| I would like advice on something please.....
Posted: 2/3/2007 3:39:52 PM | | Hey, just went through it myself...guy seemed to really like me...fell for him fast...was really looking forward to being with him and then suddenly tells me to get lost...if I wanted to be hurt like that again...would've stayed with the ex!!! Had just changed my profile and was looking so forward to good times with him....guess you just can't find real love anymore...seems that committment and honesty is the hardest thing for people ...I don't get it either...tired of the samer old crap all my life...ready to just resign to the fact that I am alone and always will be...good luck to you | |
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| I would like advice on something please.....
Posted: 2/3/2007 4:14:43 PM | {quote]So here comes the confusing part...we have been spending alot of time together. We spent Christmas and New Years together...something we hadnt done in the last 3 years. Then on on New years day she decides to look at my cell phone and saw some text messages between me and another woman....some were sexual and some were not. She is upset and said i cheated on her but never since the conversation posted above did she ever say we were dating exclusively. So my question is did i do anything wrong and how should i handle this situation
OP, it just sounds like you have different agendas. You are not on the same page. You need to figure out what YOU want from the relationship. Once you figure that out, present it to her. She then has to decide if that is what SHE wants. If so, great, toodle on. If not, then there is your answer too. Throw your hook back in the pond and count yourself fortunate that you only invested 3 years.....
Avoidance is not a viable answer and neither is sitting on the sidelines scratching your head trying to figure something out that only she knows for sure.
Michele  | |
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| I would like advice on something please.....
Posted: 2/3/2007 4:50:58 PM | | I have four years of experience with this one....sounds pretty much like what I had. They don't exactly want you, but they don't want anyone else to have you...If you had that conversation, you didn't do a thing wrong. | |
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| I would like advice on something please.....
Posted: 2/3/2007 6:30:16 PM | | How old is this woman? 20? I think that I would tell her that you are not a mind-reader. Communication is very important. I would remind her about the conversation that yall had (hopefully she was not high when yall had that conversation). You can, of course, apologize and if you do want to be exclusive, then yall can have that whole conversation all over again. Maybe you should get it on tape.......just in case. | |
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| I would like advice on something please.....
Posted: 2/3/2007 6:40:24 PM | HI FRIEND,
women always say things like that. maybe at first she felt that way. but the more time people spend together the more feelings get involved. in a tactful way, remind her of what she said and tell her how u feel and for her to be honest with u. i do not think you did anything wrong because u are not a mind reader. the lady should have been honest from the beginning. sometimes they do stuff like that to test u in which case tell her u are not in school anymore. i hope things work out for u but prepare for the worst. always remember friend,
"IT CAN'T RAIN ALL THE TIME!" | |
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| I would like advice on something please.....
Posted: 2/4/2007 12:54:51 AM | Did you perhaps think about having another conversation with her and discuss the whole matter and get things straight? If she is someone that you are truly interested in for a longer term than 3 yrs, talk it out like rational adults.
Perhaps her initial response was to put you at ease and not to put you on the "high tail it and run mode". She obviously has feelings for you more than just friends---otherwise she would have not gotten upset over the text msgs on your phone.
............just talk it over with her if she truly means a lot to you...................
all the best.
G. | |
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| I would like advice on something please.....
Posted: 2/4/2007 1:16:00 AM | Sounds like another person not emotionally capable or mature enough to handle 'open'.What ever that means !Obviously a high maintenance woman that thinks she s low maintenance.Worse scenario is that shes using it as an excuse to get out of your 'arrangement' or she saw you as a possession that she had a control over.Lots of shallow people in the world.Do you really want to be one of them??????  | |
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| I would like advice on something please.....
Posted: 2/4/2007 8:49:03 AM | And the winner is MISS UK28.................................u go girl !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Onreone.................. listen to her, (UK28) she got it in one.....no more no less.
tc XX | |
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| I would like advice on something please.....
Posted: 6/10/2007 7:25:43 PM | ummmm.... remind her of the conversation you had ^^^^ when she responds with "yeah but" cut her off and say "no... no buts... how was I to know you changed your mind if you didn't tell me??"
That oughta shut her up :-) | |
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| I would like advice on something please.....
Posted: 6/11/2007 2:13:34 PM | _Your first mistake was not securing your cell phone. i.e. I use a code to avoid someone else gaining access.
_women do like to snoop around into their potential mate's business. in other words, your phone, wallet, dresser drawers, closets, medicine cabinets, pockets, etc.
_you didn't do anything wrong......but her snooping around in your things is wrong. Thus all this drama..... | |
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a1na2
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Joined: 10/3/2006
Msg: 42 | |
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| I would like advice on something please.....
Posted: 6/11/2007 2:48:55 PM | I had this happen to me.. I was with a guy for a year and a half..kept asking him where we stood. He kept saying... we're just hang out buddies.. we can date others. So one night when we were at the movies, he asked me what I'd done that week and I told him.. I went out with another guy.
He didn't like it. Got all upset until I reminded him that this is exactly the relationship HE wanted. He changed his mind and we were exclusive for 3 more years before we went our own ways.
As far as I"m concerned you only did what she told you you could do. If she doesn't get that..maybe its time you moved on.. she sounds like a dog with a bone... she doesn't want to commit but god forbid anyone else gets a chance at you before she's done with you. | |
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| I would like advice on something please.....
Posted: 6/11/2007 2:55:21 PM | When did you have this conversation? Before or after New Year's Day? You did nothing wrong. She made it clear to you that you were not an exclusive couple. You're just friends that hangout and have sex. You were allowed to see other women. You're only mistake was that you have been dating a woman for three years having your cake and eating it too. You had all the benefits of a relationship without the commitment.
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| I would like advice on something please.....
Posted: 6/11/2007 3:01:11 PM | Hey there,
Wow, this situation sucks but I think I know where it crashed. You had never spent holidays together before but this time you have. Now let me say first I don't believe you did anything wrong, you can not and are not required to read her mind. But, Since you we're spending such special days together ( holidays that are usually reserved for family and loved ones) she may have assumed that you have desired a change and upgrade to the relationship. Now if that had been me, I would have asked if we were "changing" the parameters of the relationship because actions like that would make me think there was some difference. This does not excuse her accusations of cheating, you did no cheat, you have done nothing wrong. If you would like to fix this try to sit down with her , explain to her that you we're still under the idea that you we're both free to see other people and was not aware that she was interested in more, maybe if that's somewhere your both interested in going it's time to reset the parameters with a clear understanding between both of you. If your not interested, clearly explain what it is you want out of the relationship, maybe she's no longer interested in being friends. Good Luck  | |
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| I would like advice on something please.....
Posted: 6/11/2007 3:03:59 PM | Lack of communication on HER part...or lack of listening to you...OR She just wants the cake..icing...and someone to feed it to her.....((Greedy b!tCh)) 
C68 | |
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| I would like advice on something please.....
Posted: 6/11/2007 3:05:45 PM | It sounds to me like she doesn't want you exclusively but at the same time doesn't want anyone else to have you. Three years of convenience is what you have been and she is being a selfish BIITTCCH because she obviously knows how you feel and she's play with you. She is not a nice person. Somebody should smack her upside the head !
RUN -RUN - RUN in the directions of a deserving woman!
Good Luck | |
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| I would like advice on something please.....
Posted: 6/29/2007 7:15:29 PM | I know how she feels & where she is coming from! As I was in a similir situation with an ex-boyfriend. I had that kind of relationship long difference, which is easier to handle than if the situation was in an atmoshphere that you spend more time together!
He moved off to go to college, I was here raising my son & going to college! It wasn't realistic to wait for each other! But up until the end of our friends with benefits friendship we were both honest & up front. But much more than that don't mean it didn't hurt at least a little bit.
People don't relize & neither did I myself in the situation that if you have a friend with benefit that you hang out with & spend more & more time with & sleep with is hard to do! Because the more you do it (LOL) and spend time together to and talk and have fun together before you relized it the feelings come back of caring about somebody & the hope that more will come out of it!
What I have learned is that if you are going to be in those situations that you either: Have the friend either only for the benefit or to only hang out with, not both! That is & will eventually turn out to seem & feel like it is a relationship nomatter what was said!
For me that was only for that certain situation & certain person! Only becauase he was in another state & neither one of us dated much due to college! As far as dating other people we were open & honest about it just about everytime we talked. Our deal was if we were both available & were able to see each other we would, but if there was somebody else that was serious we wouldn't! I would never be in that situation again! It didn't really work for me, I just went along with it because & only because we were both honest & always safe! Never not safe!
However, I have a friend that having just friends with benefits & no more works for her & having frineds hanging out works to! However, she is more a benefit friend & don't have a problems with it! But after years, it is not enough for her either! As she gets older! | |
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| I would like advice on something please.....
Posted: 6/29/2007 7:31:58 PM | | I am curious what messages you are sending her. Men and women are always trying to figure each other out - and sometimes are afraid of telling each other how they really feel. Could it be that she told you what she thought you wanted to hear? Women, as well as men, are afraid of committment and being hurt - and put up false barriers. Sounds like to me you both really care about each other. Friends with Benefits is a myth that just hurts people - and is adopted by people who are afraid. And maybe she wanted to know if you really cared, without putting pressure on you to be exclusive. Love is given freely, and doesn't require that exclusivity be demanded. A person can say anything, but how you act is the important thing. You are a handsome man - and maybe she just wants to know that you want her only. I speak from experience...Good luck and just say what you want. | |
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| I would like advice on something please.....
Posted: 6/29/2007 7:37:45 PM | | You did nothing wrong..tell her to get a battery operated boyfriend for when you guys aren't exclusive! If she wants to commit then she has a say in it...the occasional sex with you says she wants her cake and eat it too..with others. Why are the rules different for you? Ditch the **** and get a real woman. She never gave you an interest before the gifts at christmas, and had the chance to change it at anytime....she has no right to comment on your phone. Maybe shes feeling a little guilty about something she wished she didn't do...tell her to respect your privacy...but also to take a hike before you waste another 3 years on her. | |
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