|
|
|
|
|
| |
| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/6/2007 7:17:13 PM | | well myself i am separated but not by choice.the state i live in has a mandatory 1 year separation peroid before filing for divorce(which really blows).i can say its been very over for along time.so give us separated folks a break. | |
|
diit
|
Joined: 12/26/2006
Msg: 28 | |
| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/6/2007 7:25:44 PM | You said it yourself... he's still tied to his wife. He's still married.
Divorces can cost as little as $50. Usually it is motivation, not money, that is lacking. | |
|
| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/6/2007 7:33:35 PM |
Usually it is motivation, not money, that is lacking.
Usually it is the motivation FOR money that is NOT LACKING. That is what protracts the time of the separation, that is what makes the divorce cost more than $50. Most divorcees I know were involved with complicated divorces, not $50 divorces. | |
|
| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/6/2007 7:39:14 PM | As a woman who is separated with the divorce pending, I respect a person's decision not to want to date someone who is separated. Although everyone's time frame is different, the separation period is when most people find emotional closure and tie up all the legal mumbo-jumbo relating to their marriage. It is a complicated process and when children are involved from the previous union, it also requires redefining all relationships surrounding the children. I have had a few men shy away from me because of my separation status and I guilty of doing the same to others as I completely understand their point of view. With that said, the likelihood that I would look up any of these men again once my divorce is final is pretty remote because I wouldn't want to have a relationship with someone who at one point made me feel a tad defective!  Life is complicated at times and sometimes relationships are also. | |
|
reene
|
Joined: 2/6/2006
Msg: 31 | |
| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/6/2007 7:45:53 PM | | Not saying anything bad about anyone, But just from past experiences.... They never leave theie wives!!!. If they truly want out, they just do it!. They dont care what they lose or etc.... | |
|
| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/6/2007 7:52:13 PM | | It's like 1classygal said it takes forever to track down all the paper work and the lawyers just find ways to keep it going even when both sides say lets get this done already. I'm sure your friend can't even remember what life was like with his soon to be ex wife. You can tell when someone is serious about you and when you should be serious about them don't let something get away from you if it feels good life is way to short. Nuff said. | |
|
| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/6/2007 8:03:32 PM | I completely understand not wanting to date someone who is separated. However, I agree with Bike_man and others. Having been separated for nearly a decade and the costs do matter. If my divorce was to be a thousand dollars, it would be done in a flash. But when one looks at $20,000 or more and then huge monthly spousal payments. The journey to divorce becomes what do I do? Stay in this area where I look after myself or drown to do what others think is right and make those who might date me feel better?
I have dated separated and divorced women. And it so happens one of the divorcees went back to her ex after 5 yrs. Who would have thought, eh?
I've been to 3 lawyers in 3 different provinces and they've all said the same. Don't unless you have to. Oh yes, before you question, my ex and I separated after the kids were moved out and on their own. And the lawyers? Two male and one female. This is what the last said to me, "You're between a rock and a hard place."
So, every situation is different. Look closely at what is going on beyond the thought, "They can get out, all they have to do is pay." But, at what price? Not just monetarily but beyond that.
Now, would I divorce if I fell in love? Absolutely. However, my new love would have to realize the hardship that could come with it. And if she understands and is willing to accept it, then let's head to the courts!!
Oh yes, guess you've figured out that I don't nessessarily consider separated married, especially if it's been a lengthy one, though there is that slip of paper. As my last (female) lawyer told me, I can do anything a divorced person can except marry. There's enough documentation that proves we have not been together since the late nineties.
And when I want to remarry, then it will be time to remove that pesky piece of paper. | |
|
| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/6/2007 8:30:52 PM | I am currently going through a separation and their is no chance of reconciliation.
While I respect that some women insist that there is a divorce, a legal separation contemplates divorce (in the splitting of assets, costudy, alimony, and getting rid other rights, ie: inheritance). The only real difference is whether the person can re-marry.
I just hope that some women understand that separation does not necessarily mean reconciliation. Usually one, at least, of the parties do not want reconciliation, or they wouldn't be separated.
There is nothing that prevents re-uniting after a divorce, so what makes it that much different than a separation?
Is the idea of geeting back with your ex any more realistic than the person, regardless or being single, separated or divorced, getting together with someone else while dating you? At least with the separation, you know that one of the parties doesn't like the other.
Some people need a piece of paper to be married (ie: no common law relationship) and need a paper (divorce) to say the person is separated.
I think it is better that I don't have a divorce, because then I could not make a rash decision into a poor marriage (did that once, don't want to repeat it).
I was never unfaithful during marriage (athough there are a lot of married men who can't claim that).
Even when I get the separation, it will be a year before I can legally get divorced. Am I to not date for a year until I get a divorce?
While ryouforme demands the divorce papers, I'm glad that some women are still broad minded enough to know that separation means available and not committed to anyone else.
A separated man can be as committed as a divorced man. | |
|
| |
| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/6/2007 8:53:14 PM | Hey Ry
I would have to say NO WAY to quote Queenie
I dated a man from a site 3 times and he was separated and for 10 years
Every single date aft he had a few drinks he started raising his voice to me about her and what she has done to him etc ect it always was talk about her and I got the brunt of it
I feel if they are just separated they are not ready to date
I feel that if they really are ready to start anew then get divorced then date!
In my case I felt 10 years and his anger so raw was too much but no matter how long the separation still don't date till they are totally unattached cause there has to be a reason for them still hanging on and only the other person will get hurt in the end
Just date the Divorced or totally single men
Logical to me
If a man really loves you he will divorce but until and if you never know so stay clear and keep
away or at bay until separation turns to SINGLE period!   
Cheers and Good Luck to you! | |
|
| |
mizbex
|
Joined: 12/17/2006
Msg: 38 | |
| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/7/2007 6:58:41 AM | I always said I would never get involved with someone who was separated and then in 2005, I met a man who changed all that. I told him over and over again that I wasn't interested in getting involved with someone who was separated, but he persisted and won. The relationship lasted for about 8 months, his was a very, very, messy divorce and he had four children, in the end he moved away to be with his children and he is still separated. I won't say it was a mistake, as I loved him very much, probably always will. He renewed my faith in love and relationships and made me remember what I was looking for. Do I regret it didn't work out, you bet, but the lessons I learned in that relationship changed who I am and for that I am eternally greatful for the experience.
With that being said, this past summer, I met another man who I just clicked with, however he was separated too. I didn't get involved and he ended up going back to his wife. My point is this, everyone comes into your life for a reason, only you can decide if you let them stay or not. Would I get involved with someone who was separated again, probably not. But sometimes chemistry takes over and fate intervenes and your heart just can't say no. | |
|
| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/7/2007 7:15:05 AM | | Been there done that. I have to say no. I feel as if you need to go through a process from being married and then separated. Some ppl think they are over things yet they don't realize they still have a few unresolved issues that need to be attended to. I have no problem tallking and being friends with someone who is separated, but in my experience it's better left they have some personal space for some time before jumping into something. Especially when the something old hasn't even had a chance to get old. Who is interested in perhaps being a rebound? | |
|
| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/7/2007 7:28:59 AM | | In my book, there are 2 categories. You're either MARRIED or DIVORCED. SEPARATED falls into the MARRIED category. My personal feeling is that a separated person needs to take care of their personal business BEFORE they go looking to start something new. I also think that the reality of the situation is that after a divorce, someone is really not ready to become involved with someone new for a year or two. Everyone needs time to work thru all the "stuff". | |
|
| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/7/2007 7:30:03 AM | Well lets see, I would have to say yes to this one seeing as I'm a seperated person myself. My hub took off 5 1/2 years ago, and Im still not divorced. My reasons are because he disappeared and wouldn't tell me his address, where he worked or anything so it was quite impossible to serve him with custody and divorce papers. Right now I'm waiting for him to pick up the divorce papers as I've reciently found him...but still it's not fair to judge someone simply because they're not yet divorced. And dont alway think the person is lieing about the reasons for simply being seperated! Remember too that at least in Canada you have to be seperated for 1 yr minimum before a divorce can move forward (at least its what lawyers have been telling me all along!)
You could be missing out on someone great if you strike off everyone who is "seperated" | |
|
| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/7/2007 7:35:31 AM |
Who is interested in perhaps being a rebound?
Some divorced couples who shack up after they are divorced and the don't tell their current love interests.
This topic comes up on PoF often in one form or another often. Yes for some people there is an adultery issue. I prefer to evaluate somebody's EMOTIONAL DIVORCE state. A separated person could have emotionally divorced their spouse beyond reconciliatory repair. If you know this, to me that person is available.
We all do this: we take a few bad experiences we have had or witnessed, and let that overinfluence our opinions. In my 20s I saw several painful divorces among my young friends and colleagues; I think I've never married because of that. Some of us here dated separated people who backstabbed them. Some of us here have seen divorced people backstab their friends. You name it, some scenario has happened to somebody.
Saying dating single or divorced people is safer might be true, but what is truer is to date people who won't backstab you. I'd think single people could have more of a propensity to sleep around. I'd rather not judge the LABEL, but judge WHO somebody is. | |
|
*Tee*
|
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 43 | |
| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/7/2007 9:44:08 AM | Correct me if I'm wrong, and maybe this is just my observation, but......do you find that its mostly women that have a harder time dating separated men? Is it more acceptable for men to be dating a separated woman?
Most of the bad experiences (I've heard of) have been with women dating separated men, but as I said, this is just an observation, and only through my own experiences. I find for the most part there seems to be more financial reasons for the women, simply because they most likely have full custody of their children, and need the extra benefits that being separated gives you.
Just reading some of the posts from the women on this thread, confirms my initial beliefs, but I could be wrong....JMO | |
|
| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/7/2007 9:56:38 AM |
Would you date someone who is separated?
No, I would not date someone who is separated. Yes he is still married in the eyes of the law and in the eyes of God. Let him get his affairs in order before complicating them further. Women have to set the standard for correct behavior. Men will not. If you don't honor his current marriage situation and keep your hands off someone else's husband, then other women will not honor you in a similar situation. Unfortunately too many American women have lost all sense of honor, morals, self-esteem, and good sense in their rush to have a relationship with a man, and it seems that just about any man will do. | |
|
| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/7/2007 10:06:25 AM | | Most psychologists agree that a person has nothing of value to contribute to a new relationship until 2 years after a divorce. This would mean they have even less to contribute if they are still married and only separated. Divorced people need a period of rest and contemplation to reflect on their experience. And others would do well to give them this space because they are not likely to get much out of them until they do. | |
|
| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/7/2007 10:08:46 AM | I do find it interesting how it is mostly women who say they would not date a guy is seperated, meaning she does not trust him?
I know 3 friends who their marriages fell apart, they seperated and one ended up moving out west. She has no clue what his address is, where he works, etc. They ended their marriage on a sour note, he packed up and left her. Then last she heard was he left town. So why should she go through all the channels to find him, go to a lawyer, write up divorce papers, send them, have him be a prick about it, etc? Now if she was going to remarry someone or she is with someone for years after then sure but why the rush? Do women and men think that for sure the couples will in fact get back together?
I never knew that once you divorce, then you never get back together. Unless that is what Divorce Law states?
And ladies just because you "been there done that" with a guy who ended up going back to his ex. Geez How about those couples who do divorce and then years later get back together and re-marry?
I found it funny that one guy I know thought that because his gf was divorced, her ex was out of her life. Then 2 years later he finds out she is still talking to him and ended up having sex with him the odd time.
I dated someone a few years back briefly, who her ex husband, yes she was divorced, always bothered her, and when she was dating someone he would show up somewhere and make a scene. Happened to me, he started yelling at me and calling her names in a restaurant. I said forget this, I don't need the drama. And they had been divorced for 2 years by that time. So it does not matter if someone is divorced or seperated, the ex can still be a problem. After I broke up with her, she ended up going back to him a few months later. Hmmm...and only men are the problem when seperated? This woman was divorced.
Correct me if I'm wrong, and maybe this is just my observation, but......do you find that its mostly women that have a harder time dating separated men? Is it more acceptable for men to be dating a separated woman?
Are men not always to blame for marraiges falling apart? And of course it is ok for women to be seperated and not divorced. Double standards run rampant these days
| |
|
| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/7/2007 10:24:50 AM | What have you really got to lose here? If I were you, I would want to know why this guy is separated and where he is at emotionally. There is a lot of turmoil that goes with separating from your spouse, and the guys I know haven't handled it very well. They are hurt, resentful, angry and it can take a few years for them to get over it all. Some never do.
While they are going through the separation phase and sorting out property division, financial obligations, etc., they can benefit from having a friend they can talk to. But once they are divorced, their focus will change and they'll want more. So if you want to go through all of the ankst of a separation and be this guy's friend, fine. But don't be surprised if his situation changes at any time.
Being patient may pay off in the long run if he really is such a wonderful man, as you say, but just be cautious. Don't invest more emotionally than you can afford to lose. You could try being just his friend, for now, but stay out of his bedroom. | |
|
mizbex
|
Joined: 12/17/2006
Msg: 48 | |
| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/7/2007 10:53:57 AM | First to Champ, no it is not always the man's fault when a realtionship fails, normally when a relationship fails it both people's fault. That has been my experience, I think a mistake a lot of people make is staying in a relationship, long after it is over and they become complacent.
Secondly, in my situation when I was involved with a separated man, the main problem was his life made it very hard for our relationship to grow. The divorce, his wife was sick, the kids were upset and even tho they had been separated for four years that was still his life. I think it is very possible for separated people to become involved with others and I think their desire to start a new relationship is often sincere. However, when the circumstances of their previous life are not sorted out it can be very hard on the new relationship. | |
|
| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/7/2007 11:10:57 AM | I myself am not comfortable with the idea of dating, and giving my heart to, a man who is separated. To me his situation means he is still tied to his wife, still married. We talked about my feelings the other day and he said he had to wait until he had the money to pay for the divorce.
What makes you think you are the only woman giving your heart to him?? I know a charming married man who claims to be separated and is having intimate affairs with women in 4 different states, all of whom are patiently waiting for him to get divorced, which he has no intention of doing.
His wife knows he is screwing around and doesn't care. It is the mistresses themselves who are in the dark about his other affairs. | |
|
| |
|
| Page 2 of 17
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17 |
|
Home
login 
