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Show ALL Forums  > Washington  > Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted      Home login  
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 SeattleArtist
Joined: 5/23/2007
Msg: 101
Cold Responce vs. Read/DeletedPage 5 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
I have heard stories to where women state many things they look for in a man and the men are all that and when they right the letter, the right way, they get blocked because the woman is either too freaked out that such men exist or that she thought he was lying like a rug.
 Tregana
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 102
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Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 9/27/2007 3:19:01 PM
could be freaked out too, been there done that.. but I don't block unless the person gets obnoxious.
 ImJustMeKevin
Joined: 2/20/2007
Msg: 103
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Posted: 9/27/2007 3:47:14 PM
Not only was I NOT obnoxious, I hadn't had contact with her previously. How did she know to block me before I'd ever contacted her LOL. I mean I had no idea until my initial email wouldn't go thru due to me being blocked...........strange stuff.

Kevin
 peter000
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 104
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Posted: 9/29/2007 6:23:00 PM
You should have seen the response I got today from some lady today!
whew talk about nasty!
she chewed me out royally, and get this, because of my past postings, which I was just reflecting my opinions on issues. I wonder if she heard of the 1st amendment! Little does this "person" realizes that I'm an online journalist, and enjoy exposing arrogant pinheads like her!
 Childlike Wonder
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 105
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 10/27/2007 8:29:50 AM
I'm glad I read this thread because I was wondering why so many people don't bother replying with a thanks, but no thanks. If they read me and delete, then I get the message. It's the ones who read me and then never reply. Are they busy? Lazy? Trying to make up their mind?

I always reply to emails, and usually will take the time to get to know the person over a couple of correspondences. I figure if they made it past my filters, they are worth my time. If I decide we aren't a match, I say so and I say it in a way that does not come across as arrogant or ****y. If I get an email from someone who I know right off won't be a match, I say thanks for writing. I don't think we're a match. Good luck. Geez if you have the time to read their profile, you have the time to be polite.

I have gotten some lovely responses, so not all guys are like this; just enough of them are to make me pause.
 Wadewar
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 106
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 10/27/2007 11:37:15 PM
A response that isn't cold but gave a solid reason for wishing to ignore me would be fine.
 DCarrera
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 107
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Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 11/3/2007 10:07:21 PM
OK. I'm new to this site and obviously do not understand the nuances of it's navigation. How do I find the messages I sent and if they were read/deleted? Obviously it's available data, but I do not see anything where I'm currently looking. Anyone care to clue me in?

 crabstuffing
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 108
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 11/3/2007 10:34:01 PM
Um, check your sent mail? It's a link next to inbox/matches/ etc.
 DCarrera
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 109
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Posted: 11/3/2007 10:54:58 PM
LOL. I looked for that. I guess I'm going blind or something. I'll look again. Thx!
 kirklandwa
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 110
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 11/6/2007 11:15:09 PM
I'd really prefer to get a "no thanks" instead of nothing. But if someone doesn't want to send a reply, I won't hold it against them. Sometimes, talking to people isn't easy! Maybe the message would be impossible to write nicely... Maybe the person got cold feet... Maybe they are swamped with messages and can't make the time.

Maybe they just don't want to. That's OK too.

So far I have only initiated one conversation, to a profile that I thought looked really great. No reply. Well... there a plenty of fish, and all that.
 Brinybay
Joined: 9/29/2007
Msg: 111
Cold Response vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 11/14/2007 12:00:58 AM
Either way, but if I had to choose one, I'll take no response. I can take a hint, if she's not interested, then she's not interested. I'll move on and not waste both our time. On the flip side, I'll at least respond even if it doesn't seem like we're compatible. There may be some common ground, you never know, but first I make sure they actually looked at my profile and not just my pretty face, haha!

Even then, I've dealt with women who corresponded for a while then just suddenly dropped off the face of the earth. Same thing, I can take a hint. (They were playing the field, obviously).
 YearoftheCat
Joined: 9/26/2007
Msg: 112
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Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 12/4/2007 12:41:03 PM
It's a great question! Lots (though definitely not ALL) will get pissed off by read/deleted, but even the honest-n-gentle not-for-me response can provoke anger/defensivness. I never do cold responses unless someone starts with me. Maybe it's different for women, but I appreciate when someone disappears or says no thanks because I rather spend time on the mutual connections.
 sebring_97
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 113
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 12/27/2007 7:16:55 AM
Hey Crabstuffing,

There is nothing to read on your profile. Just a bunch of bla,bla, bla.
 Two Hawks
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 114
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Posted: 12/27/2007 10:26:15 AM
Cold Response vs. Read/Deleted....Excellent question! What I am finding here, after sending a letter of introduction, is (and after it has been read) NO RESPONSE AT ALL! In my book that is most discourteous. I would rather get a negative response than no response at all. Any response is better than none!

The way I see this is....if you send something to someone...say like a letter of introduction for yourself and you get no response, but your letter was read...you just sent your letter to a head gamer. They are here....not to find the person of their dreams, but to play head games with those who contact them. I've seen this in other sites like this one.

These gamers get some cheap thrill out of head gaming with someone. It gives them an ego boost to be able to do this. It makes them feel superior to the one they've suckered in. What shuts them down is when they encounter a person that is better at head gaming than they are. Then they tuck their tail between their legs and slink off.

One must also contend that maybe, possibly, the gamer, in real life, is a decent person, but they get on the computer and turn into a monster? I've seen this as well.

The best thing to do if one gets no response at all to a message is to just walk on and forget about that person. Forget it. Don't make an issue out of it. That will serve no purpose at all. Write it off as their loss.
 seattle_rob
Joined: 5/6/2006
Msg: 115
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Posted: 12/27/2007 1:41:51 PM
I don't know that I would say any person that does not respond to a message is a head gamer. More than likely they just did not like your picture, or something in your profile. To me, the head gamers are the ones that engage in a conversation for a while and then drop off the face of the planet. I always figure a person who does that is carrying on multiple conversations, and one of those conversations has grabbed their attention (and it obviously wasn't mine).

You've got to put on that "thick skin" when you venture into the dating world. When you start taking things personally, you're in trouble. Here's my suggestion...never check your sent items folder. Just send messages to people of interest, and then hope you get a response or two. Seeing that "read/deleted" message can be annoying, so just don't bother looking at it.
 Lotus_Flower
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 116
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 12/27/2007 3:08:39 PM
Good attitude, Rob
 seattle_rob
Joined: 5/6/2006
Msg: 117
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Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 12/30/2007 7:50:46 PM
Thanks Lotus...I appreciate that. Happy New Years!
 thecanuck
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 118
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 1/9/2008 12:49:06 PM

Well if I take the time to write to someone... I think they should as well! Even if it's a thanx but no thanx kinda deal!! Even when I do reply to someone that isn't my "type" or whatever the case may be... I can show that much respect of the person.

By my experience, American's have the obnoxious courtesy of deleting messages after having read them, and not responding. A combo of "I don't have the time for you" + "I feel I am God's Given Gift on earth". I have never had that from a European women (yet). And guess what, they are way more beautiful than any American woman I had ever met and have class to boot. So no problems for me!
 sonshinecin
Joined: 4/11/2007
Msg: 119
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 1/17/2008 7:16:17 AM
I hope never to become numb to things.....life is to great and has too much to offer!
 Grunka Lunka
Joined: 1/14/2008
Msg: 120
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 1/17/2008 10:13:39 AM
I'd much rather no reply. Yeah it's cold & rude, but it sure beats seeing, "You're ugly" in my inbox.
 Grandi Floras
Joined: 12/6/2007
Msg: 121
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 1/18/2008 1:59:58 PM
I would definatly want too know why I wasn't interesting. I would think that a cold responce would be better than no responce at all. Rudeness doesn't fit in with the dating game, but there's a lot too say about being honest right upfront.
 namagemo
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 122
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 1/18/2008 4:35:12 PM
If I see read/deleted I take it as "thanx, but no thanx". Its when they read and then do nothing that bothers me.
 susu_1wa
Joined: 2/17/2006
Msg: 123
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 1/19/2008 7:07:23 AM
There are alot of good information sites on simple etiquette. I do not understand why anyone who was not interested would send you a comment like "You're Ugly". It takes a very limited soul to think in those terms. There are so many more appropropiate responses. The simplest and easiest is "Thanks but I do not think you are my type. " Most people that have been dating for a while realize that it means they are not attracted to you or do not see a potential for chemistry.
 vancpdx
Joined: 12/6/2007
Msg: 124
Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 1/19/2008 10:03:57 AM
I would rather have no response, than either a lie, or a "cold" response, if they're not intrested. But did you get this scenario: when they read and deleted and tell you they're interested????, then dissapear,then they come back later, when they haven't found another one??

I think it's time for some to get overthemselves and just admit things the way they are. Most people on here are rude, disrespectful and big time liers. An unreturned e-mail shoud not affect the nice people. It has nothing to do with you. Move on and eventually you will find a fit person for you.
 Raggedyann123
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 125
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Posted: 1/19/2008 12:04:04 PM
I know I've posted to this question in another forum, but I am one of those people most of you seem to hate ... if I am not interested, I do not reply, unless I can tell that the person has made a sincere attempt to contact "me" rather than a "shot in the dark" that looks like it's could have been sent to multiple people. If my profile and theirs don't match up, and it's a - Hi - I liked your profile and that's it, I don't bother responding. Not because it would take time, but my experience has shown me that a response of "no thank you" may bring on a hate-email, or worse, an email trying to convince me we would match up.

If someone does not respond to me, I move on. That's it - I don't try to analyze it, and I prefer it that way - in the theory of "if I take the time to send them an email they should respond" - where does it end? I send you a "no thank you" email, in that theory, you'd have to send another one back saying "thank you, I understand", and I'd have to send another .... sigh. Maybe men and women get different types of responses, but I've gotten emails from 25 year olds - I'm 54! Those emails are usually the ones that look like they've been sent to every woman on POF! lol. Not every email is a sincere attempt to meet that one specific person, it's a net being thrown to see who can get caught up in it!
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