| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 8/29/2007 9:02:26 PM | Having sex with the same person the rest of your life is like eating only pizza the rest of your life.
I love pizza. I might not love it every night for eternity.
The simple answer is people get tired of one another. People get bored. People get together and they weren't meant to be together. You have to find the right person, but that right person is really hard to find.
Would I leave a sexless marriage? Sure, no doubt in my mind. But is it that simple? What is it going to cost me? It's easy to say you would walk until you realize that you'll probably lose your house and most of the money you've worked for your entire life. From what I've seen in my life -
Divorce if you are the guy = Being cleaned out financially.
That, along with the fear of being alone the rest of your life, is why men stay in sexless marriages. I can't explain why women do it. In fact, it's a great deal for women. They get to keep the house, most of the money, the kids and can move on and have sex with someone else. The guy ends up living on a friend's couch and eating beans out of a can and who is going to want to date him then?
I met a girl once who told me sex for her was about revenge and making babies. And I've seen countless friends and coworkers get run through the wringer because their spouse or girlfriend was using sex as a weapon against them, as a form of control to get them to behave the way they wanted.
If you are woman and you marry the wrong guy who won't sleep with you, you are screwed. But at least there's a good chance you'll get the kids, the house and most of the money.
If you are a man and you marry the wrong girl who won't sleep with you unless it's a way to control you, you are pretty much every married guy I've ever met in my life.
Like any other question, it comes down to finding the right person. Gotta have hope you do find the right person, because the alternative is pretty brutal. | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 8/30/2007 3:44:06 AM | Freaky. No one should go through life without affection and people that stay with it for money reasons are complete morons. Men don't "get cleaned out financially" everyone does.  WAAAAAAAAA | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 8/30/2007 5:41:18 AM | There has to be the whole picture in a relationship. Sex will not keep a relationship together, and lack of sex doesn't always break it.
I was married for 34 years and there was always sex, but that is all there was for the last 15 years or so.. There is a big difference in intimacy and sex. Not all long term marriages and/or relationships become sexless. JMO | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 8/30/2007 9:12:34 AM | Morons, you say?
Let's look at Mr. X's choices:
Scenario #1 He breaks up with his wife. He leaves and finds a cheap motel to stay in for a while or a cheap apartment. They have a joint checking account and she withdrawals all of the cash. Ok, so he uses the credit card - but wait - she has reported the card to be stolen and closed the account. He is stuck living in his car (assuming that he has no family left) until his next payday. Suppose he get a small military disability retirement check.
Then there are the things in the house... Suppose he has family heirlooms, a big piano, guns, clothes, etc. You don't want to be living in your car and have several guns in it!
Would you want to give up a comfortable, albeit, sexless home to live in your car with no access to your computer that has all of your financial and other information that you need? Not to mention a shower, a toilet, the air conditioning.
Scenario #2 She leaves. He is stuck with the rent and other bills. Most households are setup for two incomes. So, there he sits, thinking what in the hell am I to do now?
I ran her off because of no sex and now, here I sit in my house, all alone, with all my things but how am I going to pay the bills next month? To top it off, I'm having to sleep along and I'm still going without sex.
You don't jump out of the frying pan and into the fire and you should always have an ace in the hole or at least a backup plan.
Also, every man that I have known who has gone through a divorce lost almost everything. Many had to go bankrupt. Lord help you, if you can't pay child support. Because they will put you in jail and will tack on high interest to what you owe. | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 8/30/2007 10:54:28 AM | | Is it different if there is still plenty of intimacy but little or no sex? or does there always have to be full sexual intercourse for people to be happy? | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 8/30/2007 11:10:59 AM | | I've been living this since the birth of our third about nine years ago. Then about four years ago she simply said she wasn't interested in having sex any more. I've been through the whole gammit of emotions others have mentioned, here. About three years ago I decided I wasn't going to live without it anymore. In retrospect I wonder what she was thinking when she told me. It's unlikely we'll have anything to talk about after the kids are gone but we're both committed to them. I respect her for all that she does and not angry at her for what she doesn't. As for the big elephant in the room - I pat it genlty as I walk by. | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 8/30/2007 11:34:48 AM | | Sexless is neither a marriage nor a relationship, since it should be an integral (barring medical/physical problems) part of any two people bonded in a loving relationship. | |
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| nfury8ing-If only I could go back to when I was your age!!!
Posted: 8/30/2007 12:27:54 PM | I have to laugh a little and think of myself back when I was your age.
I was on my first tour of duty in Germany. Sex was always on my mind.
As we age, it's still good, but it just ain't as fun as it once was.
In 29 years, you will be my age and I'll be dead and gone.
Maybe you will look back and remember what I said and say to yourself, you know, it's not as fun as it use to be! | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 8/30/2007 1:21:45 PM | | I think all marriages and LTR's which are in the lame duck state get to the point of sexless or at least almost sexless. It depends on each relationship, and it's a case of chicken or the egg. I could say one reason the marriage didn't work in my case was lack of intimacy..but by the end it could be the reason there was lack of intimacy was the ending of marriage due to other reasons. I think my case was the latter, though when sex started to decline I noticed other aspects of our relationship went south at the same time. I do know I won't be in a celibate relationship, unless there is an unavoidable reason for it and it's short term (illness, pregnancy, business travel, etc) | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 9/13/2007 2:24:50 PM | | Good topic. I don't know your husband. However, I have had the pleasure of having male friends all of my life and they are great about sharing their ideas. I like people who can just talk about anything. I would never have a problem with sex with one person for the rest of my life because I like adventure now and then and I can be creative with the right person. Of course, in marriage or LT relationships it can become cool/cold. But there is communication between both parties. When one person cannot explore other ways, @ secluded places- you get the picture, then yes, sex can become boring. New techniques are great too. If you can't be fully intimate with someone you are living with then why are you with this person in the first place? Sex to me is a normal fuction. I love it, just not with everyone. | |
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| Sexless marriages/relationships.....go figure?
Posted: 9/13/2007 3:07:01 PM | I would definatly have to say, that would be it for me if I were in a relationship and coukdnt have sex. Sex is so imortant to me all through a relationship. But I would love to share the responsiblity in initiating sex. I had an experience one time like that had to always do it. SO my vote is no way would I stay in a relationship if I couldnt have sex zwith a man I am in love with.
LL | |
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