chinua
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Joined: 9/30/2005
Msg: 51 | |
| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/21/2007 6:24:25 PM | | A lot of people assume that because I'm 39, single and have no kids........that I chose to be that way! Not so, it just happened that way. Sometimes , it doesn't matter how early you look, you still might not find 'the one' until later. Hope fully your kid doesn't just marry the first person that comes along........because you told him or her that its bad if you wait too long. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/21/2007 6:40:56 PM | Children are a beautiful Gift and I am hoping that I will have the chance too have a Child now that I feel I am ready.
Sweet Susie, you hit the nail on the head! Our story is rather unique. We had our first daughter when we were both 23. After that we had 12 miscarriages over a period of 11 years. Then we had help from a specialist in Chicago. Soon after we had our son. Within 2 years, we also had identical twin boys with no help. We were not really trying, but we also were not really keeping it from happening either. Our family grew to 3 sons and 2 daughters. A few years ago my wife had some surgery for indemitriouses (I have no idea how to spell it!), and the doctor told her she would never be able to have children again. That was fine, because we are very satisfied with our family, especially after loosing so many babies. This past summer, my wife was taking some medication which had as a side effect, reduced fertility. That was also o.k., and we did not think that it mattered anyway because of the surgery. Well low and behold guess who is pregnant! Yes, we are expecting another baby in April. When I first found out I refused to let myself get excited because of reasons already discussed on here. As the date approaches however, I am starting to get more excited, because the doctor is following everything very closely and everything looks great. If there was ever a baby that should not have been conceived in the first place, it is this one. All I can think is that this child is a very special gift indeed. (btw... the actuary charts for life insurance have me living until around 88 or 89. I also have a very healthy lifestyle, eat healthy, and work out regularly. Now I have an even bigger reason to take care on myself!) | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/22/2007 8:49:59 AM | | My opinion - don't have children in your 40's! There are many reasons. My mother was 44 and my father 47 when I was born. I have resented that all my life. ONE-everyone mistakes your parents as "your grandparents". TWO-by the time your in your 30's(when you finally really appreciate them) they're dead. THREE-you don't get to enjoy grandparents because they are dead. FOUR-they're old-fashioned ways and rules ostracize you from your peers. And I really could go on and on, but I'm beginning to sound very disrespectful. I don't mean to be, I just think having children that late is so selfish on so many levels. I have never had grandparents to spoil me, like everyone else I know. And you shouldn't have to take care of your dying parents in your 20's when you're trying to take care of your own children. It's just not natural! | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/22/2007 11:50:58 AM | | I don't think there is a limit to when to have children (in a way). My parents were in their 40's when they had me (mom was 42 and dad was 44). But they both had children from their previous marriages (mom had 2 and dad had 6). But my mom was like 34 when her first was born. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/22/2007 6:42:54 PM | | I understand what you are saying wamadeus, however based on all the reasons you gave, would you prefer to never have been born? And, what about those of us who would have never chosen to become parents after 40, should we have an abortion, so as to not inconvenience anybody (mostly the baby itself)? (btw, for those of considering having a baby a little later, life expectancy charts are based on 0- 77.77 in the US which takes into account all the children, teenagers, and babies who die. Life expectancy goes up the older you get, simply because the older one gets, the more durable they prove to be. This is part of what is causing the coming crisis in Social Security. And those rates (0-77.77) are based upon today's information. With technology, life expectancy will only continue to rise. Who knows what it will be in 20 years.) | |
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chinua
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Joined: 9/30/2005
Msg: 56 | |
| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/22/2007 6:54:45 PM | wamadeus............its your problem that you care too much about what other people think. There is no gurantee that you and your parents would have gotten along if they were younger.(some people think old even when they're 20) I am not going to change my mind about having kids because of what other people..........including you- think. I know more than one person who have lost their parents when they were young adults; so are you saying that they shouldn't have kids, because that means that they won't have grandparents? get over it!
My grandpa was 44 when my mom was born; when she was 15 he could still outrun her but then, he was still playing field lacrosse.- he lived until 88, got to see some of his great grandkids, grandma lived until 94 1/2. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/22/2007 8:00:24 PM | I type this moments after putting my two year old grandchild down for bed. I asked my son to live with me for a couple of years or more after she was born as I missed having children around to play with. Both of my children are grown and have provided me with grandchildren (this one just lived around the corner) and i enjoy them immensely. I raised them from early years until they left home to marry. I would have had more if i would have had a SO but i was in the military and moved around alot. I have a long time friend who is 55 and has 18 month old twins (both healthy) and a much younger wife. He is as active as men half his age. If i had a child tommorrow, they would still be out of the house before i retire (i did that once and it actually sucked) but i have one problem  no bait for the fish. Oh well i can still tell dumb jokes to the grandchild (she's easy, she laughs at everything).
Here's the meat in the stew - raising children takes patience, time, and yes money. You can do it if you have varieties of all of the above. I mentor young people cuz i have no more of my own. It is never to old to want children, to nuture children, to help children that are not your own, and to remember that it pays dividend in laughter, love, and in all honesty great stories. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/22/2007 8:34:44 PM | | Thank you Stone49 for being so open minded and non-judgmental. It sounds like most people on here are with you on your opinions, including myself. I've been reading these messages and can't believe some of the other comments about people being selfish if they want to have children later in life. So, are people who have children younger selfish too? Maybe everyone is selfish that wants to have kids of their own. If you can have children and give them a loving home (whatever age you are), there's nothing selfish about that. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/27/2007 4:10:00 PM | This is an interesting question, when I was younger I assumed that by the time I reached 37 I would have been married with kids etc. Turns out that hasn't happened for me.
I was recently asked by a female friend if I wanted or thought I would have kids. Need to find the right partner first of course! But that said I'm begining to think that maybe I have missed my opportunity for children, lots of people do have them at my age and older. I guess if I meet the right person and kids feel right then maybe, but I have to confess to doubts about my age and whether I should consider it. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/27/2007 6:05:36 PM | I'm 41 and have two young adult children. I started very early..My son is 21 and my daughter is 18. I do wonder what it would be like to have children now that I am mature and financially stable. I was a single dad for the last 17 years.
I am proud that I was a good dad, but just because I'm over 40 shouldn't mean that I'm looking for some sort of reaffirmment. I truely love kids and am not sure I want to be finished with raising a family. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/27/2007 6:24:25 PM | | Having your profile say that you want children doesn't necessarily mean you are interested in making a baby. You could very well just be saying that you don't mind/would like it if the other person has kids already. But, that being said, I don't see why 35-45 year olds can't have kids. People are living longer these days, and even a 45 year old couple will only be 63 when the kid is grown and out of the house. 63 today is still relatively fit and healthy. I certainly don't see why 35 year olds wouldn't. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 5/23/2007 10:16:58 PM | Wamadeus, You hit it dead on, my situation is different but the same. I see so many 37,8,9.40 year olds here wanting children.......why?? You are here looking for a man and even if you found him today it'd be a year before you gave birth and what kind of relationship are you expecting with this guy or maybe you don't care?? Then what?? Possibly you die early......what a great life for the child.
I would say 35 max and already in a long term STABLE relationship.
My 2 cents and I want a nickel back for change | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 5/23/2007 10:28:12 PM | ^^ Oh believe me, you deserve change after that kind of comment.
I'm 36 and I still want children. Why? My business, not yours. And yes, I'll be 37 by the time I have my first one so that's too old in your books? Oh well. To say that someone wouldn't care about the kind of relationship they may have with the guy, in order to have a child, blows me away. That has to be one of the stupidest comments ever made.
As for the dying early comment. Now that was just damn insensitive and yes, I am sensitive to it. You cannot help circumstances. What will happen, will happen. If the worst possible thing does, you deal with it, you are there for your child and you know you have the best part of the person you love, still in your life. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 5/23/2007 11:31:55 PM | Is there any real age for having children? Is it up to us to decide when to concieve? Maybe in a small realm, but inevitably it's up to our higher power, for without that, manifestation is impossible. To be judgemental upon an age of childbearing is immature, and thus why you shouldn't be a parent.
Dying early .Hmmm...Whos decision would this be??
How immature of some to state that childbearing should be done at a young age, I disagree. A child should be born when the time is right, and that is something that each of us should welcome and accept, not control. A child is a gift, and to be older and wiser before said child comes into the life of it's protectors and parents, will only create the most incomprehensible success in both the childs life, as well as the parents....
Granted, many aspects should be taken into consideration, but the decision henceforth has been spiritually driven, and guided by that which will bring life into the new.
Let's not judge, becoming a father was the most awakening,enlightening experience of my life and being, and I can only dare to fathom of what it would be like to be father to a newborn at my age (38). I am sure it would nothing less than enhance an already wonderful existence.
God Bless, and Boo?, You will be the AWESOMEST momma EVAR!!!! I know IT!!! 
Scott | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 5/24/2007 12:14:51 AM | **P.S. Boo, Just go easy on the chocolate, not needed at a young age, but us older folks require it for a healthy, happy heart...
God Bless.
Scott | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 5/24/2007 1:49:43 AM | Pushing thirty OMG if thats old I hate to see you when youre 40. I had my only child when I was 23 and where I live the Mothers all called me the baby. You need to grow up a bit smell the roses and throw away the coffee youre going to fast, as it is. A womens biological clock ends at menapause. Unfortunately then some risks for mother and child increase I think it depends on your genetics and how well you have maintained yourself and lifestyle. Men can go on forever and the sperm actually mature and are healthier in older men. So that can help the balance. If you havent had a child youre in your late 30s early 40s good chance you can still be a good Mom. But if youre having the baby for the wrong reason youll find its wrong for the child too at any age.
theyre are a big handful too at any age. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 5/24/2007 8:01:14 AM | If you find a partner that is older and you both decide to have children then more power to you. Society has so many statistics that people seem to live by as the law when it comes to when someone can have children.
Sure there are always going to be risks, some greater at different times in life. However, if you are healthy and want to do so then by all means have at it. I really get tired of people who say uh oh, your clock is ticking pretty soon you won't be able to have kids. My goodness, I am only 35. So they have a set date based on statistics and now I have to call it quits. I don't think so. 
My mom had my sister at 39 and my brother at 42 and they are doing great and both are in college. My mom is healthy and well at the great age of 61. You wouldn't even know it. Funny how people associate how old you are with how long you will live, maybe that used to be how it goes but not now. Nowadays people are dying at all ages, from 20, 30, and etc. Tomorrow is neither gauranteed to you or I. Many children die before their parents these days which is sad.
So since no one can predict my health, or how long I will live should I live by statistics. The answer is heck no. Use common sense and look at your situation, decide if you want to still be raising children at an older age and if you are in good shape to have a child. If the answer is yes then great! If the answer is no then great also because the wonderful thing about the US is freedom of choice.
I am glad that I don't have to live by some of the things that have been posted on this forum because I would have to shut down my dreams of having one more child one day. Although, everyone is entitled to their opinion.  | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 5/24/2007 8:09:31 AM | It's never too old to WANT children. But it may be to0 old to HAVE children. If you're too old biologically to have a healthy child, then you shouldn't...but you can adopt.
There's no real cut-off age for men, as long as they can financially provide for a child and be there up to the university years, then they should go for it.
Women over 45 really should not have children, birth defects incidence are too high. And when they're in univserity, you'll be collecting a pension. Unless you're Oprah. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 5/24/2007 8:12:51 AM | My dad was closing in on 40 when I was born. He's a great dad, and I never felt like I missed out on anything because he was 15 years old than the other dads. Actually, I think I gained a lot - he helped me gain a different perspective from my peers.
I'm 33 and my son is almost 2. I'd love to have another kid, although I'm not counting on it happening. I don't think there are any hard and fast rules regarding when a person should have their kids - whatever works is fine. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 5/24/2007 12:33:23 PM | | I just turned 36 and have no kids--can't say that I never wanted them, because I adore children, but it just wasn't in the cards for me while I was married. Since then, I haven't really thought about it. Sure, I wonder how my life would be different (most likely enriched) by having children, but I'd say that it's not a priority in my life right now. I figure that I have a couple good years left, and whether or not the kid(s) happen, I'm happy either way. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 5/24/2007 3:51:02 PM | | I'm 43 and don't have kids. And it's not for lack of trying when I was married. It wasn't until after we were divorced that my ex found out that she wasn't able to have children due to a problem with her ovaries. Do I still want children? I'm still very healthy, youthful and patient. And of course it would also depend on the woman. Does she even want children? Or, perhaps she already has children and wants no more. That would not be a deal breaker for me. And if a woman does come along who wants children, or has children that need a father, I am more than ready to accept the responsibilty. | |
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I think that is too generalized an assumption to make considering the number of variables in that ratio. Variables = Personal Preferences Someone good at permutations and combinations might be able to formulate the real odds on that statement.
