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| Body Image....can women really accept what we have?
Posted: 12/30/2006 9:51:08 PM | "^^^Curvesallover, I think you're a very attractive woman and you look much younger than your age! Of course, I'm a woman and we don't count as much."
I'm a guy and I agree. If that doesn't count kiss my skinny white crackah @**. I was born with the metabolism of a crackhead and proud of it, but I did have strong issues (and can't say I don't have any at all left) with it. I've heard alot of people try to tell me I can gain weight too, everything from eat like a slob to properly balance diet high in carb and protein plus a properly balanced workout, etc. None of these people could understand that I tried it all, scientific and everything, not just the stuff your face method. I also find it concerning that more and more women do not have skinny as an option ( I found this checking women of all appearances sizes and types. BBWs online have had the most migration wise towards won't give you a chance if you are skinny, altho other groups didn't have many left to change to that). | |
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| Body Image....can women really accept what we have?
Posted: 1/3/2007 7:53:29 AM | | In the end it's just flesh, show people your insecurities your fears. I'm comfortable within my skin but if your not try this....Stand naked in front of a lenghly mirror have your significant other stand with you, tell him/her what you don't like about yourself and then ask him/her what they love about you. Most of the time their responces will shock you, often they love the very things about you that you hate, learn to see yourself through their eyes and you'll understand why they say your sexy when your thinking otherwise. | |
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| Body Image....can women really accept what we have?
Posted: 1/3/2007 6:07:13 PM | I admit, I can be pretty harsh when it comes to weight, but I agree, women are the harshes critics to themselves when it comes to picking out all the minor flaws that no one sees. Especially when there are lovers of all types of bodies.
There are some absolute hotties in this thread who are putting themselves down over stupid things.
And there are some that I might not find their body type to my liking, or maybe out of my age range, but I still think they have a sexy attitude from their forums postings and the things they do. (And that is HOT!) Maybe not hot enough to change my acceptance of them, but it's getting a lot closer. I can definitely appreciate some aspects.
Why let a wrinkle cancel out a beautiful smile? Why let some extra wieght cancel out nice eyes? Why let a scar cancel out
I think if you have the ability to change something about yourself, and you want to, go for it! It may take hard work. It may take extra money. It may take time. It may take effort. It may be cheap and easy to do.
But I have to agree, those who have things they can change complain the most. And I complain the most about things that can be changed. Weight, hair length, hair color, clothes, glasses, etc....you can change those, if you WANT to.
Freckles, scars, stretchmarks, wrinkles, small boobs, too tall, too small, too young, too old, skin color, etc. You can't change those things, so how can I as a guy expect you to change those? Don't hate them. You were born with it, or gained it in life.
I know I'm not alone with this thinking.
Another thing I noticed is, most men are willing to overlook flaws completely, if they find something else that they like. I have a friend who would normally be out of my weight range, but her personality kicks so much ass to me, it makes her PHYSICALLY more attractive to me somehow. I still haven't gotten my mind around that one and how that works.
On the other side of that, someone who is normally drop dead gorgeous, can ruin it by having a nasty attitude. With her nasty attitude, I start noticing her flaws more than her beautiful features. It's strange, and I don't get it, but there it is.
It's unfortunate that some women think they should go for other races, because they think that they'll be more accepting, rather than because they like that race. That's a silly idea....whether it's true or not.
(I have some co-workers, and I'm the only white guy there. They find a picture of an attractive woman in their opinion, and say "Check this one out!" And I look....and she's attractive, but not worth me getting getting out of my chair for....looks average to me....I guess we just have a difference in opinion. Or "Damn, check out this ass!", and I'm sitting there completely unimpressed.)
For every flaw that you THINK you have, there are tons of guys who think that flaw is sexy. Yes, I think some "flaws" are sexy.
I hear some asian girls say "I hate that I'm asian, I have a flat ass and small boobs." And in my head, I'm screaming "Those are good things to me!"
There is no absolute.
But most of all, DON'T BE AFRAID OF BEING SEXY, because that's the sexiest part you can possibly have.
Don't be afraid what people think. Don't be afraid of being called a name, especially if you know in your heart that you don't fit that name. Don't call other people names or insult them because they don't meet your standard of sexy, or *gasp*, might be sexier than you. That just makes them lose sexy points.
I dated a really skinny girl, but she always wore hoodies to appear bigger. And it was completely unflattering to her body. But she was ashamed to be too skinny. She got insults like "Eat a sandwich!" and she would show me her hands and say "I have skinny alien fingers." And I thought it was kind of sad, when I found her beautiful. She was afraid to be sexy, and that itself wasn't sexy at all. | |
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kmhstx
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Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 56 | |
| Body Image....can women really accept what we have?
Posted: 1/3/2007 6:25:02 PM |
Freckles, scars, stretchmarks, wrinkles, small boobs, too tall, too small, too young, too old, skin color, etc. You can't change those things, so how can I as a guy expect you to change those? Don't hate them. You were born with it, or gained it in life.
I know I'm not alone with this thinking
You aren't alone in your thinking....these are the things that I'm trying to get out there. for example:
Freckles.....kisses from the sun and completely cute I wish I had some lol.
Scars.........signs of survival, and making it through life.
Stretchmarks.......if they are from giving birth wow, its a badge of honor.
Wrinkles.............character, and wisdom
I won't be sad about the body I've been given, I just haven't taken care of it like I'm supposed to but I'm changing slowly but surely.
It's unfortunate that some women think they should go for other races, because they think that they'll be more accepting, rather than because they like that race. That's a silly idea....whether it's true or not.
I don't think its that we think/feel we should only go for these races. It was an observation about who seems to be unafraid of showing their attraction to us. I'm open to any race, although admitt to a preference physically to some more than others. How ever just because more lets say black men have come onto me in my life time doesn't mean I will only date black men....its just an observation as to having seemingly more oppertunity to do so. | |
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| Body Image....can women really accept what we have?
Posted: 1/3/2007 6:50:37 PM | I find it interesting that so many men posted to a forum in Ask A Girl called:Body Image....can women really accept what we have?
Some of the men have made posts here that I find offensive considering the subject matter. As an example:
UK28, your face is so cute I would overlook any cellulite on your butt.
Yeah, fat is gorgeous, fat is sexy. What freaking ever.
Why is it that people with physical flaws they cannot change--say a missing body part--can deal with it and move on, and yet people with a flaw they can change--obesity--whine about how evil men are for not finding them attractive?
It stands for big beautiful women. It's a bit of a euphemism.
They may and or may not have been intended as humor, but they outline exactly why women feel the way they do about their bodies and that is "the opinion of others" that leads to self loathing. A profitable fashion industry that parades anorexic women and claims that as a standard of beauty is not helping either.
Not all women have been designed as a size 4 or 6. Some are big couch potatoes with no muscle tone at that size and some are muscular and healthy at a much larger size. The myth that everyone can be thin and therefore atttractive is just that, a myth. Genetics and hormones, drug reactions, there are many reasons. We are all different shapes and sizes that appeal to some and not to others.
The important thing here is self acceptance. Lack of it can lead to eating disorders, depression and worse. Lack of it affects your sexuality and relations with others.
Just try to be healthy and learn to love the skin you are in. :) | |
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kmhstx
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Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 58 | |
| Body Image....can women really accept what we have?
Posted: 1/3/2007 6:55:51 PM | Amen.
I chose to ignore the people...mainly men that came on here with negativity as this was intended as a thread in the ask a girl forum for that particular reason.....Women be happy with who we are not what we thing men want from us. Because lets face it guys will accept alot if it means they'll get laid at the end of the day. jk | |
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| Body Image....can women really accept what we have?
Posted: 1/3/2007 8:00:28 PM |
mainly men that came on here with negativity as this was intended as a thread in the ask a girl forum for that particular reason.....
I notice that in general the men answer more questions in the "Ask a Girl" forum than the women do in the "Ask a Guy" forum. Somebody challenge me to cite some statistics 'cuz I am itching for a reason to do it. A bit controlling? I have my theories...
But in this particular forum, it sort of angered me that men found it necessary to comment on the looks or figures of women at all, let alone in a negative way, since the forum title implies that we want female feedback. I think that was clearly delineated by the brilliant Kerry's original post that the questions was asked specifically of women (implied by the use of "we"). In a forum where we sought to discuss being judged, we got judged. Ironic.
Lest I be called bitter because I am overweight (and I know in advance this will occur because those kind of people can't help themselves), and not a perfect size 6, I applaud the broader minded men who can look past the surface and see underneath. To the rest of you, hell, if you think I care one whit what you think of me you are most sadly mistaken.
I love my body. I love how I am strong and limber. I have no problems with my body image when it applies to my sexuality. I know I am sexy to some men and not to others. So what? Not all men are sexy to me. I am happy about every stretch mark I got during a pregnancy. Everyone of them was an act of love. I love the kids who came out as well. I am happy to be alive, so I don't mind any scars. I am coming to grips with the few wrinkles and yes, the freckles will always piss me off, but overall, I don't care anymore. I like to exercise a bit, and I like fudge, so what? I have no intention of spending the rest of my life obsessing over everything I put in my mouth to please a bunch of negative meat whistles who mean less than nothing to me.
So yes Kerry (incidentally another of my favorite posters), we can not only accept ourselves but we can actively love ourselves and be content with who and what we are and see ourselves as what the people who love us can see. The people who mind do not matter, and the ones who matter never seem to mind. | |
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| Body Image....can women really accept what we have?
Posted: 1/3/2007 8:11:19 PM | | Please don't refer to people as men just because they are the same gender as I am. I also don't see how a differance in numbers warrents being equated to a common feature. Just because more men made those kinds of posts (assuming that is true across all subjects in ask a guy/ ask a girl. I would hardly say it is uncommon for women to do the same in ask a guy) doesn't mean that more men have control issues than women. | |
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| Body Image....can women really accept what we have?
Posted: 1/3/2007 8:23:27 PM | It's sarcasm ULO.
What am I supposed to refer to the rest of your gender as? Dudes, pimps, boys, chaps? I don't know...
I feel a statistical survey coming on... oooh, feels sexy. | |
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| Body Image....can women really accept what we have?
Posted: 1/3/2007 9:16:35 PM | Women will always be too hard on themselves, because (at least in america) we live in a society that puts too much emphasis on an unrealistic 'ideal'.
Women feel they have to have a huge rack (with picture perfect nips) a tiny waist, long legs, long hair, movie star teeth, no wrinkles, and a pretty face!
Maybe if we weren't so uptight about nudity 'round here, people would learn what REAL people look like. Warts and all, lol. As an art school graduate, I have a very deep understanding and appreciation for the human body in all its splendors, shapes and sizes. I've seen (and drawn, and painted, and sculpted) hundreds. In other countries, where nude beaches are not considered taboo... people are far more accepting of what a normal, non-anorexic, non-airbrushed, non-model looks like.
And I am in total agreement with Loz! Any man telling a woman to lose weight...or change in ANY way, shape or form...is a man you need to RUN, not walk away from!!
If a person cannot accept you as you are, then you can't truly find love. Relationships should not be based on looks alone, in the first place.
Accept it. Looks come and go. Age will get the best of everybody someday. And more than likely, so will weight! With any luck, Karma will bite judgemental people on the ass in the end! | |
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| Body Image....can women really accept what we have?
Posted: 1/3/2007 9:33:21 PM | When a 70+ yo gentleman is telling me how much he loves his beautiful wife while we are treating her...and gushes about her to us, while they are going through the darkest hours....it shows what love is, what deep commitment looks like. I want that.
I think that boils down to love, and seeing beyond the mere physical. Face it, I'm 42, I'm sure in 30 years I'm going to look a lot different than I do now. But I can also tell you that my ex-GF from 15+ years ago, who was 8 years older than me, is still beautiful to me, not that she hasn't aged and gotten heavier, etc, and we aren't together anymore, but that we had some wonderful years together, and the memory of the love we shared together will always be there. The ex-GF after her got divorced last year, and me I'm the guy that was there giving her a hug and telling her she is still beautiful in my eyes, and I'm sure would make some guy very happy (and no, wasn't looking to "go back there" with her  ). I've always had the attitude that if I can't see myself telling a woman I'm with that she is beautiful, 30 years from now, then why would I want to date her?
Funny, I was talking about it with my current GF, and she said something to the effect of "thats what every woman wants". Even still thinking that about my ex's, she thinks is a wonderful quality of mine somehow.
I'm reminded of a line from John Bradshaw, from his "Creating Love" book, where he talks about having a guy in one of his group sessions who said, "I saw my wife the other day, and I could see how she had gotten older, and I couldn't help thinking that she was more beautiful than I'd ever seen her before, and I loved her more deeply than I had ever loved her before." Thats love. I think thats what most of us really want, in our hearts and souls. But I think a lot of people spend their lives looking for that outside themselves, and its not something outside, its something you have in *your* heart.
I think Kerry's point was that you need to learn to love yourself. Not that there aren't things that we'd like to change in ourselves (I have a few), but if you don't love yourself then you can't really be there to love someone else. We are all our own worst critics most of the time, and its not neccesarily an attractive quality. Love yourself, reality is looks only go so far, and the *person* you are (and they are) is whats going to make the relationship.
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| Body Image....can women really accept what we have?
Posted: 1/3/2007 11:22:00 PM | I agree with mominatrix, and my weight isn't even a problem.
What women 'should' and 'should not' look like is plastered all over every magazine, tabloid, newspaper, etc..., and it's simply unrealistic. Men don't have anywhere near the amount of pressure to conform to what I see as impossible standards. This leaves a lot of women (young and old) trying to figure out why they can't seem to reach perfection. I wonder how guys would feel if we decided we wanted a certain weight, hair color, chest size, butt size, etc...? Back in the day, women actually had some 'meat' on them, so that if they got sick, they could fight bugs off. Not anymore though.
But this is interesting - not to change the topic but - do we really have to age? I've been reading a lot of books lately on the topic. 'Ageless Body - Timeless Mind' is one of them. According to the author, we weren't meant to age - we were essentially 'taught' this by our ancestors and this has somehow become a self-fulfilling prophesy - accepting aging and death as the inevitable - as something we cannot change. In fact, he claims that people have actually reversed aging simply by meditating and changing their thought processes. Another book I'm reading claims that a woman reversed aging by meditating that she was breathing in the color pink.
So though perfection isn't something any of us can attain immediately (as in today), this might be something worth looking into. Because gravity may not be a 'given' with age, but something that can be reversed if only we'd stop accepting aging and everything that comes with it as 'a part of life'. I'm going to. | |
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kmhstx
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Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 65 | |
| Body Image....can women really accept what we have?
Posted: 1/4/2007 4:20:28 AM | Yes this thread is about learning to love yourself......meaning inside and out. Loving imperfections...because I have always truely thought its our imperfections which make us diverse....and diversity is beauty.
Aging is just another thing that is frowned upon in society.....but does anyone notice that as the baby boomer generation is hitting their 50's and 60's all of a sudden this is much more acceptable and cool than it used to be lol I guess majority rules. I applaud this as it means when I turn 30 in 15 days I'll be the new 20 as they say in Hollywood lol. But seriously age is how you feel, not really a number. I know 55 yos who are living life more than most 20 yos. I'm about to turn 30....I honestly want to celebrate.
Now that I've said that age is more of a feeling I will change that up alittle, because I don't intirely agree with the idea that we can stop aging.....Women do have biological clocks...there comes a certian point in our lives where child birth is impossible, and scientifically the reason behind aging is known....lol scientists are trying to stop it for sure, but its still a scientific fact of life. (I could go into it but meh....plus I should get to work lol) | |
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| Body Image....can women really accept what we have?
Posted: 1/4/2007 8:54:26 AM |
Lest I be called bitter because I am overweight (and I know in advance this will occur because those kind of people can't help themselves), and not a perfect size 6
*I have been a size, 18/20, a 16 for a few years and a 14 most of my life. Now after finally learning to eat right and practicing reg. exercise, I have maintained (the last four years) a size 6 AND the "size 6" is not perfect and did not make my body perfect!
The right man though, does!...with that "concern" (of not being accepted due to flaws) put to rest, I am free to let the 'real me' ...the part that counts, enjoy the world and affection outside of myself.
ubkobalt : I am a big fan of your post! I hope others will not skim through your contributions especially here.  | |
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kmhstx
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Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 68 | |
| Body Image....can women really accept what we have?
Posted: 1/4/2007 9:03:56 AM | | Best Kept Secret....its wonderful that you feel happy and healthy....but why did you need a man to tell you that you are perfect? Why should we need anyone elses opinion but our own? Thats the thing....I don't think we need anothers approval to love your body. Most men don't feel the need to love themselves and their bodies only if a woman tells them its ok. So why do most women? | |
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| Body Image....can women really accept what we have?
Posted: 1/4/2007 9:21:33 AM | "Best Kept Secret....its wonderful that you feel happy and healthy....but why did you need a man to tell you that you are perfect? Why should we need anyone elses opinion but our own? Thats the thing....I don't think we need anothers approval to love your body"
We don't! But, experience throughout my life has influenced my view of myself. It happens more often than not. I am learning to accept myself more as I am. It just feels good having the insecurity alleviated.
( Being judged often, stays with you)
Thanks for asking...I'm sure I'm not the only one who has let what others have said, or the cultural view of woman make them feel a bit shy.
EDIT:
*One other important note* The time we grew up in makes a lot of difference in what kind of influence we had and who a young girl's "role model" was....The attitude younger women have today is vastly different than when I was younger....we recieved different messages and have had to "learn" how to have a healthier veiw of ourselves. ("Twiggy" was the hot model then...and I was a chubby girl!) lol
My daughter has her concerns too, but is much more accepting of her own body and has a healthier attitude of her own worth and contributions! | |
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| Body Image....can women really accept what we have?
Posted: 1/4/2007 9:41:50 AM |
because seriously unless there is something way wrong, men generally aren't picky. Why is it we do this to ourselves?
Because insecurity sells magazines. And fashion.
Women are gorgeous.....period.
You're barely out of your teens and as white as Hellmans.
 Hahahahha......owned. "If you where any whiter, you'd be clear" | |
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| Body Image....can women really accept what we have?
Posted: 1/4/2007 9:54:14 AM |
Lest I be called bitter because I am overweight
That kind of shit bothers me too, Mominatrix. In fact it's probably what frustrates me most about this whole subject: No matter what a woman's appearance may be, it seems that inevitably it is used to undermine what she's saying and taken to individualize--as her personal problem--observations she makes about the beauty myth in society. I see it all the time. I've experienced it myself. | |
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| Body Image....can women really accept what we have?
Posted: 1/4/2007 10:25:46 AM | Thank you bunny! As you may have noticed, it's much easier to dismiss someone with an opinion because they have the problem, than to argue it logically.
I have been a size, 18/20, a 16 for a few years and a 14 most of my life. Now after finally learning to eat right and practicing reg. exercise, I have maintained (the last four years) a size 6 AND the "size 6" is not perfect and did not make my body perfect!
I have no idea what it is like to be thin. I was a chubby kid who was constantly exposed to dieting by my grandmother and my parents. As an adopted fat kid of much thinner parents there must have been something wrong with me personally. I was an active little beast, out running around being the scourge of the neighbourhood, rarely watching any televsion, but still chubby, plump, whatever you want to call it. I was sent to Weight Watchers at 8 years old, the endocrinologist by 9 for some weird shots made from cow placenta or something. My weight obsessed mom and grandmother pursued every avenue to make me thin. I honestly cannot recall a time until I hit my late thirties when I was not on some sort of diet. Pills, sure. Shots, yep, fasts, but of course. Pregnancy was the only respite. Oddly, I should have notice that when I ate what I wanted with no control during three of my pregnancies, I lost weight.
One year after the birth of child #4 the Mominatrix weighed 370 pounds. Before this I had been 200 after a close relationship with Phen-fen. I had lost and gained more weight than an elevator full of people. The weight always came right back, with a little bit more. This time it was a lot more. I ate no more than any of my friends, in fact often less, but still the weight was an issue. A thousand calorie a day diet? Ineffective. I had completely destroyed my metabolism.
I was hypoglycemic and when I discovered my birth mother had become diabetic, I got busy dieting and exercising yet again. This time I tried the Atkins diet and found it was easy to follow and did not cause the headaches and mood swings that many other diets did for me. I leveled off at this weight and here I have stayed for 7 years. In fact, it is the same weight I was at high school graduation. Overall, it did not make me happy. It was still not enough. I was not satisfied. I could get thinner, couldn't I? I tried and tried but my weight stuck here but 5 pounds up and down. When I got desperate and went on a supervised fast, my health began to suffer. My doctor finally said, "This is it for you, learn to live with it." What? I was incensed. Surely eventually I could reach the imagined perfection. To hear things like:
Why is it that people with physical flaws they cannot change--say a missing body part--can deal with it and move on, and yet people with a flaw they can change--obesity--whine about how evil men are for not finding them attractive? Not everyone can change it. Not everyone is intended to be rake thin. My frame is huge. When I found my birth family I discovered it was genetic.
The smartest thing I have seen in this thread:
Because insecurity sells magazines. And fashion. It's a billion dollar industry. I have spent thousands and others continue to spend millions. It's self sustaining. It's profitable to tell women they are less than in a world where men are primarily visual.
A hundred years ago Lillie Langtry was considered one of the most beautiful women in the world. She was decidedly chubby and would be considered fat by current standards. The women depicted in art were rarely by any means the thin models we are offered as the standards of beauty. Plump was a sign of femininity and fertility. It was sexy. Now? A model who is over a size 10 is considered "plus size." When the average size of women is 14. What is wrong with this picture?
The weight loss did make me healthier. I had a breast reduction and found exercise much less painful. What did make me happy was cultivating apathy, finally realizing that I am what I am. Like Popeye. I now eat most of what I want, I do try to limit sugar and carbs, but I am not strict about it. I swim, fence and do yoga. I just don't care what anyone thinks anymore. I do what I want to do. I find myself much less crabby and much more cheerful. There are other things in my life besides my weight. | |
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| Body Image....can women really accept what we have?
Posted: 1/4/2007 11:07:29 AM | ^^^^^^^
A model who is over a size 10 is considered "plus size." When the average size of women is 14. What is wrong with this picture?
Over 68% of the female population wear a size 12 or larger and over half of all U.S. Women wear a size 14 or larger. But if the majority of women are larger than a size 12, then why are we considered the minority. It is time that women of size are represented in catalogs that sell plus size fashions.Women of size are businesswomen,entrepreneurs,lawyers,and decision makers. It is important that we bring to the forefront that “full-figured” describes the “majority”of women consumers----quoted from the Fashions for Forgotten Women page
This is quote of what I posted in message 47:
It's a “cultural thing” because people in this Country have been bombarded with unrealistic images of what a woman's body is supposed to look like for the last several decades on TV and in the media-think Twiggy. For years Madison Avenue used teenage girls as models for WOMEN's fashions.
Go back in time and women who were stick thin were considered ugly, sickly and undesirable because the perception was they couldn't bear children. Wide hips, fat azzes and meat on the bones was considered beautiful, healthy and desirable. Ironic isn’t?
It was a male friend of mine that pointed this out:Remember for the last several decades-the "Fashion" industry had a very large number of "gay" men that were the "Fashion" Moguls and strongly influenced what would be popular or fashionable. Obviously the type of body they would prefer to dress would be a more "boyish" figure-hence the Twiggy phenomenon.
Mominatrix I can so relate to your story-mirrors my own-perhaps you too suffer from a metabolic disorder that hasn't been diagnosed-it's a simple blood test the doctors neglected to do on me for years..they would test my thyroid and tell me I probably eat more than I thought I did-I was living on about 800 calories a day-worst possible thing for your metabolism. Like you, when I got pregnant and ate 3 meals a day and wasn't dieting-I lost 30 lbs during my pregnancy!
While I'm very happy to finally have an answer for the frustrating decades of dieting, I am also angry that even the medical doctors I went to basically had the attitude that it must of have been something I WAS doing wrong!
Bottom line is SIZE is a number like age...success in life is all about having the right attitude and I make no apologies anymore for not being a certain "number" or size.  | |
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