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Show ALL Forums  > Washington  > Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted      Home login  
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 redryderbbgun
Joined: 3/31/2006
Msg: 51
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Cold Responce vs. Read/DeletedPage 3 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
I myself will take a cold response over none at all. I recieved this "Thanks for contacting me, I spotted your profile before and I find you very attractive and you seem very interesting but I'm looking for a guy who doesn't already have kids" Its to the point and beats the hell out of wondering "did she die in car accident" or "I must be some hideous beast with no hope of ever being loved again and I need to get to the bus stop right away as the next bus is coming and I better make sure I'm under it as it passes." Or worse yet, "is my computer having problems with it's modem?"
 redryderbbgun
Joined: 3/31/2006
Msg: 52
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Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/11/2007 6:29:31 PM
Oops, I forgot to say that I respond to every e-mail I recieve. Thats just common courtesy.
 Mizdameanor
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 53
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Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/17/2007 7:46:20 PM
There's a big difference between READ/DELETED and UNREAD/DELETED. I don't get why peeps are cranky about the first one. How much mail are we supposed to keep in our inbox? I delete both the mail I get after I read it and the ones I send. There's a complete list of contacts for us to use that doesn't go away, we wont lose anyone. I don't get it.

I usually respond to everyone, unless it's a comment that's offensive. Or someone that forgot we've spoke and keeps trying to start chatting again ... eg. The guy that does stripograms in st kitts. He's changed his name and sent the same pics like three times.
 guurl4u
Joined: 5/6/2006
Msg: 54
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/19/2007 12:16:32 AM
cold response any day of the week... however i have not always given the same courtesy... if i reply and i am not interested it leaves it open for the guy to assume and for me to be considered stuck up, or they cuss you out , or the why questions...etc...however i do my best to reply....i just dont always know the right way to word such things...what i cant stand really is the read and undeleted... i dont know why but that really jus gets on my nerves... what also gets on my nerves is when i message someone to find out, for instance, what hiking spot they were at in there picture so that i could find it too... they think that im messaging them for something else when that is just not the case. or when someone sends you an email and you respond and they never reply back with anything...not even a screw you!
otherwise the read and deleted is that person telling you that there not interested in anything from you and to piss off... i get that hint! no big deal.. this is online even... and things on here arent as real as they are in person.....
jus my 2 cents
 super_joe
Joined: 7/16/2007
Msg: 55
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/19/2007 9:09:22 PM
yeah I don't have much experience to this because I have not been here long enough to get mail or send.
But from my own personality, I would read and replay and not rudely. I mean really, would I act that way if I was face to face? nope.
I really don't care if someone replies back to me rudely or if they just delete. I'm not the one missing out on a cool person, they are.

I am comfortable with myself and I don't need the attention of a complete stranger to make me feel better. If they want to ignore me or be rude about it, fine, whatever floats their boat. Guess I am just saying, roll with it. It's not going to kill you if they act the way they are. But just remember, don't judge them because maybe they are just scare or intimidated or something along those lines. I mean really, what do we know about a person on a profile?
 chica74
Joined: 7/16/2007
Msg: 56
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Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/20/2007 12:05:05 AM
[both men and women can take 30 seconds out of their day to few 2 sentences and say its not your fault and reasure him or her that that speical someone is one their way, and they could suit him or her better than you could, not that its true, but really its all about connecting.]

uh, not when you get like a 100 emails a day, c'mon. Some people just don't have the time to devote like that with each and every person that shoots an email their way. Sorry, but that's life.
 sebring_97
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 57
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/20/2007 1:10:07 AM
If I take the time to write a nice note to someone. I would like to get some kind of responce. Even if it's just a "No Thank You" Not to reaponed is just down right rude.

Just my 2 cents
 Struedel
Joined: 6/12/2007
Msg: 58
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/20/2007 9:17:50 AM
If someone is getting 100 emails a day they need to up their restrictions a bit
 redryderbbgun
Joined: 3/31/2006
Msg: 59
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Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/20/2007 7:12:21 PM
We would all enjoy a response. We wouldn't open up to others if we didn't. I have to agree with Struedel as far as setting restrictions (boundaries). If you're getting a hundred e-mails a day at your own request, than you might have some self esteem issues that you should address. Find yoursellf, before you ask others to find you.
 themidnightace
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 60
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/21/2007 1:09:55 PM
I dunno... I'm tempted to say that I'd prefer nothing to a cold response, because I don't hinge my life upon a single message, I don't think all day, will this person message me back.

On the other hand, if I send you a message with some time and effort put into it... it'd be nice to hear back.

This works for girls too... If I get a message from you that just asks what's up, or something along those lines, I may very well read and delete (ESPECIALLY if you spell everything wrong, or if it's "u wanna hang sumtime?"). If a girl puts effort into a message, and I'm not interested, I'd probably tell you.

Granted, that would require a girl to message me, and have put a lot of effort into it.
 meggles922
Joined: 5/27/2007
Msg: 61
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/26/2007 2:43:27 PM
i would much rather get a cold reply that nothing at all. i always reply to messages i get, the way i look at it is if you turn down the chance to get to know someone you may be missing out on a great person, that doesn't meen you have to date them or fall in love but you may make a great friend or just someone to chat with when you get bored. it's rude to leave a message un-replied, it's like tossing a message out into space and not knowing what black hole it fell in.
 CherieMc1944
Joined: 11/5/2006
Msg: 62
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Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/26/2007 6:30:04 PM
I have sent out several emails to men lately on this site only to have them read/deleted and no response. How can they possibly know anything at all about me with just a photo and a brief profile? I'm a YOUNG 62. Are all of these men simply looking for a "young" woman with a great body and nothing more. What happened to what's inside a person? I and a widow and work hard trying to keep my own home. I have a lot to offer someone but no one seems interested in what I have to offer them; love and more. I'm about to give up on men in general.
 SangriaOnIce
Joined: 7/25/2007
Msg: 63
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/30/2007 12:42:57 PM
Cold Response & Read/Delete are both....rude.

CherieMc1944 - you are a beautiful woman and a woman of quality. Don't give up because a bunch of people who are out more for themselves than actually finding a good person to grow with. 'Pffsssttt', you don't need them in your life anyways. Rudeness and insincerity runs amuck. People treat a free gift such as involvement on this site like a right of passage to step all over peoples feelings. Im sure if this was a pay site, the treatment would be much different. Sad that money can define ones behaviour.

Its not so hard to drop a line to someone who takes the time to write you, to at least acknowledge; even if you are not interested. A simple ,

"Thank you for writing . You seem like a great person but I believe we'd not be a good match...I wish you all the best in your search"

This approach is thoughtful and non dismissive in that you took the time to write back. It enables people to believe that there is still a human element of caring and respect. It creates a better environment for all of us to keep up with the quest to find what we are wanting in our life; a good partner to enjoy our life with. Negative treatment to the members of this site really do affect ones self esteem.

Negativity begets negativity.

For the most part, I believe people didn't sign up here to be treated as non-people. This experience could be much better if people treated each other with a bit of dignity. Its called manners and defining yourself as having a bit of class.

"Treat Others Like You Would Want To Be Treated Yourself"

I think that says it all.

Peace and Love
 Lizard_Prince
Joined: 7/8/2007
Msg: 64
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Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 8/4/2007 1:29:20 PM
What if when a person gets over 50 messages per day they could craft their own auto reply? They could check all the boxes of the messages they do not even want to read and hit the button. Would you want to get the "I am sorry but I get ten thousand messages a day and you are not worth my time" message? I would rather get no reply.

What puzzles me is when I send a message to a woman that added me as a favorite and I get no reply. Just seems a little bit odd to me.
 teh.ben
Joined: 7/28/2007
Msg: 65
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Posted: 8/5/2007 12:10:48 AM
Yeah, i actually just started this POF account a couple days on recommendation from a friend. I would rather hear from someone saying thanks, but no thanks, rather than "read/deleted."

Read/deleted makes me wonder why... Thanks but no thanks is like, meh, whatever.

FIRST POST. WOOT! ;)
 singlesenja
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 66
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Posted: 8/5/2007 11:06:54 AM
Oh crap....I've been guilty of this.....and I must say that since I've read every SINGLE POST in this thread, I am now shamed beyond recognition. No, I do not get 100 responses a day. Yes, I have my filters set. No, there's no excuse for read/deleted. Thanks for changing my view and kicking me in the ass.
 JohnGaltLives
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 67
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Posted: 8/5/2007 11:14:18 AM
At the end of the day, I'd rather have some degree of acknowledgment. It honestly doesn't take very long at all to write, "Thanks for writing, but I don't think we're a good match. Good luck in your search!" I know that some folks don't get the hint and are likely to write back with, "Well why not?! *whine whine whine*", but if they're doing that, well, they're just proving to you again what you'd already concluded: you aren't a good match.

There's nothing wrong with not being interested in someone, but I think there's something wrong with completely ignoring them. Unless they wrote you something completely and blatantly inappropriate, I think some basic consideration should be shown; they wrote to you because they found something about you interesting (even if it was just them thinking that you were pretty). In person, most people don't completely ignore a person who comes up to them and starts talking. They might feign interest for a short bit before telling the person they don't really feel like talking, but they aren't going to stand there doing what they're doing and completely ignore the person.

I don't think that online interactions ought to be any different. Yes, I recognize women get tons more e-mail on a dating site than men do. It comes with the territory. To me, if your life is so busy, or your time so valuable, that you can't afford the one or two lines to be courteous to some stated interest, then perhaps you don't have the actual time available to be using such a website in the first place. ;)
 Lizard_Prince
Joined: 7/8/2007
Msg: 68
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Posted: 8/5/2007 11:42:37 AM
What if the message you get says "if you are interested send a reply"?

Do you think they are saying that they don't want a negative reply?
 SangriaOnIce
Joined: 7/25/2007
Msg: 69
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 8/8/2007 7:53:51 AM
[Do you think they are saying that they don't want a negative reply? What if the message you get says "if you are interested send a reply"?]

I think when someone writes 'if you are interested, send a reply' is a non aggressive /passive way of saying ....reply please because I am interested. The person wrote to you in the first place and it wasnt because they needed typing practise. they are sincerely interested I believe.

The ball is in your court. So reply with respect and dignity to that person. They made the first move, they don't need someone kicking them by ignoring. We should answer all first emails, its good for our self esteem and hey...it's polite thing to do. These are REAL people behind the profiles and emails who have feelings. If someone writes you, you should be flattered, not dismissive. Now im talking about the serious intent emails, not the rude and abusive people on here who choose to use this medium for other reasons.

Cheers
 redryderbbgun
Joined: 3/31/2006
Msg: 70
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Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 8/10/2007 7:21:10 PM
sangriaonice you make a great point with your statement. Communicating in the way that we are now can only be classified as "passive/aggresive" or vise versa.

I dont message a user unless a combination of two things happen. 1( I saw your picture and
2( I read your profile to find out who/what you are about. Or 3( You took the time to do steps 1 and 2 on my behalve. It takes a heartfelt effort for us to make a move to connect with each other after that if we are not real, physical things to each other.

I think that lonliness is at an epidemic level in America. The ability for us to communicate in the way we are now, kind of proves it. If I saw you in the grocery store and you said "Hi" I wouldnt hesitate to say "Hi, how are you?". You are there and I am there, real living people. Keeping that in mind, it takes a person that might have even deeper feelings to reach out and message another person when the other is just a picture and some words.

I always reply. Anyone who doesn't, may have lost touch with being (a) human.
 sjm86
Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 71
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 8/12/2007 2:26:11 PM
myself personally, i've seen "read deleted" too much on here. just to see that is such a confidence killer and it makes me think sometimes, just what exactly is wrong with me? am i that bad looking? do i not have appealing interests? do i send a wrong vibe? ok maybe you should take it with a grain of salt considering the fact that you've never met the person.

but the thing is, even though this is just an online dating site doesn't mean that we're still not people. we still have feelings, emotions, soft spots, ect. i've given a response to every person who has messaged me, even if it was to tell them that i'm not interested i still took the time to get back to them and give them the time of day. so i would appreciate the same thing in return, even if its not what i want to hear at least someone took a minute out of their day to get back to me and give me the time of day. my opinion, there's no excuse why someone cant take a minute to give someone the time of day because look at it this way, someone messaged you because they saw something in you or read something about you that they liked, at least acknowledge them.
 trudygirl70
Joined: 7/21/2007
Msg: 72
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Posted: 8/12/2007 3:58:53 PM
I prefer some kind of a response, too; however, the last person who responded to my email was sooooooooo unkind. Hmm...said something like "You do not ONE IOTA appeal to me. I have so many women emailing me already Get a life...." or some such thing. Honestly, why would someone purposely try to hurt your feelings?

I must be getting used to it, though, because I just wrote it off to poor manners and egomania.

BTW, he wasn't THAT great.....I guess there are a lot of lonely people here who would actually "settle."

Trudy
 sjm86
Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 73
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 8/12/2007 6:23:14 PM
nobody should ever be that cruel and rude. if you're not interested in someone, all you have to say is something like "hey thanks for writing me, but i'd prefer that we just be friends" or something like that, nothing vulgar.
 Mr_Lowkey
Joined: 5/5/2007
Msg: 74
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 8/13/2007 5:50:00 PM
It really doesn’t take that much time to create a response stating you’re uninterested in an individual… if one cares to… you can even cut & paste it into a bunch of return msg’s, it doesn’t take that much time! It’s just a matter of using a few skills at once courtesy, tact / common sense…It’s fair enough to say one will not respond to some one who has sent a rude, pushy msg /email, [If they continue to bother / harass you just block or report their A$$] but at the same time, one should not treat an individual whose taken the time to put together a decent email / msg with such sweeping generalizations! This type of behaviour can be a reflection of the return senders state of mind …Yeah it’s their prerogative blah, blah, blah…but sometimes people need to call others out on their foolishness! I feel we’re getting to a point in time were we make far too many excuses for bad behaviour. Now on the other hand don’t take it to personal as long as you know that you’re a good, and worthy person, you’ll eventually connect with the right person(s)…sometimes it just takes us a minute.

 sjm86
Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 75
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 8/13/2007 11:47:15 PM
in reagards to chica74's comment, you may think i'm insulting you but i'm not. ok here's the facts, you look great and you're very attractive. you could probably have any guy that you want. some of us don't have it so easy. we have to do a little more to get people to notice that we exist. myself, i dont have a six pack or the looks of a brad pitt or a bill pullman so the dating world is like going up against the 85 chicago bears defense, the odds are against you.
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