| The Friends First Thing.
Posted: 1/15/2007 1:00:38 PM | | Same goes for men as far as the rules go to not looking and not going out with others. When MOST men say they want to be friends first their idea of that, they think that also includes sex with all their so-called friends. I'm sorry but I do not have sex with guys I just consider friends nor would I be interested in a man that had sex with his female freinds. Being intimate with someone SHOULD mean the relationship has moved on to being something more than friends and that's when seeing/dating other women/men should come to a stop. And don't lie about it, it's only going to hurt the other person when they find out and they will find out. Eventually people trip themselves up when they lie and can't keep their stories and excuses straight. | |
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| The Friends First Thing.
Posted: 1/15/2007 2:44:12 PM | I don't get what most of you have said. How on earth can you figure out from the first meeting that this is the person you want to have a 'relationship' with? I ended up besotted with my last partner but couldn't stand him at first. Then one day something went click. That has happened time and again in my life (not to that extreme I have to say). I have usually found if I think they are f - ing gorgeous to start with then its just a quick tumble and that's it - but nothing long term, because there's nothing mutual in the first place. It takes time to know whether you really like someone and get to know them well enough to know if you want to go to that level. - Or maybe it's just me!!
By the way I have dating on mine - because I learnt that hang out meant something else and when I had friends I just got contacted by intimate encounter people so I don't think that makes a smidgen of difference. | |
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| The Friends First Thing????
Posted: 1/15/2007 5:39:03 PM | | When I see a woman face to face for the first time and she sees me their is either going to be an instant visual attraction or there isnt. If there is that attraction things move eventually by the end of the nite to sex. If after that we have mutually been sexually satisfied with by each other there is an understanding that future encounters will take place. After a while one encounter leads to another encounter and so on and so on....dating sex then becomes exclusive and an automatic given. When you get together you learn about each and every thing about that person to the point that you know them so well that you know each others likes dislikes ect and become friends who know what each other likes to do for activities and what each other doesnt like to do....apart from having sex of course. The women I see and who see me....if the sparks of attraction are there there is an unspoken agreement that sex is what we will both want from of each other and it just happens spontaneously. | |
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| The Friends First Thing????
Posted: 1/16/2007 11:11:44 AM | cazrabbit2000
Good lord ---- so if I didn't have sex with you the very first time I'd never see you again?
Why does it have to be instant attraction - doesn't that mean it's purely physical because you can't know much about the person that soon? And if the sex isn't good very first time then again you call a halt to it? I'm not blasting you -each to their own - but is that how everyone thinks nowadays? no wonder I'm still single! | |
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| The Friends First Thing.
Posted: 1/16/2007 1:25:24 PM | | Friends first means just that.. friends. As in friends split the check, as in friends see other people, and as in, If after a couple of dates your friend doesnt wanna kick it up you simply re evaluate the friendship and ascertain whether your needs are getting met within the friendship. If its real it will flow, you'll both have feelings and though you may not want to push, she certainly shouldn't make you suffer. Put it this way... Nothing on you should be blue after a date with her. She should understand that though you're a gentleman, you are still a man. Remember.. dating is mate shopping, If what you bought doesnt work send it right the hell back, but keep the friendship it may be good for networking and business. | |
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| The Friends First Thing.
Posted: 1/16/2007 2:50:38 PM | Usually There in not a good exchange rate on the "Canadian" money..But here i'll give him full exchange for his "Canehadian" cents...
When I hear a woman say "friends first"..I asume that means they are open to retreat any time. But in all actuality , In a long term relationship I definately look for a woman to be my "best friend", and "my only lover"!. Id have it no other way. But thats just me. | |
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| The Friends First Thing.
Posted: 12/11/2007 7:33:32 PM | | I am an open, fun big handsome male Christian interested in meeting new friends, . I am over weight and looking for a helpmate to work with me in my efforts to work-out and slim down. I like to keep busy, but would enjoy someone to hang out with during my free time. I'm pretty easy going and don't like drama. | |
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| The Friends First Thing.
Posted: 1/12/2008 5:44:37 PM | Friends First: Gives you time to get to know someone before you allow yourself to plunge headlong into the fountain of love only to find your head stuck in a toilet. 
But how long does it take to be "friends" with someone before you feel its safe to proceed with something more significant - emotions (like love)? Two days, three weeks, 6 months? | |
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| The Friends First Thing.
Posted: 1/14/2008 6:11:38 PM | When a woman says "friends first" I think she is saying "I am looking for a long term relationship, but I am a cautious person by nature" - that is, she doesn't believe in love at first site, and wants to know a man before she commits, etc., as opposed to some women I know who are more intuitive when it comes to men and believe they can size up a man withing 15 seconds (and some can to my amazement!). Neither one is better, just different.
If a man says friends first, I think he is hedging his bets. He doesn't want to admit that looks are very important to him, and he may meet a woman whose company he enjoys, but is not attracted to. How does he avoid telling her that he is not physically attracted to her without feeling like a dirtbag? He says friends first. | |
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| The Friends First Thing.
Posted: 1/30/2008 4:30:24 PM | *sheeeesh*, I get really annoyed when some people interpret "friends first" as a way to take advantage of someone else's feelings and generosity, like a head game.
Why not see it as just that the person choosing to begin on a platonic level is open to where things might lead, but would rather establish some familiarity and routine before they honestly feel closer? As far as what the 'rules' are, just don't do to that person what you don't want done. How hard can that be? Don't sleep around, don't unnecessarily flaunt other attractions, and ask how the other person feels about such-and-such, instead of claiming 'rights' to shop around. Basically, until BOTH PEOPLE say they want something exclusive, you're not obligated to that one person. If you have genuine interest, wait and see if it can grow. If you don't want to wait, don't. Say your goodbyes and spare the other any further wasted investment. Don't ask for what you don't want to reciprocate.
Just as it takes time to develop a close friendship, it ought also to take time for a relationship to deepen beyond each other's first impressions and best behaviour.
What I want to know is; why do some people think it's easier to go the romantic route first and not bother with friends, when marriages not based on those friendship qualities fail almost all the time?
In order to have a lasting mated life together, wouldn't it be the most durable if the couple had some comfort built up before getting serious? Sex waxes and wanes. Kids, if they are/ become part of the picture, get in the way of passion, and that couple had better darn well have more than just lust to hold them together.
Yet lust seems to be the primary goal, instead of being the expression of an already committed love.
FRIENDS FIRST, or NOTHING EVER!!!! | |
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| The Friends First Thing.
Posted: 2/17/2008 2:17:31 PM | Personally, I'd be a little apprehensive about a woman who put "friends first" in her profile, just because, as people above pointed out above, it could be interpreted many different ways. I've also heard lines like "I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship" or "we're too good of friends" way too many times to go down that road. I already have plenty of friends and I don't have any trouble making new friends in the "real world." I'm not here to make buddies, I'm here to find a potential girlfriend/wife/soulmate. I'm really not interested in hanging out with someone if they have no interest at all in a possible romance. That should be something you can determine within the first two or three dates.
If by "friends first," you just mean that you want to take things slowly, that's perfectly understandable. Just say that. But by saying "friends first" you could be giving people the wrong idea. That's just my 2¢. | |
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| The Friends First Thing.
Posted: 4/24/2008 3:17:13 PM | | Bullcrap...if you want something, go for it! "I want to take it slow" is wimp-speak for "not interested." | |
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| The Friends First Thing.
Posted: 7/11/2008 9:41:31 AM | Friends 1st is a cop out to me. All the best relationships are based on friendship 1st as a core , but when a women says "friends first" it sets off alarm bells , especially when you see on there profile about an " Ideal first date " , why if there looking for friends would they post about an "" ideal first date "" ???
I agree to with the above poster about getting stuck in friends mode as well. if your looking for a possible partner in life , setting things off in "friends" first mode wastes time IMO. Unless the women in question is seeing alot of different men at the same time , which might be great for the lady in question , but not so great for the men playing " man #125252 "
Posting friends first you Might find the man your looking for , but being a man myself , and a good man , Id venture to say by posting that in a personal your losing out on alot of men contacting you that might be a good match just based on you having placed that in your profile.
If your worried about a guy pressing you for sex , be upfront about where you stand on that. A decent guy who is looking for a true relationship , sex wont be an issue for him in the beginning ( unless your the type who like a year or two after dating only likes sex once a month lol , I've met women like that )
Set boundaries and limits ect and if the guy is worth it and truly is into YOU , he will stick around !! There is few better tests then seeing if a guy will respect your boundaries and limits anyway. Myself if Ive gone out on a second date I already like you and respect you enough to respect your boundaries. | |
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