alero
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Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 26 | |
| I hate your guts???
Posted: 1/1/2007 6:06:00 AM | | THERES A FINE LINE BETWEEN LOVE AND HATE AND HE`S ACTUALLY STILL VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH YOU ... MEN GO ABOUT THE WRONG WAY OF SHOWING US THEY MISS AND STILL LOVE US BUT THATS REALLY WHAT HES SAYING..WHEN HE SAYS THAT JUST SAY GOOD WE ARE ON THE SAME PAGE THEN AND I BET HE`LL FREAK.. | |
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| I hate your guts???
Posted: 1/1/2007 6:16:54 AM | Sounds like one of those "Sunday mornings, coming down." My ex is a miserable person...angry, bitter,nasty. What I learned from that is despite doing so well as a child, his daughter has ended up the same way. Bitter, angry, cynical - and at 28 its a shame...she has a long life ahead of her.
:(
Be sure to keep that in check with your little one - temper tantrums are genetic...I have seen three generatuons of them before the divorce.
MariaChristina | |
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| I hate your guts???
Posted: 1/1/2007 6:34:38 AM | A therapist once told me this:
True hate is reserved towards those that were never loved in the first place.
It's impossible to truely hate someone that was once so truely loved. That "hate" feeling is actually love shadowed with anger. When the love is truely gone...it becomes replaced by a feeling of nothingness towards that person. Love nor hate. That's when you know the love is really gone.
As long as he is claiming to hate you...he really still loves you. He hasn't gotten over you yet. | |
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| I hate your guts???
Posted: 1/1/2007 12:19:46 PM | Sounds like he's HURT.....
Maybe he feels his heart got ripped out and stomped on... that takes some people MORE than a year to get over. -- It truly depends on the circumstances that the break up happened. | |
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| I hate your guts???
Posted: 1/1/2007 6:10:44 PM | but there have been an odd occasion where he came to my place after a night of intense drinking and has said he feels suicidal, and why does all this "bad" crap happen to him. I dont feed into his questions as I do think he wants some sort of sympathy and just offer him the couch to crash on for the night.
I feel a bit queasy after reading that..Is it Possible people are still this uninformed?????
When people discuss committing suicide it is not for attention or sympathy..Usually it means the person could quite likely has clinical depression..(which is a medical condititon that can be treated) and May act..You know they are thinking about it when they say so.
Binge drinking is also another sign that there's a problem. Most people who attempt (or succeed) do so under the influence of alcohol or drugs.. So if someone is both drinking too much (or drugging) AND talking about it,,the chances they could eventually act are upped Considerably.
Talk of suicide should NEVER be ignored or brushed off.
One hundred percent of people who talk of suicide do not do it..But virtually 100%
of those who commit suicide or try have told someone before hand.
This is the father of your kids and a human being..Talk him into getting some professional help. He's not talking this way to get sympathy. He feels hopeless about things in general.
Incidentally, children of those who attempt or commit suicide are 10xs more likely than others
to attempt or commit sometime during thier lifetime.
Your breezy dismisal of his pain is stomach turning. Look up "empathy" in the dictionary.
Ugh. | |
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| I hate your guts???
Posted: 1/1/2007 9:04:31 PM | that is because hate blinds a person to see things as they are
hate, stops a person from being who they are, or can be..........
hate, stops a person to love themselves and others.........
people who hate do not know that they end posioning themselves
with their own hate,eventually that is what hate does to all of us,
if one does hate.........
but love can conquer all things in life.......if one allows it to do so. | |
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| I hate your guts???
Posted: 1/1/2007 9:20:54 PM | i wood just say THANKS THAT MAKES US EVEN  now get the KCUF away from me  | |
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| I hate your guts???
Posted: 1/1/2007 9:32:22 PM | | If I were you I would take some time and think about how you talk to him. Do you use little digs when talking to him, or not take into consideration the ideas or beliefs he has in concern to raising you child. As a single dad my self I know that when I get upset at my sons mom for whatever reason it somtimes is just better to let it go and try to get passed it but after so long a guy gets pissed off and can't take it any more and can out verbally. That said I don't know why he said It and I don't mean to say that you were being a beyatch I don't know the whole story but maybe a good place to start looking. | |
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| I hate your guts???
Posted: 1/2/2007 6:45:25 AM |
The opposite of love is not "hatred" it is indifference.
I don't have much to say about the post, but I saw this and wanted just say I agree with this. There are few other misconceptions about opposites...but this is definately one of them
janet4now  | |
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| I hate your guts???
Posted: 1/2/2007 7:14:12 PM | | Wow - thanx everyone who took the time to write their comments and opinions. I would like to comment on one of the posts where I was said to have lack of empathy - woman if I had none I would not have taken him into my home to sober up and talk him out of his suicidal tendancies and would have suggested him to jump. The last thing I want is my child to be without a father. I do not feed into his drama, spit back words of hurt etc - i believe if I did - I would be like him and I wouldnt have posted this post as I would have understood why he would say such words. (hope that made sense). I have alot of compassion but I am also not a watch dog and my ex is a grown man who needs to work on himself only if he wants to. I was pretty distraught myself after our marriage failing and I did what I needed to to find my "self" and that was only up to me...capishe? lol...Anyways folks - thank you again!! | |
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| I hate your guts???
Posted: 1/2/2007 8:55:10 PM | OP...message #13 hit the nail on the head. Reread his post. Alcholism causes depression. People who drink to excess...be they a binge drinker or an everyday drinker. They cannot deal with everyday life or their emotions. They are frozen pretty much at the day they started drinking.
I was with one who told me about all his lost loves and how wonderful they all were and how I was a piece of crap. Well, I've since met all but one. They all said that he treated each one of them the same way as he had treated me. This was over a thirty year span! And now, he comes and visits me and when a guy starts to get close, he gets in the way. They are sick. They need help.
I understand your feelings for the father of your child. You can't really help him, but you can help yourself. Go to alanon. For you. For your child. Read all the literature you can find about alcholism, its symptoms, causes, who it affects. You will be surprised when you learn about the games they play. Its like they all went to the same acting school! | |
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| I hate your guts???
Posted: 3/15/2007 12:25:44 PM | often when people come out with things like this its purely spur of the moment and no malice is intended.
if he siad he d been thinking it for months then,yes,worry.
the legal profession call this giving someone the opportunity to recant angry words | |
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| I hate your guts???
Posted: 3/15/2007 12:33:03 PM | He's had many gf's after me and can not commit to any of them - we dont really speak to eachother other than our child so I am confused as to why someone would say such harsh words. There is no valid reason to why he feels this way - I've asked what the problem is and I get silence. Even if he said this out of hurt and didnt mean what he said why wouldnt he come out and say how he really feels. Any thoughts and opinions would be helpful
this is very simple no arm chair psychology needed to answer this.
He's projecting on You....... from where he is standing He's a failure..He probably sees how happy you are in life.... and how all the girlfriends He had after Your marriage never made him happy maybe He's looking back in regret saying Your possibly the best thing that will and ever did happen to him.besides that He has some anger issues to work on relating to his inferiority complex He seems to have around Women.JMO.
I've asked what the problem is and I get silence
He also needs to MANUP...and work on his communication skills.......what little he has. | |
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| I hate your guts???
Posted: 3/15/2007 1:00:02 PM | I've had a couple of guys I cared about say this to me before. It could've just been said out of anger, but even if it was just a passing emotion, it makes me feel the same way when someone I care (or used to care about) says "F*** you," or tells me to go to hell, or calls me a b**ch.... it leaves me dead silent and makes me feel like someone punched me in the stomach. I've been around people that I can't stand, but I've NEVER used those words with someone I've had a relationship or friendship with.
Anyone who says "Sticks and stones...." is full of it. Words hurt. If someone speaks to you that way, then they obviously have little or no respect for your feelings. I would tell you to avoid this person, but with a kid involved, it can be difficult. I wouldn't know what to do.... | |
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| I hate your guts???
Posted: 3/16/2007 7:56:30 AM | I agree with most of the others...Apparantely you once "spolied him" and were the only one who put up with his misgivings...The ones after you were like he is..."Screw you...I'm not putting up with all that!"
He's a gone goose in your life...but he doesn't like that!
You might need some assistance with the law to keep him away, unfortunitely... | |
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| I hate your guts???
Posted: 3/16/2007 8:10:46 AM | | He probably just figured out that...He's really not ALL THAT!!!!! | |
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| I hate your guts???
Posted: 3/16/2007 11:42:10 AM | | I am always amazed at how at one time two people could Love/Lust each other, but then really despise each other after a break-up. I was never like that with my ex-husband. I chalked it up as experience. Not a very good experience, but what am I going to do? Kill myself or him over it..please... I'm don't know the circumstances of your break up, but I usually it takes 2 to tango. It's never just one person, no matter how hurt the other is feeling... | |
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M2k7
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Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 45 | |
| I hate your guts???
Posted: 3/16/2007 11:45:58 AM | | What have you been doing to make his life hell? | |
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| I hate your guts???
Posted: 3/16/2007 12:25:00 PM | it might be.. cannot live with you cannot live without you
but who knows..god were all nuts | |
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| I hate your guts???
Posted: 3/16/2007 1:25:10 PM | I will never forget those words..."I hate your F*cking guts."
My take on this is...It's easier to kill you with words and get a way with it!
Cuz it sure feels like a stab in the heart to me! | |
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| I hate your guts???
Posted: 3/16/2007 1:28:59 PM | No... there are worse words.
"You are dead to me..." comes to mind. | |
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| I hate your guts???
Posted: 3/16/2007 1:44:55 PM | You know.... I just gotta play a bit of the Devil's Advocate on this one.
Yes, the guy is hurting and, yes, he's stuck in the anger part of grieving and yes, he is finding it easier to project his anger and hurt than to talk about it and seek counselling or some other safe way for him to deal with his emotional turmoil....
.... but, you know what?
No one here besides the OP knows the circumstances surrounding the breakup.
OP, you may be an angel for all I know, but man, I'm telling ya, there are times when my ex, even after almost 6 years says things that are incredibly insensitive and relfects a level of uncaring and disinterest that makes me want to explode at times.....
If you value him as the father of your kid(s), take his threats of suicide seriously and talk to his friends or family so they can suss out the situation. If he's willing, go and have a couple of sessions with a counsellor together but make him understand that the session is not about getting back together but, rather, a forum that is SAFE for each of you to lay your feelings on the table....
... and be gentle. | |
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