| Best way to avoid non-serious guys
Posted: 1/9/2007 8:38:25 AM | | Serious guys will not approach someone who is separated. They will pass over anyone who is still technically married. don't be dishonest, though, that's a deal breaker. | |
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| Best way to avoid non-serious guys
Posted: 1/9/2007 8:46:37 AM | | lol..Great..so basically I can't win. Maybe that post about never leaving the house and buying 18 cats isn't so bad afterall. | |
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| Best way to avoid non-serious guys
Posted: 1/9/2007 9:09:51 AM | heres the thing Roxie....and you wont really believe me but it is true...well at least for me.
Never place anything that you "dont want" in your profile.
Always state and think about what you "do" want.
By placing all kinds of restrictions or conditions about the people you dont want to date...well personally i think it does two things: one, most people who are serious see these types of statements as a turn off "no players please", "serious inquiries only".
Two..you are wasting your breath and mental energy on people who really dont listen to that anyway..by which i mean ..do you think a so called "player" reads those lines and thinks "hmm well she doesnt like players so i better not contact her"...nope the exact opposite i would think.
If you are looking for something...try to focus on that...and not on what you dont want..
But hey, its the internet...so good luck!..lol | |
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| Best way to avoid non-serious guys
Posted: 1/9/2007 9:24:10 AM | | I absolutely wholegeartedly agree with that. Wouldn't life be so much easier if it DID work that way (players staying clear if the see you don't want a player)? lol. I do avoid putting anything like that in my profile, because I know it's futile. I pretty much say what I need/like in a guy and hope they listen. Suppose there really is no way to avoid the people determined to get what they want at anyone's expense. Just have to be as careful as possible, and hope for the best. | |
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| Best way to avoid non-serious guys
Posted: 1/9/2007 9:32:18 AM | I would suggest saying that you only want to date someone who is, at least
open to the idea of a long term relationship and hoping to find "the one".
It's a non-threatening way to tell where you stand without giving the impression
that you're going to expect a relationship from anyone who goes on a date with you. | |
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| Best way to avoid non-serious guys
Posted: 1/9/2007 9:37:24 AM | remember that the one common factor in all your "player-non-serious" relationships has been.....
drum roll please...
You!
Just look carefully at who you are choosing and who you are kicking to the curb.
Ultimately its our choice not the options that are presented.
Im not suggesting that you are alone in this...me I tend to have a pattern where I go out with emotionally unavailable women...so dont think im offering a "be like me" advice...just suggesting that the easy thing to do is look externally for the problem...
....when most often the problem...is us.
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| Best way to avoid non-serious guys
Posted: 1/9/2007 10:33:39 AM | | Again I do agree subotai. That is definately something I'm working on also. I tend to let guys "get away" with a little too much. I'm working on being more assertive and just a little less laid back. Hopefully that will help also. As for newguyinventura's remark....no need to worry there darlin. | |
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| Best way to avoid non-serious guys
Posted: 1/9/2007 10:39:53 AM | | If the seperated instead of divorced is a VERY VERY GOOD REASON I would just put divorced and explain it to people as you go. It's only lieing if getting back together isn't 100% not a possability and you aren't going to be divorced. The reason is that there is no "Technically seperated but for all intensive purposes divorced" selection. With that said, the only kind of divorce I know about is undisputed no children, but 4 years seems like a long time for any situation? | |
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| Best way to avoid non-serious guys
Posted: 1/9/2007 10:44:24 AM | Circumstances haven't allowed for a divorce in the last 4 years?
Thinking fo changing it to divorced instead of separated?
Seeking a serious relationship type guy?
Good luck on the last one because the other 2 have serious faults. Yes, it would be dishonest to change it to divorced. It's very very important a man know that for 4 years there have been *circumstances* preventing a divorce and he needs to know them long before you ever meet. Deal Breaker information should be told early as to not waste anyones time.
This is a *Red Flag* to say the least.
As for the wording in a profile goes; Just say the words *I am seeking a serious relationship not casual dating.* | |
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| Best way to avoid non-serious guys
Posted: 1/9/2007 11:16:12 AM | | I agree with susndeca. I forgot to attribute the fact that even if there is a good reason over four years, there is no way it is something that wouldn't make a differance. Not the same as waiting for the income tax return to pay for it. | |
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| Best way to avoid non-serious guys
Posted: 1/9/2007 11:23:58 AM | Hey, VAST improvement over the last read of your profile! Kudos!
My suggestions FWIW, don't say "boring job". No negatives permitted!
That's a GREAT second paragraph you've got there!
That "homicidal tendances, the ability to tell the truth before I have to torture it out of him" bit I'd still forgo.
Good last paragraph. I'd change your ending to this:
"I just want a guy that feels the same way. Someone that is ready and wants to work towards something lasting, when the connection is there. Feel that connection? Then email me!"
And try some pictures where you're smiling.
Oh, and as to your primary question... I think you profile will start to weed out the guys you don't want, and for those that get through, you can still evaluate them for red flags in one or two emails. As to your secondary question, don't lie. Just deal with it. | |
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| Best way to avoid non-serious guys
Posted: 1/9/2007 11:31:13 AM | | Well, I do regret that it's seen as such a horrible thing. There are reasons beyond my control. Nothing that affects my everyday life, or even a relationship. It wouldn't affect a relationship until the subject of marriage enters the scene, which is a long time from now. It's not dramatic, just not something I can help at the moment since the ex won't really help me with much of anything. I've chosen to concentrate on making a better life for me and my children instead of putting time and money into a divorce. Yes, 4 years may seem like a long time, but when each accomplishment has been an uphill struggle, it takes some time. I have planned to get it done many times, but other more important things have seemed to come up that I needed to take care of first. That being said, I appreciate the insight to how guys feel about it. I suppose I will just have to deal with that. | |
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| Best way to avoid non-serious guys
Posted: 1/9/2007 12:30:29 PM | Hi again Roxie 
I'm with a couple of other posts here, changing your profile to 'divorced' when you really aren't is a bit dishonest and may cause problems when you are meeting guys. If you do, I would put a line in very close to the top that you are technically still married but your separation has been long-term and permanent. And I'd be very up-front about it when talking with them.
Now, I'll continue to be honest. Without getting into details, 4 yrs without getting a divorce is hard to swallow and I think most guys will call 'Bullsheit' on that one. Even were you unable to locate your hubby, there are ways to still go about getting a divorce. Anyway, I think the guys you will likely attract initially will look at your situation and think, 'Fine, she says long term but is still married after a 4 yr separation. I can play house with her and as soon as a better deal comes along or I get sick of her I can walk away. She is safe. Why? Because she CAN'T ask for any kind of committment since she is still married!!!' Purrrrrrrrfect for a player. Play and play and when it gets old or you get caught it is easy to just walk away and there is no worry she will ever try to push the relationship into a committment.
Between a rock and a hard place is how it sounds to me. The guys you want to avoid are the same ones you attract, and the guys you want to attract are going to avoid you so there won't be a chance they will get to know the real you.
I don't envy your situation one bit.
Clone. | |
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| Best way to avoid non-serious guys
Posted: 1/9/2007 12:43:32 PM | | Yep, would appear it is a rock and a hard place. I suppose that's just another struggle I will have to deal with. Just need to call the pet shop and start working on those cats. | |
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