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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > If a guy doesn't email back what is the cut off period-a week? couple      Home login  
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 filmboy
Joined: 6/7/2005
Msg: 51
If a guy doesn't email back what is the cut off period-a week? couple days?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

That is another thing...For online dating ettiquette...Is it rude or disrespectful or wrong to email several people at once that you think you might have a match to?


Absolutely not. In fact, that's really the only smart way to do it!
 jamescnd
Joined: 5/6/2007
Msg: 52
If a guy doesn't email back what is the cut off period-a week? couple days?
Posted: 11/8/2008 11:19:40 AM
I haven't been on here for a while and this situation came up that matches this and God knows I don't want to start a new thread and get yelled at for not searching the forum;)

My situation besides still being a newbie to online dating. I admit that I joined a few sites, sent out more than a few well crafted emails (or so I thought) got discouraged, then busy and took a long break.

I recently emailed a girl on another site as her profile really spoke to me and even though I was too tired and sleep deprived...I just wrote a stream of consciousness reply without the typical careful attempts to balance out the not too much and not too little that puts you in the weird or boring category.

I totally forgot about it because of the real world stuff going on, but there 8-days later was a very positive reply from her...which I noticed the following day. (many of us just get tons of email and have it sorted and you can't tell if there is any real email or just more "your matches") Either way I only saw it briefly before heading to work and I'm sorry guys, but in this economy and working in the Auto industry...I actually focus on work and don't try to get myself in trouble email from work. Ended up I worked past midnight last night...mostly because my computer started crashing big time and I couldn't afford to have another system failure that would put me behind the 8-ball again since that happened last month.

Why so much background info? People have lives and some of us just don't check our dating email that regularly or seriously as we put too much emotional stock in it before.

I look at the hard rules people list here and man so many of you are pretty damn rigid and cold about it...compiling this thread into numbers a summary of opinions on the too long cut-off:

{ 2 days, 3 days, couple of days,3 days, a week,3 - 4 days, no specific cutoff}

Plus we get comments like this, "98% of the guys in the world are players. They all use the same lines to see if they can get you to have sex with them. No matter what lines they used to make you think they had a wonderful time and you are the greatest person they ever met, you have a 95% chance they are probably not being honest."

Ouch! That's extremely harsh....and I totally disagree with he made up statistics or perspective. I would say it is more likely that 98% of the guys girls pick and date between 16-28 are players, but the actual numbers in the general male population is only around 10-20%. Then they go online now looking for a "nice guy" or "non-player" totally jaded and sadly prescribing motives to guys actions unfairly.

I'd like to speak for the non-players majority of men and honestly say that much of the time our actions are usually not well thought out or instinctual and we don't think like either players or women as if it is a game of chess. Many guys think with the heart and go in that pile of potential stalker or too strong from your inbox.

Back to my question or point. It sounds like 2-3 days seems to be the most common range. One problem occasionally is since we men know that you women online get tons of email and you look for flaws or red-flags in what must be an insightful and entertaining bit of poetry...sometimes we like to take a day to think about what to say, esp. early on...since it is so hard to get a response.

Secondly for both the men and women responding with such short cutoffs...if you measure and weigh people so quickly without even getting to know them or meet them...it sounds like you aren't looking for anything meaningful. To me if 2-3 days is your hard cut-off then you are looking for a hook-up or light dating and as soon as he/she misses some other arbitrary benchmark...you will dump them without calling them...maybe you'll text them.

So besides wanting to get a feel for the expectation on this and why no one thinks anyone goes on trips or vacations or has a bad week....I want to also understand your reasoning why your cutoff time is right for you and what you think it means. Personally I'd say over 2-weeks without an explanation is probably too long, but if someone gave me a legit explanation, showed major interest and then wanted to meet for coffee or something...why the F#ck should I say screw off to someone who could be perfect for me and not even email or meet with her at all?!?!?

I see online dating as a way or pre-filtering out incompatible people by more than looks as otherwise I might as well be bar hoping. Plus some of us hate bars and are busy too.
 unity4all
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 53
If a guy doesn't email back what is the cut off period-a week? couple days?
Posted: 11/8/2008 11:51:25 AM
I agree with that people do have a responsibilities and that dosn't mean going online everyday. I "m living life when I do go online and I try to respond back as much as I can. Then u get someone that might be bored, just likes play games (ego) or fishing around for a bigger fishy to fry thats how this cyber-dating thing works. I would think the best indicator read between the profile lines.. of that person the answer is present.
 katt_411
Joined: 3/22/2008
Msg: 54
If a guy doesn't email back what is the cut off period-a week? couple days?
Posted: 11/9/2008 2:29:27 AM
There's a cut off period? lol .. Just go with the flow.
 MrUhhhhOhhhh
Joined: 4/7/2006
Msg: 55
If a guy doesn't email back what is the cut off period-a week? couple days?
Posted: 11/9/2008 3:19:05 AM
This is a tough one I think cause in this day and age there sure are some FREAKS! LOL

I kinda flip back and forth over it. I mean really?

If a girl does this wishy-washy commune thing with me, obviously I can't just keep going and going and going and going by twiddlin me thumbies! hee hee.

At some point an interested person has to just get up the guts and communicate. It really is a solve all for so many things. At the least you would walk away knowing you tried.

For me, I think communication skill says A LOT about a person. I don't expect anyone to believe a darn thing I say through the net, but one plus for me is that when a woman communicates with me over a short time period, say a month, they start to realize I have considered a lot of things regarding their comfort. It's a respect thing cause I darn well know even though I think lack of confidence is terrible, ya still need to be attentive toward a person and the fact they may not have the same good experiences in life, nor have achieved a more functional level of dealing with people.

For me personally? I give it a week or no contact, plus who is on this site not in contact with more than one person? It takes a mature dater to realize that consideration is a good thing.

I definitely do appreciate the 'smooth' commune kind of girl, cause at the least she stands to definitely discover I ain't such a bad guy....( Grin )
 techgirl27
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 56
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If a guy doesn't email back what is the cut off period-a week? couple days?
Posted: 11/9/2008 10:13:50 AM
I think a week is generous enough. A week after he "read" it. Because it might be 3 days after you sent it before he even gets a chance to read it. That gives them the benefit of the doubt for a while and time to think about (and be curious about) that possible contact.

That includes a weekend or at least one day off for most people, so in my view that is plenty of time. I firmly believe that if he really wants to talk with me/you, he'll respond by that point.
 Woodstar
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 57
If a guy doesn't email back what is the cut off period-a week? couple days?
Posted: 11/9/2008 2:36:47 PM
A fellow emailed me a couple of months ago after putting me on his fav list. I responded. No further contact.

Then, a couple of weeks ago he started writing me. He was very honest about how he had met someone else on line and thought he had found his match. They communicated alot over the net and texting until the "meet". The meet did not go well.

So, here he was writing me once again.

We both agreed to much communication before the first meeting was not necessarily a good thing. We did write each other alot and texted a bit.

Well, we met today. It was all good! He's even better looking in person!

So....I say...no time limit. It happens when and as it should happen.
 jamescnd
Joined: 5/6/2007
Msg: 58
If a guy doesn't email back what is the cut off period-a week? couple days?
Posted: 11/9/2008 3:45:33 PM
You said, ...well some other sites don't offer that feature or offer it for a fee. I agree that sounds pretty reasonable...if it takes them a week to think either whether to respond or to compose a response it sounds problematic.

On the sites without such a feature you just have to assume the person has been busy or didn't see your email. Especially with women who get a flood of email I could see this as a possibility. I think it would be cool if the sites added an email folder system and filter where you could put in key words and any email that had either a set of positive words (like I would be curious by any women who mentions Colbert or Stewart in her email) or negative words that you'd rather avoid (I won't suggest any, but for the women you could put in every sexual explicit word you've rec'd in an initial email and even things like "hook up").

Mind you for most guys the concept of a flood of emails or flood of responses is a bit of a pipe dream, but trying to help all here. Considering getting a flood of email women don't like is about the #1 reason women don't like online dating, you'd think they'd add filtering capabilities to categorize the equivalent of dating spam.
 *Sassy Redhead*
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 59
If a guy doesn't email back what is the cut off period-a week? couple days?
Posted: 11/9/2008 6:44:02 PM
Can you say Bright Shiny Object....someone else caught their attention so it is time for you to move on too...they will swim back into your life in a few weeks or month. It is fun when they do because it is like they have never emailed you before and you can remind them so politely that "we have emailed before" and then see the light bulb go off in their reply. We all get busy with life outside the computer too. Sometimes I have just enough time to check my email but can't respond for a few days or week....there are lots of in this sea.....don't take it so seriously!
 techgirl27
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 60
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If a guy doesn't email back what is the cut off period-a week? couple days?
Posted: 11/9/2008 6:44:30 PM
after a week I'd move on. If I heard from someone "months" later like that, I'd just treat it like a new contact if it was that long.
 MissEmpress
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 61
If a guy doesn't email back what is the cut off period-a week? couple days?
Posted: 11/9/2008 8:40:53 PM
Cut off period for what? I'm confused...

Well I wouldn't apply cut off periods to emails...as in cut off for when you stop expecting them to reply? Cut off for you being interested? Cut off for if they reply after a certain point you ignore them?

When I send out emails...I hope for a response but honestly I send it and don't invest too much into it. AFTER they reply then I become more interested and take it from there, but initially....it's just like putting out a real fishing line...you know there is a possibility you won't catch anything...so it's not super devastating. They reply when they reply. I don't always reply immediately to emails I've read...so I guess I think others might do the same.
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 62
If a guy doesn't email back what is the cut off period-a week? couple days?
Posted: 11/9/2008 8:44:33 PM
"cut off period"?

are we talking doing a "bobbit" on him?

hehe

if he doesn't write back that means either he's busy, not interested or has been abducted by aliens...again... hate it when that happens...

but, whatever the cause of his lack of response, it means "get on with it and live" - no need to put life on hold, waiting, *just in case*

:)
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 63
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If a guy doesn't email back what is the cut off period-a week? couple days?
Posted: 11/9/2008 8:49:35 PM
I don't think there's a cut off. I'm not one to send an email and wait for a reply. I usually forget by the next day so even if he answers 2 months later it'll be a pleasant surprise. Only downside to that might be I could be dating someone else by then...

To those who have commented on women not reading emails, yet appearing online... In my experience, I come on here strictly for the forums at times and I don't feel like "dealing" with emails. Out of every 12 or so emails I get maybe 1 is semi-decent. Soooo, half the time I get on here I ignore my email... for days... until I am in the mood to really read the emails and respond. Really, if I am on here and am not in the mood to email and I open one, chances are that person won't get any kind of response unless I am exxxxtremely interested.
 MissEmpress
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 64
If a guy doesn't email back what is the cut off period-a week? couple days?
Posted: 11/9/2008 9:26:12 PM

To those who have commented on women not reading emails, yet appearing online... In my experience, I come on here strictly for the forums at times and I don't feel like "dealing" with emails. Out of every 12 or so emails I get maybe 1 is semi-decent. Soooo, half the time I get on here I ignore my email... for days... until I am in the mood to really read the emails and respond. Really, if I am on here and am not in the mood to email and I open one, chances are that person won't get any kind of response unless I am exxxxtremely interested.


Hon....you said it perfectly!

Those are my exact sentiments. Esp about alot of emails being things I am not interested in, so I have no motivation to respond.

There was this one POF dude who was email and IM stalking me on here...and he would constantly change his username and send me messages (but had the same pics, as if he thought I was stupid)...but I was not interested then he sent me some rude message about why am I on here everyday lonely looking for men instead of actually meeting up with someone who wants to meet me and how I would be alone cuz I thought I was better than other people Yess he said all that.

I didn't even justify or explain myself to him....but if I were to...it would have been what you just said. You may see me on daily, nightly etc but 98% of the time I am reading the forums, replying to forum posts, being entertained by the forums or looking at the recipes section (love that part)....and am not here 24/7 reading and sending emails or searching for men.
 techgirl27
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 65
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If a guy doesn't email back what is the cut off period-a week? couple days?
Posted: 11/11/2008 10:56:03 PM
I like time to think about a response (or imagine possibilities with that person) before I send a reply. And besides I am not necessarily online every day, and neither are you. Or, for example if I happen to log in 2-3 times before you log in again, my logins aren't going to be that meaningful to you anyway. Get over it.
 jjm1964
Joined: 10/3/2008
Msg: 66
If a guy doesn't email back what is the cut off period-a week? couple days?
Posted: 11/11/2008 11:31:40 PM
Is there supposed to be a cut off period? I got a reply email from someone I reached out to 3 weeks ago, should I have not replied? A few times I was in the middle of corresponding and got unexpectedly busy with work and no pc time. Although I did eventually email and explain, they blew me off anyway and moved on, so I guess there is a cut off period.
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 67
If a guy doesn't email back what is the cut off period-a week? couple days?
Posted: 11/13/2008 12:26:02 AM
Question: There is this man that wants to talk e-mail but does not want to meet. Now this has been going on for a while. I feel like I am being played . He is hurting my feelings. I have developed feelings for himand have opened up parts of my life to him upon his request. If he liked me then he would just meet with me and call me on the phone and stop the games. I told him to call me and he wouldn't nor would meet with me. Does anybody have anything to help me???????????????????????????????????????????????How do I handle this situation?
 samstyles
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 68
If a guy doesn't email back what is the cut off period-a week? couple days?
Posted: 11/13/2008 2:46:09 AM
If so far you're only messaging each other on this site, then dont read too much in to it, even if it feels like you're really getting along.

Dont limit yourself to being in touch with only one person at this stage, make as many new acquaintances as you like, you dont owe any monogamy yet!

Reply to your mail, but dont wait for or expect a reply. If you're involved in a few conversations it wont feel such a big deal.
 runzwithscissors!
Joined: 7/17/2007
Msg: 69
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If a guy doesn't email back what is the cut off period-a week? couple days?
Posted: 11/13/2008 4:07:57 AM
Personally, I think it is very rude!! Why waste someones time?? Is it that you are waiting for someone prettier to come along? I don't get it.... Even if that interest changes, at least have the courtesy to respond as such....

I love when weeks go by and then they tell you they've been soooo busy, yet you see that they are on several times a day , just haven't had time to " get back" to you!!!
Yes, as a rule of thumb... replies should be within a reasonable amount of time .... NOT weeks later! duh!!
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 70
If a guy doesn't email back what is the cut off period-a week? couple days?
Posted: 11/14/2008 10:01:11 PM
I found out in my situation that this as shole just liked f uking with my head. i cleared every entranceway for him and guess what the fuc king loser did ....................he told me that he is sorry for wasting my time........................NO NO NO I don't think so............he had too much fun hurting me and playing games ..................just being DISHONEST about wanting a relationship.........leading me on................LYING about everything............IT IS SOME SICK GAME THAT HE GOT OFF ON!!!!!!!!!!!! SICK DI CK!!!!!!!!!!!
 katt_411
Joined: 3/22/2008
Msg: 71
If a guy doesn't email back what is the cut off period-a week? couple days?
Posted: 11/15/2008 9:49:59 AM
I have to disagree with the concept that not replying to me, specifically, would in any way be wasting my time. I don't sit around and wait for replies or count on a specific result if and when I send a message. Maybe that's the difference? Going with the flow is the best thing to do .. conversations happen naturally; can't force them, or have any expectations from others, especially when they are strangers to us. I don't know what anyone's day to day (real) life is all about (from here), but I can certainly say it would (and should) be more important to people than pof mail could ever be.

And as for rudeness? Ever stand in the 1-8 item line-up in the grocery store?? lol .... people are rude everyday, why get so surprised when we're confronted with it on here? Anonymity central! lol ... no thanks. ignore and move on. jmo.
 beardog1969
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 72
If a guy doesn't email back what is the cut off period-a week? couple days?
Posted: 11/19/2008 9:51:10 PM
I really have to agree with this remark.

Common courtesy just isn't in great supply, and if the other person is going to ignore your invitation to a relationship in favor of chasing their own needs, that in itself tells you a lot about them as a person.

The best apples are at the top of the tree; the apples at the top of the tree are also the fewest.
Selection is limited, and effort is required. Ground fall apples are to be had in abundance, however.

Take your pick! (No pun intended!)
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 73
If a guy doesn't email back what is the cut off period-a week? couple days?
Posted: 11/30/2008 8:49:35 PM
i believe that it is how close that you are to a person, should determine the cut off.
i have some pof friends............friends would be different then a man that i was talking to all of the time.............getting close to and then cuts me off.........................
reading through these threads i am realising how many emotionally unavailable people there are........and i can't force that..............i can't force closure..........i can't make somebody who gets close to stop from running........................
sometimes, men ~women~just have their own emotional baggage and they are unable to share with another human being or unable to get too close and they just leave and close you out....................but i have come to realise through my own demise that these are their issues NOT MINE........................if i become friends with somebody and they can't handle communication or want to play games.................it is on THEM not me and i just have to move past it and find an emotionally healthy person that is NOT going to HURT my feelings ir run if i "undertsand" them too much out of their own "FEAR"
i had a man tell me that i scare him. We liked eachother. But he doomed us to fail out of fear of falling in love.............these are HIS PROBLEMS and he is EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE ...................if he doesn't call, make plans for us to become a couple and runs like hell then i am better off with a man that will Love and Appreciate me...........he made dates with other women not with me ..but i knew that he really liked me............the man has MAJOR ISSUES and can't communicate..............
so if someone does not write back whom i am either friends with or who i like...............this their problem not yours or mine........the cutoff date is when you reliase they are more concerned with baggage or games then you or me
 Blk_Archangel7
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 74
If a guy doesn't email back what is the cut off period-a week? couple days?
Posted: 11/30/2008 9:27:43 PM
I like love your style Vivaciousvixen Real talk. If I written someone I would also give it a week for them to respond.
 Gypsy Swing
Joined: 7/26/2008
Msg: 75
If a guy doesn't email back what is the cut off period-a week? couple days?
Posted: 12/1/2008 1:41:40 AM
I would agree with this but personally speaking there are so few people that have anything in common with me that if someone isnt interested then its usually years before I find someone.I say stick around unless you have a ton of option.
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