| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/3/2007 5:56:47 PM | I noticed that when asked this question before, the ladies seem to skip it.
Now do you believe that when a relationship of say 4 years has broken up that both people are ready to date as compared to someone who is seperated and not divorced?
Do the guys and ladies believe that people never go back to their ex bf/gf once the relationship is over?
Do you only believe that people go back to their ex wife/husband if they are only seperated? Do people never ever get back after a divorce?
From my knmowledge, being divorced means nothing. People still can and some will go back to their ex wife/husband just like some will go back to their ex gf/bf. But seems many are blinded to believe that will not happen copmpared to being seperated. Interesting and then when you next find out that the guy/woman you were dating was sleeping with his/her ex gf/bf do not complain because you seem to think people seperated will go back.
Reminds me of the ?men who have never been married..stay away"
I may have to "stay away" from these women who are seperated...major emotional issues...or is that only with men? | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/3/2007 5:58:51 PM | Hi, I am glad you asked. I felt the same way too. A man wanted to go and do things with me like going to cabin and getting to know each other. But i could not do it since he has been separated for so long. I am separated too but have to get a divorce first before going any futhure. So this really makes it hard, but I cannot do it. I like him and he sounded so sincere and so passionate all the way through. I would go with him if and only if he is divorce and myself too. Thanks for asking about it and I was getting to wonder about this.  | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/3/2007 6:02:04 PM | | For your information, yes some go back to their marriage after being separated and some do go back and remarried after the divorce too. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/3/2007 6:03:54 PM | I totally agree with you GreenEyesAndHam - that is, if I were to ever get myself into this situation again.
(WHICH I WON'T)
Getting involved with someone during their separation was nothing but lies, deep-seeded anger and other emotions that came with coming out of a long term relationship (short term marriage). And of course, I was the rebound that got to spend all this fun time with this person. (My initial idea was that I could be the helpful friend because I've been there before).
But what most will find is that anyone coming out of a failed relationship/marriage - even if it's too soon, is that they'll shower you with endless affection and be incredibly charming and usually sweep you off of your feet. (Even if you're trying to keep it on a friendship basis, it's hard to resist if you've missed the affection or partnership for awhile, so be aware). Or, especially if you already had a connection before.
I would almost recommend talking to the spouse, even if you're just going to be friends so you know the whole deal and what you're getting yourself into.
Better to be safe and prepared than left with no friend and a broken heart.
Been there and will never do it again. (Lost a possible great friend and heart is now not on my sleeve so quickly).
But he's just one guy...and not what I base every guy on. (At all).
Good luck and you'd be surprised how quickly time flies...
CT | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/3/2007 6:06:46 PM |
Hey, I like what you said about "stay away" from these women who are seperated...... you can miss the best women and BOO!
Was being sarcastic as men seem to be getting raked across the coals as the ones who seem to go back to their ex on this thread. I doubt I would miss the best women...most of them do not want a guy who was never married and has no kids. So safe to say us type of guys those type of women steer clear of. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/3/2007 6:12:12 PM | Thank god for a sane response from a woman, and naturaly it had to come from one classy lady!
Estranged from my wife more than 25 years. Divorce impractical due to her many medical and mental problems. Health insurance quotes 3 years ago were in excess of
48 hundred dollars per month, with no cap. Add that to lifelong alimony and separation kept her on my policy at no cost. Divorce and she was off the policy. Now I'm glad because she is the mother of my children and now has only a few days to live the result of terminal cancer and nearly a dozen surgeries, two months of radiation therapy and on going chemo. Cancer first diagnosed 6 months ago. Even hospice is being paid for by my insurance.
Had I insisted on the divorce, she probably would have suffered more without a decent
health insurance program.
There was never a chance at reconciliation!
It really bugs me when POF women I contact say no, your married without even investigating the circumstances.
Thanks Classylady you've redeemed your skitish sisters.
Paradad | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/3/2007 6:15:35 PM | Okay, the thing here is that I don't think everyone is always worried about their new mate going back and having sex with the ex.
If that was the problem then it wouldn't only apply to separated or divorced individuals. (It would be all of us and that would under a thread for self-esteem).
This has more to do with the emotional state of the separated person you're about to enter into anything with. If they're just out of a relationship that was over 5yrs or 10+ and it's been weeks or only a few months, do you think that they're ready to be in a new relationship with someone completely new?
Some will say yes because the marriage or relationship has probably dissolved or broken down earlier than the actual separation.
But if you think of it this way, prior to the actual separation there was still all that time together that you have memories and routines together. You have a PAST that you need to get over before you can start filling your emotional, mental, and soulful state.
You want to at least know that the person you're starting a new adventure with has taken time to get to know themselves on their own, rather than jumped from rebound to rebound to keep from dealing with past issues. (Neediness [sp] and co-depedency are way too easy to spot, it's like the smell of desperation).
If you catch a whiff - run the other way! | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/3/2007 6:18:01 PM | I understand what you're saying passioniteone. Not disputing the law at all. With that being said...and I quote ...
be fully done with that person in every legal way .
How can you say that and then continue on to say....
assets can be worked on later
How can you have one and not the other?
From the sounds of it - from what you've said, once that paper is signed...all will be good. Like THAT. ..with a divorce.??? (and am I -or anyone else - truly done until money...assets et al, are truly settled?)
Are you telling me that you'd date someone who was divorced...and just signed their papers....yesterday (without settling money/assets)? Or would you be more inclined to date someone who was truly done with their relationship years ago and all their ducks in order without the divorce?
No one has asked, but I signed off on legal separation papers 4+ years ago (and the money issues you've mentioned)...I've started divorce 'stuff' a couple weeks ago. If I were someone you might think was a good match for you, are you saying you would not talk/get involved with me until I signed the papers, because I don't have that piece of paper? Come on.
As for 'making the other sign'....I don't know that I hold that much power over the courts. If you know someone like that passioniteone, let me know!!!
T. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/4/2007 2:00:32 PM | | My personal experience tells me not to do it again, or at least be very careful. I met a beautiful, intelligent, amazing woman who was separate. She contacted me, and I initially said that I wished her well, but she needs to figure out who she is before truly getting involved. She assured me that she was secure with who she was, and what she wanted and where she was going. We fell in love, and were together working on six months. On Thursday she said save your pennies we're going south next year with her friends and their husbands, on Friday she told me I was her best friend and she loved me dearly, and we spoke of living a life together. On Saturday she woke up and suddenly was overwhelmed with pain about her divorce, now unsure what she wanted and said she needed time alone. I gave her time, a week later she told me her feelings were somewhere between lover and friend towards me, and the following week. She had absolutely no interest in seeing me, speaking with me, and had no feelings for me in any regard. I asked her once she found herself, would she come back to me or date me, and she said no our time is over. It took me considerable time to get over her, but I have. I still carry feelings and am pleased to have felt the feelings I felt, because it tells me I'm alive and I can love, but I will not date or have a relationship with a separate woman, or at least I will be very careful if I do. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/6/2007 4:58:21 AM | err... waving, over here - Hello, I'm separated...
But our relationship has been over for years. It is our ridiculous tomb of a house that actually prevents the ink being totally dry... as the darn thing still has to be sold! My ex is re-locating to the US, and I'm itching to move to a better area.
I think the same can be said with anyone out just of a LTR relationship or with other such issues, so the official marital status isn't always the best barometer and I would give the benefit of the doubt until I knew more about the person themselves...
edit: Being legally tied does not automatically equate to being emotionally tied | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/6/2007 5:08:16 AM | No I wouldn't knowingly date someone you is seperated or even freshly out of a divorce or relationship. If they are seperated for years before the ink is dry why is that? Usually someone doesn't want to let go. They are still tied to someone both legally and emotionally. That being said I was in a relatiosnship with someone who lied about it. It is never fun nor wise to give your heart to someone who is not ready to take it. I believe you open yourself up to unecessary hurt.
I would think it would be the same regardless of gender. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/6/2007 8:10:37 AM | I guess it depends on what you mean by dating?
You should certainly be willing to meet someone. It's not as simple as saying they are still attached. Some parties are still attached, but so what. They do need to move on.
I am separated but am looking to date someone. Will there be problems, I don't know. All relationships have their mix of emotions.
What you shouldn't do is start seeing someone who may SAY he's separated, but you find out that he hasn't told his wife about it. This is what happened to me. He told me last week that he didn't want to be married anymore. Right now he's spending the weekend with his new woman. He doesn't want to tell anyone about the separation and he wants to live in the house still until we get the financials worked out and he finds a place to live. My kids are asking why Daddy's not here for Easter weekend. I have all my own emotions to deal with but have to stay strong for them, they don't know what's going on.
I don't know where he is, he won't give me an address or number, which is fine and understandable. I did ask that he leave his cell phone on in case something happens.
Well, if something does happen, I have to e-mail him and maybe he'll check his mail once a day. That's great, I have 2 young boys who are in the emergency room a couple of times a year easy with stitches and stuff. Not that it is a medical emergency but he's their Dad. And what am I supposed to tell his parents when they call about visits over Easter, that my husband just stepped out, AGAIN.
I may be venting, but this woman he's seeing, I have no respect for her. He should be talking about this break-up, talking to friends or family, or here's an idea, HOW ABOUT HIS WIFE. Talking to his new girlfriend will confuse him more. She wants him so she's try to convince him to stay with her.
Oh, and another thing. He suggested I try to meet someone on here and then he does the, I don't know how I'll feel about you being with someone else after we've been together so long. As he was walking out the door for his romantic weekend he advises me that maybe I'm not ready to date. What the? Why should I be alone. I'd hate to think that guys out there wouldn't consider dating me, just because I am unfortunate enough to have married a great guy who had some temptation and decided that a single woman with her own place and no kids was a lot more fun than staying with a wife, 2 kids, and some debt. I guess she can give him her undivided attention, while I have to juggle the kid's, homework, housework, car pooling, financing, and him.
Don't be afraid to just chat with a separated person, some of us just want someone to talk to. Not about our estranged spouses, just to take our minds of it for a while, maybe let us know that there are people out there that we can start again with.
Well, that's it. My more than 2 cents worth. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/6/2007 9:28:48 AM | Hello Sunrich,
I truly understand what you are saying in here. I agreed but I will not put myself in with someone who is separated too. I feel the whole thing is not fair to one another.
I am truly sorry for what she has done to you. She was in a roller coaster and could not make up her mind or get past that divorce. If you know your guard as much as I do, you will do fine. Happy Easter to you. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/6/2007 9:36:38 AM | Hi Champ.
Some of the things you say in here I disagreed with you. You may have a tremendous hurts just like all of us or some of us. Maybe you cant trust yourself. You are better off staying a bachelor. I know I have been hurts and how can I trust men for using and and abusing me in diff ways. You are not near to what I have been through, but you shows no concern or cares. You are labeling "seperated women" are really bad.
Hello!!!!!!! Men have major emtional issues as well as women. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/6/2007 9:42:54 AM | Jesus Christ, i learned my lesson. I once met a woman off of yahoo personal that separated from her husband for a while. Typically fashion, she bad mouth her husband to death saying she was close to getting a divorce and doesn't care for him at all. I would invite her over to my apartment just to hang out and get to know each other more. That was mistake one of what I did, the second mistake is when we finally kissed. On that very same night that we kissed, i got a phone call from her husband. She told her husband that we had great sex and that it was the best. Ugh, i told him that it never happen and i don't want her over my apartment again. Even though they were separated, he still lived with her. A few days later i got a text message from her saying she sorry but i never replied back.  | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/6/2007 9:44:33 AM | You are saying that you are following your own path to picking the wrong women. mmmm no wonder you are in the same boat still. Having friendships are much safer than having a relationship. I really dont have to be like others who have to have more than what they are seeking. I look for a true meaning of the heart inside. Im sure you have been there due to your mistakes all the time. mmmmmm. Timming flies so fast doesnt bother me. I have all the time in the world to be a be it myself happy person.
Anyway, interesting facts in your letter. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/6/2007 9:49:50 AM | I doubt I would miss the best women...most of them do not want a guy who was never married and has no kids.
MMMMMM, true because they dont trust themselves and too a bachelor, no experience too or dont know how to take responsibility in handling a relationship. So ladies will pass you by.
Ok start paying attn to a woman with no kids, singles only. Hope this help. Wish you the best luck.   | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/6/2007 10:02:46 AM | | Hey, give me some more advise, I have no money for divorce. I thought about making my own docucment and give it to the court. Will it helps. Need advise. Thanks | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/6/2007 10:04:58 AM | | Hi, can you explain to me why it will cost more than $50. dollars? I dont have all the things the ex to be needs except the custody of kids. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/6/2007 10:24:50 AM | Ok Champ,
Yes I think women have a harder time dating men and separated men too. Most married men or separated men by my observations to viewing their profiles have shown me the most interest in seeking all fantasy and who cares about their marriage.
They have no feelings in their marriage at all and is still out there seeking women to satisfy themselves. I find it puking. Yes, I have heard that their ex-spouse do continue to have sex after all these years of divorce. They could not get it any where else or afraid of the diseases in this world. I find it puking too. all of these are not my thing at all. I would rather put myself in a position not to have sex period until the right true menaing of the heart comes to find the true meaning of a heart in this woman. For those who cant handle their sex, "BEWARE"I cannot help you at all. Good luck to all again. GOD BLESS. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/11/2007 4:59:25 AM | am gonna eat my own words,said i never would date a guy who is
separated but had a change of heart,all depends how long they have
been separated for plus look at it this way
wot about the people on there profiles who say there single
there are people out there who have been togeather for
years and never got married but split up
as for the married people who have split up they have
to put separated as there not divorced or maybe its in the process
so a lot of people even myself,dont want to end up
dating someone and likeing them or falling for them
and they go back to there ex no ones wants that as its no fun
being hurt but if your a good enuff man or woman chances are
that wont happen anyway they will be happy with you  | |
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