| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/4/2007 8:13:43 PM | | that little soul in there chose you for his mom for some reason that you don't know yet.... as for your ex, if he isn't sure yet what he wants in life, he's probably less sure about being a father... we learn at our own pace | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/4/2007 8:15:19 PM | I am so glad cjnormore pointed out the fact that birth control is not 100% effective. None of it is. PERIOD. And, someone else said "You have 72 hours after the act" ... if someone is on the Depo shot, they assume all is well, and so why in the world would they run out and get the morning after pill? They don't just GIVE it to you anytime you damn well please, ya know. It's not OTC.
I don't get it. Didn't this woman ask for advice about her situation with the father and her? I don't recall her asking for a lecture on sex, birth control and single parenthood. And, if you ask me, it's just a tiny bit snarky to do the "Should have..." thing to someone iafter the fact. Especially a stranger.
Anyways, pregnant is pregnant, and as I said before, my stance is that you just do what you need to do for YOU and the BABY now. Everything else doesn't matter, and that guy ESPECIALLY doesn't matter. He may some day come around, but then again, he may not. So, you can't figure on either, or worry about either... figure he's gone, and that's that... and take it from there. Work on building up your support network... friends, family, a 'birth coach' ...... you'll need them.
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/4/2007 8:22:09 PM |
Yeah, because generally, single-parent households with half the income to raise children are much more stable home environments than loving, married dual-income households. Plus, children don't need both male and female role models. Good point.
Woah.....since when were all two parent households also dual income households???? Aparently someone has no clue stay at home parents exist. Also, not all the role models in a child's life are their parents. Single parents can have a lot of positive opposite gender people to help influence their children. There are grandparents, Aunts and Uncles, and friends to name a few.
Anyway, on the actual topic, I have been a single parent with 2 and no help from the donor and it can be done. If he says he does not want to be a part of the child's life then you and that baby are better off without him. As for demanding child support and getting a paternity test, unless you just want to add to your troubles, I wouldn't. I would go have the baby, say no father, put just you on the birth certificate and work your ass off to raise it. A lot of courts like to look up to date by giving custody to the fathers, and I have seen men take children from their mom just to avoid paying child support. I would think over very carefully any decision before making it and not jump into anything you can't change later. | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/4/2007 8:39:13 PM | | What people have failed to mention is that this woman now has a CHOICE. She knows she is her on own should she choose to have this child. The father has made it quite clear he won't be around and does not want this child. she can have an abortion if she is ot prepared to have a baby alone at this point in her life, she can have this baby and accept she is also assuming full financial and emotional responsibility for doing so. There are options, we live in the year 2007. If you go after the man whose sperm got you prgnant, be aware that you are choosing to have this man in your life and the baby's forever, and he willbe hostile - he has already said as much. Think long and hard if you want that, and take responsibility for the baby on your own. Or not. Nothing will happen if you have an abortion, you are in control of what happens to your body, it is your decision. | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/4/2007 8:50:24 PM | NOTHING will happen if you have an abortion?
I beg to differ, there is a RISK of dying from one
and most births are safer than this procedure.
I also fail to see that as true that there is not
any consequence either.. I know a few women that
had one and said of the horror of bleeding and cramping
BAD awhile after such, that they still thought of
what age their child would have been along the years
and wonder what they would have looked like, when
they see other children around the age of their
would have been child.
I also feel this OP has chosen to raise this baby
from the sound of things and great to see that
when one "parent" chose to walk away the other
one stepped up to the plate to deal with this now.
A baby is a blessing even if there is alot to deal with
along the way. The benefits outweigh the burdens in
the long run. I know, been there and done that.
I also feel that birth control is not the issue here as
the OP says she was on one and it failed, that happens.
I wish the OP the best in her upcoming parenthood.
Keep us updated as to whether you have a son or daughter
when the time comes.
Also, the advice of focusing on yourself and the child now
is the one I agree with most. You have to think for two now. | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/4/2007 9:51:31 PM | | dont mean to be blunt but op you are so young?? are you ready for a kid?? you whole life will be limited a bit with a child now ask yourself ARE YOU READY? | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/4/2007 9:53:43 PM | I have been in your shoes. I told him I was going to have our baby that we planned and then he decided that he was going to return to his home country 5000 miles away....
Now here we are 6 years later, still not married and he is leaving to go home to his country, he of course decided this after he had 3 car accidents and it was his turn to support our family and for me to stay home with our 5 year old on her first year of Kindergarden.
Take this advise, if he wants to see or help with your child allow him to have the relationship. It makes you look like the bigger person and gives you time to yourself. But do move on it will only be more painful later when he makes the same decision again later. | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/4/2007 10:00:32 PM | | This is a big MWAH... to sparkinthedark, thank you so much honey... you actually get it. No i didnt ask to be judged by people, but did expect some type of backlash. At the moment im confused about all this, but one thing im not confused about, is that im not a MURDERER! and abortion is just that (my opinion). I have had an ultrasound today, just to check up on things because of the depo injection, and i am please to say all is well. Look... Im hurt, confused, angry and feeling very unwanted and rejected. I dont have a clue what im doing, and all i wanted to know is if i should go about my business and take care of me and my baby and close all doors to my ex or should i allow him to take his sweet ass time in making a more mature decision about whether or not he is going to take responsibility for his part in this. To be perfectly honest, and after many days of deliberation, i do want him to be a father to OUR child. and ultimately a family... now having say this, i know i cant make him do anything, call my wants a wish list if you will, but it is what i want. To those of you that are looking down your nose at me, well tough shit!!, an accident is just that, an accident, for those who dont know what that word means, it means unintensional. so please in the future only constructive comments on this subject, do not judge me, u dont know me. | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/4/2007 10:28:00 PM | You seem to be heading in the right direction.
You cannot force him to love you again; that would be his decision to make alone. While you and him may not be able to be a family unit together, you should make sure that he will be responsible enough to provide for your child. If he can be a presence for his child, your child will benefit from it, even if the two of you remain separated.
Be welcome to the love from your family in this time of need. You'll need their advice and guidance. Don't be indignant towards them, and hopefully they'll be understanding enough to provide you with the support you'll need.
Best of luck to you. | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/4/2007 10:28:31 PM | I for one give you credit for posting this question here. I'm sure more than one person saw this topic and cringed to themselves, knowing very well, it was going to get you all kinds of negative comments and high and mighty opinions.
You say this is what you want, and you know, that's all that's important here. Don't even pay attention to all the other nonsense that might get thrown your way... you didn't ask for people's input on any of that (as the other person said), you asked about the situation between you and your ex.
You're hurt, you're confused... NO DOUBT!!!!! But, you know the reality of the situation, and I think you know the "dad" ... is someone you need to let go of. You DID get some good advice here... and you seem really receptive to people who talk to you like a human being. So... keep an eye out for those people.
You're already 'down' ... don't let anyone kick you while you're there. Only you can let people get to you, rememeber that!!! | |
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e-wok
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Joined: 9/25/2006
Msg: 36 | |
| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/4/2007 11:06:58 PM | Anyways Merry Xmas "Your pregnant", my ex and i had a "One last time".
He's gonna think bad thoughts about how this happend...IMO he'll think it was
on purpose and it'll only make him resent you for changing his life permanently even
though he's equally to blame but he won't see it that way for at least awhile.
When i told him about our predicament, i begged him to come back and be a family and he refused.
It's hard to predict what he'll ultimately do but whatever it is, he's made his
feelings to you know. He doesn't feel the romance and a child can't make
him fall in love with you....at least I can't see how.
Move on, get a lawyer because you'll need one.
And guys, NEVER have sex "one last time" because often times, it's the
last time you'll be completely free - your ex sounds like a total dummy. | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/5/2007 3:45:46 AM | Yeah, you can make him be a father...Take him to court for CHILD SUPPORT!!!
His comment about "if it were with any other girl" that would have been it for me with his no good azz.... | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/5/2007 4:38:02 AM | I'm just gonna leave a few comments about what people have left on here....
1. I am a single parent and have never had goverment assistance...some people would love a dual income and then there are some people who DON'T need it...my son has never ever had to want for anything ....nor have I...if anything I have probably overdone it...lol..
2. It really depends on where you live in the 'morning after pill' is OTC...See here in canada it is OTC...so they can walk up to the pharmacy counter and ask for it...how do I know?I work in a pharmacy...lol...
3. No matter what we say OP is going to do whatever she wants...which is take his sorry azz back....should he decide to be a parent...which I think is dumb but I am not in her situation and I don't know exactly how it feels so who am I to judge????
All I can say is from my own heart...take care of you for now and let 'him' make up his own mind and things will happen how they are suppose to...but one thing is stability...your baby needs it...and personally my baby was planned...but after he arrived our relationship dissolved...which in the end was a blessing...The day before I got my apartment and was on my 'own' he told me .....
"you never know...we may get back together" and I told him no...once I was in my own apt I was never going back...my son was 2 1/2 years old and I always thought that I didn't want my son to see me as being weak...and by that I mean always going back to his father and in unhealthy relationships...I think showing a child you are a strong individual is more important than him coming back cuz deep down if he would talk like that to you now it's only gonna get worse...and you don't want that kind of talk in front of your child..
You never know if you are going to have more children...my son is almost 9 and I still have no idea...but what I wouldn't give to go back and enjoy that pregnancy again...being pregnant is an amazing time in your life...sit back and enjoy it...you'll find your way...and you will look back on this and wonder why you ever got worked up or scatter brained over it all...and you will wish you could go back to being pregnant!!! Enjoy your time....it goes by so fast!!!! | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/5/2007 5:13:21 AM | There are times you are much better without the "father". I was married at 19 and 6 months later found out my birth control had failed as well. Despite the unexpected pregnancy I was overjoyed. After all, had I not married the man I loved? When I told him he was to be a father, his first words were "Is it mine?" I was devastated. I seriously considered leaving, but decided this was the man I wanted to spend my life with and besides, I would only be 21 when the baby was born and where would I go? I was raised in a very traditional family with old fashioned views, and could not conceive of being a single mom.
To make a long terrible story short, I endured 23 years of marriage to a man who lied, cheated (I even stayed for 18 years after finding out he was being unfaithful), and developed a drinking problem. I finally left two years ago, and baby, I am at long last enjoying my life. I work and go to school. My biggest regret is that my oldest has problems that he will not seek help for, but his younger brother (18) is open to counselling and has benefitted from it. The moral here, I guess, is that even if you love him and want a family, it can be a very demoralizing experience for both you and your children. Better for the child to grow with the love YOU can give, rather than the stress of a bad family life. | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/5/2007 5:52:09 AM | Live - I don't recall quoting you on anything regarding marriage, so perhaps it is you who should reread posts and stop putting words in people's mouths.
Yeah, because generally, single-parent households with half the income to raise children are much more stable home environments than loving, married dual-income households. Plus, children don't need both male and female role models.
What I meant was that some people think marriage solves everything. Two people can raise a child without getting hitched and it can be very stable. I also have to say that I know alot of married couples who hardly make role models - so that theory is gone down the shitter.
OP - As I said before, you can only give him the option to be involved in his childs life. You have alot of time before the arrival and I know it's gonna be tough. I've been there. Once you feel that tiny life move, everything will begin to fall into place. And who knows.....after he has had time to think about this, he may just come around. Good luck. | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/5/2007 5:54:01 AM | Wow, your story brings back some memories. My oldest son's father did a similar thing to me. Only we were still together when I told him the news. He advioded me for days and when I finally got to talk to him, he told me that he just wanted to be "friends". When I inquired about to impending baby, he informed me that he did not want any more kids. Two weeks later he called me and requested that I have an aboration. I told where to go and that I would see him in court. We went to court, I had all the testing done (to prove he was the father) and he was instructed to pay child surport. (note to all you guys out there, No, I did not take him for every dime I could and the baby was not planned. I was told by a doctor that I would have problems getting pregnant. HO HO. He was offered other solutions other than court and he refused.) To make a long story short, He did want to get back together, but he had hurt me too much. He has had a realtionship with our son and I do consider him a friend. Things have a way of working themselves out. The most important thing you can do is take care of yourself and your new baby. The baby comes first no matter what anyone else tells you.
Best of luck, my prayers are with you
R. | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/5/2007 6:05:29 AM | alot of woman have walked exactly in your shoes...I know it hurts when you are rejected by someone you love..and exspecially when you are pregnant...the emotions involved.You dont need him if you have a loving supported family!.my family was very supported with me..my daughter never wanted for anything..in fact she got more than most kids...even her two parent friends were jealous at times at how much material things she has in life..also she even had a friend tell her she was jealous at all the attention she gets from me..her super loving mom..and the rest of my family...I come from a big family.Please dont shut out the Grandparents of the Father..they didn't do anything to you..and if they want to be in your childs life..please let them!.My daughter see her dads family way more than he even sees her...they adore her!!..and she loves them.I never held a grudge against them.They even been very helpful at times to me and my daughter..they are "good people".God bless...and please keep us all in touch!. | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/5/2007 6:11:58 AM | op getting left holding the baby isnt that bad a sentence it could b worse, u could b left holding the sperm donor,there are way to many guys like this out there who shirk their responsibilities, no matter what issues u had prior to the conception this creature that donated his sperm does owe the baby and the mother to b a certain amount of respect and aid.ill b happy when they pass a law to castrate scumbags that abandon their children.
i got the chance to look after a newborn and it was an awesome experience that any mn should b happy to experience at least once in his life. these guys are the same scabs that cry foul later when they have to pay support for the child. personally tell him if he doesnt want anythoing to do with the birth then he doesnt have to ever have anythoing to do with the life of the child , and that would go for his grandparents as well. make the grandparents put some pressure on the fruit of their loins to do the right thing.it isnt your job to push him into his duty its his parents to steer him along the right course and his to accept it in the end | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/5/2007 6:16:13 AM | jmn120176
Yeah, because generally, single-parent households with half the income to raise children are much more stable home environments than loving, married dual-income households. Plus, children don't need both male and female role models. Good point.
That's just being simply Slovenly and lazy. Putting in no effect all. Taking no responsibility. No wonder society in the shape its in.
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/5/2007 4:23:03 PM | Hey Girl
Listen these people on here have there two cents that they would never have the balls to say to your face, and if they did, humanity is in serious need. I had sent a forum on if dating pregnant women is a good idea, and I got slammed to the wall. I am not thinking of dating however, it was an idea. I am not in the same situation as you however I feel I can relate, I am pregnant the father is not involved and I am having this child.
I am going to school, working from home, and have the amazing support of friends and family. I am never alone, always reminded to take my vitamins and eat salad :p. You gf are not alone either, the chances of getting pregnant biologically is a miracle. Some people act like it jsut happened. 4 hours is the window of optimal conception, and the way it actually happens is a true miracle.
I know you are upset, I am to and you know what embrace it because it will only make you stronger and fight harder. There are sick rude cruel and complete idiots out there. This is an example of what there is. Luckily in real life no one would ever say these things to you. That is the difference it is so easy to say have an abortion...why didn't you not have sex, where was the condom? When they look at their own lives they realize they aren't perfect and dog on others. Relax as I had suggested earlier, and don't worry about being judged they are going to do it anyway. You can email me or contact me anytime and I can talk about how much of a kicker he is or what crazy craving I just had....this is the best time of our lives...why pout my god tell them all to shut the h*ll up and be a good mother cause that is what you deserve and so does this baby.
The shock will wear off and make a plan...that is what I did and everything you will notice will line up perfectly. God never gives anything you are not able to handle. | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/5/2007 5:35:24 PM | The decision that you make now is so difficult as you cannot see into the future.
As a nursing student, you are already likely aware of all of the options available to you. That said, it is vitally important that you speak to a NEUTRAL, objective (likely professional) party as soon as possible. Get support, comfort and information.
I wish you positive energy and a peaceful mind for clear decision making.  | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/6/2007 9:28:55 AM | | Dress up, look hot and then tell that guy, you don't need him period. As a matter of fact, tell him you would do better without him. No I have never been in that sitution but it makes me angry when I think about the fact that it takes two. I for one would tell him to kiss my pretty little butt. | |
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Please re-read my post - it says ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT MARRIAGE! Please don't put words in my mouth... 
