| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 1/8/2007 9:57:44 AM | hey Jarbarian,,
you got it right... I think anyways....that why I posted this, to see what other people think. So far, I fit in with the majority.... if you cheat.... to the curb !! lol | |
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| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 1/8/2007 12:02:30 PM | My experience with an ex cheater was a good one, we were together for 5 years... I never once doubted our relationship, his intentions, or the trust.
I went into the relationship on his admittance that he had cheated on his wife with a co-worker, he was single for one year after the 2nd relationship dissolved due to her cheating on him (classic case of what goes around comes around I suppose)
Guess everyone is different, some people learn from their mistakes and others don't... good luck!! | |
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| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 1/8/2007 12:25:46 PM | | thanks... I always like to give people the benefit of the doubt, never judging a book by its cover....its just that cheating seems to be apersonality trait or gene that some people are , i guess are just born with. I do know some people that have cheated once, and swear to never do it again, I think that we are all human and do make mistakes, and I do believe them, but I dont know some people , usually the spoiled ones, think that its much easier to beg forgiveness, than to ask permission. I wish someone would put a sign on these people, save a lot of us from the hurt! lol | |
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| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 1/8/2007 1:25:42 PM | | Maybe it's because I was cheated on ...... (Twice) ....... but I think if you've cheated once, it's much easier to do it again. It's too easy to claim to have changed and too hard to do so. | |
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| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 1/8/2007 1:35:14 PM | | personaly I think you can change - usually a person cheats because there is something wrong in the relationship, though I know it's not always the case. Guess it depends on their reasons for cheating! | |
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| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 1/8/2007 1:49:13 PM | yeah guru,
I agree with you, after the first time it always seems to get easier in everything.... for example, I have afew friends that hunt and they told me the first kill is the hardest,,, after that it gets easier and easier. I guess its the same for cheaters?!? | |
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| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 1/9/2007 6:23:27 AM | To me there is never any reason to cheat .Cheating is disrespectful and very hurtful .If you are having problems with your relationship get help to work them out and if you can not work it out then move on ,don't give me the bs i needed something he or she could not give ,just move on ,don't bother cheating and hurting someone deeply because that makes you the problem then .
If you have to go outside your relationship to find more than it is not meant to be so get the hell out of it and not just run around hurting others . | |
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| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 1/9/2007 7:36:47 AM | | So far on this thread, I have seen responses to both sides of this issue. I think that a man (or woman, I suppose) who cheats and who cannot end one relationship before starting another has some severe underlying issues he (or she) should examine. I believe there are deep-seated psychological reasons for cheating. In some cases, I think, the man (or woman) is searching for some primal thing that was missing from very early childhood and will likely never find it as an adult. So...people can change - but not without recognizing first that there is a problem and then seeking professional help. | |
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| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 1/9/2007 3:05:25 PM | hey,
jst wanted to say great posts people, I never cheated on anyone I have ever been with... although many times I did have the opportunity, I could just never do it. I guess its because I am a very bad liar and if I ever did it would be written all over my forehead...lol... and at the same time like I said I was brought the old fashioned way, I believe in treating people the way they want to be treated, and since I would never want my partner to cheat on me, I could never do it. I think some people can change, and let me stress some, we are all human and yes we do make mistakes, but while some people can learn from their mistakes, I guess for some its like trying to quit somking, one more cigarette wont hurt?!?!
thanks people, keep up with the posts!!!! | |
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gmac12
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Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 40 | |
| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 1/14/2007 7:52:24 PM | | abso f*****n lootly.......a leapard can't change there spots......been there done that have the t shirt........it's in the blood......takes a special person not 2....hav'nt met them yet though | |
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| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 1/18/2007 1:31:30 PM | Changing possible... yes
One who has never been cheating turn into a cheater?.. possible... yes
Can you ever be sure...
A lot of the responses you hear are negative to cheaters, understandable.
One the other side, every major TV show gets a lot of their ratings on cheating.. having affairs and other things.... they don't get to be these big of shows because nobody is watching them. There are a lot more people that think about cheating, or at least like to watch it... so... is thinking about cheating or endorsing it by watching it on TV not a sign that a large majority would do the same if they would have a chance of not getting caught? Duality in personalities is an interesting thing to watch...
I always enjoy these kind of discussions or threads... and wonder..... | |
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| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 1/18/2007 2:35:50 PM | If they admit to cheating on someone else, what makes you think they would not cheat on you? If they will cheat on someone with you, they'll cheat on you with someone else.
IMHO, cheaters are NOT relationship material. They do not place any value on monogomy. They have no business being in a committed relationship because by nature they are unable to STAY committed.
IF I was ever dating someone who admitted she cheated, I would break it off.
"The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior."
How he/she acted in the past gives you a pretty good idea of how he/she will act in the future. And really, would you want to go into a relationship knowing you're dating someone who open has admitted to cheating, regardless of the circumstances?
Not me. No way, no how. | |
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| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 1/18/2007 3:09:53 PM | Say what you will. I was a cheater and will never do it again. It's a matter of respecting, not only your significant other, but, yourself.
You either allow yourself to grow as a human being, or never understand why you did it in the first place and keep up the self-destructive behavior...
People change...
Just sayin'... | |
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| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 1/19/2007 3:32:27 PM | If they admit to cheating on someone else, what makes you think they would not cheat on you? If they will cheat on someone with you, they'll cheat on you with someone else.
"The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior."
How he/she acted in the past gives you a pretty good idea of how he/she will act in the future. And really, would you want to go into a relationship knowing you're dating someone who open has admitted to cheating, regardless of the circumstances?
good points Jarbarian...
the girl I was seeing before christmas told me she cheated on three different guys in her past but was more mature now and would never do it again?!?! Ironically, when she went to a club with her single friend one saturday, she met and did fool around with someone on me?!?! ...yeah, she changed...., right?!?! . We broke up after that, but now she says that she did it because she felt our relationship was getting close and she got afraid and had to do something. She also said in the future that she might still want to try again with me?!?! I obviously said no thanks and she actually got mad about it saying how can I tell what the future holds?!?! Well , i dont think I have to be pyschic to tell this one, but like I said, she really got pissed that I no longer wanted to ever be with her... I guess I really meet some interesting ones?!?! lol
thanks
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| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 1/19/2007 3:41:45 PM | I think once you make a decision to cheat....it becomes much easier to cheat on your partner. I believe the statement, "once a cheater...always a cheater." That's why if it happens to me and someone cheats on me...I would never give them the opportunity to do it again.....
IF I met someone who disclosed to me the reason his last relationship ended was because he cheated.....that would be a deal breaker for me.....but then really who admits such a thing...it would show that he doesn't hold a relationship to highly in his mind and the word "love" means nothing at all...... | |
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| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 1/19/2007 4:00:32 PM | ^^^What if the last time he cheated was over 12 years ago? You really have no faith in the ability of a person to heal themselves and become a better person after learning from their mistakes? Or should he just go straight to hell right now.
I realize that some people never change but some do. | |
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| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 1/19/2007 5:10:11 PM | | I do think it matters how old they were when they cheated. And if they faced serious consequences. My first-love cheated on me when we were only 18, but I busted him, and broke up. And to this day, I think that was a lesson learned for him, and I couldn't see him cheating on his wife. Even over the years, when he and I would get together to catch up (which, obviously 14 years later - I have long since forgiven his poor decision), we would only meet (and not for sex, but just to have drinks and catch up) when both of us were single, so as not to disrespect our respective significant others at the time. So, I do think that if someone cheats on YOU, and you give them a second chance, that they'll probably do it again, to YOU. But, if they ever had to pay dearly for it in the past, you can thank that person who didn't give them a second chance for setting them straight. I'm still waiting for his wife's thank you card. Ha. | |
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| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 1/19/2007 6:33:49 PM | baleitch...I think if someone told me he cheated, even if it was 12 years ago....I would doubt him....if he went out with the boys...or just went out on his own...I would always be doubtin him, hence no trust...therefore, the relationship wouldn't work....
If someone can cheat on a person whom they supposedly "loved", then to me that tells me about their personality.....
I guess cause I've been cheated on...once and only once.....I left him but not after catching him in our other bedroom with her.....jaded me I guess.....anyway this is why I just won't put up with it at all.....or trust anyone who has the balls to admit they cheated on their partner.... | |
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