| Cold Response vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 9/15/2008 1:10:59 AM | What the heck, here's my 2 cents' worth...
Given a choice, of course I would love to get a sweet reply to every message. What I don't like is...
* I get a positive reply, and I write again, but I don't get a second reply. What the..??
* My message is read, nothing happens. Do these people think they are being nice by leaving me hanging? Are they collecting emails for an ego trip? Reply or delete! (Same thing with people who collect favourites. What is that all about? If you are not communicating with them get rid of them.)
* My profile is checked, my message is not read. Nothing happens. What?? Am I on hold until you have time to read? Or am I not good enough for you?
* Unread/Deleted is just plain rude and offensive. More so if you did not even look at my profile. The typical excuse on the forums is receiving too many messages to cope with. In my previous job I had to deal upwards of 150 mails every day on top of my usual responsibilities. If you are putting yourself out there you are going to get mails. Grow up and deal with it. If most of your messages are from the "wrong" people, learn to use the filters. What could be in a message that you refuse to spend 30 seconds to read it? On the other hand it tells me all I need to know about that person. Good riddance.
* Read/Deleted hurts a little every time, but somehow it is the least bothersome of all options. I can move on. No harm no foul. | |
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| Cold Response vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 9/15/2008 9:23:37 PM | | I don't understand the rants and the criticisms. I do feel these emails are a blessing in disguise, though. | |
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| Cold Response vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 9/16/2008 11:12:46 PM | Heh. I bet I fall under that 3rd catogory a lot of the time.
Usually because I write too much.
I think.
But I don't know.
But I have friends who tell me I am really creepy.
So at least I have some way to get feedback.
Because its either hit or miss here. | |
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| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 9/20/2008 11:25:24 AM | | I agree with a lot of what is posted in the forum about how I would rather receive a response of rejection versus no response at all. I think what is really happening here is that a person tries out these sites for a few days and then they give up rather quickly. Some people just don't respect this site as a communication medium. I have written quite a few people in a nice way. Sometimes this site is very frustrating about how some people quit after a few days. | |
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| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 9/20/2008 12:32:32 PM |
Sometimes this site is very frustrating about how some people quit after a few days.
Agreed. Unfortunately PoF delivers an answer to a question that those of us who've used datings sites have pondered
before. On paid sites the question is "if I had access to all members and not just the subscribers would me dating improve?".
Then we all stumble upon, what seems to be Manna from Heaven; a truly FREE dating site. Free from the encumberance
of financial burden, the hypothesis that we all will become the social and communicative creatures we long to be quickly
comes crashing down with the gravitational pull of reality.
"if people shun socialization even the most basic level of cordiality on a free site, what does this really say about us?" I suppose that answer is for each and every one of us to decide for ourselves. Which makes this discussion all the more important in my eyes.
O | |
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| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 9/20/2008 4:27:47 PM | Personally,
i don't put to much into either emails I receive or emails I send anymore. I don't honestly expect to meet anyone from an online dating site that I can have a serious relationship with. I have much better luck meeting women the old fashion way and cultivating a relationship in real time. that doesn't mean it's not fun, it just doesn't have any substance. | |
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| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 9/20/2008 7:59:38 PM | In real life....
Then help me understand the following becuase, IRL, it creeps me out major:
Why would a man follow me into a store and around a store without once saying hello?
Or even follow me by car into the parking lot and do the same?
Or sit right by my Farmers Market booth for hours, and then come look, and sketch, and then never say a word?
Or glance sideways at me, obviously, in the ticket line but never even say hello?
And am I the only one that has this happen? Pehrhaps IRL I have done some fas paux like the "hang out" one I just discovered here... Perhaps it's the toilet paper hanging onto my heel, or the undiscovered booger... I just don't know...
I will talk, and do talk, to just about anyone. But what gives IRL with the lurkers? I gotta say once someone has lurkered I would be cautious, feeling perhaps they were socially backward. And this said from a toilet paper toting booger bearer. IRL, WYF is this about? and am I the only one? | |
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| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 9/21/2008 8:04:09 AM | Samuraicindy:
In Real Life, If someone is lurking, stalking, following. those are real situations that can be addressed. besides the fact that the scenario you painted is all negative, If you were to paint a positive scenario those situations can be addressed as well. you can be approached, talked to, asked out, and both party's can read body language facial expressions and the tone in their voice to get a clear understanding of the situation and then make the appropriate decision.
Online is just online, it means nothing except whatever one can conjure up in their own imagination. you cannot get a clear understanding of what is being communicated because you cannot see, hear or get feedback in person. Not only do online daters have that problem, they also have a venue where thousands of single people throw themselves into the same pond so to speak. Who ever named this site knew what they were doing because fishing is exactly like this.
if you find a well stocked fishing hole, you can fish and never be satisfied with your catch because you can keep tossing them back you are almost guaranteed to hook another fish because of the shear volume of fish available.. pretty soon your reason for fishing has changed.. no longer are you fishing to make a catch... you are fishing for THE catch. | |
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| Cold Response vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 9/26/2008 9:33:31 AM | Ehhh ... why even bother checking on the status of your sent messages? Just delete them and you'll never have to know if they were read/unread deleted. Who really needs that kind of negative info?
Then if you get a response, great. If not, you've probably forgotten about it already since your copy isn't there to track. | |
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| Cold Response vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 10/2/2008 12:41:49 PM | Hmm Classified, that's a good point.
Some great points by Obsidian and JiraiyaNoSannin (awesome name by the way).
Perhaps the more the messages a woman/man gets, the more delusions of grandeur they get. So then they no longer consider how others feel about a deleted message.
Personally, we can always say their loss, but you have to wonder how they see it too. Perhaps you thought you were great for them, but something about you would make them disrespect you or mistreat you if you dated. So maybe it's a blessing in disguise. | |
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| Cold Response vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 10/16/2008 11:41:07 PM |
Hmm Classified, that's a good point.
Some great points by Obsidian and JiraiyaNoSannin (awesome name by the way).
Perhaps the more the messages a woman/man gets, the more delusions of grandeur they get. So then they no longer consider how others feel about a deleted message.
Personally, we can always say their loss, but you have to wonder how they see it too. Perhaps you thought you were great for them, but something about you would make them disrespect you or mistreat you if you dated. So maybe it's a blessing in disguise.
Hey, thanks! It's awesome to know someone else notices it and knows what it means.
Wow, this topic is still going? Interesting how much debate there is to be had... fun to read, though! Keep it up! I'm interested to see more viewpoints still! | |
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| Cold Response vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 10/22/2008 6:58:14 PM | I very rarely get a response, whenever i send Women messages on here, so these days, i find the best way to handle this, is by not sending any messages or send some once in a blue moon!!! Then i usually resort back to not sending any for months on end!!!
Also i dont know if anyone else get's this, but i seem to keep getting messages from people with fake profiles, maybe it's the same person messaging me over & over, whoever it is clearly has mental problems, that's for sure!!!
I think this sort of behaviour is killing this site & making it a very cold boring place full of nothing but pictures to look at & nobody to talk to!!!
It's really annoying when you take the time to read someones's profile & some of them are pretty long lol, then write them a personal message only to have it read & deleted!!!
Also on the rare occasions when youdo get a reply, they usually vanish into thin air after a few messages anyways, this site is really impossible!!!
They seriously need to rename the site Mission Impossible or Dating Impossible or something, or Communication Impossible!!! On the other hand, i think they should just re name it Banging Your Head Against A Brick Wall!!! | |
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| Cold Response vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 11/1/2008 8:52:13 AM | I still want to send messages. I want to meet some woman to go and do things with and if it turns into more than that is a bonus.
The thing is, I don't worry if they don't reply. It is their loss not mine. I don't mean that to sound****. But if somebody cannot take the 20 seconds it takes to respond and say I am not interested, they most likely aren't worth dealing with anyways. | |
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| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 11/8/2008 9:37:03 AM | I wonder why you would think a stranger sending you an email is a connection. Perhaps you meant contact and not connection?
I also wonder why you feel that a response is required ‘just to make you feel better’. It is not up to anyone to make you feel better; it is up to you how you feel about yourself.
Oftentimes, from the emails I receive I feel it is kinder to NOT respond. Especially since some of the ones I have responded to thanking them for the email but no thanks—then for them to send me a flaming response because they have been rejected. WTF. | |
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| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 11/8/2008 1:04:27 PM | Oftentimes, from the emails I receive I feel it is kinder to NOT respond. Especially since some of the ones I have responded to thanking them for the email but no thanks—then for them to send me a flaming response because they have been rejected. WTF.
So agree with this. That is why I just don't worry about it.
People get so mad when they don't get what they want in response.
I have given up on dating for awhile. Not worth it.
If a not receiving a response bugs you that much, I highly suggest that you read "Don't sweat the small stuff. It changed my outlook on life. Another good one is "How to stop worrying and start living". Great reads. | |
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| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 11/8/2008 11:55:51 PM |
All a person has to say is, sorry, I don't think we are a good match. Good luck in your searches.
That's what a no-response says without having to say it or hear it. Just assume that's the case and nobody gets hurt. | |
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| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 11/9/2008 7:57:43 AM |
no thanks—then for them to send me a flaming response because they have been rejected. WTF.
So agree with this. That is why I just don't worry about it.
People get so mad when they don't get what they want in response. Me, too - RANTS after a very kind, "Thanks but no thanks". Sometimes you can't win. | |
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| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 11/10/2008 8:11:32 PM | | Guurl...that one gets me too...read,not deleted,not answered. Do you write again and ask,or is that too pushy? | |
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| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 11/12/2008 6:27:11 PM | [Guurl...that one gets me too...read,not deleted,not answered. Do you write again and ask,or is that too pushy?]
I don't write back to them, if they read and don't delete or do not answer. I figure it's THEIR loss.  | |
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