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| Would it mean you didn't love a person if you didn't chase them?
Posted: 6/16/2008 3:50:51 PM |
would true love necessitate going to extremes to do so?
I can make this 100% crystal clear:
If two people are truly in love, they won't BE separated, and neither of them would be making the other one chase the other.
If a woman and I break up, number one, she must not want me very badly, and number two, if she's making it impossible to get hold of her, she must not care about me very much.
If you REALLY are intent on playing games though, and you REALLY want a woman who would act like this, then don't do anything. Don't chase, don't act like you even care. If she actually does want you, she'll be back so fast your head will spin. However, if the two of you are going to play games like this, her next move will probably be trying to get you to play hopscotch or to jump rope with her - because that's exactly what games are: kid's behavior. | |
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| Would it mean you didn't love a person if you didn't chase them?
Posted: 6/16/2008 4:11:17 PM |
I want to know, is this jumping through hoops?
No, it is a childish game.
Should a man be expected to express his undying love for a woman?
Expect nothing. It is not an expression of love.
I still see it as a test of someone's love...and wonder why people don't just sit and talk instead of playing games...
Never test someone’s love. They either love or they don’t. Sitting and talking about it is the proper adult way to handle most situations. If I were in love with a woman, I would tell her, and my actions would speak for me too. If a woman were to test me like that then I would choose to fail, absolutely, it is totally disrespectful to play the chase game.
Even in the initial phase of ‘dating’, any woman that would attempt to attract me with the chase or jealousy will immediately turn me off. They are games. No one likes to feel those feelings, and if they are there in the beginning then they are bound to turn up again later on. No thanks. That is not love. | |
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| Would it mean you didn't love a person if you didn't chase them?
Posted: 6/25/2008 10:34:44 AM | I may chase if I thought there had been a terrible misunderstanding...and they left thinking something really bad or wrong about US...but once I had cleared that up, and they still required a chase? NAW!
I would not expect a man to chase me either. | |
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| Would it mean you didn't love a person if you didn't chase them?
Posted: 6/25/2008 10:43:14 AM | If someone wishes to end a relationship they probably have good reason. Unless a person just enjoys "The Chase" for some self-fufilling reason, then why torture the person that was dumped. What self-gratification is to be gained?
Why then "chase" a person that clearly doesn't want you anymore. At some point one must have the maturity, and self respect to realize this is an emotionally draining , and futile waste of time. It's difficult to accept the truth that something special has come to an end. To a certain point chasing someone might seem necessary, but at what cost? On the other hand, some like being "chased", but this is not a game to be played with people's emotions. Admit the inevitable, learn from it, and move on.  | |
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| Would it mean you didn't love a person if you didn't chase them?
Posted: 6/27/2008 11:49:14 AM | If something I thought was going well suddenly fell apart and the other person cut off all communication with me, I would not pursue. To me, that is passive-aggressive behaviour, and I don't do 'hints'.
(dude, sorry but I flunked Psychic101 ... use your words.)
If someone is not willing to articulate his issue to me, I don't hold myself accountable. I am not responsible to understand what I'm not directly told, and I don't see it as a sign of loving him more if I badger him for answers. That only drives us both nuts, and shows me what I'd have to keep living with if he came back. No thanks!
Anyway, if he's really into me, he'll return on his own, and then if he's willing to talk, maybe we can work it out. If he just clams up and expects me to pry, he can turn around and leave again.
... the only time I'd follow up is if it were a case of the person's disappearing and nobody else knows where he is & and everyone is just as worried as I am, which differentiates it from a simple cold shoulder. | |
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| Would it mean you didn't love a person if you didn't chase them?
Posted: 7/15/2008 4:00:58 PM | I think everyone wants that movie style ending....the man or woman rushing to the airport to stop them from boarding that plane....or whisking them out of their factory job while pretty music plays. But it isnt likely going to happen.
You have no control over how someone feels for you or doesn't feel for you....so why worry about it.
There are too many fishies to worry about the one that got away. | |
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| Would it mean you didn't love a person if you didn't chase them?
Posted: 7/16/2008 4:49:32 PM | | It's just not everyone's style to ask how high when you're meant to jump. You just have to do whats natural to you, you cant be someone else. When games are played, you don't know the rules unless it's explained to you. It needs mutual terms not just one side, unless you really treated her badly then you might need to jump through those hoops... | |
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| Would it mean you didn't love a person if you didn't chase them?
Posted: 7/16/2008 6:39:29 PM | | Nobody can really give you an answer to this, because it depends entirely upon the individual situation. If you need to make an apology....you already know it. If this is something very special to you, because the relationship energizes you, you already know it. If you know that the relationship is a drag on your energy, let it go. If she has made it very clear to you that she doesn't want to see you again....let it go. If you sit with yourself and think about it, you probably have the answer already. | |
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| Would it mean you didn't love a person if you didn't chase them?
Posted: 7/16/2008 9:59:17 PM | OP, your freinds story worked out and has a great moral to it: when confronted with our worser behavior we can either change or not change. Either way, you will deal with what comes of that. He was lucky and got the woman back and actually changed his behavior to have that. The talk with her father was a good motivator. It's one man telling another to 'sack up' and grow up.
But often what tends to happen is people get into a cycle of butting their heads against the same wall over and over expecting different outcomes. Sometimes they do this for years and during the course of this bizarre pattern will say it is Love that drives them. To me, it's not Love at all but a willful refusal to see the truth of their own behavior and that is that they aren't changing at all. Love *evolves* and has a positive impact, not a negative one. | |
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| Would it mean you didn't love a person if you didn't chase them?
Posted: 7/16/2008 11:11:01 PM | I don't think your friends story is an acurate example of a man having to jump hoops to 'chase' the girl.
And there is a one sidedness to it. What if the girl had tryed talking these issues out but he never listened. I'm not saying that's for sure the way it went but what i am trying to say is that we see our selves through metephorical blinders. Even though we may see something or hear something doesn't mean that we nessesarly put it into the proper context and we end up just ignoring it.
I've been with a couple of guys who never figured out that they were treating badly, even though I tryed to explain it to them when we were together, and when I left they couldn't understand it and tryed to 'chase' me. But that doesn't mean I was playing games, it means that I had finally had enough.
It's great that your friend learnt but not all people will.
So I guess it really depends on the reason the person left in the first place and if your willing to take those blinders off whether the 'chase' is worth it or not. | |
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