| Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 3/18/2007 11:51:22 AM | | Truth of the matter is that all of this is well and good, but it does'nt really address the heart of the music that some people need to find their own soul before they can find its mate. | |
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| Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 3/18/2007 11:53:46 AM |
...if my mate came in tired, and I was not, then I would find joy in getting her comfortable, helping her to relax, making her day better, rubbing her shoulders, whatever to help her...
I'm sorry, but this made me laugh... While this sounds grand, it is not realistic for an ongoing lifestyle -- unless you are a doormat. Mind if I call your ex and see what she has to say?
And the hot headphone gal is way too young for you... I don't care how open minded you are. That is serious PERV territory. | |
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| Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 3/18/2007 12:01:16 PM | | elija- you're picking apart what i said. i wasn't talking about being lazy for one night... which is why i said 24/7... and barhopping EVERY night. i was talking about lifestyle not day to day choices. | |
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| Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 3/18/2007 12:04:02 PM | | hey thanks janet!! I was recently told that it was shallow for me to not want to date a man based on age... which i found ridiculous. I get a lot of lectures from older men... angry they can't message me... it makes me confused haha. | |
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| Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 3/18/2007 12:35:06 PM | Why is finding a (I do not care for the words “soul mate”) so difficult?
I have a theory and I feel strongly it is a valid one. (Of course, it is valid—it is a theory—all theories are valid) –
This theory applies mainly to those in the 40-50 age range ... because of one particular
consideration, which I will make mention of first:
The vast majority of people in the 40 to 50 age group are already in contented, committed long-term marriages or long-term relationships.
12:49 edit thanks to "sharp-eyes" eeek
If you are, say 45 years old. . It is likely you have been married or at least a long-term relationship -- at least once. – You have suddenly become single.
The other factors are
Out of the available desirable pool to choose from are the following considerations:
1.) Many non- smokers will refuse to date smokers.
2.) Many smokers will refuse to date non smokers as they wish to enjoy their pleasures with their significant other
3.) Lifestyle differences.
4.) There are the element that just are dim-witted and unattractive.
5.) Religious differences
6.) Differing socio- economic backgrounds
7.) Differing Personalities
8.) Those with kids wanting someone with kids
9.) Those without kids, not wanting any kids
These in no particular order and listed only ten here to present the idea –surly this list could be added to substantially
The criteria mentioned above are only some of the obstacles narrowing down the effective number of actual potentials (even remotely potential) I estimate to be 2% or less...and then you must:
1.) Find them (like looking for a needle on the 405 freeway during rush hour.)
2.) Find those who have same dating goals as you (some wish to remain single, only date... (Or as friends) looking for LTR-- ...at any given time – you may find someone compatible, yet not dating for the same reason (At the same time –“Timing”.)
3.) Have the more refined sets of criteria going on
4.) Chemistry
OK...those are just the basics
Here is the main point and considering its significance, it was first thought to be a stand-alone, as it is what I think to be why the people in our age group find it so difficult to find our significant other:
We have been through loss of love either via death or divorce... some have suffered heart break—either the heartbeat of having someone leave us or we leaving them.
Those people who leave also have been affected –it is not easy to tell someone who may still love you that it is time for you to go...
we hope –and for some of us it is our deepest desire that whomever we choose will be our last. * We want to make the best choice possible—and it is scary because if we end up with a bad choice ultimately we are going to just be that much older and the playing field that much more slimmer.
Bottom line...we will not settle...we are more meticulous –and we must simply accept this is our reality and be patient. I hope that the right one will show up –although there is a real possibility, they will not. (Hopefully not for most of us, yet there is that factor.)
----------------------------------------------DISCLAIMER-----------------------------------------
I am not entirely happy with the way this has been hastily written and although as I was thinking on my theory the other day -- it became clear to me as I was writing this-- I would need to write much more to cover all the details...though--I am over it-- if you wish to discuss..perhaps the rest may be filled in later. | |
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| Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 3/18/2007 12:44:39 PM |
Why is finding a (I do not care for the words “soul mate”) so difficult?
Maybe you're confusing soul mate with sole mate and you're waiting for the other shoe to drop?
The vast majority of single people in the 40 to 50 age group are already in contented, committed long-term marriages
Ah, Bill. I don't think any single people are in marriages. It doesn't matter what age group you pick.
Bottom line...we will not settle...we are more meticulous –and we must simply accept this is our reality and be patient.
I've noticed that and the longer I've been single the less I've wanted to settle. Some of that may be from age moving my blood to the big head but it's also from experience and observation.
I hope that the right one will show up –although there is a real possibility, they will not.
Good point. | |
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| Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 3/18/2007 12:47:29 PM |
custom fit in an off the rack world.
I'm with ya, brother. True on so many levels. You'd think we'd be more advanced. Where is the progress?  | |
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| Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 3/18/2007 12:50:46 PM | ^^You forgot to mention that because the over the hill gang have all been divorced, left in the dust, or otherwise had their hearts crushed... they are bitter. Of course the break-up had nothing to do with them, but it was the fault of the EVIL EX...
And this would be where Paddy's advice of finding your own soul first would fit in.
People, if you've been hurt, take time, find your peace -- before you go out and find someone new to latch onto? This is not only self-destructive, it is other-destructive and now you are setting yourself up to be the evil ex for someone else.
Just a thought. | |
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Elija
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Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 161 | |
| Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 3/18/2007 12:50:48 PM | I'm sorry, but this made me laugh... While this sounds grand, it is not realistic for an ongoing lifestyle -- unless you are a doormat. Mind if I call your ex and see what she has to say?
And the hot headphone gal is way too young for you... I don't care how open minded you are. That is serious PERV territory.
I am wondering why your so bitter towards me, I have said or done nothing that deserves that false judgement on your part. I am not, did not write to the girl with headphones to pick up on her, first off... next, your wrong, age means nothing... statistics prove that, most age difference marriages last... compared to the vast majority of divorces in those who ages are closer... I am sorry that you had an experience when you were younger that makes you so convinced that age has anything to do with love, as it does not...and yes, your more than welcome to call my ex... sorry if you have never had the oportunity to be with someone who cares more about your needs and wants than they care about their own... but believe me or not matters not, I would and have done exactly as I described, and I am not a doormat, and that scenario is not a daily occurance, atleast I would hope not... I do not enjoy being attacked for no reason, so with that said, Im going to move on, forgive you for your judgment, but not write here anymore... I see no point... Thanks and bye... | |
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| Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 3/18/2007 12:52:17 PM |
'm with ya, brother. True on so many levels. You'd think we'd be more advanced. Where is the progress?
Could it be that there's a business opportunity? Custom Soul Mate's Inc? Just remember the guy that wrong Stepford Wives also wrote the Princess Bride. | |
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| Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 3/18/2007 12:56:11 PM |
I'm with ya, brother. True on so many levels. You'd think we'd be more advanced. Where is the progress?
Yes, just look how far we've come.
Like Henley said "Glory Hallelujah! We're building the perfect beast" | |
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| Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 3/18/2007 1:04:04 PM | | Like maggots of corruption, soulmates also are all around you. Every person is a castle and the elusive idea of a soulmate is the throne room. Some castles are Versailles and some are Roman ruins. The reason most people cannot find their soulmate is because of pride or sloth or both. In order to find the soulmate one must penetrate the castle to enter the throne room. The castle, however, is usually impenetrable because we cast aside people who are older/young, of a another race, ugly, over/underweight, too quiet, too loud, too busy, too homebodied, too polished, too trashy, well-read, and/or overstimulated with pop culture; but the cast-aside predicament is usually based on income, class, career-choices, and what kind of family they come from. If there is a woman who is a Shakespeare scholar who likes disco dancing and men who wear cardigan sweaters, it is easy to conceive that were she to meet a man who has read every Renaissance text, likes dancing to 70's music, and has a collection of cardigan sweaters, but happens to be 15 years older and works in a supermarket, she would overlook/reject him immediately because he would shame her in public as being too old, and shame her family for dating/marrying a "loser" (the new "" of the 21st century). The concept of the soulmate, though elusive, is still obviously that which lies in a person beyond material/invented things like physical appearance and status. Thus, most people have difficulty finding soulmates because they can't or don't want to take the time to get past those things, or don't have humility enough to do so. Yes, the world is full of people who are sociopathic and misanthropic, but there are good people who would make good soulmates. It's all a matter of how much effort you want to make in penetrating the castles and, in some cases, overthrowing the yoke of social acceptance... or just plain laziness. | |
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| Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 3/18/2007 1:04:37 PM |
^^You forgot to mention that because the over the hill gang have all been divorced, left in the dust, or otherwise had their hearts crushed... they are bitter. Of course the break-up had nothing to do with them, but it was the fault of the EVIL EX...
Good point, Janet...but for me at least, those are already gone lumped with the first group the 98% who are eliminated | |
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| Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 3/18/2007 1:13:18 PM |
Ah, Bill. I don't think any single people are in marriages. It doesn't matter what age group you pick.
eeek, I hope you saw where I gave you credit for my edit. Thanks for CMA!!!!
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| Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 3/18/2007 1:24:46 PM |
If you are fat, plain, boring, drink, smoke, broke, sleep on someone's couch, wage-slave.... you can count on me.
If you have nothing to say, I will listen.
If what you have to say bores people with professional careers, I will respond.
If your ideas are too good for the studios, the publishers, the interviewers; I will converse.
ChevalierdelaTableRonde, you are extremely unique to say the least... but do you receive many emails and *dates* via this profile statement?
While I agree all people are equal in the eyes of God, I may not want to hook up with someone who is plain, fat and boring, let alone soul-mates? | |
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| Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 3/18/2007 2:01:14 PM | | I'm not worried about what people think. My ideas about age has nothing to do with society's expectations for me personally. It's about where I am in my life. I'm 21 years old. I'm an undergraduate working my fingers to the bone so that I can get into a respectable medical program. A 35 year old doesn't have anything in common with me. I want to go out on the weekends with my friends and I constantly go to concerts where it's standing room only and you walk out sweaty and with sore feet. I don't care what society thinks. For me, it's about common interests and goals. I like to date people who are where I am in life... or close to it... they understand me better and the relationship works out that much better. | |
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| permanent headphones
Posted: 3/18/2007 3:03:46 PM | permanent headphones
I saw your main pic and skimmed your profile and thought
""she could be Janet's younger neice-""
-or even (age wise --considering she has sons older ) --daughter
I'm not worried about what people think.
I saw this and thought--yup! Very well could be related.
(All that so Janet can vouch for me I am not a dirty old man) --
(dammit! am I really at the "dirty old man age"? --say it ain't true!)
A 35 year old doesn't have anything in common with me.
I agree with this to a point. A 29 to 32 year old just might. You do not realise how young 30 really is and do not yet realise how quickly you will be there approaching 30 yourself. From your perspective 30 may be "old" 35 may be "way old”.
You have a particular "problem (don't get me wrong-note the italics)
Here is where I explain your particular "problem" --which is no "problem" -an advantage--yet it has drawbacks of its own.
You may be catching on to the fact you have more going on for yourself than the vast majority of your male counterpart.
Most people your age 9edit: 3:18 PM most people of any age are not as smart. I do not know for sure your level of intelligence...but I can tell it is likely very high.
I would say based on what you write, how you present yourself in the way you write, you are likely (conservative estimate) are in top 5% of the world in terms of IQ.--that alone sets you apart.
If you are in the 150 –ish IQ level tested or over range then you are in the top 1% of the population IQ—wise—
Judging from the tone of your written word as I see it your parents did a stellar job raising you, therefore you are very well adjusted sending your EQ in the higher rankings as well.
Being smart is one thing--you likely are more emotionally mature than virtually all the young men your own age...and holding your own through and past 26 years old, girlie
Age between 20 and 26
Because you are an exceptionally bright young woman, I would extend your age range to 29.
I would raise this to a–20 to 29 ranges without a doubt. Only because this well extend the number of possible dates by 60 %
(the three years 27, 28, 29—would be 33% you protest) –if you were standing before me I would not utter a word, simply stare you in the eyes and you would instantly “get it”.
I am not standing in front of you. You may have got it already. According to my own educated guess, the sum those suitable aged 20 to 26 would roughly be 40% of the pool of those aged 20 to 29.
You can imagine how small the numbers are in the 20 to 26 year age range.
An additional point is generally speaking you may date someone 27, 28, or 29 or so and he will match your criteria—he may have had some travel under his belt, some cultural experiences to share—but mainly reason is to enlarge your dating pool. You will want to avoid being emotionally entangled with anyone until ... (I do not wish to give an age) , I would not even consider going near the “M” word until (I resisted –yet I can not) –age 28. Take some time to travel, see the world, and start your career. Make lots of money, wisely invest your money, collect art—( please do not misunderstand and confuse this with making money your priority over relationships—I am just saying –be wise! )—no need to rush love –that will come soon enough. !!
OK
That is all.
OH...no you GET the ^%*$*%*& BACK OVER HERE!
A 35 year old doesn't have anything in common with me. I want to go out on the weekends with my friends and I constantly go to concerts where it's standing room only and you walk out sweaty and with sore feet.
So, uh...what are you implying here? A 35 year old would not be able to keep up with you?
Ppfftt!!
I Hope you think otherwise. I can tell you without a doubt –I have dusted 20 year olds on the tennis courts as recent as one year...and there is no way your scrawny young ass would ever keep up with me on the sunset strip and that’s a fact jack!
Consider I have vast experience in the let’s go have some crazy fun dept...You would do very well to merely keep up with the likes of me—much less think you could out last.
Hahaha
Be gone! Have a great time—and don’t forget my suggestions! You will thank me I promise! | |
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| permanent headphones
Posted: 3/18/2007 3:49:12 PM | Bill, you are well meaning, and no perv... but I trust this bright lady will make her own way without our guidance.
But I do have a son who is 22, 6-3 handsome, smart.... | |
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| permanent headphones
Posted: 3/18/2007 4:05:16 PM | | One thing is for certain. This business of finding love, soul-mates, companionship or whatever it is to be called is niether for the easily defeated or the quickly disillusioned. | |
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| permanent headphones
Posted: 3/18/2007 4:06:41 PM | nooooooooooo!
headphone girl stay far away from mr 22 year old 6' 3" for another 10 years for both of ya! he might drag you off to ... Vegas and in a weak moment ...will say YES --yes I will take thee...princess to take me... as thou 0O--way too young to marry--but here I go because I am a lover and simply cannot help my infactuated self... husband of yours...
forever and ever and ever... 
then some fat elvis will be throwing rice krispies at you both and before you both realize --it will be too late. | |
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| permanent headphones
Posted: 3/18/2007 9:57:56 PM | | Oh but imagine the beautiful grandchildren... ahhh.. I can't wait.. well I can, but I am excited for that time. | |
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| permanent headphones
Posted: 3/18/2007 10:14:55 PM |
Oh but imagine the beautiful grandchildren
But how well could they do when they'd always be in the shadow of their incredible grandmother? That'd be a hard standard to live up to 
For that matter your grandmother looks pretty good (no, I don't want to date her!). So it must be a family thing. | |
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| Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 3/18/2007 10:23:19 PM | | I know why. I'm not like most guys . I don't go with the flow . I am different and have interests that are different than most .I have other faults but won't mention them here. | |
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