| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/30/2007 8:16:32 PM | | Speaking from experience ( 3 times on this subject).....NO NO NO NO.......Do not date someone who is only separated! He is surely still tied to his wife in every sense, especially if he's still living in the same house as his wife and/or recently separated. There's always that chance they'll change their minds and go back to their wives where it's safe, leaving you with a broken heart. Meanwhile he's attempting to get someone on the side without the guilt of cheating. True that some divorces can take a few years they can also be paid for over time, and if the divorce is uncontested, it's the cheapest way to go not to mention the quickest. If there's a legal separation, ask to see the papers. They'll use every excuse under the sun for not proceeding with the divorce, lack of money, how they can't leave the home, it's better for the kids this way, etc...anything to string you along, meanwhile they're "having their cake and eating it too". Having coffee is fine but DO NOT allow your heart to become involved. Do NOT put your life on hold while he tries to figure out how to pay for his divocre. He could con you into helping him out with a small loan, then run out on you or run back to his wife after he used the money he got from you to buy gifts for his wife so she'd take him back. Been there! | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/30/2007 8:22:57 PM |
Well after we seen each other for a few weeks, she came up and told me she wanted to get back with her Husband and try to make it work for her children. Two years later they are still together.
Can you believe it? A woman actually went back to her ex...seems that it is always said men will...I guess it does happen just as much with women being seperated and still going back to their ex. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/31/2007 3:50:17 AM | Well....my husband left in November 2003,and my divorce didnt come through untill November 2006. Not for lack of trying believe me. I eneded up having to foot the bill as he was unwilling to help with this,ven though he was the one that left the marriage. He has been with "her" (the girlfriend) since April 2003 (affair). As far as I was concerned I was single as of the day he left home for good. Ironically I had much more energy/interest in dating back then. Now I am so used to being single and so fed up with all the bs in the modern dating scene that I am pretty much resigned to being alone for good. Its just too difficult.
So yes, I would most definately say that seperated is single. Now that I finally have the divorce I would describe myself as reclusive and celebite as it took so damm long. Sure I could have rushed it if I didnt want decent child support......but to me that was the main reason to divorce, as I think I have a better chance of being struck by lightening then remarrying. | |
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| Yes, how long separated?
Posted: 3/31/2007 6:03:34 AM | Yes, depending on the time apart and the reason for not being divorced. I have been separated for 7.5 years.
Why no divorice? The ex (yes I call him that) has never paid child support and yes I have gone to court twice and yes it has cost me over $10,000.
So since I work and he rarely does, should I continue to waste money on the issue? I decided to get on with my life with my son and have succeeded in being successful and very happy. If a divorce cost me $50 it would be a waste of more of my hard earned money going towards a usless looser.
Once I meet a man (for the long haul) and there is a future and it is important to him then by all means I would't think twice about a divorce.
SO ladies don't be too quick to judge based on just one little fact. Everyone has a story to tell. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/31/2007 6:28:48 AM | | if i were you i would tell your dude to get to stepping because he is never going to leave his wife and his just filling your head full of shit leading you on to believe something that will never happen. him telling you that he has to wait for money for the divorce is a bullshit line hes a player and you need to move on and find someone that will be worth your time | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/31/2007 2:10:35 PM | It would soooooooooooooo depend on the individual situation! I made it a rule of thumb in my thirties to only date the leavor, never the leavee, because usually the one leaving has known for a good deal longer than the one being left. I know: I tried to tell my first husband for nearly half of the marriage that it wasn't working, that something needed to be done or I would have to leave, etc, etc, etc. When I finally did just leave him, it was a "surprise" to him. . . .
By the time I left, I was fully ready. I couldn't afford a divorce for several years, and got it as soon as I was able. The fact that I was separated rather than divorced didn't affect any relationship at all.
On the other hand, I met a guy who'd been divorced for five years, but who was the leavee. He *still* wasn't ready. And ended up trying to court her.
Long and short: it just depends.
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/31/2007 2:24:22 PM | | I does depend on the situation, I myself am separated for 3 yrs from a 12 yr marriage, Have no interest whatsoever of getting back with her, But on the flip side I was in a relationship with a woman twice over the last 2.5 yrs and both times she went back to her ex. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/1/2007 12:26:39 PM | broward: "He is surely still tied to his wife in every sense"
I love the paranoia here.
It's not paranoia....it's true. When one person finds the need to drag out their divorce for one excuse or another, they're trying to hang on to their spouse (control issues), meanwhile they still like the idea of running around with someone else. This way they can use the spouse as a back up when their new friend gets tired of their excuses for not proceeding with the divorce. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/1/2007 2:51:14 PM | ^^^What about the ex bf or gf? How come when someone breaks up with their bf/gf everyone thinks it is competely over and yet tons of times the person goes back to them? Always seems people believe it is over for sure because they were never married. But when married couples seperate, people think yes they will get back together.
I guess where I live and people I have known it is different because I see and hear more times that ex bf/gf's go back to their other half. Why so dead set against someone seperated? Is it because in some places the law is you can never go back to that person once you divorce or you go to jail? | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/1/2007 5:49:35 PM | | I think it depend on the situation in which the person is in. If he has been separated for a few months, I think people need a chance to sort things out. Lots of planning,understanding and giving yourself some time can make a world of difference. If its been years then get down and take care of business and get it over with. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/1/2007 5:54:01 PM | | Because as only bf/gf, they're not legally tied to one another, you also don't refer to them as being separated because they were never married. If they're not divorced then they are not really FREE , they are not free of their spouse. Why get involved with someone who is still tied to their former spouse by still being legally married to them? If the marriage is truly over then end it legally, why live a life in limbo? To get a divorce only when someone else comes along is like still being very much married and hoping something better comes along to make you want to leave your spouse. If it's over, be independent, cut the ties and move on. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/1/2007 6:01:51 PM | I speak as a woman who was separated and is divorced....I agree don't get involved with separated people..even if they say they been separated a while and they have moved on....that situation can change in a heartbeat...RUN FAR AWAY
I call it getting your life together... EVEN READING SOME OF THE POSTS FROM SEPARETED PEOPLE YOUR STILL TIED TO THAT PERSON ONE WAY OR ANOTHER...OOP'S.. sorry for caps...No-one should not have to put up with your situation..its not fair to all .....
I think people get lonely and feel they are ready but really they are not..they are decieving themselves and others they involve..did I say RUNNNNNNN?????? | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/2/2007 2:13:31 AM | Wow people are so quick to judge based on bad personal experiences. I'm separated and only not divorced cause of custody issues currently, I would love nothing more than if she got hit by a bus tommorrow. Don't be so quick to judge, learn to meet people and read them over conversation, after all isn't that what life is about!
Dan. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/2/2007 6:19:24 PM | Not really..........I believe in full divorce before one moves on......why should someone have to put up with anothers bitterness or separation issues..... | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/2/2007 6:54:12 PM |
" Now I am... so fed up with all the bs in the modern dating scene that I am pretty much resigned to being alone for good"
I think that sometimes. It's the nature of this society at this period in history. Sizzle, not steak. Marketing, not delivery.
I went to a "Lock & Key" event in Hollywood, FL on Saturday. I met perhaps thirty women. As always, there were a few playing the "standoffish ice princess game" from high school as I approached and I just said, "Oh, screw this game. Bartender, another rum & coke". You're NOT that attractive, damn.
I met two younger women, probably late twenties / early thirties that seemed interested but they both had upbringings from foreign cultures.
Currently, there are three waitresses that interest me. They're pleasant, sexy, attractive and I get positive feedback from them but I can't help wondering if it's just about today's meal tip. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/2/2007 6:56:19 PM |
"The fact that I was separated rather than divorced didn't affect any relationship at all. "
HA! I don't believe you!
At the very least, it affected your relationship with your lawyers.
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/2/2007 7:06:26 PM |
"It's not paranoia....it's true. When one person finds the need to drag out their divorce for one excuse or another"
I blocked my wife's phone number in December, 2005. I'm working on my third lawyer, who at least is a relative now and charges me less.
The younger women are nice in that they're not so paranoid. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/3/2007 2:22:06 PM | | I am separated from my husband, who is reluctant to sign divorce papers, but he is with another woman. Just because he's not divorced does not mean he is still tied to his wife. Believe me my husband and I are not tied, especially as he is involved with someone else. I am looking for friendship in other areas, and hope that me being separated does not stop that happening. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/3/2007 4:42:25 PM | ^^^^^
passioniteone...
Not really..........I believe in full divorce before one moves on......why should someone have to put up with anothers bitterness or separation issues.....
No doubt signing that decree will magically erase all of the bitterness, right? The heavens will open, sun will shine, birds will sing, grass will grow...but ONLY once that signature is on the line?
Come on...a signature on a piece of paper means little. How many of us signed our names to marriage certificates? How many of us are here, now? That piece of paper saying someone is divorced will no doubt mean the end? Kind of like the ring on the finger meant....forever?
I'm sorry. I don't buy it. We have to take each case as they come, no? | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/3/2007 5:46:53 PM | workingonagoodname...I don't agree>>>> be fully done with that person in every legal way.... DIVORCE.....
Now adays you can get the divorce done ASAP...
Separation issues...money...assets can be worked on later...so no excuses to try to date and not be DIVORCED..
You can force a divorce after 1 year..learn the laws...you can make the other sign. | |
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