At least you know you can still feel. And if you can still feel then you can still keep looking. I am confident enough in myself to know that if I like someone who eventually turns out to be a jerk, I can move on to the next potential jerk and maybe even be pleasantly surprised by his actually being genuine. Happy fishing!! | |
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vankar
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Joined: 9/23/2006
Msg: 68 | |
| When do us good guys get the woman?
Posted: 1/27/2007 7:42:53 AM |
Or are they really looking for an honest and open guy?"
The problem is that sometimes they are so nice that they don't tell what they are really thinking when you meet them, I think they don't want to hurt your feelings but, they need to be honest with us even a little bad, doesn't hurt to hear the trued in a nice way.
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| When do us good guys get the woman?
Posted: 1/27/2007 1:20:10 PM | **** that shiznet because it dosnt usually happen, from my point of view good guys never prosper. going from good guy to complete ***hole has worked wonders for me and now ive become the mack daddy g. i really dont understand it either but i guess thats how the world works go figure. | |
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| When do us good guys get the woman?
Posted: 1/27/2007 8:58:00 PM | ok ok here is my take on this i read in some of the other writings these things....we dont go for that bad guy he turns into the bad guy my friends and i have figured that the "honeymoon" is the first few months of dating someone then all of a sudden the real personality comes about that is when we need to say, time to close shop or if he is a good guy then lets see what we can do to make this a good relationship
then i read....if ur truly looking for that nice woman, then give her a chance i agree, after alot of life on life terms things in life and relationships sometimes we nice gals need a little understanding and time
also i dont know about the other women here but, it can be a difficult to change the types we look at from looking at the narly guy to looking at the nice guy can take some time | |
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| When do us good guys get the woman?
Posted: 2/8/2007 12:40:07 PM | Some very good comment's here on this topic. I would like to add my 2cents worth and hopefully won't get beat up to bad.lol
I guess the first question to address for ourselves is there really such a thing as a good man or a good woman? That would depend on what your own personal definition is of good. For what is a good person to one may not be the same for another. I would give examples but I think that everyone here is intelligent enough to figure out what I mean.
I think that we need to look at our values as a society and as individuals for they shape and mold our definitions of what is good and what is exceptable. Let's be honest in that we live in a society that is based on ME FIRST, we have this thinking that we deserve everything and only the biggest, newest,fastest, shiniest will do, just look at the car's we drive, the homes we live in, the computer your on. If you watch tv is it on the newest HD big screen or do you still have the old black and white(ouch showing my age). We live in a country that is incredibly blessed, most of us live in homes way beyong what we need, have an abundance of possessions, more food then we can eat(hence left overs) and yet we are still not satisfied. We live in a dream that if I just have this or if this person just does this or that then it will be perfect and I will be happy. Yet how many of us truly are? If things brought happiness, if people brought happiness then why is it that there are so many broken families, lonely people?
We all here seem to be of the same in that we have suffered hurt, disappointment betrayal, etc, etc ad infinitum. My question is why? Because we expect someone else to complete us, serve us, meet our needs, to meet our expectations. No one or no one thing or even many things can bring us happiness, contentment, satisfaction if we are not content, happy or satisfied with what we are ourselves. we look to the external when we really need to look to the internal.
Could it be that we have lost what it really means to love, have we as a society so trivalized it, cheapened it that we no longer really understand what true love and devotion is? We love that show, we love that actor/actress, we love that car you get the idea we place so say we love so many things that really do not matter, how any of you have loved that toy, book, car whatever but in time it wore out so what did you do with it? You threw it out! How many loved someone but when they no longer where perfect, when you saw just how flawed they really are (and we all are) you tossed them out to. we live in a disposable society with everything meaning to be replaced including people.
To me love is more than a feeling it is a choice, yes it always starts out as a feeling. But feeling come and go, they fade over time, they intensify over time. To love someone means to love them even when they are unloveable. Do you see to get your needs met or do you seek to meeet your partner's need first. Funny thing is if you do chances are pretty good you will get yours met. We always have a choice either to do what is best for ME or to do what is best for others, don't get me wrong sometimes we need to look out for ourself.
What about forgiveness, we who have been hurt, disappointed, let down do you hold onto it as use it as a weapon to attack, do you use it a s defense to keep others away. Try truly forgiving it frees two people one the person who you forgave and two yourself from carrying that resentment, bitterness and hurt around.
How is that that in large parts of the world they do not have the same issues that we have here in their relationships. Is it because they expect less, demand less, give more? How many times have you heard a realtionship is 50/50 or even 100/100 and while that might be true in the begginning it is very rare that it stays that we constantly, no a relationship will have times where one may only give 10% and the other 90% can you live with that, can you be willing to give more than you recieve, ever here the saying it is better to give than to recieve?
I for one am nether good not bad just me, I am the result of many experiences both good and bad, simple but complex, broken, humbled, thankful, grateful to be alive, to be able to see, hear and touch those I love and even those who I don't.
ok enough of my rambling thanks for reading, thanks for your comments.
Ron | |
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| When do us good guys get the woman?
Posted: 2/8/2007 2:10:10 PM | | Ok. I buy ny lady 13601's comment. But why stay with them after they start being jerks? Do women think they are actually going to change them? | |
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| When do us good guys get the woman?
Posted: 2/8/2007 3:18:51 PM | | lol...rookie...make sure that she knows that you like her before you start "connecting," otherwise, she'll keep you as a friend, and break your heart | |
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| When do us good guys get the woman?
Posted: 2/9/2007 6:12:13 AM | Wow,
i have been with Good Guy's, bad guy's, ugly guys, cute guys, tall gays, short guys. men with talent, men full of lie's. i don't care who ya are or where ya been it is where you are going.. i don't believe it is the man's or woman's fault it didnt work or he/she don't like you.. everyone has there prefrence's. i was told im to tall and blonde if i had a penny for every excuse they have came up with i would be rich but i hate money so im glad that didn't happen.. i don't know just my word. i just think we should not sit here and blame a site that we are on looking for a date/chatting. they deleted me.. so move on don't jump to the shallow, stuck up , concided,B#$!@, maybe.. we should just think hum not for me..... | |
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| When do us good guys get the woman?
Posted: 2/10/2007 6:53:25 AM | [Well let me explain it to you. Women and Men a like at some point of are life are attracted to the good bad and the ugly. Simply put when were surprised by some thing that is not what were expecting it triggers a chemical in are brain {endorphins} which causes the attraction factor. Gamblers have the same experience when they are winning. So when a pretty girl is approached by a nice man and he takes her out to dinner and brings flowers. That’s just what she expected. If he teases and plays no flowers and no dinner. She will be attracted to this because it’s pushing a unexpected action. She’ll think wow who do you think you are to treat me like that. When the {endorphins} are triggered the attraction factor is extreme. How sad but true.]
this is all bull crap. it triggers this and that. the shit is that a lot of you women are very unnapreciated when somebody good comes and does it all and treats you like a queen. i was married for 6 yrs, and my ex simply "fell out of love" what the heck is that? i did it all, i gave in way too much. but if i were a son of a **** she would listen. i grew up in a house hold where my dad would beat my mom sensless every day. one day as i was watching him beat my mom i said to my self that i would never mistreat a women ever. now at age 33 i never have. so what gives? if u treat them to nice your a punk, or soft. whatever happened to romance, to respect no fights jus having a simple relationship. you women think i want to get with you all serious but to "intensify" our relationship i have to be down your throat as if i were your father?????? get out of here with that. this is why sometimes i look and say why be in a relationship, why not just get laid? but my mind is all over the place so. botom line is that certian women either require wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much in a man (they want a robot) or like bad ass dudes. where are the women who could care less about either of those and keep it simple. where are you.
and for u women who like bad dudes .........seriously get a life!!!! | |
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