| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 3/15/2007 10:35:06 AM | Drunk or Not, doesn't matter. Several ancient tribes concidered intoxicated warriors to expose their true self - from within, where originated the expression "skeletons" from the word skull (lat. calavera),which later became "having skeletons in the closet",because a serial killer that was never caught.
/Jay.Hdz | |
|
| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 3/15/2007 10:59:10 AM | Hey! just been reading some of the post's on here! and there are some pretty could amswers!
I was cheated on in the early stages of my last relationship!. We had been together for a couple of months then BANG! he tell's me that he slept with one of his friends!  . I was really hurt and did'nt know what to say, he was crying and saying sorry and i found my self hugging him. I bet your all thinking why on earth did i hug him and tell him it was ok. Well the reason for this was because i loved him so much and could'nt ever imagine a world without him. So i forgave him and tryed to move on with the relationship in the hope that the horror of his cheating and me forgiving him would make us both stronger!. There were plenty of times when it crossed my mind about is cheating and i wondered if it would or could ever happen again but when ever he told me NO it would'nt because he loved me and would hate to put me through that pain again id smile and from that i some how seeked forgiveness!.
Well 2 years later GUESS WHAT, he cheated on me and left me!  . The pain that brought me was so bad that id of chosen death over life!, that was 4 months ago, im glad to say that i no longer wishi was dead and that i am moving on!
I just wonder to my self if id have not forgiven him the first time and just left him i would have saved my self all the heart ache!
So for me its once a cheat always a GOD DAMN CHEAT!.
Peace out to the cheaters who do move on from their bad past's but grrrr filled hate to those who continue hurting the people they say they love!
Oh yeah HAPPY 
We all deserve the best  | |
|
| |
| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 5/13/2007 7:22:40 PM | i think people can change, but they have to be willing to change. if a person love's someone enough then they have no reason to look around for another guy or girl. there is good in alot of people so i believe people can chang | |
|
| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 5/19/2007 8:33:02 AM | You know what? I bet you won't find many of my ilk (have been cheated on, but never cheated) that will agree with anyone on here saying there are many different reasons for cheating. The plain truth is that it's selfishness, pure and simple. The cheater can come up with all kinds of reasons to justify to themselves why they do it, but they rarely have answers for the one they've hurt. I don't think I can honestly answer the "do they change?" part, because I'm coloured by my personal experiences. I know I won't change, so why would I think that someone else could/would? Having said that, I accept that it's POSSIBLE...
You cheat, you're done. No ifs/ands/buts. Period. To the curb!
To those that are in the position of finding out that their significant other has cheated on them, heed this warning from jabarian! He knows, as I do, that there's no point continuing a relationship when the trust is gone. Move on with your life; find someone who deserves your trust, and who doesn't mind earning it. | |
|
| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 5/19/2007 8:51:05 AM | I think what happens most of the time is that men and women have a natural strong liking for each other, and that doesn't change even if you're in a healthy relationship. If they try being friends with someone else from the opposite sex then they can all too easily start liking each other too much. It takes little for things to get out of hand. A hug becomes a snuggle, a snuggle becomes sex. I more feel sorry for them then fault them.
Now before anyone that was cheated on starts flaming me on this let me make it perfectly clear that I'm on good terms with several "taken" women that I have a high opinion of. They are very nice people. I regard them as friends but only in principal, not in actuality. | |
|
| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 6/25/2007 9:02:40 AM | | they can change only if they WANT to change, if they've learned their lesson and have met someone they really want to be with. Some people do learn, and some people don't but its the desire to want to change that makes this possible | |
|
| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 3/26/2008 12:58:31 AM | | WOW, sorry but I have not been on here for a while, been busy but the posts have made me realize that cheating is more rampant than I thought. I have read all of your posts and feel sorry that society has become the way it is... I, once again was brought up the old fashioned was where you treat people the way you want to be treated, thankfully many people still think the same... sorry to everyone who has been cheated on, I had it happen too and forgave the person... then they cheated again. I had to brand people, but once a cheat always a cheat... it seems to hold true, and we all deserve better! | |
|
~Kyn~
|
Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 84 | |
| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 3/26/2008 1:30:37 AM | aha!...dragged from the depths of PoF forum history...oh well...
IMO...and Ive never cheated or been cheated on btw...but when it comes to a relationship...its once a cheat...always a cheat.
People rarely change within relationships...and once the foundation for behavior has been set...it will always be that way and they will always fall back to the same "coping" mechanism or reaction under similar stress/circumstances.
As far as cheating in general goes...well I think some people DO learn their lesson if they've been busted once and lose absolutely everything. Its a minority though.
I guess I could see the roundabout logic in giving someone a second chance if you were heavily emotionally invested & had children IF it was a one-night stand (Id never be able to do it myself though)...however...as far as Affairs go...and having completely independent relationships that require continuous deception & multiple interactions....
...you'd be an idiot to take someone back IMO. | |
|
| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 3/26/2008 7:41:17 AM | Cheating stats are pretty equal on both sides.
I believe that yes, people do change. But some don't. Most don't, actually. You have to also take into consideration what kind of relationship they had when they cheated. Was it serious? Did they know it would be considered cheating? How far did they go?
I am a firm believer that if you can cheat on someone, they aren't worth cheating on. Break up with them first. | |
|
| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 3/26/2008 10:27:12 AM | People don't change. If they got away with it once, they'll think they can get away with it again. Once a mistake, twice a habit, as they say. I don't believe that people change. They just become more of themselves. And if they've done nasty things in the pasty, it's an early warning sign of the future. I'm not saying some of these 'cheaters' don't have their reasons, but if they had to lie about it in the past, they knew it was wrong, so to speak.
That being said, I also believe anything in the past is in the past. I don't judge my current mate based on what they did to someone else, just what they did to me. | |
|
| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 3/26/2008 1:54:24 PM | Change is possible but not until the person who did the cheating comes to terms with themselves about the hurt they caused and what they did to excuse their behavior in their own minds. Change is always possible but it doesn't just happen accidentally.
My ex emotionally cheated on me. He still doesn't understand what he did and until he does, I would say his chances of being a repeat offender are quite high. | |
|
| |
| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 4/26/2008 9:59:51 PM | immaturity and selfishness is what causes people to cheat
when they cheat they arent thinking about who gets hurt.....they are only thinking about themselves
I feel sorry for the people who don't get caught cheating....because they think there is no consiquence to their actions....and most of those people just keep on cheating....the one's that get caught still have a chance to change their lifestyle around....and have a chance to redeem themselves (maybe not to the same partner)....but they do get that second chance to make things right with themselves and with other people that they encounter
the answer is yes.....people can change....but only if they truly want to :) | |
|
| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 4/26/2008 10:34:56 PM | | I think there is the odd person that will turn there life around, probably with age and due to a really big loss due to the cheating. For the most part..... I think that most people who have the tendancy to cheat, always will. It's in their character and possibly a learned trait. | |
|
| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 5/15/2008 5:22:09 PM | hey,
I cant believe this post is still going but.... I really appreciate the responses so far... Personally I think that the reason why people cheat is because they dont think that it really matters whether they cheat or not.... to them its not a bad thing and until they get caught and realize the hurt they caused.. and the loss they will hopefully endure... they do not see the problem in it?!? Some people are selfish.... they dont care about anything but themselves... but I now think that some people who have never been cheated on before do not realize just how much it hurts... the betrayal. I was brought up to treat people the way you want to be treated... because of that ... I will never cheat on someone because I never want anyone to cheat on me..... to all of the cheaterws out there pleaser think about this the next time you go out... you just might loose something that you will regret!!
thanks' | |
|
| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 5/15/2008 5:36:44 PM | I think people can make mistakes. So no I don't believe once a cheat always a cheat. Its not so much that the person changes its that they can realize that cheating was a mistake . If someone cheats with more then one person. That is a different story.
btw I am a woman so this is a womans point of view on women that cheat. From my understanding woman have emotional affairs more then just plain sexual ones. | |
|
| |
~Kyn~
|
Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 94 | |
| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 5/15/2008 5:48:47 PM | once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Ive never seen anyone change yet. Thats from my personal observations.
I said this in another thread...but
Cheaters...dont stop at just one.
They only get better at hiding it or just become blase and indifferent to their behavior infront of their partner.
And depending how low in self respect and self esteem a partner is...depends how they tolerate it (including turning a blind eye and pretending none of it is happening or living years of latent resentment and hositility in an emotionally detached relationship and bragging to everyone else who knows the truth of their ridiculous situation that they've been married for X amount of years)
Often they'll play semantics with both their words AND their actions...break up with people to pursue something else then say...oh but we weren't actually together.
They may settle down for a little while...even years...but ultimately they leave both emotionally and often physically.
And quite frankly...you never ever really "had" them in the first place.
Just "being" in a relationship doesnt mean you're actually "in" it or that you're happy or making the other person happy.
I had 7 amazing years with a wonderful man and it finished...and I CAN brag about that and hold my head high knowing its the truth. | |
|
| |
| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 5/27/2008 12:13:30 AM | It's funny how people think.
Once a cheater always a cheater seems to be the majority view. Essentially that people don't or can't change.
However, people seem to think that someone with a promiscuous past can change and no longer be promiscuous.
Is this because when it comes to cheating it's usually the man that gets bashed, while when we talk promiscuity, it's the woman that gets bashed? | |
|
| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 5/27/2008 1:13:59 AM | | not even bothering to read other posts... just wasting time. Anyway, yes people can change. If they want to. Not everyone wants to change, the reasons are varied and mostly infuriating. | |
|
| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 5/27/2008 3:26:17 AM | Most people don't change drastically once they are in adulthood, unless their life unquestionably demands it. Either through 1 earth shattering event, or repeated events of great weight.
A child only has to be burned once to fear what burnt them. An adult will get burnt repeatedly before changing their ways. If you ask a person why they cheated in the past and they are actually honest with you, you'll get an answer that better illustrates whether they are capable of changing or not. It rarely looks favourable though.
I have known people who have cheated and gotten screwed over severely for it. And am not surprised when later down the road, when push comes to shove, that they are actually trying to justify doing it again. It is like watching an ex-smoker of 8 years having a nic-fit. | |
|
Nic36
|
Joined: 5/21/2008
Msg: 99 | |
| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 5/27/2008 6:27:04 AM |
Once a cheater always a cheater seems to be the majority view. Essentially that people don't or can't change.
However, people seem to think that someone with a promiscuous past can change and no longer be promiscuous.
Is this because when it comes to cheating it's usually the man that gets bashed, while when we talk promiscuity, it's the woman that gets bashed?
Promiscuous: Willing to have sex for one's own gratification.
Cheater: Willing to to have sex for one's own gratification while lying, betraying, disrespecting and violating the trust of one's chosen mate.
Not even close to the same thing. | |
|
| once a cheat, always a cheat, or do people change?
Posted: 6/14/2008 1:06:04 AM | hey nic36
great post!!!
I think its more the hurt of being betrayed that the act itself.... I think the best mentality is to think... " screw me one... shame on you... screw me twice.... shame on me!! " | |
|
Home
login 
