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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 7/7/2007 8:50:54 PM |
If you found yourself to be in this type of relationship , would you consider it grounds for leaving? Secondly if you do not agree that it is a reason to leave, how do you live in a sexless relationship????
Without sexual compatibilty, I doubt the relationship would work for me. I want fireworks all the time! Unless both of us, by mutual verbal agreement decide to a life of celibacy/abstinence, or agree to an open relationship in which sexual companionship can be sought outside the relationship, what is the point of staying in what will eventually become a miserable, drudgery of an existence? For those who wouldn't consider divorce or ending the relationship, I'm sure murder could easily become a serious consideration. LOL. I'm just saying... | |
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vhdc
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Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 127 | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 7/8/2007 8:02:26 AM | the law used to say yes....
consortium was the essence of being together, that is to say, socially and sexually you were intimate.
to deprive a spouse of this was grounds for divorce, and I think it is realistic to suggest that people that are sexually active dont stop with one person to abstain that often...
also one one is alienated the other is generally not too far behind  | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 7/8/2007 8:34:15 AM | I think it's unfortunate that many people assume that not being interested in having sex is always a choice and a conscious means of manipulating a partner.
What few people know is that some brands of birth control pills actually decrease a woman's libido, ability to get aroused and ability to orgasm. Of course, Doctor's won't necessarily warn women about that. Furthermore, we've studied erectile disorders in men ad nauseam - seen all the commercials - but we've barely given any real attention to hormonal/physiological reasons for lack of arousal in women and how to remedy it. Again, Doctors are hardly talking about it or prescribing as needed, and affairs and divorces are going up.
At the end of the day, I fully understand that people have needs and some needs they can't live without being met. Sometimes, both partners need to come to a realisation that one's challenges are unbearable for the other. But it's the animosity that many feel that throws me off. Would you "despise" your spouse if they were no longer able to bicycle after breaking a hip? Would you "despise" your spouse if they came back from Irak and were no longer able to feel and express joy as before? People repeat what feels good. If they don't feel anything, then how/why can they repeat? There's no physiological reinforcement. I'd be curious to see stats on the % of people who aren't interested in sex due to physiological problems that have never been addressed from a medical standpoint. | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 7/8/2007 10:37:53 AM | | This is not only about married couples... People have different reasons for not wanting sex from their partners... My excuse is that i don't want to deal with certain health issues.. He is not on the same page as i am, we just don't have much in common, I would not be offended if he has another sex partner... Why am i still with him? I don't know, maybe company . | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 7/8/2007 10:57:00 AM | People are under the impression that is has to be fireworks and passion all the time forever.
One of the things told to me by many happily long married people, my folks inclusive, is that passion ebbs and flows. Sometimes one's spouse is a comfortable friend and other times it's the honeymoon all over again.
I hope one day I can take that philosophy into a healthy relationship, mostly I hope there is love, companionship and a sense of feeling your spouse is family where you feel so secure you don't have to second guess and count all your sexcapades. | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 7/8/2007 11:00:36 AM | This is a great one...
If a man who has been married for 18yrs.. then the wife dies, and now you have to Re-live your life but you are in your 50's and 60's.. Now what.. She is all you know.., What do you do..
Well you get on the dating site and look for women you meet a few but do not find a spark.. then you meet one you like and think you would like to spend the rest of your life with her but., their is a problem... Your wifes image when it comes to intimacy..
How do you think the women feels, you cannot make love to the new women for your past is invading your present. But the women you are dating is dealing with this issue as much as the man she is dating is,..
HMMM so... in this case the sex is left out of the relationship until the TRUST ISSUE... is concord, or at lest warmed up too.... Now... this is in place.. but know you have sex indifferent.. YOU like it this way.. and he likes it another way.. but it is not good for you.. and your way is not for him... now you have to deal with this...
Ok so this is compermize and you try again... Little by little you keep trying but the sex is just not working for the both of you... and the spark is not there on his side and then it fades out on your side., now what.... Ok so you start to just cuddle and this is not even working..
you don't want to do it but do it because you think it will help., and she accepts it but menopausal and the heat and the frustration of sex.. interferes.... now what...????
YOU get along great... you have fun laughing... you like lots of other things in the person.. you see the real inner soul.. but your life is not what you want it too be.. and her life is not for you... you try and try but you just cannot find your self dealing with it all..
YOU want to get away more then you want to stay... and she knows this.. So were is the middle.
There are a lot of relationships out in the world that do not have sex.. either because of size of a man.. or a illness of a women... or they know that intimacy is more important then the action.. that is what toys.. are for... some men will not allow them self to be loved or only know a fantasy and will not have sex with a women.. what ever it is...
If you love the person.. then sex will be their.. even if you love them then you will accept the other persons situation.. Like me.. right know i have the kids, the job, the house and cars, the landscape, the friends, the girls i work with, i have the bills, the future, the ex and his girlfriend, my dads birthday, my grandmothers and brothers death this month, i have the man i am dating and all his situations, i have the stress from dealing with a girl i took into my house with AA, NA, and SAA, and on top of that.. I have my kids and their problems, and my grandchild, I have wanting to start a new business, I have my weight, and my wanting to re decorate my house.. I have so much on my mind that I am not interested in sex.. because EVERY ONE WANTS SOMETHING FROM ME..... AND I CAN FEEL IT, SEE IT AND KNOW IT............. Even though they are trying to help me and ease it.. it is not being eased.. it is just more stress in the long run..
Add in my job and 9 Kids agaes 5 months who just went into the hospital that is stress full, then 15m,18m, 4yr,2-6yr, 8yr, 2-9, and a new child 2yr old... up at 5am till 7pm.. my hands are filled.. deal with the parents and all their problems...
Tell, me... do you men fell that women have it easy.. and why are you not getting sex in your relationship.... THIS IS WHY.... EASE ARE LOAD.... MAKE ARE LIFE SIMPLER.. HELP US EVEN IF WE DO NOT WANT THE HELP.. WE NEED THE HELP WE ARE TO STRONG TO ASK FOR IT... WE NEED MAN TO DEAL WITH ALL OF THIS.. ARE YOU A STRONG ENOUGH MAN.. OR DO YOU JUST WORRY ABOUT IF YOU GET SEX OR NOT..
Pastor Julie.. live a day in my shoes and see if you want sex..... | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 7/8/2007 11:44:23 AM | White Gardenia: Pastor Julie.. live a day in my shoes and see if you want sex.....
I know that you are busy in your live at this time .......... but take the time my friend for your self, please ...... Do not forget that GOOD SEX is a Natural stress reliever. ...... I remember my-self coming home exhaust and still wanting FOR SEX, and it last ....... maybe there's something wrong with me ! | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 7/8/2007 12:00:52 PM | my needs were never considered, it only happened about once a month if i was 'lucky'. He expected me to show him love etc but i didnt get any in return, i got out.
Pinkcat: did you try to ask him, this is one thing that I never, never could know if my wife was looking for sex, she never came to me with kisses, are nothing, no indication. I mention to her many time to open a light, do some noise, so I will know ...... not good | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 7/9/2007 1:03:51 AM | | ref msg 136: I always showed him affection, but after a while i took a step back & looked at the whole picture. I did try & talk to him about the problem many times but he chose to ignore it, surely there is only so much one can do as it gets to the stage of flogging a dead horse. It wasnt my choice to go without sex it was his, he made the descision without discussing with me how selfish is that. | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 7/9/2007 4:30:23 AM | here is a subject close to my heart
Thirty years in a relationship where I had to fumble around in the dark so to speak before I knew if she was interested.....mind you....when she carries on reading womans own as I am fumbling then perhaps that was a hint. I never got hugs unless I asked for them and the only time I was shown any affection at all was after fixing a cupboard or doing some plumbing.
We have now been separated for six months and although there have not been any other women in my life in that time I am 100% happier.
Anybody wanting advice on a loveless marriage?.....get out now. | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 7/9/2007 5:40:39 AM | pinkcat on 7/9/2007 4:03:51 AM It wasnt my choice to go without sex it was his, he made the descision without discussing with me how selfish is that.
My friend I undersand you very, very well ...... being there done that , I am just starting to realize that if this is not a deal breaker I dont know what it is ....... and the more I am reading on this forum the more I see my-self ...... so it was not my imagination .... and I thank you for all this information and stories of sexless marriages .....
I was married NOT TO BE IN PRISON ALL MY LIVE .... so sad, so sad,... please god help me. | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 7/9/2007 5:57:27 AM | phkinell on 7/9/2007 7 23 AM
Thirty years in a relationship where I had to fumble around in the dark so to speak before I knew if she was interested.....mind you....when she carries on reading womans own as I am fumbling then perhaps that was a hint. I never got hugs unless I asked for them and the only time I was shown any affection at all was after fixing a cupboard or doing some plumbing.
We have now been separated for six months and although there have not been any other women in my life in that time I am 100% happier.
Anybody wanting advice on a loveless marriage?.....get out now.
This is so much like my-self , it's unbelievable ..... same , same thing ..
I thank you for your advise ... phkinell and I hope to find happiness .... | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 7/9/2007 3:34:51 PM | yes and yes
unless there was a physical problem, marriage is for beter or worse, but theres nothing worse then feeling love and lust for your woman, and shes too drunk
people need to have sex, and intamacy, and for some romance | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 7/9/2007 3:54:15 PM | I would try to talk things out; if that didn't work after attempts at getting the sex back on my part; yes I would leave. Because what that basically says to me is : 1- I don't turn him on anymore, 2- he is more than likely getting it elsewhere 3- I will eventually want to get it elsewhere. And with no sex/intamacy neither partner would be happy; so why stay?
What that man doesn't appreciate another man will. LOL! | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 7/9/2007 4:33:44 PM | I noticed a lot of comments in this thread about "witholding" sex. I think (personal opinion only) the the main reason that couples married or in longterm relationships stop having sex is much sadder than one using it as a weapon against the other. I think they lose their attraction for each other. They don't see the person they married anymore, they see the guy who leaves his underwear behind the bathroom door (very sexy by the way - NOT) or the woman who doesn't shave for weeks because it is winter and she is wearing pants anyway (again, terribly attractive to the guy - NOT). When we are first in a relationship we would never do either of these things, why, because we care what image we are portraying - why do we stop caring? I think that is the real question why do we think that we can consistantly do things that are anything but attractive and not turn off our partner?
Although my mom doesn't wear alot of make-up (she never has) she gets up every day and does her hair and dresses like she is going out for the day even she is staying home with my Dad and puttering around the house. If you ask her the answer is "I want my Guy to see me at my best" They will be married 50 years next year and they are still very much in love. In turn my Dad shaves every morning so that "his girl" doesn't get whisker burn when he gives her a kiss! How many people married 10 years that you know still do this? None that I know!
Ok 'nough said! | |
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ricc.
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Joined: 8/22/2007
Msg: 145 | |
| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 8/27/2007 5:52:11 PM | Old School relationships, where the husband and wife goes out of their way for each others, I grew up in an area that almost every wife, got dress up in the morning, and the guy came home from the factory showered and shaved...I love those guys, But in the bedroom they suffer, it was always sexless, that is the only thing I did not like about old school...
today relationships, becoming sexless, well a lot have to do with past history, past experiences, you can't expect people tp live up to your expectations, when their past was full of bad sex, or weird sex, or forced sex...
i read many of your repies in this forum, many people here give up too easy, and as soon as it become sexless, you drop your mate, try to be more understanding of people, and the problems they face, a lot of ladies that I have dated, will give up sex in the dating world, but they are sooo turned off sex deep inside, from past experiences...be patient with these people, YES Communication is the key, and sometime encouragement to take counselling...
so go figure??? how about we try to understand | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 8/27/2007 9:14:36 PM | I sat here and read several of the replies to this issue, and thought I add my 2 cents worth. When I got married, is was`nt because I was thinking about how great sex with my new wife, it was because she was the best thing that had happened to me. She was smart, pretty, independant, classy, very understanding, and foremost, my best friend.
Everyone seems to put an extreme amount of priority on sex in a relationship, but if your partner was unable to have sex, due to illness, or an injury, would you still leave them, or would that be a different situation? When I entered my marrage, it was for better or worse, and when the sex stopped, it bothered me at first, but then I realized, I was still with my best friend, all the same reasons I married her were still there. Sex is not a duty of a relationship, it is a benefit.
Now if the sex stops because of infidelity, then yes, its time go, but be sure thats the problem, and not a mulitude of other reasons, if its not infidelity, then look to see if all the other reasons you married are still there. If not having sex, out weighs all the other reasons to stay, then you may have married for all the wrong reasons. | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 8/28/2007 8:52:06 AM | Well, in my case, I've begged her to go to counseling. She refuses.
I've begged her to talk to her OB/GYN. She went for her normal check up and was given hormones - that cost a fortune and she refused to take them - this was back when she was about 47 years old.
I've tried to snuggle with her. She wont let me.
I've demanded sex. She ignored me.
I've threated to find another woman. She told me to go ahead, if that's what I wanted and she would leave and go back to Europe.
She just says that she has lost her desire because she has gone through menopause and she really doesn't care what I do, as long as I don't bother her.
Her ex husband left her for another woman. I wonder why?
Sex isn't everything but after a while, you get tired of being rejected and you get to where you just don't give a damn anymore.
If the shoe were on the other foot and I was not able to have sex or just didn't want to, I would, with out any hesitation, do anything to keep her satisfied and happy
But that's just me. European women are different.
She wont even touch my little biddy wee wee.
If I were ten years younger, I swear, I would run off to Thailand. | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 8/28/2007 4:38:32 PM | After 25+ years of marriage I found myself in this very situation. After many moons of feeling neglected, I decided we needed to talk! His response...
"Did you have to bring this up during the Packer game!?"
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 8/29/2007 8:45:50 PM | | Dwindling/nonexistent sex in any relationship is a SIGN that the relationship is already a wash. Lack of sex may be the obvious reason to leave, but the problems that led up to that, are the REAL culprits. | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 8/29/2007 9:00:13 PM | i am wondering if my boyfriend has another girlfriend
could that be the reason for almost no sex?
my best friend told me he probably has another girlfriend
i cry a lot and have smashed a lot of things in my house because i am
angry i need intimacy. is it wrong to be angry because you are just not
feelng the love anymore? maybe it is the beer that makes a man impotent
i need to know and this just eats away at me.
tonight he wants to move a female roomate in my spare room. | |
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