| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/9/2007 9:25:14 AM | Hi...what a wonderful opportunity to have found out what your ex was like!!! Im a single mum to, and I love having my 2 kids around me and I hope that your baby gives you as much joy as mine do. Of course your apprehensive about your future and your babies but hey, just think of the avenues which are opened to you now and the new people that your going to meet which your son/or daughter will provide for you. What I mean is you'l meet like minded people who have children, people in your situation.. I hope your coping well with your pregancy and that you have support from your friends and family during this emotional time. Im seperated from my kids dad for about 10 months now, and god i thought he was a fab dad...NOT, he was selfish etc.etc. but hey what Im tryin to tell you I found out who I was when I had to cope with the most difficult time in my life. Its made me into a more stronger confident person, Im meeting new people and dealin with new situations.. I dont know if this is what you wanted to hear, however I hope you will learn from this situation which will make you into a stronger, confident person. Good luck and all the best for both your futures..God bless. | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/10/2007 11:12:52 PM | loveangel81,
My Fiance and I have an unexpected pregnancey and he broke up with me at first because I wanted to keep it. Then he thought about it and came around now we are getting married and i have 14 weeks left. his been by my side since I was 9 weeks preg. So I wouldn't shut the door just yet give him a while to think about it from a rasional point of view and give him space.
Hope this helps you out. | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/10/2007 11:37:32 PM | | tm4sc, Im not sure if i am greatful because you have said what i wanted to hear or what, but with no disrespect to all the exceptionally wonderfull advice i have been given, but i think its what i am going to do. At present im about 4 weeks, and i have plenty of time to make a rock solid decision. I am still having alot of serious problems with mt ex at the moment, but this man has given me the gift of life and i find it unfair to lock him out of our childs life because he made a bad decision in the begining. I just hope i dont live to regret my decision. | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/11/2007 3:34:44 AM | hmmmm... I have read through the posts and would like to share with you the situation I found myself in 5yrs ago. I had a live-in job and had been with my bf over a yr but finally had the sense to kick him out. It was a new start for me I left my job ready to go travelling and working round Europe for only a wk later to find out I was pregnant... I was 22 and had no money, no home, no security. I had a mixture of emotions, scared how I was going to tell my family, a bit excited, wondered whether I could make it work and whether he would change, considered abortion and adoption. Then came to terms with the fact I was a single and pregnant and it was my baby and I would have enough love and support to do it on my own.
Yes, I kept giving the sperm donor a second chance even after the baby was born but I had to face reality and do it on my own. My family didn't live near and I thought my friends would help me out well they did at first but then the novelty wore off I had to understand most were single and working and wanted to go out on their time off and have fun not babysit for nothing well I couldn't afford to pay them. I was in grotty homeless units and then temporary accommodation with ppl dealing crack outside my door and then when the baby was 5mths old I got a one bed place and had no electricity for 3 days. My baby was 9lb 3oz and natural delivery but cut me quite bad internally I had inadequate aftercare and was ill for nearlly a yr. I got the baby blues when my milk came in and my child had colic and was screaming day and night. I was walking the walls, soo tired, some days I couldn't get dressed I didn't have the energy eventually I got post natal depression. Over the next 2 yrs I would cry every cpl of months calling my family saying I can't cope I'm not good enough to be a mum and thought what a great life he could have with someone else and what I was missing out on and how bad my body was scarred and who would want me well I put on 4 stone went from a 12 to a 22. I'm convinced I had PND until he was about 2 and a half I think I only realised I truelly had it when it went.
What I'm saying is that when i was pregnant I never imagined how hard it could be I felt iscolated and lonley quite often a wk would go by and the only ppl I would see were those when I went to the shop.
I'm not saying it will be like that for you but no one has said how hard it can be. I was in love with his dad and it took me a long time to stop loving him and it broke my heart that he couldn't or wouldn't change himself for his baby because he wasn't just rejecting me he was rejecting him and I couldn't understand why cos that baby was my most precious thing in the world. I also found it hard dating as having a child restricts you obviously with regards to going out and some guys have thought they can cope with dating a single mum but when reality kicks in decide it's not what they want. One guy told me I should be grateful that any man shows interest as I have a child which was rich as he was a single dad haha.
Wellllll.... 5yrs later I have a home, am starting my own internet site, getting a full-time job, done IT courses, been learning to drive and have just got my first bf since having a child. I don't for 1 second regret having my baby and love him to bits BUT if someone asked me whether I would do things the same way the answer would be NO. I would definately NOT have had him with the person that I did nor as young. I also decided a long time ago that I wouldn't put myself back in the same position again. I don't want another child ideally until I'm 35ish and preferably married I know nothing is guaranteed with relationships but it's just what I'd like. If I was seeing someone for a cpl of months and got pregnant I would have an abortion as I don't just have myself to think about but my child who is here already. I wouldn't do the whole adoption thing because there are enough kids in care already it isn't fair and I wouldn't give my child to strangers not knowing the quality of life they will have yes it could be decent but I wouldn't risk that it could be awful there are too many freaks out there.
It is possible that your ex will come around but u have to come to terms with the fact that it is you, your body, your choice and your baby. You say you were on contraception well so was I. At the end of the day the guy has a right to say he doesn't want to be a parent yet it is the woman who makes the final descision. It is such a contraversial subject.
Finally.... haha look how long my post is!! I'm not trying to put you off having a child and certainly don't have the right to judge another person on their beliefs and values. In life there are survivors and fallers and if having this baby is what you want say b*llocks to the bloke and what other ppl think and say you are having it because it's your choice because the accident may have been in getting pregnant but to be a mother, abortion, adoption etc. Isn't an accident it's a CHOICE  ....good luck xjx | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/11/2007 3:45:48 AM | | Please don't worry, I think you should give him time to come around. And even after your baby is born (don't worry, I know it's not the ideal situation if he is not with you and happy at the birth) still give him some time. If you show him that you are mature enough to not freak out, and that you can handle a new baby with or without him, your strength will shine through. He will see that you are getting on with your life, and his child is having a life without him, he may decide to give it a try. I didn't ask you how old you or him are but don't worry, things will look up. If worse comes to worse and he does not return and he wants nothing to do with either of you, then let his family see the child because they sound normal and level-headed. And once you see that he is not returning, don't think that you won't find someone else because there are many kind hearted men out there that will accept a woman with a child or children. You are a pretty girl and will have no problem. If you want to chat about it, I can give more advice which I will not post publicly, because I have been through similar situations. Cheer up girlfriend, there is lots to look forward for you!! Your friend Kirsten | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/11/2007 4:17:31 AM | Life is hard enough without going through this kind of pain on top of it all!
Look, I put up with a cheater for 18 years, to keep my family toghether. eventually, whe left for another guy. I assume he was more handsome, but at this point, all I know is that I endured a lot of pain, and in the end lost it all anyway. Perhaps you should consider yourself lucky that the loser has left you so early.
You have a beautiful child, you will strugge through lfe, perhaps, but you will never look back on it as a burden. You will only remember the moments that move you to laughter, that move you to tears, that make you understand the joy of perenthood.
I no longer miss my ex. It took a long time for me to get over her. I miss my family. My daughter moved here with me, but my so stayed with my ex. I am consumed with succeeding to get him here. You already have the only thing that I desire. Cherish each minute, and let your child have the contact he/she desires at all times.
Good luck, and feel free to call upon me if you ever just need someone to talk to, or if you are rying to figure out a way to improve your standing. I Think you will be fine though! | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/11/2007 4:52:00 AM | Darn it I lost everything i just typed out to you.
loveangel81, I'm guessing your 26 this year due to the 81 on the end. sorry if i am wrong. My fiance is 26 this year this is his second child and my first. I am glad you are going to give him time to work out his head. My fiance and i talked about your post it reminded us of us. I kept sms and calling him and telling him i loved him ect... that made it worse when i gave up he came round and told me he loved me and wanted me back so my best advice is just act like you don't care. I know it will kill on the inside but i got through it andi know you can too even if i have to give you my email address to keep you strong I'll do it. Best wishes for you and the baby and Good luck hun.
Steph | |
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Beth84
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Joined: 10/13/2006
Msg: 58 | |
| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/11/2007 8:58:52 AM | Ahhh I wouldn't close the door on him yet, and whether he likes it or not, he's GOING TO BE a father. If he doesn't reconsider, you still have to take him to Family Court and get the support and full custody
I'm not with the father of my child, but he's quite active in her life and he loves us both (his daughter obviously, and me for bringing his daughter into the world) but he is currently with another woman. It will be tough, but you can do it! :) | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/11/2007 9:21:15 AM | | I know exactly what you are going through. Me and my ex were together for 6 years when we split, and had a child together already. The week after we split, i found i was 6 weeks pregnant! When i told him, he just didnt care. He used to take the eldest for the weekend, but not the baby. This went on for 2 years, so in the end i put my foot down and said that if he cant take both of them, then he doesnt take the oldest. He eventually decided to take both, and that was nearly a year ago now, and they both go off happily every other weekend. What you have to do now is forget about getting back together for the sake of your baby, because the relationship will fail again if he only comes back for that reason. Concentrate on you and your baby. Being pregnant and single, and being a single mum is hard, but as long as you love and care for your child, thats the most important thing. Good luck! | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/11/2007 8:37:46 PM |
i begged him to come back and be a family and he refused.
read this over and over again until it sinks in.
do i take his answer as final
YES, YES, YES, you DO !!!!
When someone refuses to have a relationship with you, you do NOT hang around to wait and see if they change their mind, you move on. Respect yourself , and do so  | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/26/2007 11:24:00 AM | You know i might be a guy but ive been in that place...She was pregnant.. and I left her.. Yeah i know it was wrong of me, but i couldn't handle the pressure of dealing with her, her mom, her dad, and the having a baby on the way....
So i left her and i came back home to my parents because i was living with her. Well while i was here I realized how much i couldnt live without her.. I got so upset and i called her mom.. Well she had called me back THAT NIGHT JUST TO TELL ME THAT SHE WAS DATING SOMEONE ELSE.. which kinda wrecked my world.... so i waitied... for like 2 months i waited. not messin with anyone else.. Only having friends.. but i finally made it thru.... and she finally accepted my apology. and now She left me again.. She accused me of being on drugs and accused me of cheating on her.. n e ways girl Keep you baby and try to work your family out.. i promise he will surprise u in the long run...
Chris  | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/26/2007 11:32:58 AM | I am also pregnant with an ex's baby ..we were in the same situation.. living together, happy, planning a future.. not so anymore.. I did try the wait and see game for a while then decided that if I was going to have any kind of life for my child I was to concentrate on making our future for us .. if things change they change if not then I am still in a good place to raise our child...
I know how devastating and hurtful and bewildered you can feel.. but choose to be independant and stand strong.. focus on having you and your baby in a good place physically and emotionally and if things do change in the future then good if not you are still in a good place... | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/26/2007 11:56:15 AM | HEY girl... I was a single mom with my daughter who is now sixteen.... YOU CAN DO IT.... your life now will revolve around your child.... have fun... enjoy that baby and all that comes with it.... my daughter and i are best of friends... we have alot of fun... everyone thinks we are sisters.... all i can say is when family asks you to lean on them when you need to talk do it, lean on friends for advice... but most importantly... remember your that childs number one always will be..... HAVE FUN... you have something not many mothers will ... consider it as a gift. huggs ... im here if you ever want to chat...
S | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/26/2007 12:25:12 PM | i agree with live2ridenh....birth control pills, birth control shots, IUD, after sex pills, rubbers!! what is with some of you young people nowadays?? another child is going to be born to a single parent. guess what...kids need BOTH a mother AND a father. how could you possibly think that after 8 months that this man even loves you...because he told you so? actions speak louder than words and by the sound of your description...i would've seen that breakup coming a lot sooner...just by your arguments. i'm sorry to sound harsh but i've seen young women get impregnated just to trap their boyfriends or to use them against them in court. it sickens me! it takes TWO to make a baby and makes the responsibility for both parties to think about being responsible and taking the proper precautions....not just him and not just you...BOTH! i don't blame him for the resentment and now his family feels responsible. so now what...are you going to put the blame on him and make him feel guilty so he'll marry you? do you think you'll live happily ever after? fat chance that will ever happen. wake up sweetie...there's enough kids in this world living with one parent and even no parents. most young men think of sex first...love later...that's their nature..their prime.
again...sorry for the harshness...but that's one touchy subject with me. so now what...you'll be spending the rest of your young years raising a child on your own. good luck to you...and i mean that sincerely. it's a huge responsibility. | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/26/2007 12:25:44 PM | First of all, you can't make any person be a part of a family if they don't wish to participate. The relationship you had is over, If he's the father, paternity test can't dispute, but if he's not wanting to be a father, he has expressed himself very clear and loud?
When you had unprotected sex, you're both responsible for not using any type of birth control and that sad part you got pregnant due to being irresponsible. The choices you have is to raise this child on your own, adopt, or end the unwanted pregnancy. This situation could have been easily avoided. I often wonder if you didn't plan to have a baby, thinking he would come back, and your plan backfired, but we'll never know since this gal deleted her profile.
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/26/2007 12:53:46 PM | threads like this graphically illustrate the mentality of the younger generation about single parents. I find it alarming that it is become common place, and worse...even preferable.. to just have a baby with out a father. I have news for all of you. All of you new progressive thinking is a bunch of bunk!
By all means, the very best solution to this story is that the father come back around. Reguardless of his initial reactions I know it is entirely possible for him to begin developing feelings as a result of what is going on.
for the OP: yes keep the door open for a relationship with the father. However!! Don't attempt to just do it by yourselves. If you want this to work, you will require some outside help. You both need some counseling.
Modern culture has attempted to make Marriage the enemey. But there is nothing wrong with marriage. Whats wrong is that we have lost the skills to make it work! all the emphasis is on getting married and spending nonsensical sums on the wedding...without anything on how to actually partipate in a marriage.
Last, but not least: Once the Male birth control pill is easily available...look for a dramatic drop in these scenerios...and abortions!!!! | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/26/2007 6:10:23 PM | pinebreeze - I agree with you 100% I may only be 18 but I understand where you are coming from, I grew up with my mum and dad fighting like cats and dogs so much so that they were gonna split i had each one baddgering me about who i would live with. They saw that it was tearing my sister and i apart, they went to counselling and 22 years later they are still happly married and now are building a house out in the middle of no where with my brother and sister. I see them and they inspire me to work hard at making things work. I did give up once when my partner and i first found out I was pregnant and he called and told me he loved me then we talked hard and are now getting married, there have been many times when I have beeen ready to throw in the towel so to speak then i think of my parents and how much I am happy they are together, I love my Fiance and nothing is going to change that! :)
So yes I see where your coming from. I'm glad I was raised in the family I was otherwise I could ended up being some no hoper who always quits when doing something they really want.
My family have raised me well, I get shocked sometimes at how they react to new things but they remind me I impact them too just like they do me :)
Steph | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 1/26/2007 10:30:54 PM | | My heart goes out to you gurl, I think taking a step back at this point is the best thing to do. Your news was surely a huge blow that he needs time to absorb and think through. If he is a decent man with morals and integrity he will do whats right for his child. I don't think its wise pressuring him to work on the relationship at this point. If your child's well being is truly your concern then establishing a friendship and communication should be the most important thing right now... you will just push him further away if he feels trapped. | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 2/13/2007 10:15:10 PM | | He doesnt have to be in a relationship with you to be a good father. His first priority and yours should be to this child not being with someone who doesnt seem to want to be with you. Yeah he might be in shock but you cant pressure anyone to be with you,baby or not. Why would you beg him to come back if all you did at the end is fight? All you can do is bring him to court and get support. If not move on. | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 2/13/2007 10:24:06 PM | HELLO!!!!!! WHAT THE ****? SINCE WHEN IS BECOMING A FATHER A "Hmmmm, Let me think about it" DEAL! This is absolute bullshit! If he doesnt want to be around, fine, but his ass will be paying for that kid!!!!!!! Dont let him weasel out of his responsibilities to a child!
Guys like this should be castrated immediately! OH SURE< I'll bang you til you're prego, then Im outta here! What a prick | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 2/13/2007 11:21:33 PM | | Sorry to hear that... I just clicked upon this post at random, but.... "I'm not quite all there myself today..." LOL!................ Either 1. Get an abortion or 2. Put the child up for adoption or 3....... Raise it and.... accept your fate..... Nothing more I have to add..... (why the hell am I putting in so many periods? Damn I must be "depressed" tonight........ (V-Day tomorrow you know) | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 2/24/2007 10:52:50 AM | Well Jaded_fool...Here I am to tell you that you are a wonderful person and that you have tons of support and the guy you are talking about is a pee-on and I mean that with all my heart...Any man that runs from the woman that he got pregnant (lets face it, it takes two) is not a man and I know you know that hun so i do not have to tell you that but me being your BEST FRIEND in the whole world is behind you 100% and I will always be beside you (Not in front of you to lead you and not behind you to follow you) but right beside you all the way and as far as i can see, you are a GREAT mother to the children you already have and you are going to be a GREAT mother to the child that is on "HIS" (lol) way. You know that if you EVER need anything that i am there no matter what it is or what time it is you call on me, I will ALWAYS be there for you!!!! I want you to know that I love you and your children and that your family is my family and vice versa and i truly feel that you are better off without the so called father that helped get you pregnant and you know that in your heart as well. I want you to know how proud I am of you and that you are a beautiful person and any man that comes into your life will be very blessed to have you in his life and that it is the sperm donors lose that he will not have you or our baby in his life and it is all your gain because you are having a beautiful baby BOY!!!!! and geez can you tell that i am sooooooooo excited!!!!! 
WAIT.....ONE MORE THING I NEED TO TELL YOU...I LOVE YOU AND AM VERY HAPPY AND PROUD TO CALL YOU MY FAMILY!!!!   | |
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| Make the 'dad' pay support
Posted: 2/24/2007 4:30:48 PM | Spark said it well-go to court, establish paternity, and make him pay child support. The system can work-if he does not pay support, he goes to jail. Hire a good lawyer that deals with these situations. Also, be prepared that he may 'disappear' on you at some point, so be putting aside some of this support money, in case you need to hire an investigator to go find him. If he is drawing an 'above the table' paycheck anywhere, you can find him through a 'social security number trace'. This will show where he lives and works. I hate to be cynical, but if he has no interest in you or the child, this outcome is more likely to happen. Good luck and hope your child is healthy.
Steve C. Saint Louis, MO  | |
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| Make the 'dad' pay support
Posted: 2/24/2007 5:51:57 PM | | You don't need to 'be a family' as that's not going to happen. A baby isn't going to make him want you. Don't shut the door on him being able to be a father, that's not possible, but do shut the door on him for you, that's whats best for you and the baby. | |
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| Just found out that im pregnant to my ex
Posted: 2/24/2007 9:32:23 PM | | ok, im pregnant now and actually was due yesterday( no such luck ) but on new years i found my baby father cheating on me red handed. we were togather for 2 and a half years never did i think he would do that to me. We argued and I just recently came to an understanding with him, he claims he wants to be with me and be a "family" but in all reality its not gonna happen. we will never have the house with the white picket fence the dog named spot and the nice swing set in the yard for our daughter. HE MAY CLAIM NOW HE DOESNT WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU OR HIS BABY: hes either in shock or hes an a**. Give it time but what i suggest you do to protect yourself and your baby is get in touch with family court so you can at least get child support. If this is his first child than he may be scared of responsibility. Hopefully his family is supportive but if not be strong and just do some careful planning. Most importantly stay in control never give him the upper hand. | |
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