Ahhh!
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Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 51 | |
| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 1/9/2007 6:48:56 AM | us women...ALWAYS doing this...ALWAYS doing that.....
OP: I have no problem paying for this or that when I meet a guy---I once went out with someone on a casual date to a fast food joint, who told me AFTER we ordered our food that he wished he had ordered "such and such" as well....I got up,(he thought I was heading to the washroom) went to the counter and ordered it, paid for it and brought it back to him. He was very surprised and impressed by that. | |
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 1/9/2007 7:20:54 AM | | wow, i dont think it has anything to do with a man being a doormat!!!! (kungfu) I think there will always be certain expectations of the opposite sex no matter. I for one apprecitate it if a man pays on a first date, it is not however expected but to me its a sweet gesture since it is getting rare these days. I think if men would still do these sweet gestures like they used to there wouldnt be so many single people left, a little bit goes a long way and most women appreciate it very much and will reciprocate. | |
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 1/9/2007 7:31:04 AM |
don't think the person doing the asking out should be obligated to pay everything. That's like saying "I'm so lucky you're going out with me, I'm going to pay for you." I think the feeling that you WANT to be on the date should be mutual. Don't go out with someone if you aren't prepared to pay half, because if you aren't prepared to pay half then obviously you don't REALLY want to be there.
In my opinion, if you ask someone out, you are expected to pay because you are the one who obviously can afford the "going out". The other person may have otherwise not gone out because it doesnt fit into their budget aka they are broke. If you offer to take the person out, without them initiating the idea. YOU foot the bill. And vice versa (if they offer and/or ask).
The one who initiates the date is the one who should pay. To bad for you if you are always the one wanting to go out. You are the one who obviously can afford it, even if she (or he) makes more money - Going out may not be in her(his) budget and therefore, she(he) cant afford to go out. Period. | |
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 1/9/2007 8:05:25 AM | Believe it or not my dad raised me to be chauvanistic. And no, that isn't always a bad thing. There are some things he believes woman shouldn't do is all, such as taking garbage out or shoveling driveway after it snowed. Or paying on a date.
now, personally if a woman offers for the first two im not gonna say no, they have as much of a right as i do in those areas, its just a preference taught to me that they dont. If a woman offers to pay on the first few dates I will smile, thank her for the offer, but decline and tell her I got it. I guess this can also be traced back to the instinct of having to provide...if a woman wants to pay for everything and won't let a guy even pony up a penny, then it feels like he's not able to provide.
just my take on it is all | |
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 1/9/2007 8:55:39 AM | | I have no comment on this post per say. It was however very enjoyable to read. I had a few good laughs out of the deal. I am always open to picking up the check, and I always offer to do so. Or I offer dutch. If I have been dating said person for sometime, I would typically pick up the bill half the time, and allow him to pay the other half of the time. Its only fair. Any good relationship should be 50/50 and that includes paying the bill! Then again, thats just me! | |
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 1/9/2007 9:00:15 AM | My suggestion to the OP...go for a walk in the park. It's free.
AND...never b1tch and moan about women on a dating forum. It WILL come back to haunt you.
You can fool some of the people some of the time...but not ALL of the people all of the time.
Dev | |
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 1/9/2007 9:48:14 AM | while the idea of turning the tables might be appealing to some men...personally i look at it this way:
I do the asking cause I want to pick who I go out with...not wait for someone to pick me...
Maybe women like this but I dont....i want to have complete control over who i go out with so I try not to wait till my obvious "good looks and charm" trick some women into asking me out.
As for paying...well on the first date i want to pay...if theres a second then she is more than welcome to take me out...its a kinda dance after all.
As a man you can either see this as a burden.. (having to do the asking/paying) or you can see it as a "freedom" to date only the women you want..
Its really a question of your attitude. | |
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 1/9/2007 9:58:02 AM | I do agree with you there, subotai...
It's all a matter of perspective.
The reason I would pay for a date is because I am very, VERY selective of who I actually decide to meet in the flesh. I need to be willing to experience potential heartbreak from the person and not feel that they are bad people, otherwise it's not fair to either of us to take the risk of disappointment and resentment.
Thus, the person I take out on a date will be more than deserving of a very special treat, in my eyes.
I wouldn't see a date as a potential lay, but rather as a chance to make my date happy for a night, simply because I want her to be happy.
This may be off-topic, but if ever I were to have sex after a date, I'd be certain that it was not just my reward. If anything, it would be either a continuation of my date's wonderful night, or a sharing of thanks for all that we love/like about each other.
In case anybody misread my description of a date involving 7/11 and all that, the idea is that if the woman is humble and giving, then I treat her like a queen of San Jose. If she is expecting of the royal treatment, then she'll be treated to the same kind of dinner I'm often forced to eat, since that's usually all I can afford.
There is no double standard except for that one which we as a culture have decided to follow like sheep. If you're tired of it, tell your date before the date is even planned-for, and if you find a click in the conversation, then all is well.
~ David | |
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 1/9/2007 10:05:09 AM |
Believe it or not my dad raised me to be chauvanistic. And no, that isn't always a bad thing. There are some things he believes woman shouldn't do is all, such as taking garbage out or shoveling driveway after it snowed. Or paying on a date.
now, personally if a woman offers for the first two im not gonna say no, they have as much of a right as i do in those areas, its just a preference taught to me that they dont. If a woman offers to pay on the first few dates I will smile, thank her for the offer, but decline and tell her I got it. I guess this can also be traced back to the instinct of having to provide...if a woman wants to pay for everything and won't let a guy even pony up a penny, then it feels like he's not able to provide.
Call me old fashioned, but I like the way you think and were taught. Your dad taught you the ways of the "old" which is the way some thigns should be. There is a certain role which, in my opinion, each gender should follow in some cases... payign for the date most times is a "manly" thing to do and in my mind, it is showing that they can provide which is subconsciously a desireable trait in a man.... A women (like myself) who wishes to be a stay at home mom when I find the right guy wants a guy who can provide. . | |
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 1/9/2007 10:12:31 AM | you people have read way to much into the pay-for-dinner example, which is what it was intended as, just and example of a point trying to me made!
im going to bottom line for you guys here:
Men used to be the breadwinner, women used to be the babyfactories (im just being blunt, no offense)
Since the feminist movement you can see the change, i don't really have to go into details but men are women are now see as equals in society.
Men and women are now equal and should (and must IMO for a healthy relationship) share equally in the amount of effort (mental, physical, emotional, financial, ect.) that they contribute to a relationship (or potential relationship).
[B]This doesn't mean you have to split everything 50/50 but rather find the right balance between the two of you. [/B]
Women don't want the double standard, and men don't want golddiggers, we both want someone who understands why we give and why we take and knows its about the balance.
its that simple people, no need to make enemies here boy and girls, now lets all go get some  | |
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 1/9/2007 11:05:29 AM |
Men used to be the breadwinner, women used to be the babyfactories (im just being blunt, no offense)
Ummm...Does that mean if the women bring home the bread, you guys are gonna start having the babies!?! Whewwwww! That's a relief!!! *grins*
Dev | |
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 1/9/2007 1:13:50 PM | dyiguy2002:
I will always pay on a first date. It's no big deal. It's not like you are mortgaging the house to go on a dinner date.
Hey, if the women have to have the kids, then we can cough up a free meal and some engaging conversation.
It's also no big deal to open doors, push in chairs and give nice complements.....in fact that's a freebee for us guys that often pays good dividends.
But .....I would never try to impress a girl by taking her to a restaurant that will cost us $300 a person on a first date.
In fact, I will take her to a place that I feel represents my personality and her tastes as well. Women like it much more when you put a personal touch on things, rather than looking at Zagat and blind picking a restaurant.
However, I do keep an eye out when I feel I am being used. I went out with this girl who made me pay for everything! She would literrally look the other way or go to the bathroom when the cheque came.
One time, she told me that she wanted to go to Greektown (on the Danforth) for a meal after a late night movie. She said she would pay since I already ate and wasn't hungry. We went to a place (it was like a cafeteria type place) where you brought up food and being the gentleman that I am, I carried the tray. When we got up to the cashier, she was already sitting at the table, waving at me to come back.
While the bill was only $15, I never felt more used on a date before. I refused to see her again and she called for 2 months trying to get me back, but the GRAVY train had already left the station...... | |
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 1/9/2007 2:31:22 PM | I would love to be picked up and so on and on but could not go that rout maybe it is a guy thing I don't even like dutch I like to pick up a girl and take her out and what ever even if there is no seconed date I don't lose sleep over it.
There is that certian feeling about taking a girl out and showing her a good time. Wheather she thinks it is a good time is another story, how ever you have to try. Definately pick her up and take her out it is tradition. That does not mean you have to follow that. | |
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| Great Forum
Posted: 1/9/2007 6:25:59 PM | Lots of laughs reading this one.
Points well taken on both sides of the fence. I'm an old fashion sort of guy, that picks up the date, opens the doors and picks up the check. If I did the asking, it's my treat.
The sexiest thing i've ever encountered though, was this dynamite blonde that had class flowing from her pores. We went out for dinner with a group of friends to an elegant, yet expensive restraurant. We had a great time, the drinks were flowing and the food was awesome. After the after dinner drinks(lol), the checks were delivered to the various couples at our table. When it came our turn, the waitresss started to hand me the bill but was intercepted by my dates hand.
My date said "I'll take that," paused for a moment, looked at me and said, "thanks for a great night."
I was dumb founded as she kissed me and rubbed the back of my neck. What a turn on, and what an opening for our first kiss. I was so impressed from that simple statement that we enjoyed alot more exciting times together.
The story behind the story...., well let's just say the little things in life do impress men as much as they do women. A gentleman will always be a gentleman, but sometimes it's nice to know that it's appreciated.
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 1/9/2007 6:55:22 PM | | I guess its my age but even so.......if I ask a woman to go out on a date, say dinner and a movie, I'm picking up the tab. If i'm in a relationship with her and it has some time to it, I'll let her pay if she offers but not as a general rule and I would never expect it. Why? I probably have more income and savings than the majority of women I'm likely to date and it can be hard on a woman to come up with money to pay for a night out. And on top of that, I think it really is the gentelmanly thing to do. | |
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 1/10/2007 2:39:38 AM | Kungfuguitarist
It's men like you that would give women a reason to reexamine the concept of feminism.
I don't believe in gender rules. I think men and women are equally capable of doing tasks that requires cerebral output.
I wouldn't discourage women from doing jobs that require heavy physical labor, but being a petite female myself I would prefer if men did the heavy loads in and out of house. Before my time policemen had to be male and tall to qualify for the job. Now anyone can be a police officer regardless of height and that's probably why we have a lousy security in New York.
Sorry! I think only tall people should be police officers 
Leave the thinking work to us short people 
And as a women it makes me feel special when a man wants to buy me roses and pay for dates. My feminine ego likes the entitlement of security from a man. | |
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 1/10/2007 3:06:14 AM | iT ALL COMES DOWN TO HOW MUCH YOU LIKE THE PERSON.. GOD.. WHY BE BITTER ABOUT A TAB.. RIGHT FROM THE START.
I PERSONALLY LIKE WHEN A WOMAN "DOESNT" SAY SHE'LL PAY HALF.. CAUSE IF SHE DOES
SAY IT, IT GETS ME ALL SCREWED UP THINKIN SHE DOESNT WANNA GO ANY FURTHER AFTER THIS DATE AND FEELS LIKE SHE OWES HER PART OF THE DATE.
ALWAYS SOMETHING EH?
FOR THE MOST PART... GUYS? COME ON.. WE PUT ON A SHIRT.. SHAVE AND WHAT BRUSH OUR HAIR? ... were ready.
She... gets out that suitcase of make up, hair spray, hair gel, shaves her legs, her underarms, showers. Hell you dont know ! she may of almost cried cause her hair wasnt cooperating, she may have powdered her self down twice cause of the nervousness.. after cremeing her body completely down, she could have changed her clothes 7 times, she may be on her period and havin cramps but she promised you the date.. shoes dont look right, nylons ripped, doesnt have or cant find nylons, clothes arnt completely dry, has to run out to drugstore to get stuff she doesnt have.. worse yet she has to make a trip to a friends to borrow clothes, remember any woman on this planet doesnt have enough clothes or shoes when it comes to going somewhere important to them, and lastly if your really important she brings out the special super padded bra to wear on top of what is already completely perfect boobs.. dont ask why they do it.
and what do we do?????????? "sorry a few minutes late" Remember their not mad your late (if its the first date) their mad they could have fixed or done something more to themselves from the long list above.
so if theirs one guy on this planet who understands what a date is to a woman who actually likes you, your readin his post.
to the guy who started this thread.. if shes worth it to ya you'll think of it as "You treated yourself because your the guy whos sitting with the best looking girl in room and..if shes not the best lookin to you.. I dunno why your even there"
MTC's lol. | |
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 1/10/2007 4:59:53 AM |
I PERSONALLY LIKE WHEN A WOMAN "DOESNT" SAY SHE'LL PAY HALF.. CAUSE IF SHE DOES SAY IT, IT GETS ME ALL SCREWED UP THINKIN SHE DOESNT WANNA GO ANY FURTHER AFTER THIS DATE AND FEELS LIKE SHE OWES HER PART OF THE DATE.
freakyg.. you have a great point there.. Sometimes that's true. We just want to end the date as soon as possible.. even to the point of paying the entire check or half the check. Then we don't feel we owe a response to emails, phone calls, etc.
As far as the preparation goes.. You really do understand what a date is to a woman who likes you. Kudos to you  you must have sisters. LOL.
As to the original poster, if you are asking the woman, then you should pay for the date. If this is an issue, then you should bring it up with the woman before hand. Tell her she should expect to pay for her half. If I ask a man out, I expect to pay for the date.
I had one guy stiff me for the entire check before on a first date HE asked me on, when I had told him I was broke, and couldn't afford it. Bless Visa.. Now I always come prepared with cash for my half, and let them be prepared to wash dishes.
With being in a relationship, Sometimes my sweetie pays, sometimes I pay. Not a big deal. I don't expect him to foot the bill all the time. | |
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 1/10/2007 7:14:51 AM | First off let me say this is my first time posting here on this site... So if i cross any lines sorry in advance....
Your topic caught my eye not because it was interesting, but absurd in many ways.
I think the idea that a woman paying for anything is ridiculous regardless of who asked who out, and dont know how this sort of thinking has become a norm in Western Society. Sorry but where I come from, a woman never has to pay for anything, and even the mere thought of this is distasteful. I think you need to re-evaluate your ways.
In my oppinion with that kind of thinking you are going to remain single for a very long time my friend. Sory again but these are my 2cents.
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 1/10/2007 11:03:29 AM |
I think the idea that a woman paying for anything is ridiculous regardless of who asked who out, and dont know how this sort of thinking has become a norm in Western Society. Sorry but where I come from, a woman never has to pay for anything, and even the mere thought of this is distasteful. I think you need to re-evaluate your ways.
unholymystic:
A female co-worker saw your post and wants to know what country you are from because she says she is ready to move there right now! | |
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speyes
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Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 73 | |
| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 1/10/2007 11:21:28 AM | I never let a guy pay for me unless we've been seeing each other a while and he understands its my turm to pay next time.
just doesn't feel right to me. | |
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skip74
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Joined: 3/20/2006
Msg: 75 | |
| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 1/11/2007 5:09:54 PM | I'll quit paying for dinner and the movies when one of the ladies comes to my house to change a flat tire in the rain for me! lol
Ladies, I'm sorry but it's just the way I was brought up. If you offer to split the bill, I'll just ask you to go ahead and tip the waiter/waitress. | |
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