| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/27/2007 1:49:14 AM | | marrieds is a no no with me someone who is seperated i dunno really if it was on offer then maybe yeah i am not the kind of guy to refuse any damsel in distress but marrieds tabboo | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/27/2007 5:57:12 AM | I try never to date a guy that is just seperated and not divorced. I did once date someone that was seperated for 18 months, after 25 years of marraige. I knew when I was getting involved with him that I was playing with fire. He still was very much distraught from her leaving. However, I went ahead full speed with an open heart. Wonderful Wonderful Man!
We were just amazing together. He felt for me just as much as I felt for him, but he was still tied to her and there was always a chance of her coming back home.
P.S. she found out about me, and decided to come back home. He took her back. I was devastated.....felt like my heart and soul were ripped from me. I never hated him, it was my fault totally. I knew what I was getting into from the beginning. I thought, this man loves me so much he would never take her back. Boy was I wrong! History together was a very strong bond that not even his love for me could break. I stepped away and wished him well. He regretts his decision yes, but it was his decision and he will have to live with it everyday. It took me so long to get over that, but I finally did and moved on. The memory will stay with me forever, both the good and bad.
Do you think you are strong enough for this? Think again. So did I, and I wasnt. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Find someone with his great qualities but someone that is more available. If things are meant to be than after his divorce you both can perhaps resume from where you left off.
You will do what you want to do. But if you truly want advice than I advice you NO. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/27/2007 12:24:42 PM | Thank you tmotts, and everyone else who contributed their opinions and/or personal experience.
We had THE TALK today, after spending a lot of time together over the last few weeks. We have strong feelings for one another, but after a great deal of soul searching on his part and mine, realize that we are (probably) never going to meet in the middle. I won't live with him outside of marriage, and he doesn't see himself ever getting married again. We agree that we will always be friends, and that we care enough for one another to look among our friends and acquaintances for people who may have potential as matches for the other person.
I have a dinner date with a man I met at a POF function. We both love to laugh, so this ought to be fun!!
Happy fishing everyone!   | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/27/2007 5:42:10 PM | Hi again tmotts,
Though not a match, I do believe I have a new friend. He was a pleasant dinner companion and even joined me in a walk through the mall.
I really appreciated your willingness to share re the hurt you experienced when your new/old love went back to his wife.
May the next fish you catch be worth keeping. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/27/2007 5:47:01 PM | | I'd date someone even married at this point...seperated, married, single...at least i would get a date is how I look at it. Call it scraping the bottom of the barrel I would suppose | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/27/2007 6:17:20 PM | | No. Absolutly not. Married is married. Separated is married. Legally separated is still married. Every one has issues with cheaters....But no one will draw a line. Marriage is that line for me. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/27/2007 7:37:11 PM |
Hey there Champ,
You sound so desperate. You don't strike me as a bottom feeder. Lighten up just a bit and you may get a bite!!
As I say, beggers can't be choosers and I am not getting any younger LOL. At this point I may take what I can get... | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/27/2007 10:57:45 PM | | Thanks for the encouragement, right now I just want to meet good people. When its right I will know it! take care and again, happy fishing! | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/29/2007 10:39:47 AM | | My initial response is no based on previous experience. That being said, I think that each person is unique in how much closure that he or she has from previous relationships. Some people who are divorced from their exes are still hung up on them. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/29/2007 10:54:37 AM | I am unsure of Ontario law, but in Québec it is possible to download the forms required to pursue divorce, and to complete them without aid of a lawyer.
This process works best when there is no conflict over financial settlement or other conflicts.
It is not for those working out child custody details.
I have a friend who did this last February and was legally divorced 6 weeks later.
It cost $300 total. He and his former-wife-to-be had to meet 2 times, once to sign papers together and the other on the court date, at which time the judgement was rendered and the FINAL papers received 3 weeks later by mail. Altogether, the process took 9 weeks.
It may be worth the time invested to do some research on Ontario law. Best of luck. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/29/2007 11:12:03 AM | | Hi i would have said no up to a couple of years ago.Then imet a guy who was seperated.Like you i thought should i .What if he is not over her.I decided to meet him and wont go into detail but he did start divorce proceedings after finding out he could do it himself.Take it slow and find out if you gel.I dont know if he is aware but he can process his own divorce now and it cost very little.It does take time and a bit of form filling.Good luck. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/29/2007 11:40:40 AM | | Yes, definately! Of course I'm separated and therefore prejudiced! As with most things in life there is no right or wrong answer, it depends on the people involved. As has been noted by others here one could always hook back up with an ex divorced or not. IMO you just go with your best instincts and hope for the best. Unfortunfortunately there are no guarantees in life- that's what makes in fun and interesting and also tragic at times. But the only thing to really do is to live it, believe in yourself and do what you think is best at the moment. Good luck to you no matter how it plays out! | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/29/2007 11:48:47 AM | 
I enjoy reading how people wouldn't because "separation is not final"....you mean like the ring on the finger and "I do" was final?
Please.
Each circumstance is different. Treat it as such. | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/29/2007 4:34:58 PM | Hi piker,
I am not sure if your question was for me, but if it was, here is my answer.
As has been made clear in the conversations I have had with the man I am interested in, he is still very connected emotionally to his ex. Though they have no interest in getting back together, the relationship left him with no desire to ever take the walk down the aisle again. He thought that his last marriage (he's been married twice) would be the forever one, but there were some problems that were, in their minds at least, insurmountable.
We are still spending time together, with clear boundaries, and will be there for each other in the future. I am glad that he wants to be my friend. He's a good man. If, after dating other people, we still find ourselves looking to spend time together, we may revisit the concept of being a couple. It would take compromise on both parts though.
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 1/29/2007 4:35:26 PM | Hi piker,
I am not sure if your question was for me, but if it was, here is my answer.
As has been made clear in the conversations I have had with the man I am interested in, he is still very connected emotionally to his ex. Though they have no interest in getting back together, the relationship left him with no desire to ever take the walk down the aisle again. He thought that his last marriage (he's been married twice) would be the forever one, but there were some problems that were, in their minds at least, insurmountable.
We are still spending time together, with clear boundaries, and will be there for each other in the future. I am glad that he wants to be my friend. He's a good man. If, after dating other people, we still find ourselves looking to spend time together, we may revisit the concept of being a couple. It would take compromise on both parts though.
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 2/3/2007 2:57:23 PM | For the folks who are separated, looking to date, and reading this forum with a sinking feeling, let me offer some hope.
I am separated, and I have been dating. Fact is, I've been rather successful.
What has worked for me:
- I've been VERY upfront about my status
- I haven't been the least bit equivocal about the fact IT'S OVER!
- I haven't let the numerous rejections discourage me
- I skip the angst and go straight to being fun
- I'm not picky. A date isn't a lifetime commitment. I play the odds. I try to be a gentleman regardless, and if there's no attraction, when things wind down I politely say good night, thanks for meeting me, and move on.
Dating has been terrific therapy. A great reality check and a confidence builder. I feel a lot healthier now. I recommend it!
VGuy | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 2/4/2007 4:58:53 AM | Hi 1classygal,
You seem to have picked the perfect handle for yourself!
I know it's only been a few days since I posted that this man and I were going to continue on as friends, but there has been a new, and very nice, development. We have both been looking at other profiles, and though we both see some that may have potential, we keep finding ourselves going back to the fact that we have strong feelings for one another. So.... we are acknowledging those feelings and giving "us" a try.
I am definitely happy with this decision, and am sleeping better now too!! The last few weeks have brought us each a roller coaster of emotions and what-ifs and concerns re "couplehood", but we are looking forward to whatever this new road brings us and the growing and sharing that comes with any healthy relationship.
One thing we have both learned as a result of our most recent longterm relationships, is that we need to be able to talk things through. Our former partners would rather run from possible confrontation, letting things come to a boil and exploding into much bigger problems - real or perceived - than they would probably have been if we had just let our feelings out early on. He admits that he is not comfortable with counselling, but would consider it as a last resort if we were not able to work through the issue on our own.
So to all who were open enough to reply, in any way, to "my" thread, thanks and good luck in your quest for love and/or companionship.
This single lady has found her fishie!!!
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 2/4/2007 7:34:02 AM | Separated is nothing more than married w/o boundaries,,,,,I personally stay away from separated guys,,,,because most are still living with the wife,,,,but in separate bedrooms,,,,,right | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 2/4/2007 8:03:25 AM | | Well, all I have to say on this , is that I am also "seperated" and have had no problem with any man I have seen or talked to being seperated and they havent had a problem with my being in the same boat. Alot of it is the financial part. Alot of it is just time. In North Carolina, the law is that you have to wait a year. My "ex" is the one that cheated so why would I take that back, I have no idea. No chance here of reconciliation. NO WAY! Once a cheater, I trust you no more! Simple!!!! I only have a couple months left and I know in my heart it is over and he doesnt bother me or vice versa. No contact since the seperation. So, I have no problem with it , as long as both parties are upfront and honest about their own situations. We also, had no children and with some couples seperated, they have to deal with alot more complications in their seperation and divorce, and I am not here to judge. Just be upfront and honest is all I ask from any man. We also did not own anything together, so ours were pretty simple to deal with. Some are not. Oh well, just my thoughts and views! | |
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| Would you date someone who is separated?
Posted: 2/4/2007 8:09:42 AM | Again i find it amazing how people believe that when one is divorced that means no going back ever. Very naive. Being divorced is not a law that states you are not allowed to go back to your ex. But seems so many believe that more will go back when only seperated but not divorced. Does not matter. It is no different than someone going back to their ex-gf/bf after breaking up.
Why would someone trust the person to not go back to their ex-bf/gf but not trust someone who is seperated? I guess it is one's view on saying that someone does not go back to an ex-gf/bf but does go back to an ex-wife/husband if they are not seperated. Very naive thinking I must say. Good luck with any of those 3 scenarios. | |
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