| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 8/30/2007 3:44:06 AM | Freaky. No one should go through life without affection and people that stay with it for money reasons are complete morons. Men don't "get cleaned out financially" everyone does.  WAAAAAAAAA | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 8/30/2007 5:41:18 AM | There has to be the whole picture in a relationship. Sex will not keep a relationship together, and lack of sex doesn't always break it.
I was married for 34 years and there was always sex, but that is all there was for the last 15 years or so.. There is a big difference in intimacy and sex. Not all long term marriages and/or relationships become sexless. JMO | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 8/30/2007 9:12:34 AM | Morons, you say?
Let's look at Mr. X's choices:
Scenario #1 He breaks up with his wife. He leaves and finds a cheap motel to stay in for a while or a cheap apartment. They have a joint checking account and she withdrawals all of the cash. Ok, so he uses the credit card - but wait - she has reported the card to be stolen and closed the account. He is stuck living in his car (assuming that he has no family left) until his next payday. Suppose he get a small military disability retirement check.
Then there are the things in the house... Suppose he has family heirlooms, a big piano, guns, clothes, etc. You don't want to be living in your car and have several guns in it!
Would you want to give up a comfortable, albeit, sexless home to live in your car with no access to your computer that has all of your financial and other information that you need? Not to mention a shower, a toilet, the air conditioning.
Scenario #2 She leaves. He is stuck with the rent and other bills. Most households are setup for two incomes. So, there he sits, thinking what in the hell am I to do now?
I ran her off because of no sex and now, here I sit in my house, all alone, with all my things but how am I going to pay the bills next month? To top it off, I'm having to sleep along and I'm still going without sex.
You don't jump out of the frying pan and into the fire and you should always have an ace in the hole or at least a backup plan.
Also, every man that I have known who has gone through a divorce lost almost everything. Many had to go bankrupt. Lord help you, if you can't pay child support. Because they will put you in jail and will tack on high interest to what you owe. | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 8/30/2007 10:54:28 AM | | Is it different if there is still plenty of intimacy but little or no sex? or does there always have to be full sexual intercourse for people to be happy? | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 8/30/2007 11:10:59 AM | | I've been living this since the birth of our third about nine years ago. Then about four years ago she simply said she wasn't interested in having sex any more. I've been through the whole gammit of emotions others have mentioned, here. About three years ago I decided I wasn't going to live without it anymore. In retrospect I wonder what she was thinking when she told me. It's unlikely we'll have anything to talk about after the kids are gone but we're both committed to them. I respect her for all that she does and not angry at her for what she doesn't. As for the big elephant in the room - I pat it genlty as I walk by. | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 8/30/2007 11:34:48 AM | | Sexless is neither a marriage nor a relationship, since it should be an integral (barring medical/physical problems) part of any two people bonded in a loving relationship. | |
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| nfury8ing-If only I could go back to when I was your age!!!
Posted: 8/30/2007 12:27:54 PM | I have to laugh a little and think of myself back when I was your age.
I was on my first tour of duty in Germany. Sex was always on my mind.
As we age, it's still good, but it just ain't as fun as it once was.
In 29 years, you will be my age and I'll be dead and gone.
Maybe you will look back and remember what I said and say to yourself, you know, it's not as fun as it use to be! | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 8/30/2007 1:21:45 PM | | I think all marriages and LTR's which are in the lame duck state get to the point of sexless or at least almost sexless. It depends on each relationship, and it's a case of chicken or the egg. I could say one reason the marriage didn't work in my case was lack of intimacy..but by the end it could be the reason there was lack of intimacy was the ending of marriage due to other reasons. I think my case was the latter, though when sex started to decline I noticed other aspects of our relationship went south at the same time. I do know I won't be in a celibate relationship, unless there is an unavoidable reason for it and it's short term (illness, pregnancy, business travel, etc) | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 9/13/2007 2:24:50 PM | | Good topic. I don't know your husband. However, I have had the pleasure of having male friends all of my life and they are great about sharing their ideas. I like people who can just talk about anything. I would never have a problem with sex with one person for the rest of my life because I like adventure now and then and I can be creative with the right person. Of course, in marriage or LT relationships it can become cool/cold. But there is communication between both parties. When one person cannot explore other ways, @ secluded places- you get the picture, then yes, sex can become boring. New techniques are great too. If you can't be fully intimate with someone you are living with then why are you with this person in the first place? Sex to me is a normal fuction. I love it, just not with everyone. | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 9/13/2007 3:07:01 PM | I would definatly have to say, that would be it for me if I were in a relationship and coukdnt have sex. Sex is so imortant to me all through a relationship. But I would love to share the responsiblity in initiating sex. I had an experience one time like that had to always do it. SO my vote is no way would I stay in a relationship if I couldnt have sex zwith a man I am in love with.
LL | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 7/21/2009 8:32:05 AM | | doxiegirl.....you make sense......however...you do agree that there has to be or should be some consistency of sex...correct?.....Ya gotta throw a dog a bone once in a while...yes? | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 7/21/2009 8:46:53 AM | Let's differentiate love from sex. The wedding vows state "for better or worse, in sickness and in health"...that means, if sexual desires wane, maybe due to physical health, maybe just due to lack of desire, that would qualify as sickness and you agreed to be with them "'til death do us part". If you love them, you'll stay. You'll masturbate to porn, whatever you've got to do to fulfill your sexual desires, then gently crane their head and cuddle with them, which is a part of intimacy too.
But sex is the very expression of love, so this is where the issue gets confusing. This is why I don't want to be married lol. Marriage seems to be a license to be lazy. If I'm the one doling out all the advances and all the affection and she just sits there, yes, I'll be looking for an out.
So I guess a certain hot level of sizzle has to be there (mutually) on the first date, knowing that things will wane over time, but, if it starts out red-hot, with mutual attraction, then, when it wanes, hopefully there'll still be some simmer-!
I wish I'd been a bit more physical at the end of our first date (you know who you are, Brazilian lady!). God knows I found you attractive! I still think about you often-! | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 7/21/2009 10:20:54 AM |
If you found yourself to be in this type of relationship , would you consider it grounds for leaving?
Secondly if you do not agree that it is a reason to leave, how do you live in a sexless relationship???? Do you not feel that some level of intimacy is necessary to keep a couple bonded together???
I WANT to be in that type of sexless relationship, with intimacy other than sex: romance, affection, cuddling, etc. | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 7/21/2009 12:06:30 PM | I think a dwindling sex life or sexual boredom is normal in a LTR or a marriage. I think it is pretty common and is an indication of stress factors and need for some honest communication and hard work. I believe that if the other areas in your marriage are solid and worth keeping, this is a fixable problem if you are willing to do the work.
There are of course many reasons for the problem and they vary from couple to couple, but it does not HAVE to mean the end of an otherwise healthy relationship. Professional counseling would be worthwhile in this situation.
Here are some obvious basics worth repeating:
1. Make a date night at least once a week. Make your SO a priority above and beyond kids, bills, work, stress, etc. Make the time and effort to date your SO. On the date, leave the worries and bills out of it. Focus on what attracted you in the first place. Recreate your first date. Do something thoughtful and romantic.
2. Have a phyiscal and make sure there is no medical reason for the problem.
3. Start taking better care of yourself and encourage your SO to do the same. Do it together. Make it a couples activity to work out and have a spa day together. Get a massage together. Give your SO a massage.
4. Do your part to listen to your SO and find out what his/her issues are. Be helpful around the house. Take ownership of your part of the problem and let her/him see that you are making an effort.
Finally, sex isn't the ultimate goal here. Intimacy is. Start out slow. Just get close. Talk, listen, cuddle, stroke, touch, kiss. Sleep next to each other spooning. Take it slow and easy and seek professional help, but don't throw away a marriage without giving it your best shot. You are going to face this issue again with someone else so better learn how to deal with it without discarding the years of your life you have invested in this relationship. | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 7/21/2009 12:28:17 PM | | P.S. Don't pressure the person because it will backfire. Let your desires be made known, but don't hound the person about it. And remember, we get what we GIVE in a relationship. | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 7/21/2009 1:57:20 PM | | Did it before and never again there is nothing worse then living with someone you long to be with and going to bed sexually frustrated everynight. It tears a person apart! | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 7/25/2009 6:11:52 PM | | Well as for marriage I think they should talk it over. But for relationships, many believe that you shouldn't have sex until you are married so I don't see as big of a problem here...maybe they just believe that? | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 7/25/2009 6:38:51 PM | My own personal feeling that is if the closeness of a sexual relationship has faded away then whats left? yes its natural to still care about a person ,have feelings for them.care what the future holds for them but at the end of the day there has to be some kind of sexual relationship there to keep the closeness and bond between the two people.once thats gone whats left? appart from that wheres the fun !! ? guys seem to think they have the .....whats the word............lets just say they think its just them and not the women that can feel this way..i have previously left a loveless marriage so i can relate to this.......but then again is there more to life than just sex?...what about the bond that 2 folk can have....lets face it at the end of the day sex doesnt pay the bills unless your a hooker ! sometimes theres somethin more deep and meaningfull there than just plain old sex that can be picked up anywhere !..if i ever figure all this out i will let you know ! | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 7/25/2009 8:00:19 PM | | You bet.There has to be some affection from both sides of the fence.I believe to understand that it takes work from both parties and with the family thrown in ,it can be hard. | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 7/25/2009 8:41:40 PM |
sex is overrated period. I think you people are lower level animals with no capacities for higher level intimacy.
I Beg Your Pardon,,,,,,,,,, how dare! you to say( marriages/relationship) couples that indulge in sex are lower level animal , sex is the most beautiful expression of love between a man and a woman.
I feel sorry for you if you are a woman that * your river runs dried or if you are a man your* big Johnny is limping,that can not perform anymore...But it is not a ground of excuse to insult others with healthy libido.
Vannili | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 7/28/2009 7:00:21 PM | | Ok, here goes. My sex life with my husband has been sporadic at best the past few years. Mainly due to his medication. Having said this, I will again state that we have an open marriage. Either of us is perfectly able to go outside the marriage and have sex with whomever we choose. It is NEVER the same with them as it is with my husband. I do wish that the flame hadn't gone out, but the spark is still there after 17 years. I wouldn't leave him for the world and sex or no sex he's definitely a keeper. He is my soulmate. And even if I weren't having my needs met somewhere else, lack of sex would not be a reason to throw a perfectly good relationship out the window. | |
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