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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 1/10/2007 7:14:51 AM | First off let me say this is my first time posting here on this site... So if i cross any lines sorry in advance....
Your topic caught my eye not because it was interesting, but absurd in many ways.
I think the idea that a woman paying for anything is ridiculous regardless of who asked who out, and dont know how this sort of thinking has become a norm in Western Society. Sorry but where I come from, a woman never has to pay for anything, and even the mere thought of this is distasteful. I think you need to re-evaluate your ways.
In my oppinion with that kind of thinking you are going to remain single for a very long time my friend. Sory again but these are my 2cents.
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 1/10/2007 11:03:29 AM |
I think the idea that a woman paying for anything is ridiculous regardless of who asked who out, and dont know how this sort of thinking has become a norm in Western Society. Sorry but where I come from, a woman never has to pay for anything, and even the mere thought of this is distasteful. I think you need to re-evaluate your ways.
unholymystic:
A female co-worker saw your post and wants to know what country you are from because she says she is ready to move there right now! | |
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speyes
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Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 73 | |
| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 1/10/2007 11:21:28 AM | I never let a guy pay for me unless we've been seeing each other a while and he understands its my turm to pay next time.
just doesn't feel right to me. | |
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skip74
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Joined: 3/20/2006
Msg: 75 | |
| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 1/11/2007 5:09:54 PM | I'll quit paying for dinner and the movies when one of the ladies comes to my house to change a flat tire in the rain for me! lol
Ladies, I'm sorry but it's just the way I was brought up. If you offer to split the bill, I'll just ask you to go ahead and tip the waiter/waitress. | |
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 1/11/2007 7:11:33 PM | When I was dating, I made damn sure I paid for my part of the bill. I'd been taken out by too many men who thought that buying a cheap dinner or taking me to a movie meant that I was going to sleep with them. When I pay my share, I feel like it's my choice to be there, I owe nothing, I'm just one of the two people meeting here. It took one buddy of mine a year to convince me that him taking me to a hockey game didn't mean I owe'd him anything!!
Double standard's are just a part of life, everyone has different opinoins on it. If I were a guy, I'd be prepared to pay, and offer to pay. I'd damn well keep my eyes open for her choosing or expecting expensive dates though. Just keep eyes open, every one of us is different. (unfortunatly for people who just want to have one rule and it apply!)
P.S. When I met my bf, he was on strike. I had a full time job, my own car, living with roommattes. He respected me for not wanting or assuming he was my own personal wallet. That made the times when he bought me things really special, he knew he didn't have to, and I could appreciate them as thoughtful. | |
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 1/11/2007 8:07:14 PM | freakyg I LOVED the description of what women go thru to get ready for the date - LOVED it.
Personally I have no problem taking turns, when it comes to paying, or anything else for that matter. I met a guy on POF, and the first time we went out for a drink & appies he paid. A couple days later we went for dinner and I paid. I have also dated guys who would refuse to let me pay, not how they were raised, thats ok too.
If the guy feels the need to pay, ok thats what works for him. That doesnt mean Im not going to offer though. I offer to (and pay) because I want to contribute my part. I like to have the door held for me, and the chair pulled out, but at the same time, I am perfectly willing to (and have done) the same thing for my date. Hell, its a great way to get a good look at his ass!
Not all women are just waiting for you to pay the bill, if thats all you ve found, keep looking! | |
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 2/28/2007 12:01:37 AM | 5 dates I have experienced in the last year and a bit were one who asked me to lunch, picked the place, and then because I was stupid and felt that being the first time we met, we would half the bill...wrong, she made no effort to look at the bill when it came, and I caught on to the hint and I had to pay the $84 bill...she then told me the two nights later after ignoring my call the previous night, on the phone she was not interested in me. She saw a sucker coming a mile away. Smart woman. This was just recently.
Another date, we went to the Hard Rock Cafe for dinner and drinks (was the 2nd date we were going on, the first one was for a bite to eat at Kelsey's), ended up going upstairs to Club 279, and about an hour and a half there, she comes to me and says "I had a wonderful time tonight, thanks for everything but I met someone tonight and I am leaving with him, sorry" and left. At least she apologized and thanked me for dinner and the drinks, I will give her that much.
Another date last year we met for a bite to eat at a pub near her place. Got along great, I paid the bill of about $40 and she hugged me bye and said call me tomorrow. She never returned a call to me again. Caught the hint.
The 4th one we went to the bar for drinks, and after we had been there for a bit and she scored 4 drinks from me, she ditched me, I found her later and she ditched me again. When I caught on I seen her and asked her what was going on, while she was hanging off some guy, and she said "You are an unattractive guy who should be meeting unattractive women"
The 5th one burned me good and was my own stupidity. She said she was going to the bathroom and she took off, leaving me with the $50 bill. Again smart lady. Dumb guy I was.
Many women figure a man's money should be spent on her regardless if it is a first meeting, first date or relationship.
One ex-gf of mine in my 20's expected me to pay for her airfare to Florida, pay for mine and pay for the hotel. Plus spend money on her while we are there. When i said there is no way I can afford to fork over that much, she got mad at me and said I was cheap.
If I ask a woman if we are going to half the bill, I am betting she will think I am a cheap basstard for sure. Sad how many women figure her making us laugh and being all sweet is worth the trade off of a man paying. Then many feel it is fine to get that freebie from him and then tell him she is not interested. | |
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 2/28/2007 4:29:12 AM | Kungfuguitarist: Chilvary is not a man being a doormat. It's about a man treating a lady like a lady and romancing her. Both genders are treating each other with respect. I'm happy to say that not all young ones have lost touch with this. I met a wonderful 21 year old that showed me more respect in one evening than most men my own age.
Too bad he is now taken. He could have been my Ashton. :) | |
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 3/14/2007 10:49:02 AM | Personally, i think it's appropriate for the woman to offer to pay half. if he declines, that's fine, but i offered.
read post 82, and that guy has been burned, can understand the cynicism (sp?).
guess to my way of thinking, on a first date, stick to something local and not overly expensive- don't need to impress me with where we go. and i actually prefer meeting for coffee first- and i don't even really consider that a date, more a meet and greet. the date is for when you've decided, yeah, would like to get to know thie person better. | |
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 3/14/2007 11:47:23 AM | | nah double standards are always going to favour women. Is just how it goes. My post about the terrible dates I had were totally my fault for being suckered in and shows how a guy can be stupid and naive. We are all responsible for our dating experiences, and with me paying for that lunch date a few weeks back, that was my stupidity thinking I had to. | |
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 3/14/2007 12:14:39 PM |
you are gay right? a real man wants a lady to treat him?
Real man...forgive my ignorance, but could a lady perhaps spell out what it is that makes a man "Real"?
You're the guy, do the guy thing
Well...at least there's a hint of that there is a "do list"...care to share what it is that men are obligated to do for women?
I'm a lady. I like to be treated like a lady.
How is someone buying you something treating you like a "lady"?
In exchange, I will be gracious and attentive. I don't believe in double standards.
So...the girl will act like the waitress and ladies won't be offended if a man isn't man gracious and attentive?
Wow...it's like legalizing prostitution...only it's probably going to cost a lot more to get her in the sack and a helluva lot more @$$ kissing.
I'm not looking for a free ride, but I do expect male chivalry.
It's hardly chivalry when the woman expects it.
I don't remember any of the princesses in the story books saying "Where the f**k is that stupid knight with the shining armor?"
When did being a gentleman mean that he had to pick the woman up and pay?
Nah...I don't mind paying when they expect it...it's just when they start saying "Take me seriously!" that I get a giggle.
Who ever asks whoever out has to pay, in my books.
What's this...?
It sounds reasonable, but for some reason, it just doesn't quite work that way. Women don't ask men out on dates...let me rephrase...MOST women do not ask men out on dates until later in the relationship and usually its for a special occasion.
Unfortunately women like will_nevergiveup are stuck in dreamland. Women like her make it more difficult for REAL women who want to date REAL men, and understand that we live in grown up world and not a world of dragons and princesses.
If a Lady wants to see if chivalry exist...offer to pay your half and see if he declines your offer. Does it matter...it's dinner, lunch, breakfast...whatever. Walk in the door without your purse or wallet EXPECTING a free meal and be prepared to be embarrassed. A couple times might remind you that no other man or woman "owes" you anything.
Enjoy dinner.  | |
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 3/14/2007 12:21:34 PM | | in my experience, guys don't like to be pursued. asking them out, calling them up, whatever - is interpreted as clinginess. and in general (yes there are exceptions, you might be one of them) if i pick up the tab and the guy's ok with that on a regular basis, it means either a) the guy's just using me or b) the guy soon takes me for granted. i'm not sure how to resolve that, it doesn't seem to be correlated with how much the guy makes or anything else easily identifiable. i'm not sure what the reasoning is behind this phenomenon. i'm sure the guys out there probably would say the same about the women they take out! no doubt it happens to men too as far as the $ is concerned. which is a shame. it shouldn't be about "how much does this person take me out" it should be about having fun spending time together. | |
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 3/17/2007 1:05:02 PM | It is interesting how most go back to the "Whoever asks who out pays" comment. Because from my experience it is a rarity that women will ask a guy out on a date.
As for when it does happen, I highly doubt that the woman has it in her mind that she is paying for the date for dinner or lunch or even paying half. More than likely she asked him to go because she was impatiently waiting for him to finally ask.
Most times women will get offended by a guy wanting her to split the bill and so good luck getting a 2nd date.
As it is thought of, men should be able to afford the dates, I mean our pocket should flow like water no? | |
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 3/17/2007 5:17:02 PM | I PERSONALLY LIKE WHEN A WOMAN "DOESNT" SAY SHE'LL PAY HALF.. CAUSE IF SHE DOES SAY IT, IT GETS ME ALL SCREWED UP THINKIN SHE DOESNT WANNA GO ANY FURTHER AFTER THIS DATE AND FEELS LIKE SHE OWES HER PART OF THE DATE.
freakyg.. you have a great point there.. Sometimes that's true. We just want to end the date as soon as possible.. even to the point of paying the entire check or half the check. Then we don't feel we owe a response to emails, phone calls, etc.
So, is that what it means when the girl offers to pay 'her half?!?' After going on a coffee date with a girl and then to a restaurant after, I offer to pay the entire tab and insisted on paying even though she tried to pay for her meal. This was a while ago but I just thought she was being polite. It never occurred to me that she might think paying for her meal justified not responding ever again. I still talked to her but she eventually got a boyfriend. It didn't last long, though, I discovered. I don't think paying for the entire tab is being a doormat but I can see why some guys would not want to be taken advantage of or would perceive things as a double standard. It shouldn't matter who makes what income either.
It's about cooperation, generosity (try to give selflessly) and compromise, isn't it? Damn, that sounds corny... | |
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 3/17/2007 5:28:42 PM | | 50/ 50 unless it's her birthday or job promotion, graduation or some sort of a celebratory day or even just a stress relief day for her and vise versa. I use to take my x out when one of her kids would pass away (she was an ICU nurse at a Children’s hospital). You should pay when it's about them, their day, their time, their high light...other than that it's 50/50. | |
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 3/17/2007 6:59:52 PM | Why do women always....bad wording!
:::sirens going off::::
I asked a man out to a play a few months ago. I don't have a car, but he does. I asked him if he wanted to meet me there or if he wanted to come get me and I would pay the gas. He said no no, don't be silly, I'll come get you.
When we got to the sales door, I offered to pay for his ticket, didn't even ask, just took the money out and said "Two tickets please." He said, no no, I'll pay my own. I said , "but I'm happy to do it, it's my treat." He insisted and I wasn't going to argue at the bloody door with him in front of everyone, so he paid for his.
Now, there is a living, breathing example of one woman who doesn't expect a man to pay for everything. But seems to me some men feel insulted if you actually DO try to pay, or at least that's the impression I got from him. He wouldn't hear of it.
OP...stop generalizing. If you're picking up the tab and don't want to, discuss the issue BEFORE the date and say " I believe in the dutch setup, you ok with that?" If she isn't ok with it, guess what...you've just eliminated one of the females you don't want to have around anyway. Case solved.
Take responsibility for what you want and say so, clearly. | |
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 3/17/2007 7:16:55 PM | See going on dates, men have been led to believe that they have to foot the bill no matter what. And what I think annoys them the most is, in the current times where women now make the same income or more than guys, have their own cars etc and do not need to rely on a man, most women still expect a man to pay for dates. So most of us guys would like it if a woman treated or we went dutch, but I think too many times men have known and have had it happen to them that if they let the woman pay her part or all of it, there will be no 2nd date.
So men feel obligated because women have made this tradition stay intact and so we feel we have to.
And when a guy says it can get expensive, well think about it, let's say he takes the woman out each weekend because she wants to do something. A concert will run you close to $100 a ticket, add in the bite to eat beforehand and that night could end up being a good $300 tab. Going to a hockey game is the same, tickets could run about $100 a piece, add in drinks and food and the night could easily be a $300 night or more. And if a guy was to complain about that she is called being cheap for sure.
Sad really. | |
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| Why do women always do the double standard?
Posted: 3/17/2007 7:21:00 PM | | Maybe some guys are used to women or girls who assume they don't have to pay or don't ever offer to. Perhaps, these girls feel they're not doing anything out of the ordinary. That could be it. Why do you feel you need to criticize the OP? I think a lot of girls offer to pay for whatever reason. It might be a sign of the times, it might be that the girl wishes she never agreed to the date in the first place and wants the guy to think she owes him nothing more. Perhaps, she thinks she has money and is used to paying her own way just in general and feels more comfortable. But, many guys probably meet girls who are spoiled or it's just traditional attitudes in which they feel it's the standard that the guy pays. 'No reason to bash the OP, huh? | |
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