| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 1/2/2007 1:34:13 PM | OP, I hope I wouldn't ever get in that position as sex is part of a healthy, close relationship...if partners let that slide, then they're definitely letting other important aspects of a relationship slide.
I wouldn't consider it grounds for leaving *before* we both tried to make things better...if both of us didn't try it's not going to work, and then yes, it's probably time to leave...because there are more problems in the relationship than just the lack of sex. | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 1/2/2007 2:42:31 PM | | I agree with some of the other posters in that a healthy sex life is an essential component in a LTR. There is an emotional connection and a level of intimacy that is established through sex, although when a couple's sex life dwindles it is usually stemming from other issues surrounding the relationship. While I was in sexless marriage for many years as I chose to stay for the sake of my kids, the sex or rather lack thereof was not the reason why I chose to leave the marriage, the lack of the emotional connection was a factor in my decision. | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 1/2/2007 4:15:08 PM | Yes , I believe you hit the nail on the head "detourahead" when you say that it is not so much about the sexual act or the frequency, but truly the emotional connection or even the smallest amount of affection that can keep two people hanging in there at least until things may or may not get better.
So let's suggest that there is no sexual activity whatsoever, is it simply enough to have only small doses of affection or do we need the act itself to feel that we can keep going?
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 1/2/2007 4:29:47 PM | | Damn right it's a deal breaker and reason to leave. It's one of the main reasons my most recent LTR ended. She decided that she didn't even want to try anymore (sex was a little painful) but wouldn't do anything to try to fix it on my suggestion. We were living together and I had a roommate instead of a fiancee. | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 1/2/2007 5:18:23 PM |
So let's suggest that there is no sexual activity whatsoever, is it simply enough to have only small doses of affection or do we need the act itself to feel that we can keep going?
I think the answer to that question is entirely dependent upon the people involved in the sexual activity. Sex is more than just a basic physical urge, but some people do not understand this concept for life influences one's view of sex. For some, small doses of affection are enough for them to connect on an emotional heart level. For others, the sexual release is enough to satisfy their physical desires.
For me, I need more than to connect with someone on an emotional or physical level. For when two people come together and connect with their mind, heart, body AND soul...thats when we are talking about some of the best mind blowing sex ever!! | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 1/2/2007 5:28:16 PM | | I think sex can be sex but we are forgetting fore play too which can be just as satisfying as the deed it self!!! I think that a relationship will last as long as there is some kind of sexual tension and teasing involved in the relationship once a partner feel's ignored or boring that is usually when the relationship get's into trouble.... | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 1/2/2007 5:30:04 PM | The way I look at it is that a marriage without passion, desire and love is doomed to fail.
If two people have passion, desire and love for each other, there will be sex.
Lots of sex.
Not just for the pleasure of getting off, but the endless search and exploration of your partners mind and body.
The becoming of one. | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 1/2/2007 10:20:40 PM | | well i geuss it depends on how much sex means to you. Maybe your husband wouldn't mind you looking for other means of fulfilling your desires as long as you stay dedicated to him emotionally? I don't really know. But judging by your pictures I don;t think you'll have difficulty finding another companion. | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 1/2/2007 10:25:14 PM | All I would do is find the nearest greyhound station, buy a ticket and roll out!!!...There is no need to be in a relationship where there is no intimacy/ sex.....I can be a horny nutt case at times, and when soul needs flesh...he's got to have it.....I think I have given my clear opinion on this topic...thanx....        | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 1/2/2007 11:42:43 PM | | Sexless marriage doesn't give you the grounds to divorce. If I was in a sexless marriage I would either talk it out with my spouse and if that didn't work I guess some good porn will do the job. | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 1/3/2007 12:30:26 AM | I can only relate this to my failed marriage. I shut down emotionally, the sex stopped at the same time and he went elsewhere. Two parted problem with one solution: divorce.
Sex is the glue that holds it all together. When that stops, everything else just sort of goes awry. At least in my past that is how it seems to happen.  | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 1/3/2007 12:37:54 AM | Sex is a part of a relationship and a failure to, uh, 'put out' is a breach of the agreement on one side. A relationship without sex or intimacy is friendship. Living with someone who doesn't have sex with out is called having a roommate.
There's no other way around it. | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 1/3/2007 3:53:09 AM | Wicked and Wise.....Sex is vitally important in a relationship, most of us have established that, and I agree also. However what if it were the man you were totally in love with that through no fault of his own, became unable to have that intimacy we all long for? The late Christopher Reeve is a prime example of what I am talking about. That was a strong bonded marriage, and his wife stuck with him through it all, as frustrating as it must have been for her.
I believe it all goes on a person's strength, and the lengths they will go to in order to maintain intimacy. Given a 'normal' situation where the other half couldn't care less anymore about sex, then yes, definately there are grounds to leave, if the person does not respond to the help they are offered. To me, it's the strength of 'love' and not 'sex' that keeps people together.
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 1/3/2007 4:18:23 AM | Ok, I found this statement a little odd and correct me if I am reading this wrong but is there somewhere in our vows that we say "I do agree to have sex?"
Depends on the vows, I suppose, but the phrase 'to have & to hold' certainly is a clear implication that there is to be physical intimacy between married partners. How many people would be OK w/ 'forsaking all others' until death do you part if that were not the case? I'm guessing not many.....
So, yes, I do think it is part of the marriage vows.
'For better or for worse' comes into play in the above example, but even then there are opportunities for intimacy, if not tradfitional sex. | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 1/3/2007 5:58:26 AM | Life can be like that, with many disappointments. Few of us dream about the disintegration of a sexual relationship.
Sex can be a warm and wonderful part of a romantic relationship. But it is not everything. By itself, sex cannot be the basis of a serious relationship.
When it has disappeared, though, sex looms much larger. Without sex, the relationship seems hollow.
If I were in a relationship that had become sexless, then I would be very disappointed.
Would I leave? Yes, because I am not ready to live without intimate relations. | |
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ooge
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Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 43 | |
| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 1/3/2007 6:29:22 AM | For me I'm not sure a marriage/relationship without sex could have reached the long term stage! If the sex was there to begin with and then went away then it would be a symptom of something else. The trick is to find out what are the underlying problems/issues and hopefully the sex will come.
The other thought that comes to mind is that some people do use sex as a weapon to manipulate, punish etc. If this is the case then I think it's best to get out.
Sex is a way of bonding and maintaining that bond and without the sex then a basic building block is missing and relationship is in trouble. | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 1/3/2007 6:39:35 AM | | ok There are relationships out there like christopher reed my aunt and uncle are one of them 10 years ago he broke his neck therefore has been in a wheel chair ever since, and yes they are still married to this day!! Quoating my aunt sex is not the only thing you can share there are other way's to show your sexual side eg. toy's and fore play so I think if your relationship is strong enough you will find way's together to release with out the actual act of intercourse actually it could even be more fun to tease each other then to actually do the initial act it self. | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 1/3/2007 7:07:17 AM | The barometer of every relationship is what goes on in the bedroom and the intimacy..
If it gets below Zero.. Then ice forms.. NOT GOOD
I say yeah grounds for Divorce.. cause if the lack of sex don't kill the relationship
The farking lawyers will !!! | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 1/3/2007 7:34:52 AM | i was married for 12 years,,at first the sex was great (and frequent)...then came the first baby..it slowed down...then came the second baby and well....it slowed down considerably. i had always had a higher sex drive than he did . it just seemed that we grew apart. once the emotional connection we had dwindled, so did the sexual attraction that we shared.
there were other reason for me leaving the marriage, but indeed one of them was the total lack of affection on his part. marriage/life is tough at the best of times, and one of the things that keeps a relationship strong is the intimacy..loose that and my experience says that it is all downhill from there. | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 1/3/2007 10:26:50 AM | I would like to thank everyone for their contributions so far on this topic/issue and here are a few things I would like to address.......
So we can and should bring into this discussion the idea of the marriage vows....
"To have and to hold"........My interpretation of this could take into account many things, first being yes an intimacy between the two partners. Could we not say that "holding" could then be taken with the next part of the vows ......in good times and bad, sickness and in health, meaning that we should hold them when they are sad, happy, or when sick and that it makes no reference to an actual sexual act?
It is an almost a natural belief that when we marry that we should unite through a sexual joining whether it be for pleasure or to pro-create, yet as others have mentioned the example of Christopher Reeve what happens then?
When our partner is no longer able to perform in the traditional sexual way? Or yes when health begins to fail and say erectile problems develop in the male?
Do we leave then after 40-50 years of marriage simply because they can no longer perform? I believe this is not a cut and dry issue and there are many things to consider.
If we look at it in an ideal situation where both partners are healthy enough to perform but simply no longer take the time or put forth the effort to keep the marriage alive and all has been tried to rectify any outside problems, then I am in agreement that this would be a deal breaker for me.
BUT
If we look long term to the issues I have stated above, do you still leave your partner when things beyond their control do not allow them to perform any longer? | |
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e-wok
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Joined: 9/25/2006
Msg: 48 | |
| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 1/3/2007 10:34:55 AM | I'd probably stick around since sex has slipped down from ranking #1 in
my life's priority. Our interest in sex may change, but I don't think
the love for each other should just because one aspect of the
the relationship has. Love is suppose to be more powerful than sex...isn't it? | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 1/3/2007 10:42:46 AM | That's a possible interpretation...but 'hold' is coupled w/ 'have' in that phrase. So again, taken as a whole the vows make mention of fidelity, which being contingent on a sexual behavior, doesn't make one prone to thinking their other mention of physical acts as being of an asexual nature.
In other words, if you take 'forsaking all others' to mean monogamous sexual behavior...then I would argue that, yes, a sexual relationship is definately part of the marriage vows by implied omission. 
As to the second part.....No, I wouldn't leave a long term partner because of health problems, etc, but @ the same time, they would probably love you enough to do everything in their power to make sure you weren't sexually frustrated for long periods of time. There are LOTS of options in this area....even to somebody with a serious disability. | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 1/4/2007 6:50:50 AM |
they would probably love you enough to do everything in their power to make sure you weren't sexually frustrated
This is LOVE at it's finest, with the implications. It's a selfless act, and anyone who has been in this situation can understand that it takes a lot more than just the usual routine to please a partner. It takes time patience and frustration, but if the love is there, it cannot fail. | |
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