| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/6/2008 5:25:40 AM | Obsidian, I have to wonder though if those who get back nastygrams may have been a bit harsh in their rejection? This isn't an attempt to flame, but I have "rejected" and never got back an ugly response. I am as polite in my rejection as I am in any other attempt at communication. I think you get out of this what you put into it quite frankly.
For example, there is another thread going started by a guy who got rejected because he's overweight, or as the gal said, "I don't date fat guys." It's almost as if she was begging for a nasty response back. | |
|
| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/6/2008 9:46:51 AM | If I have received responses it has always been that they didn't think we were a good fit, and I can handle that.
On a different site though I received a response about 3 months or so ago when I was about 35 pounds overweight(now 15), and she came back and told me she didn't date "HUGE" men. I know 35 pounds is overweight but it isn't huge.
Now she is on here (Harley Baybee), and she looks like she has a few pounds herself.
My point is it just isn't hard for one to tell another they are not interested. No reason needed. | |
|
| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/6/2008 6:30:03 PM | | I remember things a lot differently. It had to of been at least 9 months ago to a year because I stopped my membership to that other dating site in Sept of '07. An Angel in Tacoma alerted me to this Forum letting me know what was being said. I hardly recognized this man, he has lost a lot of weight, my guess more like 80 pounds. I never said I didn't date HUGE men. He had his weight down as "Average" and he was so heavy, he had no neck. I was too hard on him and I apologize for that. I also remember saying that I wouldn't put someone down for being overweight. I struggle to stay a size 14 (average size in the U.S. for women). My issue was his lack being honest in my opinion and once again I was way out of line and once again I apologize. Who ever "bowlerman 67" is........I hope he reads this and accepts my apology. He really needs to be commended for the HUGE amount of weight he lost. | |
|
| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/7/2008 3:54:34 PM | I have thick skin or I wouldn't be honest in forum.
I could care less what or if they write back. I figure if anyone contacts me, they have an interest if even from far away and I'm flattered.
If I throw out a compliment to someone, it's just that. I've seen some lovely women I felt compelled to tell them so reguardless of their age. Some reply with thanks, some not at all.
I understand the younger one's worrying that I'm some old perv and they give me my smile for the day. I know I'm harmless, but they don't | |
|
| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/7/2008 7:30:32 PM | I think the biggest thing that eventually gets under a guys skin is this.
Women want a guy to write more than a single sentence saying "hya I liked your profile would you like to talk?"
And I agree...us guys should take more time than that if there is someone we find that strikes our fancy.
Here is the catch that I think most women really don't understand and could not appreciate unless they created a profile as a guy to test it out.
It takes at least 15 to 20 min to write a decent email that shows that we have read your profile and found things we liked or interests that we may have in common. I for one ONLY write to people who have similar interests AND I fit into the things they say they are looking for in their profile. For instance if a girl loves to got mudbogging, skydiving, and loves country music I don't write to her no matter what she looks like because we wouldn't be a good match (i don't like those things). So I only write to those that "fit" so to speak. I comment on things she wrote in her profile..things that may have impressed me, etc.
An example..even though this is a short one:
Hey there Christie..or is it Christy?! :)
I immediately liked your profile when I saw you make that comment about hanging out with your son. That is my absolute favorite pastime as well..I have a soon to be 10 year old son who is with me for my summertime extended visit. Its been so great and i'm only through half of my month with him. We went and saw Hancock today..pretty good flick and he loved it.
I'd love to learn more about you..would you like to talk?
Jerry
That is actually probably shorter than most but she had said how much she enjoyed hanging out with her son and I love spending time with mine as well..I thought it was a good way to "connect"
Read/deleted.
Now multiply that times 100 in a row and you can get a little understanding as to why guys get frustrated. It SEEMS that no matter what we say it doesn't matter its read/deleted. I would really understand if someone that didn't fit in with what a woman was looking for wrote...a guy that is 20 years older than your profile says you are interested in for instance...but I thought that my email example was a pretty nice email at least worthy of a "thanks for saying hi but not interested" but that is almost never the case..its almost always read/deleted or even Unread/deleted.
I really don't get it anymore. | |
|
| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/7/2008 7:36:45 PM | | OMG that last paragraph had some doozies in it ....incoherent sentences....I feel like a goob! LOL | |
|
| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/7/2008 8:00:39 PM | Fleer
No you've pretty much hit the nail on the head.
Everytime a man takes his time to read a woman's profile and see's it read and deleted with nary a response he
becomes a little bit colder to the whining of women and a bit more savvy.
I've heard every excuse in the book "guys send me nasty responses when I turn them down"
Come on ladies. You not THAT important. I'm not being facetious because I realize I'm not that important either
but even my 6 yr old is instructed to acknowledge people when they communicate with him. It's basic etiquette.
O | |
|
| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/7/2008 8:14:05 PM | | Fleer, it does go both ways, trust me. Just keep in mind those aren't the people you'd want in your life anyway and it takes the sting away. | |
|
| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/7/2008 8:18:36 PM |
Come on ladies. You not THAT important.
Remember those slightly woman bashing statements are attached to your profile. A comment like that can't be helpful toward your goal. A man who starts calling women names, such as immature, or showing his frustration through anger at women in general is a HUGE turn-off.
Men do the read/deleted thing also. This is not a gender specific behavior. It's part of online dating and people do it for many reasons, not all of which you will agree with. Get over it. I've experienced this as well and I don't take it personally.
Whenever I see this type of rant, I'm always curious to see the profiles the guy chose to write to. There are some women out there with lovely, sexy pics that attract all kinds. Obviously, the woman just didn't think you're as compatible as you thought you were. Why do you take it so personally? | |
|
| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/7/2008 9:18:20 PM |
Remember those slightly woman bashing statements are attached to your profile. A comment like that can't be helpful toward your goal. A man who starts calling women names, such as immature, or showing his frustration through anger at women in general is a HUGE turn-off.
Men do the read/deleted thing also. This is not a gender specific behavior. It's part of online dating and people do it for many reasons, not all of which you will agree with. Get over it. I've experienced this as well and I don't take it personally.
Whenever I see this type of rant, I'm always curious to see the profiles the guy chose to write to. There are some women out there with lovely, sexy pics that attract all kinds. Obviously, the woman just didn't think you're as compatible as you thought you were. Why do you take it so personally?
Veronica
My goal certainly wouldn't be to placate women who cannot seem to follow standard cultural norms. I do agree that calling women names or showing frustration at women is boorish but in this regard it's frustration with actions that are less than commendable. Men are not absolved from this shame either and I would include them but I don't message men and will gladly take your word for it.
Well I think the profile I'll respond to generally will have common interests and whatnot. I generally don't do the whole "hey we have common interests ..wanna date?" thing. I rarely take anything personal but this one just sticks in my craw. I guess it's just a vice.
O | |
|
| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/8/2008 3:28:29 PM | Wow this is such a fun little thread isn't it!!!!!!!! You know, if I were to take everytime I said hello to someone who didn't respond, whether here or in "real life", to heart then I'd be a sad pile of tears.
I'd rather get no response then a rude one, or one from someone who isn't my match.
Quit being so thin-skinned. Unless your looking to have a line of fishies to brag about, who the heck cares. I am not looking for a school of fish, I really am not sure if I am looking at all after being on here a short time. But if I am it's not for just anyone, it's for that one great catch. How many times do you cast a line before you get a bite worth keeping? Do you have to say sorry to the little ones that you throw back? Have a cup of coffee and chat instead of continuing your fishing day?
And for those on the forums? I LOVE the forums, I love the input, opinions, disagreements, sarcasm, humour ect. Just the overall interaction and even the occasional gem of wisdom. But why sit on here and whine and complain about all this instead of doing something different and learning? Seems like a total waste of energy to me. If the man for me is on here well, it'll happen if it's supposed to. I am not going to cry when it doesn't in my timing. I WILL spend anytime bettering myself so that when I do find that one I will be a better person for my efforts.
OK just my wonderful profound sought after wisdom!!  | |
|
| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/25/2008 9:51:51 PM | es,
I think a response is important, regardless whether of not an interest may be there. It is just common curiosity. This is typical on POF, however. Most of the women are arrogant and feel like their sh*t does not stink, to put it bluntly.
Nevertheless, what do you expect from a free dating site anyway? | |
|
| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/26/2008 9:10:33 AM | Raqitbalguy, I believe someone said it earlier that the behaviors we're discussing are not gender specific. To state that most women feel their shit doesn't stink is, in my opinion, not the brightest comment you could make to attract someone. Sure, there are people who think that way, but then there are others who are just nice people who choose this medium to meet other nice people.
If you truly believe that most women are this way, might you consider changing your sexual orientation, or perhaps just open your eyes to what's really around you.
And yes, I believe a response is much nicer/better than a read/deleted. | |
|
| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/26/2008 2:03:46 PM | Football,
This site is not devoted to attracting women. The women on this site do not respond, as evident to this tread, nor care about wanting to find someone. Rest assured, it is not my opinion either. Since this site is free, you get what you pay for.
I am all for attracting women, but I am not going to kiss @ss just to get a response. There is a bit of pride and dignity that I carry with me.
Basically, I read a profile, and respond to it. Since this is all I have to go by as vague as some of these profile are. I get more response from the forums.
Sorry if you feel otherwise. | |
|
| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/26/2008 3:28:54 PM | | interesting, why be sorry? I'm not. So what I disagree with the way you think, I'm certainly not going to be sorry for it. You say you don't want to attract women, then I'd be curious to know what you are here for. As a woman who is both mature, and fun loving I can tell you, we don't want kiss ass, but insulting comments are not a turn on at all. I believe I'm repeating quite closely what Veronica said, really. I'll wish you luck with whatever it is your looking for, but not gonna debate with someone who has little to no respect for women quite obviously. | |
|
| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/27/2008 12:18:28 AM | Football,
Respect is earned, not given. I have enormous amounts of respect for the modern woman. Please refrain to POF women, not women in general.
I was here intially to look for a date with the potential for LTR. After sending out emails and IM's to would be candidates, I was extremely disappointed with the lack of responses. I let it go, and was thinking that this site is a bit difficult to communicate. The conclusion I got was that since this site is free, so you get what you pay for. It seems that the only responses I recieve are from the forums.
Feel free to do a query within the forum for emails with no responses. Perhaps then, you maybe able to see what I am talking about.
It is only an insult, if you feel it is. Sometimes the truth hurts. | |
|
| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/27/2008 7:14:56 AM | | So many people on this site complain about no response. Is there some sort of glitch in the software? I know that I do not use the IM on this site because it locks me down and I have to reboot my computer. When I send a guy an email asking him not to IM me after an attempt and tell him the reason why, he never bothers to email back. | |
|
| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/27/2008 9:20:41 AM | | I agree with the IM thing. The only time I tend to use it is when the emails are getting into the 20 something "re:". But at least they responded. I've been considering putting it into my profile requesting not to im unless they've emailed first, I've had a few where I accepted the IM, read the profile and found I really had no desire to talk with that person, but I tried to nicely say I didn't think we were a match, rejection is rejection, no need to be rude unless someone just doesn't get it. | |
|
| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/27/2008 9:21:09 AM | | I have a friend on here and we both have trouble getting IM's to each other at times. Part of it is the nature of this particular software. You will still show as online for several minutes after you log off. So, if you are sending out an IM and you don't get a response, it may not be anything other than a glitch. If I really want to talk to someone, I'll send an email stating that I'm trying to IM, but can't. | |
|
| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/27/2008 9:25:21 AM | Susu,
You maybe on to something. I am willing to bet that since this site is Canadian, they have a thing ftowards American men. I say this because too many men and way too many thread all speak the same issue. | |
|
| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/27/2008 9:42:18 AM | | Wow, you sound awfully paranoid. I was not saying that at all. I was wondering if there is a software glitch where people are not able to communicate the way they think they are communicating. And for your information, it is not a "man" thing. From the sound of this forum it is an "everybody" thing. | |
|
| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/27/2008 9:51:11 AM | | Hmmm I find myself agreeing with you alot susu. You are the 3rd person I've seen mention this is not gender specific, hopefully 3rd times a charm. | |
|
| |
| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/27/2008 12:32:22 PM | Obsidian,
I cannot agree with you more that basic etiquette would dictate even a simple "No thanks, I have other interests." or something similar would be preferable over a read/delete. It shows that the one you've contacted is at least respectful of the effort you've made toward communication, while the delete button requires no thought, or even regard.
I'm able to interpret both types of response the same way, as any intelligent person would, of course. But with a response, at least I know they appreciate the time put into contacting them, even if it was only a few moments. The other action tells me that they may be too self-absorbed or merely rude, and therefore not worth further consideration, even as a friend.
I will state that even if I'm not attracted to someone romantically or sexually, at the very least when they write, they can expect a response from me. Friendship is a part of this site, too, and I won't pass up the chance to enter what could be a very satisfying friendship merely because I don't feel we could connect in other ways. It's disrespectful, I think, to behave otherwise.
Regards,
Michael | |
|
| Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted
Posted: 7/27/2008 5:53:49 PM | How very well put. You said exactly what has been the whole point of this thread I think. Good job.  | |
|
Home
login 
