| Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 4/10/2006 10:27:19 AM | I'm assuming you put up with all this crap from your kid's father because of all the"HELP" he gives you with child care. You have a right to quality child care. You would not put up with a sitter doing the things he does, HE WHO DOESN'T PAY SUPPORT , so why let a person who has so much more obligation to you and your child get away with it?
What , sonny-boy will miss "quality time " with Dad? hellooooo.... | |
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| Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 4/10/2006 10:38:43 AM | Well to start off with if they are doing that it is abuse ,mental and emotional yeah that's hard to prove.
My problems are not the same but me and my x was together for about five year's when we got together she had a 2 year old lil girl who's father did'nt want notthing to do with her.
After a few month's the lil girl started to call me dad and it melted my heart.
From then on I did everything for that girl I potty trained her , showed how to ride her frist bike I even to the day of work on her frist day of school so I could be there .
A few year's later we had a lil boy and he's the light of my world but a few month's ago we called it quit's well she did.
The problem i'm having is now I can see my son but not my daughter and yes she is my daughter I've tried everthing I could to see her but legaly I can't .
As a man I think all men should take care of there children no matter what new girl come's into their life and it make's me pissed off reading about guy's who won't see there kid's because the relationship between the mom and dad that's the biggest cop out I ever | |
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Dawndi
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Joined: 3/26/2006
Msg: 28 | |
| Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 4/10/2006 12:51:05 PM | spoke with his father and asked him to go with me, and to even bring the gf
if it was that important to him. She refused because she cannot be in the
same room with me. (remember, she's 17... and very immature)
How old is this idiot? I am fully aware that I dont know him, but I have a seventeen year old daughter and believe me if a GROWN MAN with a CHILD was living with her i would have more than a little to say about that. She isnt even legally an adult. I should think that would weigh rather heavily in a court decision. I know the age of consent in canada is 14 but for God's SAKE that is screaming DYSFUNCTIONAL!! Am I the only person to think that way? | |
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| Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 4/20/2006 9:18:32 AM | He (the father) will be 27 Next week.
I should say, a very immature 27.
Nicest way I can say it.. is that he's not all there.
And as an update...
He's not seen the child (his choice) since One year ago today.
My little one is doing so much better now behavoir wise. | |
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| Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 4/20/2006 12:59:08 PM | Forgive me if anyone has already said this...however, I have only read the original post...
(not quite abuse .. so nothing I can stop, but just wrong in my eyes)
The hell if that isn't abuse! It is called emotional and mental abuse of a child.
My son deserves to know his father, and make up his own mind.
Sounds like your son HAS made up his mind already....thus the following...
My son has just started saying he doesn't want to go, that he doesn't like the way things are at Daddy's
I don't believe any child should be forced to go to their other parent's house if they are unhappy there. It would be one thing if he was just being rebelious...however, it sounds to me like your son is very unhappy and is trying to get YOU to do something about it.
Edit: Sorry....just now seen how old this thread was. | |
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| Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 2/28/2008 10:01:29 AM | what a sad situation
and i am sure your not looking for sympathy
but my god why cant your ex see it for what it is
its very important for the child to have a relationship with his father
but ya know after reading this i felt mabey you should mabey exclude yourselfe entirely from the equation and let your son call him (i hope he doesnt have to speak through her to talk with dad)
i think you should seek some sound legal advice on this
i hope everything works out for you
mostly i hope your ex wakes up
i sit here in disbelief that this guy is so henpecked by this silly 17 year old
well good luck to you :) | |
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| Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 2/28/2008 10:10:21 AM |  27!! Try having a 38 year old that punked out!
Meh. There is nothing you can do but cause stress to yourself and your child. Just let it go and I promise it will be so much better. | |
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| Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 5/24/2008 7:29:43 AM | I thought this was a good place to vent about my situation. My ex is a deadbeat in more ways than one. The first thing that really angers me is that the fact he isn't in her life consistently. She has abandonment issues and anxiety, so she is in counseling for this. It's hard to explain to a ten year old why her father doesn't call or visit. He tells her he will, but never does. Does anyone else have a situation like this and how are you dealing with it?
The fact that he only pay $50 a month support doesn't really bother me as much as the fact that he is really hurting her and I can't fix it. I called him the other day and asked why he hadn't called or visited, he said he was busy. Mind you that he doesn't have a job unless you count cash side work....lawn mowing and shoveling.......and lives with his parents. I have worked full time and went to college full time and I always made time for her. How do we make the other parent see what they are doing to their child emotionally or help the child understand? | |
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| Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 5/24/2008 8:52:05 AM | AllyMan:
A child growing up without a father (or mother) does not make them bitter or a slut. How a child is raised does that. If the parent/s who is/are there- raise the child in a healthy, nurturing, loving, environment where he/she instills morals and good logic- chances are- that child will grow up to be a decent caring individual. If the parent or parents -yes thats right- it can happen in a two parent home too- raises the child in an unstructured, cold, loveless, abusive environment, where the supervision,morals and logic are nill- THEN the child is at a higher risk of becoming cold or promiscuous.
How a child turns out depends on their upbringing and the quantity of turmoil in their young lives. With love being a big factor. Did you know that (children with) detachment disorders are usually caused by lack of affection shown in the first few years of their life? This can happen with a mom, dad, or mom and dad home.
The best things any parent can do for their child is love them, guide them, protect them, and make sure their physical, emotional, and health needs are met. If these happen (with or without an absent mom/dad), a child will automatically have a leg up in life.
To parents that have visittion issues: if their is no reason to keep a child from the NCP, then don't. Why deny your child a good parent? The bitterness between the two parents can be devistating. WHen the NCP picks the child up, smile, be happy that they have two parents that care. NEITHER parent should ever bicker or use negative words or gestures- that is not nurturing your child. That is not protecting or loving your child. It is however guiding them. It is guiding them in a NEGATIVE direction. Love your kids. THey are true blessings from god- each and every one of them. | |
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cattyh
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Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 35 | |
| Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 5/24/2008 10:05:03 AM | | I can honestly say that I never said anything but the truth about my daughters biological father. We were married for a month when I came home to find him in bed with someone else, so I left, when we divorced he signed away his rights because he didnt want to be bothered . As my daughter got older she asked questions and I told her when she was at the right age. I also told her that I would take her to meet him when and if she ever wanted to, so that day came and I did as I said that I would do. Guess what he did, he tried to blame me and say that it was my fault that he signed away his rights, so I nicely pointed out that I had nothing to do with that and that it was his choice. Then he told her to leave and that he didnt want anything to do with him. I hate that this happened to my daughter but it has made her a better person, she treats people the way that she wants to be treated. So please do all that you can to not ever talk bad about the other parent in front of your children their day will come, as it did with my ex. | |
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| Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 5/25/2008 6:29:58 AM | I have been angry just like u are with my daughters deadbeat father.....please..let it go...stop wasting your energy on being angry with him.The sooner you realize that u cant change him and make him into the father your child deserves the better.If you dont you are going to do nothing but waste priceless energy being angry for the next 20 years.Focus on you and your child,and not on what the father is not doing.Make sure that the time you have with your child is the best it possibly can be.....if the father doesnt choose to do the same well then your child will grow up realizing how lucky he/she was to have a great mom like you.
Its time we stop ****ing about deadbeats and just let them dig their own graves....and maybe its time for us to also take a lil responsibility because we did make the choice to make a child with someone who doesnt have the decency to be a great father...whats done is done and its time to move on and focus on YOUR relationship with your child!!! | |
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| Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 6/22/2008 9:54:11 PM | Its really sad that there are all these confused rules and your son is exposed to that environment. Personally if my daughter did not want to go to her dads then I would not make her go and also if her father was saying "you dont call her mommy or you go to time out" then there would be a big issue with my daughter ever going over there. I would take him to court and sue him for child support.
Im taking her dad to court for child support soon here- though I never withdrawl my daughter from his life, and I dont let it eat me up inside either.
Also allyman (suiting name by the way) why are people who come from nuclear family sluts then if having no dads turns them into one? Make sense? Mabye not you seem to stupid and ignorant anyways. | |
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| Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 6/23/2008 5:35:29 AM | Due to the things my ex has done to our children I will not force them to go for a visit. And yes I mean visit because it is only occasionally and only on a Saturday (his choice). Nor will I prevent them from going to his house if they choose. Let me rephrase that- I will not prevent them from going on his scheduled week or mine if we don't have anything planned. He loves changing Saturdays and canceling at the last minute. I do not plan on letting him tie up our lives like he wants to do. You think 37 and 27 is bad. He is 57 and his new wife is 47 and even the kids have to talk with her first.
I agree you don't have to bash a parent like this-kids know more than we give them credit for knowing. | |
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| Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 6/23/2008 8:35:01 AM | So i was reading about the venting about Deadbeat Parents and i thought that i should try it....
So here it goes... Im a single mom to a beautiful baby boy! hes a great kid he's almost a year... and HAS ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA who his father is... now my thing is i do believe that every child has a rite to know who their father is even if their father is nothing but a deadbeat dad!... I love my son to death and i would do anything in the world for him.. now he's father... i cant stand... he bailed when i was 2 weeks pregnant decided that he was man enough to have sex and produce the child but not fully man enough to become a father.. FUNNY how that works... Anyways... i vowed that i would do it solo and wouldnt ask him for anything... but then when im buying things and doing all this stuff and thinking in my head... i barley have money for myself but im making sure my kid has everything he could ever want... and that hes DUMB ass father is out spending money on booze and drugs and god knows WHAT ELSE!! i figured.. HEY why not take him to court rite!! SOOOOOO i failed the papers and now i officially have a court date coming up and the **stard.. wants DNA testing doesnt believe my son is his.. HAHA.. made me laugh when i heard that one!! and then he states that if my son is his..... HE FINALLY TAKE RESPONSIBLITIY!!! its only been a yr.. and by the time everything goes threw it will be more then a yr.. and he FINALLY wants to see him if he finds out if my son is his.. NOW.. im pissed i mean...... my son is livin a happy life.. i dont want his father messing up his life because i dont think hell come around.. and i dont want him to hurt my kid... he wanted NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM TO BEGIN with SO WHAT im suppose to believe he has a changed of heart BECUZ im takin him to court for child support!!!!!!!
Im pissed and frustrated and not sure what to do!!! i dont want him to see my son! but every child should know he's father RITE????????!!????!???
OK.. so thats my venting.. LOL.. had to get it out! | |
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| Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 6/23/2008 9:23:07 AM | OP - this sounds like my sister. Her daughter isn't allowed to talk about her mother, they take her phone away from her, they go through her suitcase, tell her her mommy is a fat b*tch and a bad mother, she has to tell her dad's wife that she loves her and has to call her mommy. Recently, she has to begin wearing a bra and they make her take it off and tell her she's too young for that sort of thing.
Sounds to me like it's court time for you and your ex. There is a thing called ABUSE and if he's behind on child support, you need to put the screws to him.
On the flip side, i have 2 male friends... one hasn't seen his kids in 3 years and the courts tell his ex... you know, he's current on his child support, you need to let him see them and then does nothing...
THe OTHER one.... hasn't seen his kids - 2 girls ages 9 and 11 - in over amonth. Why? Because he's dared asked for custody. Why has he asked for custody???
Because his ex (who is an admitted drug addict - yes I've seen the paperwork proof) has married a REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER AND PEDOPHILE (yes, I've seen that paperwork as well.... his 9 year old stepdaughter, his OWN 14 year old stepdaughter and a 13 year old FRIEND of the kids) and the courts of Michigan are rather unconcerned about this. The court demanded a psych evaluation of my friend, the girls, and his ex (who stated she knew about his 'past' and that his own family made it a point to tell her how unstable and unsuitable he was and yet... he doesn't make her feel 'icky'...) and the psych eval stated that Dad needed custody and mom needed help and supervised visition. The judge - one Linda Hamilton - who order the eval then threw it out, because he didn't eval the new husband...
Why didn't she ask him to??? All she had to do was ORDER it....
Something is wrong with our courts when they knowing endanger the child they are sworn to protect. | |
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| Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 6/23/2008 12:45:13 PM | I believe I know what you're talking about.
My son has one of the WORST mothers in the world. She used to take him out to the bar with her and abandon him in her vehicle so she could go in and drink. She would do this in January when the weather would be -10 degrees.
She would let convicted sex offenders babysit our kid and did so many inappropriate things in front of him that I shudder to think of the things that I DON'T know about.
That said, I STILL want my son to have a relationship with his mother. Not for her benefit but for his own. Luckily I was able to convince a judge that the child would be best placed with me and at the moment her visitation with her child is court-ordered to be supervised.
Now if I could just get her to actually SHOW UP to see her kid. She hasn't seen him in 4 months now. | |
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| Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 6/23/2008 8:46:48 PM | Kids have to pay the price for sorry parents. I have the drama with my ex, but my nephew's wife takes the cake. She is spending a few days with my mother and tonight she is drunk and high. She left over 30 minutes ago to get cigarettes and hasn't returned.
My mom is not aware what is going on that I know of. She would not approve of this in her house. THIS woman is a piece of cake. She always wants to tell you how she is being mistreated by other people. But there is some type of drama each time she comes. I wish she would go home and leave her little girls with us. | |
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| Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 6/24/2008 3:50:04 AM |
So i was reading about the venting about Deadbeat Parents and i thought that i should try it....
So here it goes... Im a single mom to a beautiful baby boy! hes a great kid he's almost a year... and HAS ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA who his father is... now my thing is i do believe that every child has a rite to know who their father is even if their father is nothing but a deadbeat dad!... I love my son to death and i would do anything in the world for him.. now he's father... i cant stand... he bailed when i was 2 weeks pregnant decided that he was man enough to have sex and produce the child but not fully man enough to become a father.. FUNNY how that works... Anyways... i vowed that i would do it solo and wouldnt ask him for anything... but then when im buying things and doing all this stuff and thinking in my head... i barley have money for myself but im making sure my kid has everything he could ever want... and that hes DUMB ass father is out spending money on booze and drugs and god knows WHAT ELSE!! i figured.. HEY why not take him to court rite!! SOOOOOO i failed the papers and now i officially have a court date coming up and the **stard.. wants DNA testing doesnt believe my son is his.. HAHA.. made me laugh when i heard that one!! and then he states that if my son is his..... HE FINALLY TAKE RESPONSIBLITIY!!! its only been a yr.. and by the time everything goes threw it will be more then a yr.. and he FINALLY wants to see him if he finds out if my son is his.. NOW.. im pissed i mean...... my son is livin a happy life.. i dont want his father messing up his life because i dont think hell come around.. and i dont want him to hurt my kid... he wanted NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM TO BEGIN with SO WHAT im suppose to believe he has a changed of heart BECUZ im takin him to court for child support!!!!!!!
Im pissed and frustrated and not sure what to do!!! i dont want him to see my son! but every child should know he's father RITE????????!!????!???
OK.. so thats my venting.. LOL.. had to get it out!
Ya know...I have an issue with that whole spill there. Welder's ex pretty much did the same thing...had two kids, wouldn't take money from him b/c she wanted to 'do it on her own' (and also b/c she felt that if she didn't take his $$$ that she did not have to allow him access to his kids, which she did not). Then she files for child support. Of course she gets it. But then she still doesn't want him seeing his kids. IT'S LIKE THIS: WHY would someone pay hundreds of dollars a month for something that they don't have? Would you pay for a car payment when you had no access to the car? I DON'T THINK SO. So, GOOD FOR HIM for wanting his child in his life once it is confirmed that it's his and if he is paying for child support so that you can have what YOU want.
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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| Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 6/24/2008 7:43:06 AM |
IT'S LIKE THIS: WHY would someone pay hundreds of dollars a month for something that they don't have? Would you pay for a car payment when you had no access to the car? I DON'T THINK SO.
I can't believe you actually said that... how in the world can you compare a CHILD with a THING?!
I've heard this argument from my ex and many other deadbeats before. He's not consistent with visitation, has broken court orders, anything and everything he can try to worm his way out of paying child support (all the while making himself out to be the victim by saying that I won't "let" him see them) He doesn't seem to realize that the children need food, clothes, shelter, etc. and that just doesn't stop because he's not there!
What a dirty copout, and shame on you for defending and enabling it. | |
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| Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 6/24/2008 8:49:54 AM | Well, just based on my SO's Situation....he has tried and tried and tried until he is blue in the face to see his kids. The last time he showed up to try to see them she called the cops and said he was trying to abduct them. We were sending certified cashier's checks via certified mail to her and she picked up the first two (never cashed the checks) and then she started refusing the letters at the post office. So it didn't make a difference if it was court ordered or not b/c he was still paying her (which is the right thing to do).
What is sad is that SOME females are happy to take the money but don't want the kids to have anything to do with their father. You can't have your cake and eat it too. If you don't want the father in their life...that is a choice that YOU make. If you are choosing for him not to be around, then don't ask for money. If you ask for money, expect to 'share' your child with him.
I have packages of Christmas presents, still wrapped, that she returned to us b/c she didn't want her kids to have them. I have 2 cases of diapers (that I will soon be using for my little one) because she didn't want them. Hey, if things are that tight, she should have taken the damn diapers.
So, now my child does without b/c of the amount of child support we pay since she lied on her CS application. My daughter has THREE toys. My daughter gets hand-me down clothes from my mom's friend, but her kids get GAP and Banana Republic clothes. And for what? For her brother and sister to never see their dad or to never know her?
But, hey, I guess your right. I guess it is okay since he is paying so much every month that she still be allowed to refuse him any contact with his kids. I guess it's okay for her to call and brag about ruining a $150 pair of blue jeans at the local mud-hole. I guess it's okay for her to use that money and go get tattoo's and go pay for all of her friends' drinks at a bar. I guess it is okay for her to live with mommy and daddy and not have to pay bills and have money sent to her that she can go blow on herself.
Yeah...what a great mom that you are taking up for.
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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| Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 6/24/2008 9:11:15 AM | I'm going to post my contrarian point of view on this thread.
First, the concept of "deadbeat parents" is nonsense. When two people conceive and give birth to a child they have joint financial responsibility. This means that each person has 100% responsibility for their offspring. So, for those of us who are parents, we need to be prepared to provide 100% of our children's financial needs without complaining that someone else is not providing. I know the law is different. Remember that our contemporary family law system is very different from the past. Don't confuse the law system with our fundamental parental responsibilities.
Second, I think many people don't understand fitness of parenting. Being a fit parent is a binary issue - either a person is or is not fit to be a parent. If you accept that your ex is fit to be a parent then you should be prepared to accept whatever they do or do not do with your child. If you do not like what they do then petition a court to remove their parental rights and cease visitation or custody. Our society recognizes a parent's right to raise their children the way they choose within some very broad boundaries. You may be upset that your child is experiencing parenting different than that which you would provide. However, if this parenting does not fit the legal definition of being unfit then get over it. If it does fit the legal definition then take action. If you've taken action but the court system disagrees with you then you need to accept that you got it wrong.
As far as saying negative things - let it go. No negative comments. No "telling the TRUTH" to a child at any age (as in, "when my daughter turned 25 I let her know that her dad cheated on me/us." That whole "I told my kid the truth" thing is a cop-out for bad mouthing the other parent. Never never never tell your child anything negative about their parent unless there is a TRULY positive reason for telling them. For example, "I don't think you should go see your father. He has murdered in the past and he's off of his meds. Your life may be in danger." Don't use your opinion of your ex and your relationship with your child to prove to the world that he was bad and you are good. Nobody cares and you're just hurting your child.
Don't mess with visitation. If a court awards visitation to a person then that's it. This excuse that "the child doesn't want to visit" is nonsense. Since when do we let children make adult decisions? If a child doesn't want to visit this is EXACTLY the situation in which a child NEEDS to visit. Encourage the child to visit. Do not get mixed up in it. If the child's health and welfare in not in imminent danger then promote the visit. Otherwise, call your local CPS and turn in the visiting parent. If CPS won't support you then you know you're full of poppycock.
Most of all - get on with your life and stop obsessing about the ex. Don't worry about who he's dating or how he spends his money. If he's dating a woman who really is so horrible and harmful to your children then go to court.
Accept your life situation and move on.
Tim | |
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| Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 6/24/2008 3:07:16 PM | Dear Tim
Where did you get your high school diploma from? 100% + 100% does not equal 100%
Both parents need to assume 100% of the responsibility. It should not be lumped on ONE person. Sometimes it is. It was for me. I think that's unfair. It's unfair my son's father was a dead beat, but I made a poor choice for a father for my child. That's MY fault, not the state or the federal governements. But it was also unfair for him to accept no responsibility and leave it for me.
I don't think anyone here is talking about denying parental rights when the parent is fit. In fact, we're complaining about the opposite. We have fit parents being denied visitation, we have deadbeat parents, abusive parents, being allowed rights, we have abusive and sexually abusive stepparents given rights they have no business having.
We have children terrified of their abusive parents, yet they are given no choice.
In my case, my ex had drug and alcohol problems. I openly accepted 100% responsibility for my son so he wouldn't be exposed to that. Had my ex been a competant father, I wouldn't have allowed him to walk away.
we can't paint the world one color and say... this is how it is.... accept it. It's not that way. To try to make it that way is assinine. | |
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| Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 6/24/2008 8:26:40 PM |
Yeah...what a great mom that you are taking up for.
I'm not taking up for anyone... she could be the shittiest parent in the world but he still has a responsibility to the kids. No excuses. | |
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| Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 6/24/2008 8:35:51 PM | are you all ****in' kiddin' me?
can't get over the physcho babble and horrendous grammer you all posted
and for the lack of a single condom, all these children's lives are ruined
everybody comes to the answer man | |
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| Venting about DeadBeat Parents
Posted: 6/25/2008 3:04:01 AM | And as I mentioned he does take care of his kids financially. My POINT is: if you are going to take his $$$, then share your child (unless he is deemed unfit by a COURT). If you want to do it on your own so bad, file to have his rights terminated. Plain and simple. To keep two kids away from someone that WANTS to be active in their lives is cruel to them and him. Everyone screams 'dead beat dad this, dead beat dad that', but most often then not THEY are keeping the other parent from coming around. Sad world we live in when we think it's okay to accept money for something, but demand that the other party not have anything to do with what they are paying for.
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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