Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > What to do if they do not talk back????      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 867love
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 26
What to do if they do not talk back????Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
you have to follow her body language -is she uninterested or bored with you, or is she just timid and shy? if she is bored and shows dis-interest -than end the date quick and move on. -be nice.
if she is shy and likes you -give her a chance to warm up to you, a quiet shy woman can be full of unbelievable passion that she will only share with someone she feels comfortable with.
 ][KAOS][
Joined: 2/24/2006
Msg: 27
What to do if they do not talk back????
Posted: 12/27/2006 2:05:13 PM
Get through it as painlessly as possible and don't go back for seconds. Few things more annoying than someone with nothing to say. Ugh. The mirror works just as good if I want to have a conversation with myself.
 CadeTheFireBreather
Joined: 12/12/2005
Msg: 28
What to do if they do not talk back????
Posted: 12/27/2006 2:09:08 PM
Wow.... I think this is the first thread a man started, complaining about women, that has not been flamed with 500 messages saying "Well maybe its your fault" from women....

Congrats man!
 Gypsy33
Joined: 11/12/2006
Msg: 29
view profile
History
What to do if they do not talk back????
Posted: 12/27/2006 3:12:30 PM
I had a date once with a guy who sat and said about 3 words in 2 hrs.....lol

i was like what the.?????

he just wouldnt open up

as it was our first meeting i thought it might just be nerves

at the end of the date i said my goodbye's with no intention of seeing him again....

i really need someone who can hold up their end of a conversation

so what does he do.....he says before you go i have a present for you....and hands me a diamond ring and asks me to marry him....

what the??????

i was dumbfounded....we met 2 hours earlier and hes proposing......he said the reson he didnt say much at dinner was because he was nervous about asking me to marry him

i had to tell him that one date doesnt make a relationship and didnt he think he should get to know me first before asking me to marry him

he thought talking to me a few times on the computer was enough

i saw it as a desperate measure but gave him a chance....but on the second date he still couldnt contribute to the conversation so i gave up

the other thing i have trouble with is people who just cant make a decision...

where do you want to go for dinner???

oh i dont know...you choose

ggggrrrrrrrrrr
thats ok the first 2000 times but i like someone else to make the decisions occassionally
 devils advocate1
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 30
What to do if they do not talk back????
Posted: 12/27/2006 4:21:50 PM
Come now me Being flamed...now I can't see that ever happening???

Well it is a fact girls and guys can both be fu cked up so both should be able to post saying WTF.

I still can not fathom how either anyone can sit there and day nothing or how someone could talk about themeselves all the time and never let another talk.

Now what I am getting is that all you people are pretty much saying "be polite and excues yourself" BUT does anyone out there think that maybe it would help if it was brought out to their attention??

Just say ...."so whats the deal with the mute thing" or "are you just normally shy around people or are you simply bored??"
I know most would take any straight forward response askew but would not this be the best way to help the person in question in the long run (bit of tough love or just straightforward love) instead of the politically correct "be polite"

Just a thought

And how do you stop meeting these people..I mean they all start normal????

Thanks
 Evilenchantress
Joined: 5/23/2005
Msg: 31
What to do if they do not talk back????
Posted: 12/27/2006 5:00:16 PM
I usually try humour to get them out of their shells. "Sooo...you're a man of few words eh" That usually gets them to loosen up and apologize for their behaviour. Occassionally they just grunt a reply, in which case I say well...guess I'm boring you so I'll let you off the hook, then get up and leave. No point in sticking around just to pull teeth.
 fitchick
Joined: 8/25/2006
Msg: 32
What to do if they do not talk back????
Posted: 12/27/2006 6:18:51 PM
Some silence is not bad. Do you really have to have a constant conversation going or else you think it's not going anywhere? If you're only giving a minute for someone to say something, that's not really much time. Perhaps you could just relax a little?

Otherwise, I would just ask if she's having a good time or why she's totally silent? She may tell you, she may not but at least you'll have asked and maybe gotten an idea.
 Gallivanting1
Joined: 1/28/2005
Msg: 33
What to do if they do not talk back????
Posted: 12/27/2006 6:56:35 PM
You have a few options at your disposal:

Fake an epileptic seizure. If things aren't going well, it gives them a chance to slip away and avoid an embarassing second date.

Play their game and don't talk, just stare at them. When they finally say something, respond with the same number of words. If you can talk like that guy from Slingblade, that would be even better.

Start talking about your personal medical history and ask her for a comparison. You know the old "Ever had piles? Aren't they a pain in the a$$? You look like you'd know what I'm talkin' about."

Excuse yourself to go into the bathroom and when you go back to the table, watch the door to the men's room and as other guys come out, tell her all about them. "See that guy? He doesn't wash his hands" "That guys got some serious size issues" "That guy wants me" and any other gems you can come up with.

If nothing else, at least you will have had fun on your date. As for them, do you really care?
 devils advocate1
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 34
What to do if they do not talk back????
Posted: 12/27/2006 7:14:19 PM
Good ideas gallivanting1

And yeah should I really care ???
 kookies
Joined: 1/13/2006
Msg: 35
What to do if they do not talk back????
Posted: 12/27/2006 7:21:38 PM
well as for myself...i ask questions an most give one to two worded sentences....boring..then i will ask are you talkitive if they say no...i say well guess its time for me to go ..i say bye nice to meet you an i leave just be honest...tell them you need someone who can communicate as well. i dont care much for real quiet people.
 MarieInOttawa
Joined: 6/26/2006
Msg: 36
view profile
History
What to do if they do not talk back????
Posted: 12/27/2006 7:31:41 PM
I really recommend getting to know them a little bit on phone or msn, and making the first date somewhere like timmies, where you can drink up the "small" coffee. After the first time on a lunch "first date" I never made that mistake again. I am very easy going, but wow did he love himself.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 37
view profile
History
What to do if they do not talk back????
Posted: 12/27/2006 7:37:54 PM
Put a mirror under their nose to make sure they're breathing first.
 Chiwrtr72
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 38
view profile
History
What to do if they do not talk back????
Posted: 12/27/2006 8:43:55 PM
That's why meeting for coffee at a bookstore is nice. If they are too boring, you can always peruse the aisles and share favorite books...
 kookies
Joined: 1/13/2006
Msg: 39
What to do if they do not talk back????
Posted: 12/27/2006 9:05:54 PM
you know if i could get anyone off the computer long enough to meet that would be a task...lmao
 Hell Gibson
Joined: 12/5/2006
Msg: 40
What to do if they do not talk back????
Posted: 12/27/2006 9:22:32 PM
You have two ears and one mouth grasshoppa. Try listening more than you speak. Even if it's to silence. Most people will say something if you sit there quietly. Even if it's to break the uncomfortable silence. If not, then at least you didn't do anything that she was apparently not into.
 Skyliner
Joined: 3/9/2006
Msg: 41
What to do if they do not talk back????
Posted: 12/27/2006 9:29:32 PM
Hence the Reason I gave up dating long ago,

Can't be doing with that cr@p anymore !!!

Mark.
 Razzle1
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 42
What to do if they do not talk back????
Posted: 12/27/2006 9:35:21 PM
Seems to me that 85032Luck touched on what could be the key here.

Maybe the other person is very nervous. Most of us are on first meeting someone, and a lot of people are afraid to say anything because they don't want to take the risk of ruining the meeting. So maybe you should just comment to the other person something like, " You wouldn't believe how nervous I was coming to this meeting. I almost had a wreck because of the nervousness." Or something like that. If the other person is nervous, that will probably help to make them comfortable, realizing that they are not the only one that is nervous, and consequently be more at ease then, leading to conversation. You never know why someone is like that unless you try to find out. Maybe they just left a funeral of a family member or something.

After all, you took the time and effort to set this meeting up, why give up so easy. Sometimes you just have to dig a little, and you find a goldmine.

If that fails, I would probably have to follow others advice and then end the date politely, so I could continue fishing elsewhere.

Good fishing!
 ChickoRoll
Joined: 9/25/2006
Msg: 43
What to do if they do not talk back????
Posted: 12/27/2006 9:50:51 PM
HAVE you consider giving them some room to start talking lol!!!

I had a similar issue many years ago.... the longest the silence when the worse it got.... so I talked more. Anxiety perhaps.

Well here is my lesson to share, no matter how quite the person is they all love hearing about themselves... so the strat. is repeat back if any hints, as in you are listening !!! you may have been interactive..ish and expand the conversation too far away from their focus of intertest.

read on listening skills

Cheers
 devils advocate1
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 44
What to do if they do not talk back????
Posted: 12/27/2006 10:29:48 PM
Sorry guys I was to busy talking to myself but did you say listen??? whats this mystical thing???

I do listen...at least I think I do??

I just can't understand why someone would go out on a date and not talk...I mean I have been on dates woth those who don't stop talking about themeselves and I simply push right in and make myself known...is this just a me thing.

I cannot envision sitting there and simply listening allnight long??
 Chromie
Joined: 10/20/2006
Msg: 45
view profile
History
What to do if they do not talk back????
Posted: 12/28/2006 11:47:03 AM
I actually had this happen a couple of weeks ago...Went on a date with this guy and I'm a very open and honest person and rarely get nervous when meeting someone for the first time because it's either gonna work or its not. Well all through dinner I'm doing my best to make conversation...talking about sports, weather, music...anything I could think of. All I could get out of him was "Yea I like that" or "That's crazy"...He was so nervous he nearly knocked over his drink, he hit his steak knife and flung it onto the floor by the table next to us (I'm just glad it didn't hit the guy sitting there" and spilled his soup. A 31 year old man this nervous...I thought only us ladies got nervous like that....Not to mention he was the slowest eater I'd ever seen. I'm not a speed eater by any means but dang when you're not talking and you're still not eating? Somethings wrong. Then to top it off after he paid for dinner and the waitress brought his card back to the table she said "Thanks Mr. and Mrs. (insert name here)" I was like oh no...This is not good. I then decided it was time to end it. I walked to the truck and when he said "Can I have a hug before you leave" I obliged with the hug and immediately bid him farewell and left. Before 15 minutes had even past he was already calling to apologize for his nervousness and lack of communication but it had already ruined it for me. If ya can't hold a conversation (a decent one at least) I don't want to spend my dinners with you.
 Altered_Ego
Joined: 4/26/2006
Msg: 46
What to do if they do not talk back????
Posted: 12/28/2006 12:10:19 PM
When I was younger, I almost always talked about myself whenever I had the chance.

I finally realized people don't enjoy a one-sided conversation.

If I were in your situation, I wouldn't feel very good about a one-sided date.

I'd look for someone else.
 joeandgarcia
Joined: 2/13/2006
Msg: 47
view profile
History
What to do if they do not talk back????
Posted: 12/28/2006 1:17:46 PM
Devils advocate,,you said " I have been on countless dates where I was the only one leading the conversation" now If you said this happened to you once, I would say she was the problem, but countless times??????ugh dude,,,whats up with that? maybe you need to slow down a little, figure out what they like, what they like to talk about???ask some intellegent questions for them to talk about.
O,k just slow down, thats what I think,,from the looks of your profile you are a young male with a lot of energy, a lot of young male energy,,,,sometimes that does not make for good conversation????maybe, maybe not.
 Carnegie
Joined: 12/6/2006
Msg: 48
What to do if they do not talk back????
Posted: 12/28/2006 1:26:59 PM
Dude, I'd have to say that I partially think that it's a bit of "Me, me, me" and a little bit of nervousness on their part. I know I'm guilty of that occasionally, too.
 wonkaman2002
Joined: 3/11/2006
Msg: 49
What to do if they do not talk back????
Posted: 12/28/2006 3:51:45 PM
not talking in a conversation is the worse thing you can do. When the other person doesnt talk , its either one of the two things. One is that they're not interested in talking to you and are just obligating themselves to be there....in that case ; cut it short and get going who cares or find an execuse to go , but better be straight about it. Second is that they like you so much that they dont know what to say and are afraid to say anything and **** things up. Trust me I had a girlfriend like that a year ago who wasnt talkative at all and was so scared to say anything and dated someone the same way as well , I confronted the ex about it and she said that she liked me so much that she was afraid she would say something that would make me mad. I am sorry but thats too low of confidence , I mean sometmies we all say the wrong things. The other one said that I am so hot she became too shy. Still though lol I felt like a broken radio. Its not fun when you're trying to talk to them on the phone and they dont even talk much they just say a word or two and expecting you to carry the conversation , you know what? go learn few words and gain some knowledge and things to talk about and stop being so boring then you'll know how to carry a conversation............thats what I would say to such boring people.
 Berry Angel
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 50
What to do if they do not talk back????
Posted: 12/28/2006 5:10:51 PM
There are many reasons why people don't contribute to a conversation. I have been there before on both ends.

When I am not contributing it is usually because the other is dominating the conversation and doesn't allow me to get a word in edgewise. They are more into what they have to say....and not interested in my opinion or if I have an interest in theirs. It is purely about them. Too bad...for they miss out on so much.

When I am with someone who doesn't contribute back...I do a self check....Am I making it just about me? Are they shy? I then ask their opinion about what I was talking about and what they think. I make it about them more so then me. I ask about things they are interested in.

There is always something that puts a spark in anyone's eye...a true passion. I ask questions to trigger this. Once you find out what that is....they can't stop talking....and you find out more about them. Sometimes people just need a comfortable place to open up to...some place safe for them. Help create that platform for them with a little show of interest... and they will never stop sharing with you....Good Luck
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > What to do if they do not talk back????