| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/25/2008 3:37:40 PM | How can you group all separated people in one basket and say that? There is no reason why they can't put 100% into a new relationship any more than a divorced person with kids can. Once the vows are broke the only thing that ties the 2 people together is the states paper work. To me the marriage is all about the oath taken before god, not the paper that the state has over you.
There are many divorced people that can't get over their spouse but it seems by many people they are date able but someone that is over their ex but hasn't gone thru the paper work for what ever the reason maybe, is not date able. I have to disagree with that.
When they have childeren yes they will have to deal with the ex but being separated is still married and if you think you can give 100% to a realtionship you got your head stuck up your rectume fertizling your brain.
Who says that their SO has to watch them go thru their divorce. Thats something that they can take care of on their own, they don't have to have their SO with them. People that are separated for a long time don't usually have ugly divorces like the 90% you claim (I would say those are not people that separated for a long time) Once they are apart so long they have divided most everything and if they haven't once they have a SO they are willing to just let their ex keep what they have and move on.
I would rather date someone with a good excuse of why they are separated than a bad excuse for why they are divorced. That doesn't make them not ready for a relationship or they wouldn't be looking.
If you are separated and do have an SO they will see what you are like no mater what.
NOW how many of you people have had a real happy divorce. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/28/2008 2:06:17 PM | Sometimes, the parties involved have no choice in when the divorce is final or not, I filed for my divorce the day I was able to and have been fighting for it since, unfortunately if it is consistently contested out of spite you have no choice but to carry on with your life.....I'm not the type of person that would let someone move in with me or move in with them and I am not going to rush and get remarried the day my divorce is final. But unfortuanetly some states do not allow you to divorce without both signatures, so you just have to be patient and wait. You can't be expected to put you life on hold. I have a friend who has tried for 7 years to get a divorce hired the best lawyers and because he lives in one state and his wife lives in another that have different laws he is still unable to get a divorce. If you are uncomfortable dating someone who is "legally seperated" not someone who has left there spouse but someone who has left and filed for divorce I can understand, but I don't feel they should be looked down upon because you never know their situtation. Everyone deserves their chance to be loved. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/28/2008 2:16:40 PM | | Nope, once she gets everything sorted out and it's official then see me. Otherwise I don't feel like getting in the middle of any mess or just there to make the hubby jealous. Not for me thanks. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/28/2008 10:44:28 PM | I think it's pointless to assign a narrow meaning to the term/status "separated". Human romantic relationships are complex, whether just beginning, secure, struggling, dead and buried or a rotting spectre that appears at all family gatherings no matter how long ago it ended. The legal terms of married, separated and divorced cover a massive array of different emotional states. I think that a mismatch between one's legal status and one's emotional status is far from uncommon.
Lets face it, some people remain "seperated" for years. A divorce doesn't necessarily cause an emotionally meaningful change. If the emotionally meaningful and relevent aspects of a marriage relationship ended years before a divorce can be just a legal document. On an emotional level, a judge stamping a piece of paper is only as important as one makes it.
Some posters seem to believe that being 'separated' is akin to still being married, or are "in the middle" of ending a marriage. It will be true in some situations, but certainly not all. To look at it from another angle, actually getting divorced changes one's legal status, but does not necessarily mean that either party is emotionally divorced. It's not uncommon to find people who are legally divorced yet they remain as emotionally entangled with their ex as they were when they were married.
I like to think that how I feel and how I interpret my status is far more important than a legal label. Passing a driving test means that one can legally drive a car, but it doesn't mean you can actually drive any better than you did the day before. A new born baby exists before the live birth is registered, having a legal status in the world doesn't make a baby "real".
Interestingly, giving more weight to a legal document rather than an individual's actions is not as freqently applied to parents. Parents are named on birth certificates. However, we tend to give more weight to a parent's actions, not the legal document when we decide if they really are a "father" or "mother". How a person behaves and feels is more meaningful to me than legal marital status. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/28/2008 11:35:33 PM |
Would you date someone who is separated?
nope!
if it didn't work for her and her ex-hubby, it's damn sure not gonna stand a chance with me.
forget it. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/29/2008 10:40:48 AM | | My ex and I decided together that we needed to end our relationship. We have no children together and are still friends. I still care about him and what happens in his life. If he were to find someone else that made him happy then I would sign on the dotted line and wish him the best of luck. But neither of us is in a huge hurry---we both know that we have no romantic feelings left between us, but we both have caring & sure there is still love between us. Would I date someone that is separated? Sure, my ex was when I met him and he had a good relationship---we probably should have just lived together and not got married. Would have been easier but we think that separated people aren't entitled to be in the dating pool? I mean honestly, how are we supposed to move on and meet new people? | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/29/2008 4:30:02 PM |
Would you date someone who is separated?
nope!
if it didn't work for her and her ex-hubby, it's damn sure not gonna stand a chance with me.
forget it.
Then you must not date divorced women either? It is obvious that if someone is divorced that it didn't work out with the ex-hubby. It really has nothing to do with the status of separated or divorced. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 3/29/2008 4:40:30 PM | I'll give you a fact to ease your mind. Most separations lead to divorce, so he is likely well on his way to it.
Separations are a really stupid idea to begin with. Supposedly they give a couple space to work things out, but they actually make the situation worse. To have a marriage, you have to be there together physically and emotionally.
The Eagle | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/1/2008 7:25:40 PM | This is not always true.....
Separations are a really stupid idea to begin with. Supposedly they give a couple space to work things out
In Canada, a separation is a legal status and it is a necessary and unavoidable step to divorce. A divorce cannot be finalized until a married couple have been separated for a year.
However, I am sure some people spend time apart to have "space to work things out"....and will also call this time a separation.....
As I said in my earlier post - the term "separation' covers a myriad of different circumstances. The only way to know what it means to any particular person is to ask.... | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/2/2008 7:33:53 AM | Hiya all,
I agree with your comments, high maintenance
I recently dated a guy who had recently seperated from his wife. I can honestly say that I had a nice time with him and enjoyed being in his company and we had alot of laughs together and he treated me very well, he was a true gent. Unfortunately, we longer communicate, to which is a shame . I have said that if he ever wants a mate to chat to then im here. In the meantime tho, I will let him have his space.
I would not rule out dating a guy who is seperated, but the circumstances would have to be alot different. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/3/2008 10:10:47 AM | | I'm legally separated and the only contact I have with my wife is to ask about my daugher. I'm not sure I understand why people are so close-minded about this subject. I know it walks a thin moral line, but still you gotta see from both perspectives. I married because of my daughter, but it didn't work out for reasons that were beyond my control and comprehension and so I'm legally separated and in the middle of a divorce. If I was single, I wouldn't see much of a problem dating someone who's separated, if the hubby's jealous than thats his problem, he missed out. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/3/2008 4:32:16 PM | Hi Ruforme!
No critisism from me on this topic. I too got involved with someone who was separated and it, unfortunately, blew up in my face becuase he went back out of guilt.
Here's a question for you (and all other readers): Would you consider someone still holding onto their ex if the ex had taken off and you couldn't find him to actually solidify the divorce? I know someone who is in the exact situation. It's been 6 years, they can't locate the bugger who deserted her and so, until then, she will remain technically married. She considers herself divorced because it is so long over with. In my country, there is no statute of limits on a separation so until she locates him, she's still married. Just a thought for some of those less than sympathetic people out there.
I say go with your heart. You and he are the only two who know the entire story and it's not my place to go poking around asking you all sorts of "what if" type of questions. Discuss your fears with him, if you are as good as friends as you state. I think there is a million (ok, not a million, but a lot) of reasons why someone is separated and hasn't completed the divorce. | |
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ProfeL
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Joined: 3/22/2008
Msg: 388 | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/4/2008 8:13:20 PM | There is always the possibility of people who are separated to get back together.
If you meet a person who is long term separated and you both fall in love, bummer if they are still legally married.
I've had the "we are legally separated, it's the same as being divorced". In my mind it isn't even though I know for sure they weren't getting back together. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/5/2008 1:21:01 AM | I am sure there is a process to divorce someone who cannot be located - ...There is a way to do it in Ontario - One of my friends divorced his wife in abstentia - It had been years and years, I know he had to put notices in the paper. He was granted a divorce in the end, even though she was never served papers because she could not be found.
It's been 6 years, they can't locate the bugger who deserted her and so, until then, she will remain technically married. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/5/2008 8:44:49 AM | | If you don,t want to go through the heart ache and all the bullshit and game playing dont do it girl ,cause if he is not serious like you are then they is something holding him back ,i dated a girl who was seperated and it,s hard .But i,m still with her ,what you will go through is he will still think about her and not be there a 100 percent ,cause he has not dealt with his issues with her emotionally and all that | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/6/2008 7:39:55 PM | | Girl, NO NO NO!!!! Your gut is going off right now for a reason! Listen to it! We women at times have our gut go off and dont listen to it, until it is all too late. I just recently got out of a very similar situation and wound up getting my heart ripped to shreds. I would have gone through my divorce 10 times over based on what i went through with a man that was "seperated"........ Do yourself and your heart a favor NOW and get out before its too late................ | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/9/2008 6:17:02 PM | | I totally agree, I met a man who said he was heading towards a divorce soon, only to tell me a few dates later that he was waiting until the youngest of their 6 kids is grown (the kid is 6 years old!) because he doesn't want to hurt the children by telling them that mom & dad are separated. He said children only know what you tell them! Is that crazy? I feel so sorry for the woman who put up with him for 20 years! | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 4/9/2008 11:09:35 PM | | nope i wouldn't cause of the baggage that comes with him...even after the divorce i wouldn't cause it takes time to truly know what you want after that type of stuff | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 6/18/2008 8:40:30 AM | Hi ryouforme
No, I would [i ] definitely not date someone who is separated, and the reason you even explained yourself in two very clear sentences:
#1 I myself am not comfortable with the idea of dating, and giving my heart to, a man who is separated.
So... you know that stove is hot, but you still lay down your hands on it? How come?
#2 We talked about my feelings the other day and he said he had to wait until he had the money to pay for the divorce.
So… you made him a question about your feelings and he answered your question with no any regard to your feelings but totally about his needs... and added on top of it a blatant excuse to not being divorced yet. Separated individuals that want to date, they preferably search single people, but they get very upset when single people don't buy their excuses and reject them, ah huh…such mean and unthankful single people who do not (want to) understand separated individuals in their only needs and pain... Fact is, your “really wonderful” guy seems to listen only to himself and love only his ties... Can't you see?
If he would be that "really" wonderful man, also for you, well, he definitely would consider your feelings and not take you as granted to put yourself with his separation drama, true? Furthermore, nothing would prevent him from having his divorce done if he really wanted it.
I hope you can stop excusing yourself and your behavior for unworthy others and finally free yourself to pursue real happiness...
Good luck
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 6/18/2008 6:42:40 PM | From msg 349
I would, I have, I am.
Just checking back in here to say I still would & I still am. He's a great guy, it's going very well & I'm very, very glad I wasn't so close-minded and judgemental as to pass him by. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 6/18/2008 6:55:58 PM | I *am* seperated. OK Even *I* would hesitate, though in my case (for anyone who cares) you have to be seperated a year before you can divorce amicably and without a great legal battle in court. So I've been seperated 11 months now and hope to recieve my divorce decree by Christmas (I want it sooner but I have applied and now wait for the court to do the final stuff and send it to me).
If I were seeing someone who was seperated I'd sure take it on a case by case thing. IE If their situation paralelled mine where at this point their STBX (soon to be ex) spouse was living 3,000 miles away with someone else and sent mature emails saying how the new girlfriend hated me almost as much as he did, then it might be a bit different from "let's have a rebound" or "try a new relationship too soon".
I took a formula from some site that said one month for each year you were married before I even started looking on POF. At this point my profile is 'stealth' and I'm really just starting to get my toes wet. My STBX on the other hand. . .I think he's on relationship #6.  | |
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