| Why do guys feelings not get heard? Now don`t laugh.
Posted: 1/8/2007 7:10:29 PM | Warning-generalizations below. I don't mean to say "all women" or "all men" always do these things, but in general. Just adding this as clarification so I can write more easily.
Quotes from above:
"Seriously though, a woman wants to know how to feel the emotional needs. You know how we are about emotions."
- Well, I frequenly see this problem. You're looking at how we express our feelings from YOUR persective. Stop expecting men to behave like women...we're not women. We feel, handle, and express our emotions differently than women do, for many reasons. The first being we are VERY different physically, so we experience the world in a completely different way than you do, from birth. I sometimes wonder if women don't *physically* feel emotions as intensely as men do, and this explains why they feel a need to discuss them ad nauseam? (I'm not judging here, it's just an idea)
I once read a study that showed men's daily testosterone level is TEN TIMES what a woman's PEAK hormone level is during menstruation. Know that feeling of craziness that seems to overwhelm you on occasion? That's probably similar to what we experience most of our life. So controlling our emotions becomes a Spock-like necessity, else we'd kill each other. As a teenager experiencing puberty, it's practically impossible for boys to sit still...the overwhelming feeling of a need to DO something, anything, even if it means risking injury, just to get it out. Words simply cannot compare.
If you don't know how a man is feeling, you honestly aren't paying attention. When we're quiet it doesn't mean anything other than we're being quiet. When we're upset, we say so, (usually calmly at first).
Don't be afraid to ask a man how he's feeling, but you MUST accept what he tells you as the full, complete answer. We don't tiptoe around things, we tend to speak rather simply. If you ask "are you sad" and we say "no"...then we aren't sad. Don't ask again, don't tell us we should be, or you would expect us to be feeling a certain way. Just accept the answer as given. See...we try to be honest.
"We are all human and want affection and most of us like honesty, even if it hurts."
-Again, don't expect men to think and feel like women. As someone else pointed out, we want to know that we're being effective at helping you, that we're contributing. Ask a 5 year old boy what he wants to be when he grows up. Boys quite often choose jobs of heavy responsibility and action/results oriented. Fireman, Policeman, Doctor, Pilot, Astronaut. The need to do/accomplish shows itself at a pretty young age. Boys need to feel they are INDIVIDUALLY effective, that they can handle what is thrown at them, that they are helping/protecting/taking care of their family (whatever their definition is).
So, in a nutshell:
Don't expect men to behave like women.
Men don't speak about emotions as much because we address them internally more (this is both by nature and socialization).
Accept a man's statements at face value.
Ok...that's my two cents for now. | |
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| Why do guys feelings not get heard? Now don`t laugh.
Posted: 1/8/2007 7:10:35 PM | Warning-generalizations below. I don't mean to say "all women" or "all men" always do these things, but in general. Just adding this as clarification so I can write more easily.
Quotes from above:
"Seriously though, a woman wants to know how to feel the emotional needs. You know how we are about emotions."
- Well, I frequenly see this problem. You're looking at how we express our feelings from YOUR persective. Stop expecting men to behave like women...we're not women. We feel, handle, and express our emotions differently than women do, for many reasons. The first being we are VERY different physically, so we experience the world in a completely different way than you do, from birth. I sometimes wonder if women don't *physically* feel emotions as intensely as men do, and this explains why they feel a need to discuss them ad nauseam? (I'm not judging here, it's just an idea)
I once read a study that showed men's daily testosterone level is TEN TIMES what a woman's PEAK hormone level is during menstruation. Know that feeling of craziness that seems to overwhelm you on occasion? That's probably similar to what we experience most of our life. So controlling our emotions becomes a Spock-like necessity, else we'd kill each other. As a teenager experiencing puberty, it's practically impossible for boys to sit still...the overwhelming feeling of a need to DO something, anything, even if it means risking injury, just to get it out. Words simply cannot compare.
If you don't know how a man is feeling, you honestly aren't paying attention. When we're quiet it doesn't mean anything other than we're being quiet. When we're upset, we say so, (usually calmly at first).
Don't be afraid to ask a man how he's feeling, but you MUST accept what he tells you as the full, complete answer. We don't tiptoe around things, we tend to speak rather simply. If you ask "are you sad" and we say "no"...then we aren't sad. Don't ask again, don't tell us we should be, or you would expect us to be feeling a certain way. Just accept the answer as given. See...we try to be honest.
"We are all human and want affection and most of us like honesty, even if it hurts."
-Again, don't expect men to think and feel like women. As someone else pointed out, we want to know that we're being effective at helping you, that we're contributing. Ask a 5 year old boy what he wants to be when he grows up. Boys quite often choose jobs of heavy responsibility and action/results oriented. Fireman, Policeman, Doctor, Pilot, Astronaut. The need to do/accomplish shows itself at a pretty young age. Boys need to feel they are INDIVIDUALLY effective, that they can handle what is thrown at them, that they are helping/protecting/taking care of their family (whatever their definition is).
So, in a nutshell:
Don't expect men to behave like women.
Men don't speak about emotions as much because we address them internally more (this is both by nature and socialization).
Accept a man's statements at face value.
Ok...that's my two cents for now. | |
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| Why do guys feelings not get heard? Now don`t laugh.
Posted: 1/11/2007 8:56:21 PM | Camilla55
“explain to me why a man finds it so hard to get serious about his feelings with the woman?”
We do, it is just that women don’t listen and don’t accept them.
I don’t know how many times I’ve tried to express my feelings to women, but they tell me that I don’t really feel that way and then they tell me how I really feel.
I ask you, why do women say that they can read a man’s mind?
Why do women blame a guy for being interested in another woman when he isn’t and states that to her? Why do women accuse men of having an affair with another woman when the man hasn’t?
It’s because women won’t accept a man’s feelings and men know that from experience.
I agree with Metaphysicalman, women don’t really want a man to tell them their feelings. Women only ask about a man’s feelings because it makes them feel good that they asked. Women don’t listen or pay attention. Most women don’t want a man to open up and tell them how they feel. You just don’t know that this is what happens because you don’t date women. A man learns this from experience and the next time they just don’t open up. There are a lot of cruel women out there and very few women that I’ve dated were made of “sugar, spice and every thing nice”.
How many guys out there have had a woman tell you how you feel or tell someone else how you feel when they are completely wrong. | |
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| Why do guys feelings not get heard? Now don`t laugh.
Posted: 1/12/2007 7:38:43 AM |
I was thinking about that tonight. Maybe it's the biggest
test that women have dreamed up to weed out the men
they may or may not be interested in. Get a man to spill
his guts, and then two minutes later, dump him, because
of his unmanly behavior! They just can't help it, because
deeeeeeep down inside, it revolts them!
Don't fall for it!
Metaphysicalman: PERFECT insight, my friend.
I trully believe that men form thier way of being not really because of competition between each other (or being "macho" or other crap), but rather as a REACTION to the way they women view us. We can be polemic about "being true to ourselves" all we want, but we're social creatures and as such we thrive on acceptance.
And when men learn that showing emotions equates to not having women attracted to us, you better believe that we won't show them! | |
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| Why do guys feelings not get heard? Now don`t laugh.
Posted: 1/13/2007 11:22:04 AM | | Ive found that in the beginning of the relationship that i can dump my feelings out. Girls seem to like that at first. But i have to really watch it later on as the females tend to just be irratated by it. Or they just tend to stop listening. | |
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| Why do guys feelings not get heard? Now don`t laugh.
Posted: 1/14/2007 12:40:31 AM | I prefer expressing myself via grunts, body language and my actions. Why? Funner and more accurate.
I don't expect my dog to speak English. Why women need men/dogs to speak their language is beyond me. You women are smart enough to translate if you but try. | |
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| Why do guys feelings not get heard? Now don`t laugh.
Posted: 1/14/2007 5:43:31 PM | | Generalizations...... did you mean hurt? Either way, I think we'd all be better off here if we didn't just assume to know anyones intentions...... Guys get their feelings hurt just as must on here ( and then some....) as anybody else....... Women are treated like blow-up dolls for our pleasure....... OK, fine...... we all know that. Now is anybody going to change the way they type to anybody? Nope....... I really had a bit of success in finding nice women to date when I started this stuff in August...... They went away.... The worse people treat each other on here, the less chance anybody wants to go out with ANYBODY! Both sexes attack each other so much in here to the point where we all may as well be gay and just end the human race! C'mon, try to find some common ground. If I'm not going to get anywhere, neither are you. Let's see some cooperation in this forum.......huh? | |
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| Why do guys feelings not get heard? Now don`t laugh.
Posted: 1/14/2007 6:05:58 PM | We've been taught since childhood that "boys don't cry" so it's kind of hard to show the emotion that woman (supposedly) wants to see.
On the other hand I severly doubt a woman would honestly want a very 'emotional man' wants she obtains one. I mean a guy who crys/whines over every little thing would get annoying - In my mind anyway.
I mean really - would you want to date a guy who uttered "That's so cute!" every time he saw a puppy or a baby? | |
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| Why do guys feelings not get heard? Now don`t laugh.
Posted: 1/14/2007 6:51:52 PM | 1) Men to state and show their feelings. they just do it differently than women do.
2) It's not socially acceptable for men to be "emotional". We've been conditioned biologically, and socially to try and minimize our emotional responses. We still have them, they're just subdued.
3) It's socially encouraged for women to be MORE emotional. So, when you're compairing a man and a woman - you're going to see two opposing sides of the spectrum.
This is just how life is. Again - men are people, and emotional beings too. If you learn how to look, you will see it.
~J~ | |
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| Why do guys feelings not get heard? Now don`t laugh.
Posted: 1/14/2007 7:47:07 PM | You've been given a plethora (my word of the day) of reasons as to why men don't show emotion but no one has really touched on what to do about it. Telling to "know what to look for" or to "pay attention" is pretty much useless. If you knew how to do that you'd already be doing it.
In my opinion men generally don't show as much emotion because of negative reinforcement (all those reasons the guys stated in the posts above) that they have received when they have shown emotion.
To get some emotion you could create a safe situation where your man can show emotion without the threat of that negative reinforcement and then you can provide some positive reinforcement (use your imagination) when he does show emotion.
So, in a non threatening, non nagging way, ask him what he's feeling. Then reward him when tells/shows you. Next time you ask, he'll be more open to telling you what he's feeling. Pretty simple. Guys can be simple like that. Its kind of like training a dog, minus the swats on the nose when they've peed on your carpet.
Hope that helped, or at least made some kind of sense.  | |
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| Why do guys feelings not get heard? Now don`t laugh.
Posted: 1/14/2007 8:04:50 PM | "I mean really - would you want to date a guy who uttered "That's so cute!" every time he saw a puppy or a baby?"
We're talking puppies and babies. Ok I don't find any crying baby cute, but still. What is wrong with that? If it's so un manly why hasn't it made me fluent in this so called woman language? | |
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| Why do guys feelings not get heard? Now don`t laugh.
Posted: 1/14/2007 11:17:12 PM | We're talking puppies and babies. Ok I don't find any crying baby cute, but still. What is wrong with that?
It's not manly, that's what's wrong. 
So, if you were picking out some new rims for your car, would you be flipping through a catalog with the rest of the guys and commenting about how "cute" some of the sets looked? 
Ok, I'm just messing with you man, lol. | |
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| Why do guys feelings not get heard? Now don`t laugh.
Posted: 1/15/2007 4:05:41 AM | | "FROM A WOMAN'S POINT OF VIEW"... A guys feelings do not get heard because woman are made up to be, " sugar and spice and everything nice"....and they are heard! A guy is just referred to as, a liar, cheater, user,the list goes on and on.... but I mean come on, some women are jsut as bad if not worse! A woman can watch a sappy movie and cry to break her heart, a man watches the same movie and don't cry! Do that make him different ? Heck no! Face it women! We are not all the sugar and spice and everything nice as we are made up to be! Men and women are equal but different, hell yeah! A man can pull down his zipper and use the washroom.....a woman has to pull down her zipper, pull down her undies and pants and has to sit on the toilet before she can use! So why is it that men aren't heard as often as women?????? It's because a lot of women do hear what is being said but she doesnt listen or feel it. Face it women! Men have hearts to if some of you would just listen to what a guy is saying, and feel what he is telling you... you might see who is actually is and what he is! I am a 38 year old, not your typical female.....I see it from both points of view! So for all you women who ttend to gang up on the men, stop for a change and listen to them, it may make a difference!!!!!!! | |
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| Why do guys feelings not get heard? Now don`t laugh.
Posted: 12/7/2007 3:56:04 AM | I am sorry OP... I have to chime not a guy we all know..but all the men in my life passed, present, family, friends, children..Get the picture ..
All of them express their feelings what I have found is, do we listen if they don't express it in our terms?
I think sometimes to hear what another person is feeling we need to shut up and let them feel validated. I often have heard my sons try to talk to their GF's over what they feel and be tuned out because it wasn't what they the women wanted to hear..
So maybe we need to just listen to what they are really saying and not what we want to hear...
Just IMO | |
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| Why do guys feelings not get heard? Now don`t laugh.
Posted: 12/7/2007 9:04:02 AM | So, explain to me why a man finds it so hard to get serious about his feelings with the woman?
I couldn't explain that, because not all men fall into the narrow category you've made in your mind for them. For instance, I have no trouble expressing serious feelings to a woman.
It would be far easier to explain why you're single.
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| Why do guys feelings not get heard? Now don`t laugh.
Posted: 12/7/2007 9:14:01 AM | | Men do not state thier feelings,because most do not like showing them. If we do show them we are labeled "weak" by females and other males. Even if they feel the same way. double standards, I guess you would call it. It is like, if a guy likes you. He can not come up and says he likes you. Women act offended. So we play a stupid cat and mouse game, and women get upset at that. | |
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| Why do guys feelings not get heard? Now don`t laugh.
Posted: 12/7/2007 11:08:04 AM | Sorry. I know for a fact that guys state their feelings.
However, every time that someone suggests something that goes against what bitter and used women want, the man-haters start shouting, lying, spreading rumours, and all sorts of nasty behaviour. They make it absolutely clear that women will trample over vulnerable people, men & their own children included.
Maybe these women are just making life too hard for men to be able to be heard? | |
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| Why do guys feelings not get heard? Now don`t laugh.
Posted: 12/7/2007 11:31:59 AM | I don't show my feelings because I have no real need to externalize them. Its not that I like coming off cold and calculating or confident and in control (though I try for confident as I know that's sexy, lol) it's just the way I am. It's how every man in my family has been, it's just genetically built-in that I deal with stuff. The most I ever express will be vocal disappointment or feigned anger, even though I'm more complaining than anything I try to make it funny to loosen it up and get myself to loosen up over it.
It's just exhausting to try and be emotional about it, so I don't, I just deal with it. It's kind of like a mental soldier, just built to do what it has to do to get by, and that's it. I would love to be romantically sharing of my emotions, I honestly try, but when it comes to negative, it's just easier to deal with it than to bear it all since it doesn't necessarily concern anyone else, it's just something to brood over until it's no longer an issue.
I want my partner to be happy and satisfied, so I don't feel I need to dump my emotional baggage on her. Just the support of her being there is enough for me, I don't have to turn her into my emotional trash can. I might, and it can happen, but for the most part I'd rather talk with her about fun stuff and do just about anything to see a smile crack across her face. Even if I'm unhappy, getting her to be happy enough to flash me the smile that I strive for is going to make my day/night/whatever more enjoyable, so keeping it in in favor of making her happy is a way to help myself anyhow.
Is that such a bad thing? | |
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