chinua
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Joined: 9/30/2005
Msg: 101 | |
| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 6/10/2007 11:01:28 PM | Bet i have more energy than some 20 year olds as for what age I'll be at graduation- who cares?? Anybody can die at any time........And what about people who are raising their grandkids?? There are so many what ifs!!
BTW; I'm 40; received my blackbelt in karate last year; am coaching rollerderby(if you are too young to know what that is ask your parents); and I don't just yell from the sidelines...........I get in there and take em out so tell me again I won't be able to keep up !! Not everybody is like that; just like not everybody in their 20's are able to keep up with a 2 year old. From what I've heard and read; the younger generation have a bigger rate of obesity than mine. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 6/22/2007 1:40:14 AM | | When an alder couple are the same age it averages out for producing intelligent children unless the mothers health and lifestyle are not healthy at the time ei A 40 year old mom might have health risks during a pregnancy and the same woman have a healthy baby with less risks if her bloodpressure is better for instance If I was seriously ill I definately wouldnt want to rush in before its too late rather make sure I was well enough Then theres even Woman with cancer accidently pregnant having children with no defects. point if she gets younger father it lowers instead of raises the childs abilitys an older man would. Young couples probably fair well together and I would imagine provide a funner, more active, vital upbring to compensate as well as have more siblings. Over 30 hasnt even grown up themselfs yet. what a joke too old to have children, ridulous.! | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 6/22/2007 7:13:38 AM | Msg 92...science is starting to believe that women *aren't* born with all their eggs, and they also now know that men's sperm also starts to degrade around 35...accounting for birth defects; so it's not only women who have to be concerned about passing along birth defects when having children at an older age. Of course, there are many young people who've abused their bodies with drugs that shouldn't be having kids, yet they do...and the innocent child pays the price...but not many bring those up when discussing older birth parents. Did you know that the rate of children born with Downs Syndrome is higher in younger women than in older ones - because younger women have more births? It makes one wonder if the rate would be the same for older women, if older women had the same amount of births as younger ones...and it makes one wonder just how much science actually does know. Also, I don't know where you're getting your information, but much of it is either incorrect or misleading.
As far as older parents being less active, vital or 'fun' than younger ones...whoever believes that must also still believe in the Tooth Fairy. I've seen numerous younger parents who don't even know how to raise themselves, let alone a child. Also, raising a child doesn't mean just having fun with them; it's a huge responsibility to be given the gift of raising a child...and being the one to teach them right from wrong, responsibility for themselves, etc....and there are way too many children having children today who didn't have good parents themselves and are now doing a lousy job of raising their kids...perpetuating the cycle into the following generations. And yes, there are those young ones who *are* raising good kids.
Age isn't what makes a parent, and the argument that someone 50 who has a kid won't be here for their child that long doesn't hold any water. Any parent, regardless of age, can die at any time...whether through accident, disease, murder, etc. There are *no* guarantees that one's parent will be there until the child grows to adulthood and is able to take care of themselves. That's why smart people ensure they have a will naming guardianship of their kids just in case something happens to them...they're not going to take the chance that the state will gain control over them if the case of an unexpected death. My point is that anyone who's able to care for their child, give them the necessary things they need to live, and who will love that child, look out for them, and raise them well should be able to have a child, even if they're over the 'accepted' age range. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 6/22/2007 4:42:48 PM | Thia has been one of my main concerns. I am almost 34 and I still do not have children and I would like to have children. My fear is that I may be too old already or will be too old. I am almost thinking at this rate that I will have a child without a husband. There are lots of single mothers out there isn't there? | |
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Kazot
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Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 106 | |
| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 6/22/2007 8:24:52 PM | I am a hell of a lot better with children now than I ever was when I was younger. I would love to have some more.
If I don't I can live with the and enjoy my relatives children and hopefully grand children.
I think most of us are to young to really enjoy children when we have them.  | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 6/22/2007 9:06:43 PM | You get what u give and can give be realistic Movie Starrs have money to get ot all for their children richer woman as well they have to give more to raise those children and it took them alot of their youth and freedom too as any older woman would would feel they need a larger support backup with children Grandparents have their Children even if they do a fair amount of the raising kids sometimes. Another Loss for older Moms but of you gotta have them and you love them go for it. per previous post about more intelligence with older mens sperm it only applies to the particular intellegence of the male and might just slightly increase that amountlol So new reserch is disputing this I wonder who right. BCIT Physcology early developement studies 101 or what is the newest source Im too old I guess to decide I know studies sometimes change every five years and then just get reversed, rivised and regurgitated Like Ive heard on the back on the side never on the stomach, never on the back so on so on
~ Off-topic posts removed. Please address the issue and not each other ~ yayawhatever ~
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 6/22/2007 9:45:57 PM | | In my opinion.....There should be no age limit to when a person can no longer have a baby. It is the persons choice as long as they are responsible enough and mature enough to have children and they can handle it and are healthy, and they take care of themselves , it's all good. | |
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chinua
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Joined: 9/30/2005
Msg: 109 | |
| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 6/22/2007 10:48:18 PM | its pretty bad when people think a 20 year old(or younger) would make a better parent than someone older........even when the someone older is healthier!
I also think some of the younger ones take it for granted- ones that waited(by choice or not) might be more appreciative. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 6/22/2007 11:00:14 PM | | Im 54, and I wouldn't want to make any babies. I'd rather learn to love her kids, if she happens to have any. I lost my biological clock years ago... | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 6/23/2007 7:24:37 AM | its pretty bad when people think a 20 year old(or younger) would make a better parent than someone older........even when the someone older is healthier!
I also think some of the younger ones take it for granted- ones that waited(by choice or not) might be more appreciative.
I agree and it's a shame when someone says that "if you don't have kids by 35 , then you shouldn't have them at all" I find that crule and insensitive on the persons part. Who is anyone to tell another person when to have kids. They should keep these sorts of comments to themselves and not share them.
As long as you're healthy, and are emotionally and mentally able to manage the responsiblity of having kids, then that is whats important.
People should have the right to have kids whenever they please as long as they are healthy and responsible enough ect. It is much better someone over 40 to have kids who are mature enough and know what they are doing then it is for a teenager to have kids in my opinion, and generally speaking.
So don't let someone who is mistaken in their information to tell you when is the right time to stop having kids. (Sorry OP and others lol) | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 6/23/2007 12:25:03 PM | So I am just stating that (in my opinion) that it is better to have children alittle later then to have them TOO soon. Also I must say that my mothers mom had her when she was in her late 30's, and also my father when my parents had me was in his late 30's also. So, I sort of took that as alittle bit of an insult considering that I was born when my father was 37.
Again my argument is mostly at the OPs idea about the 35 age thing and thats all.
OT, as I said, people should have their kids whenever they'd like. It is up to them and no one should try to influence them otherwise, unless there is an obviously good reason, like they are not responsable or they are not mature enough ect. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 6/23/2007 8:50:42 PM | | Hey JoJo! its been a while,hope all is well with you,in regards to having children at forty ,its pretty personal.I've chosen not to have children for the reason that i think there's enough children out there without parents,food or guidence.So if you decide to have them after forty or any time before or after that its all up to you,in the end you must take care of your kids.I did read some of the different opinions on your question and i must say thhere is many good reason to or not too have children at forty.I say follow your gut,,all the best.Rodney:) | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 6/26/2007 10:39:37 PM | | I feel that if youre older in life u circle of friends and family network is a major factor in having babies. Why age might be too late for some to start up fresh yet young mothers accept older mothers ok maybe? Sperm is produced brand spanking new daily so how can it be too old or degrade before its here. when father is 35 | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/26/2008 12:57:03 PM | | I would say that if by the time your kids will be old enough to be on their own you would be over 60....thats too old. You want to still be able to have life after breeding. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/26/2008 3:06:38 PM |
Curious that when female celebs are 40+ and say they want (first time) children, no one ever questions that. Better access to the best medical care, maybe?
It is also curious that these women never advertise that they are not using their own eggs. It gives too many women false hopes about their fertility. They just see all these older pregnant women. Not everyone can afford donor eggs. Not everyone is comfortable using them.
A woman's fertility tanks after age 40. Her miscarriage risk skyrockets. I think every woman should keep this in mind. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/26/2008 5:22:16 PM | After getting out of a relationship of 15 years with a woman who did not want children, even though I did. I would still like to have children. Is that selfish? yes it is. Is it fair to older children? Is having another child ever fair to an older child? I am the youngest, so was it fair to my brother at age 3 to have a new baby. What is the difference between a parent making that decision for them at age 3 vs age 13? I don't think its ever a child's decision if the parents or parent and new spouse decided to have children.
I think you need to balance the needs of the newborn with the needs of the older child. Making sure to make time just for the older child, separate from the new baby. Making sure the older child is not neglected. This is the balance with any new child whither its three years between them or 15 years.
jsut my two cents.
Jim | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 2/23/2008 11:51:44 PM | I find this post completely outrageous. Why shouldn't people over 40 have children? My dad had me at 40, no problem. A good friend of mine had his first child at 55. So what?
I'm 41, never thought about having children before being maybe 33. Things haven't turned out the right way, but does that mean I should stay without a family for all my life?
Now, I know so many very attractive, bright women at 40 that still don't have children, that still are single or in complex relationships that don't really iron out. They most of the time sacrified everything for their careers, and often their career just got rolling now. It's a problem for them, I agree, and less for the men. It's unfair, I agree. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 2/25/2008 8:35:17 AM | While I would not say to NOT have children when over 35, I would say to keep in mind a couple of things:
1. Most people have less energy when we are older and more potential to be sick. My father had a child at 40 and feels that his son missed out because my father was too tired to do certain things with him. My father admits that deciding to have the child was purely selfish and that only after the child arrives does the sacrifice begin. I don't hear many people deciding NOT to have children for the child's sake. He was also involved with a younger woman who had his child and guess how long that relationship lasted? I have always held the belief that deciding to have children is at the core a selfish act, our sacrifice comes later and some people are not prepared to do that.
2. I see hundreds of profiles on here of men my age and older who say they want children. They also say they love to travel, eat in fine restaurants etc., etc. Do any of these people realize how much their life will change with a child? Many of these people will end up hiring a nanny or some such thing and it will be the nanny who bonds with the child. Doing everday things like cooking, cleaning etc., is also bonding, time spent together and also teaches your child. On the other side of the coin, I see some profiles of men who want children and I can tell that they understand.
I think alot of people are now considering children as an extra in their lives and want to "have it all" and sometimes it's the child that loses.
Making the decision NOT to have children is not easy and hurts like hell, but why would one want to bring someone into this world where they felt they could not give their all to them?
Point being, the decision to have children comes often from a selfish, romantic notion. There you are, lying in bed with each other "oh, he/she would have your eyes", ooh, we would make beautiful babies together". We've all been there and had that romantic notion but that doesn't mean we should always follow that notion.
Many men and women see their siblings or friends with babies and become romanced with the idea. Yes, it's the idea that is drawing you in, NOT the reality. That's not to say that having children is not wonderful and romantic but one must understand it is tempered with reality too.
Most men and women I know in their 40's who have had children all agree with me.
All that said, I do think that some older people would make excellent parents and should go for it. But those are the ones who have thought about everything and are mature enough to realize exactly what this entails. They do also have the romantic part too though :) So yes, in that case it may be fair.
As for comparing having a baby vs grandparents raising children - that is not comparable as often the grandparents are "forced" (lack of a better word) into raising the child as the real parent is not available to do so. As a grandparent, would you rather raise your grandchild or see it in foster care? Duh.
Many people do not have a clue what it entails. I have lived with children almost all my life so I know what it entails. A single life vs a family life is completely different. Just ask any divorced man how much more time he has now that he is divorced - he's getting out and doing all sorts of things now that he has a week of "no kids".
As for babies having babies, well anyone can be a bad parent - at 20 or at 40. I've seen some pretty irresponsible people at 40 and some uber-responsible ones who were 20.
Some people really need to look at themselves and their lifestyle and ask themselves "can you and are you willing to give that up". Because, yes having children means you sometimes have to give some things up and willingly. Most childless people today truly do not understand what sacrifice really is. And that's the way our world is now..... | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 2/26/2008 6:55:39 PM | If the motivation is self-centered, you want a child because it is something for YOU, there is no age too old, except what is determined by nature.
If you keep the child's best interests in mind (which btw, you should), there is definitely an age that is too old. I'd argue it is around 45 - 50 depending on your health. Sure, anyone can die at any time but a child deserves a reasonable chance that you will be around to raise him/her to adulthood. If you haven't gotten around to having any kids by your early 40's, they are likely not enough of a priority for you and you likely fall into the first category.
I'm the child of a man who started a second family at 60! He kept food on our table and a roof over our heads, and was actually a pretty decent man... but he wasn't much of a father. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 2/26/2008 9:35:21 PM | This is just an individualistic question that it can't be generalized.
My sister just had her first one at age 43. She is EXTREMELY athletic and healthy. Her husband is healthy as well. Their son is very smart and very happy. If anything, I suspect my sister will wear her son out rather than the other way around.
I don't know if I'll bother having any, but I know I would not have made a good mother in my 20's or even early 30's for that matter. In my case, it would be to the child's benefit that I'm older and more mellow.
As far as guys wanting kids, again, it's an individual thing. Some are sincere about it. Some others are just using it as an excuse for going after women half their age. | |
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