| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 2/27/2008 1:30:28 PM | Depends, as slave labor or so you can collect more welfare. Either way you need to keep popping them out. Good luck.
lol just try and see how fast you get old trying live or collect welfare. Welfare if you can't tell burns out young women faster than any negative lifestyle yeah 30 year old women already look 48 trying to raise a baby on Welfare, can collect try sacrifice your life to welfare and buruacracy kind of defeats the purpose of having a child when you dont have a life.
Think about it older woman celebrates having children. They already have proven themselfs the top % of physical, intellectual, artistic, finanacial, and healthy lifestyles than most of the rest of us. So yeah they have better odds I would think of not having strokes or bloodpressure problems as well os other things woman die from in childbirth and same with their children. Still if you ovulate and you have the desire anybody can do what they want why not. | |
|
| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 2/27/2008 7:05:27 PM | I think its totally fair. My dad had my twin sister and me when he was 42, and lived a full, healthy life till just a couple years ago, when he died.
I think late twenties/early thirties are okay to start having children, but any earlier than that seems unfair to me in a different way.
I read COUNTLESS threads on here and other sites about young girls being pregnant, not knowing what to do, and people advising them to obtain government assistance/services in order to care for the child and themselves. No offense to anyone, and I know younger people can make great parents, but on the flip side I ask: Why is it, when men and women lead longer lives than ever, that it is "unfair" for those of us who are older -- read: now established, with advanced degrees, higher incomes, homes, excellent benefits, and the wisdom that age brings -- to have children? Without the huge tax base that many of us "older" people contribute to society, there would be no "help" for some of the younger people who need it from the government. No offense to anyone, just trying to show another side. | |
|
| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 2/28/2008 11:46:06 AM | Parenting is a partnership to me.
A guy who statistically won't be physically around for them by the time they to go off to college is a no-go.
I don't want to be a single parent. It is also one of the reasons why I won't date military men.
90% of life is just showing up.
My $.02. | |
|
| |
| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 3/24/2008 8:57:00 PM | | While married we tried to conceive for 10 years, and tried assisted reproduction, but it didn't work out. The stress of not becoming parents contributed to our divorce, and now I sit here at 42 and still want to hold a baby. Should I give up the chance of fatherhood because I'm over 40? I'm the baby of the family (my dad was 45, mom was 39), so as a child of older parents I agree that the generation gap is greater, but at the same time there are advantages to having mature parents. I'm very torn about this subject...The kicker is that I prefer the company of women my age, but not their fertility, and it makes me feel incredibly guilty. | |
|
| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 3/25/2008 9:37:50 AM | The amount of misinformation on this thread is astounding. Older does not equal less energy. Every person is different in this regard. I am just as active as I was in my early 20’s, and much more emotionally and financially stable. My grandmother just turned 80 and is in great health. She stays active and plays with her great grandchildren all the time!
Rates of miscarriage across the board are about 15%-20%. It does rise after the age of 40 to about 30%, but you have to factor in that the percentage is based on a smaller number of pregnancies. Most miscarriages occur in the first trimester and are believed to be genetic. Therefore, it is safe to assume that it wouldn’t have mattered what age the woman was, miscarriage was a risk. In fact, 90% of women who have a miscarriage go on to have a full-term healthy pregnancy.
Rates of Down’s syndrome for a woman delivering at age 40 is slightly less than 1%, and around 2% for all birth defects. Although the numbers increase exponentially after the age of 30, the numbers are so small that it isn’t surprising, nor is it alarming. At age 45, the risk has only increased to 3.5%. The base number of pregnancies has to be considered in this statistical analysis as well. Another interesting fact….35 has often been touted as this magical cut-off date when it’s too risky to become pregnant. This is actually a misnomer. Age 35 is when the risk of birth defects is greater than the risk of having an amniocentesis, which can trigger miscarriage, so doctors will recommend this diagnostic test more often in women over age 35.
There are costs and benefits to every decision we make in life. There is no right or wrong answer for everyone. We should all just do what we think is right. | |
|
| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 3/25/2008 2:12:58 PM | I don't think of the issue in terms of birth defects or energy to run around after kids. As long as the mother is of child-bearing age she can do the running around, and birth defects are always something of possibility that any potential parent needs to be prepared for. You can't just imagine you are going to get perfectly healthy kids just because you're both 25.
To me the reason I would hope men would get serious about finding a life partner a bit younger in life if they want to be fathers is so that they can be around long enough for their kids to become parents too. In my family we've been really lucky that everyone had kids between 21-36, so we have gotten to be a multi-generational family, but many of my friends are my age (mid-thirties) and are already having to deal with parents given a year to live or wondering how they are going to take care of an ailing parent who is no longer self-sufficient. These friends haven't even had kids yet themselves or have toddlers at home with them, but not only will the grandparents not be able to be there to help them with the raising of the kids (a real blessing for the kids, I assure you, if you haven't experienced it yourself) but instead of help the parents get the squeeze of older and younger depending on them.
So again, I'm not saying it is selfish to have kids when the man is 50 or that he SHOULDN'T do it. I'm saying to young men, start getting serious about finding a partner when you're in your late twenties, the same as women do, if you really want the best for your kids. If you really care about them having happy successful lives, don't play the field until you're 40 then start looking for a twenty something wife thinking you beat the game. No all men who haven't had kids by 40 have done that, but A LOT do think that way, which is one of the reasons younger women who want to get serious have no choice but to go with older men sometimes. | |
|
| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 3/25/2008 2:50:53 PM |
I'm saying to young men, start getting serious about finding a partner when you're in your late twenties, the same as women do
Sorry, but I've been serious since my early 20's. In contrast, I see plenty of 30-something women's profiles that talk about how they're "now ready to settle down" ... and I know a bunch of them personally. | |
|
| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 3/25/2008 3:40:20 PM | Exceptions only prove the rule. While some men fall in step with the majority of women on any issue and some women fall in step with the majority of men on any issue, in general I think any woman will tell you that men seem to wait longer to start taking finding a mother for their kids seriously. Women in general really start thinking about is sooner, because they have to by force of biology. Because men can physically wait longer to have kids, a lot just assume they will marry a younger woman and therefore have no need to seek a marriage in their twenties or early thirties. That's why you see so many men who do exactly that.
I don't think there is much worth debating on this point, but I do want to emphasize that I think the factor they are ignoring is the value of offering a child a multi-generational family instead of a nuclear family. | |
|
| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 3/25/2008 9:08:36 PM | This is a bit of a rant, but I picked up some things in this thread that seem to suggest I should be neutered at my age, and I disagree very strongly.
I'm a 48 yr. old single dad - I had custody of my son at the age of 4, he is now a 22 yr. old Navy vet in college, a Physics man, and still the apple of mine eye.
I have never regretted a moment of this - he was a strong gleam in my eye long before he was conceived, I know exactly when and where - I meant to. It was the best choice of my life. We have made Men of each other. Somehow, we always seem to love each other more and more each day.
The only possible regret is - I didn't have a dozen more.
So, now he does an excellent job of caring for himself, but lets me keep house, and since I retired on disability, I've been trying to finagle more children somehow. So far, I have a 2 and 3 yr. old pair of goddaughters, and I sometimes sit them and the house for weeks - then fly 2,500 miles home, and miss them for months. I have severe Baby Envy. Just the fact that they became potty trained while I was away kinda breaks my heart.
I'm looking for ideas. My genetics and state of health indicate that I should drop dead (probably a motorcycle accident) by age 120, but 110 seems doable, I've got an excellent family network, and I have heard of insurance - of all types. My son would surely care for his much smaller siblings as he would his own children in my absence - that is just who he is.
In short, I can make a thousand good arguments to do it again, and again and again, if I can. In any event, they don't have to be my kids, but I am so rewarded by the children in my life - and I feel I can handle more.
As a living thing, I feel it is my job to Pass it On. This is cellular level drive we're talkin' here. You may think I won't be around long, but when I was 20 I realized that death was ALWAYS at your elbow - and kept right on skinnin' my elbow on it - now, that doesn't happen nearly as often, and I feel as if I have more than enough luck to have granchildren by my children yet unborn before I go; in fact, children tend to make me very careful, and I'm sure my life would be extended by new little ones.
You have responsibility to your ancestors as well as your children, you know - after all, they gave you everything.
I have difficulty relating to people who "choose" not to have children - genetic suicide, that I may pursue a career, or a moderne lifestyle, or whatever - I think THESE people are the selfish ones, it's very clear to me somehow.
Am I being selfish? Yes. I get nothin' but good from my kid, and from my pixie goddaughters - a strong reward from mother nature, a big endorphin blast when I'm doing right by them, and they do right by me. Nature does not lie - it is Good.
Overpopulation is not the problem - selfishness is the problem; some are so poor, they starve - while some are so rich, they eat themselves to death. If these could but meet in the middle, earth's population capacity would be greatly extended.
Women live so long beyond child bearing age only because nature decrees they are still valuable - they are Wise, and can teach - not all that physical; there is something to be learned here - having children when young requires more energy because we waste more energy; we don't quite know how to deal with children yet.
But my parents taught me the low-energy method before I started myself - teach them to communicate, to reason, as soon as possible, and then gently argue with them until they wholeheartedly agree. Obedience is not what you're after; do not raise a child to obey, but to question, not to control others, but to control themselves, and encourage them to come to you for answers by giving satisfying answers - dead honest answers.
I never, ever had hit my son, yet he has been seemingly perfectly obedient, and has gone out of his to way to please. The best reward is positive attention and thoughtful discussion - which costs nothing, and benefits you, too. He rebelled as a teenager - for three days - and was so penitent, he cleaned the house from top to bottom as a surprise. I must be doing something right.
All of us have different conditions and different reasons, none of us are Statistics. I feel I can raise a kid to fend for him or her self on every level by the age of 13, when I see so many adults who just can't do it. It's not how long you're around, but what you teach in the time given - and none of us knows how long that will be, so...
Get a move on!
luv,
LUCI | |
|
| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 3/25/2008 9:24:51 PM | I think the situation is so totally different for men and for women.
Men can create a child at any age..... well if he is healthy and not shooting blanks.
Women have a certain cut off point where they can no longer reproduce...produce fertile egg.
I do see a lot of guys in their 30s and 40s...even 50s looking for a LTR...and to find a mate to start a family. I say good for them. They are possibly now at a point where they are financially where they want to be, they feel that they now have the time and the money to spend on a family. They want a good nurturing relationship now and offspring.
women... well a lot of us who have been married previously have our kids... (the stretchmarks...lol)... and have experienced the child-bearing, child-rearing years and want it over with ...... no regrets , yet no desire to revisit that.
I met my EX when I was 19.... we had our kids later... I was 33 with my first... 38 when I had my third child. It is not an easy go for women...we are still the primary caregivers, the ones who work out of the home and in the home.
I did consider having another child not so long ago.... but it passed... unfortunately I am in a comfortable age range to be doing the labourous task of child-bearing and rearing.... my girls are finally out of diapers.
If the man of my dreams were here now....and wanted a child...and we could afford a nanny.... I might do it! | |
|
| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 3/26/2008 3:55:19 AM | | I was twenty three but my Sister MY friend and her two friends were all in the 35-39, all basically the same time. both my grandparents were late 30s or even in 40s, My Aunt had her last on in her mid40s Hes graduated from Oxford . so if you looked after yourself or even if you dont have a perfect child like someone else mentioed the number of young Moms makes the problems look lesser than the few older woman if something isnt perfect stands out more. The worst was when the settlers got here and sent for wives as young as could be who died in childbirth. Some Illnesses get better During pregnancy Like MS | |
|
| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 3/26/2008 11:32:51 AM | Interesting Topic!
As a Lady with no children and who's in her late thirties, I'm thinking that it's not too late to have children. However, I know that I'm certainly not getting any younger and there is a reasonable limit. I could not see myself having a baby at age 43 or even later.
Many times, I've been accused of "being selfish" because of my NOT being a Mom. It seems that the ones who make thier attempts to make me feel guilty are the same neglectful and/or regretful Parents who constantly push thier responsibilites & expect others to be responsible for raising thier kids. I think these ignorant remarks are just out of Jealousy.
I strongly believe that becoming a Parent is a CHOICE. I've made my choice. I have CHOSEN to become accustomed to a child-free lifestyle. This means I have CHOSEN to pick up & go where I want, when I want. I have chosen to be worry-free about child-care and all the time & expense that goes with being a Parent & I have CHOSEN to never allow others to make me feel guilty about it!! | |
|
| |
| |
| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 3/28/2008 10:03:12 PM | | If you have to stretch before taking a dump...your time has passed. Adopt an older child. Nobody wants to have to attend a parents funeral in grade 2. | |
|
| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 4/1/2008 1:09:32 AM | "Didn't get a chance to have kids before 35... don't want them after 35."
I some woman that either nevr had children or decided not to and dont have kids I also no the reverse. Life isnt always a piece of cake. if it isnt right or its to hard why should you feel you got too old you might just have beter insight into yourself why have any regrets if you choose it best without them. | |
|
| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 4/1/2008 3:07:01 AM |
I have noticed that there are quite a few men in their late 30's and 40's who don't have children and want children. It seems selfish to me.
lol are you kidding me. Well I'm 36 and don't have any kids, my plate is all clean & spiffy... so what seems selfish to ME is when a woman who has already experienced having and raising kids, thinks I'm supposed to just accept it that I wasn't meant to have any of my own... and in turn, accept a ready-made family with her... and to make her kids my priority in life as if they were my own. THAT is selfish. Sorry but there is no stamp on my forehead that says just because I'm childless in my mid-thirties that I should forget about ever having a family of my own and settle for some other man's family that he apparently didn't want. | |
|
| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 4/1/2008 8:49:52 AM | | people hater you just took the words out of my mouth!!! I get the same thing. I feel the same way. And look around there's alot of older women these days having kids simply because the medical technology is there. Don't let anyone make you think that it's wrong to have kids later in life. At least you'll know that their your own kids. | |
|
| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 4/1/2008 12:34:27 PM | | I believe the trend is that people have kids at later ages now. And begin families including marriage a long a similar time frame. So it is not as uncommon as it had been years ago for women to have kids and families in their late thirties to early forties. | |
|
| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 4/1/2008 12:44:06 PM | I don't know if it is different for men but I know that a woman in her late 30's and definitely in her 40's is considered an "older" parent.
I think that older single parents would also be less uncommon as is with people who have children at a later age. | |
|
| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 4/1/2008 5:37:07 PM | | I am in my mid 30's and I still think its not to late to have childreen. I beleive u have to be happy with yourself. There is no "I have to rush" Life is funny sometimes. | |
|
| |
| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 8/9/2008 5:44:44 PM | I belive there is no ege limit to have children, and complications only are due to mal nutrition and stressful situations and there's when mostly the Men come into play Women are to Love,Cherish and Protect The creators of life We all come from one and will end with one Compromizing is the Key. overall there is no worries on when is your right to decide. | |
|
| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 8/10/2008 11:24:51 AM | | Im 41 and found out I was having a baby last October, sadly I mis carried January, would I go thru it again ............ probably. Im young at heart and keep fit and would have given my baby every opportunity that other mothers could have done. | |
|
Home
login 
