7733
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Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 151 | |
| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 8/10/2008 1:08:01 PM | | For men is different than women. Men can have healthy kids even if they are 45-50-55 and even 60. However, the nature unfortunately hasn't been fair in this case. A simple research (can put keywords in google such as "birth complications" etc) will show that while women up to 30 don't have any problems in general about having kids after that age, especially after 35 it becomes a big issue for them. So, I don't get what's the problem if those men who don't have kids like me want to marry someone (I can't imagine it may happen thru this creepy site though) who is able to have healthy kids? For me I have a choice - to consider dating seriously someone taking into the consideration this. It's easy to find a woman just for fun, and pretty much at this age for me I have had too much fun already by being with all sorts of women. And I think any serious man who has the same intentions should act like that prior to taking all the nonsense women say by trying to accomodate us to your attitude, desires, wishes, by also manipulating the way any normal man may think as the OP does here to impress with your appearance, sexiness etc. All these worth nothing for me if the basics, meaning being a quality woman who is healthy, is in the right age and is willing and be able to have kids. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 8/10/2008 3:17:51 PM | | For women that would be (on average) over the age of 30-35. Starting at that point the chances of complications from pregnancy and birth defects start to rise dramatically. Personally I think any woman or couple who has kids when her body is past this point should be on their own should there be any problems. Why should taxpayers and insurance members have to pay for a middle aged woman's indecision? | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 8/10/2008 8:32:35 PM | Iagree that the risks are higher but there are risks in everything that we do. I living in the city, have had a very full life and am at a stage when children and a family would be the perfect situation, I have always wanted this my whole life but city life and career choices have not been condusive to finding Mr Right. I have seen plenty of grandparents raise children equally as well and often better than their children could have because they are often wiser with more patience than the young who may feel they are missing out or neglect to give the much needed attention due to the necessities of putting food on the table, as is city life. I guess it is nice to have gotten older and have had your children being young with a lot of energy for them but young or older I think a good parent is a good parent full stop.
I woul like to have children still, and i am 38; but i would rather not have them if i could not have them within a stable relationship. so as i have not found that i may well loose my chance to have them, i am well aware of it; so i am pleased that there are men who probably also got caught up in work and life now wanting to be settled and still hoping to have children means theres still hope for me to have my dream. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 8/10/2008 9:59:26 PM | | I don't think it's a bit selfish for older men to want children. The problem is that most women our age have already had children and most don't want any more, that's great for them, but I would still want my own children. I now have a whole lot more to offer them and they would have a lot to benefit from having an older father than most kids thier ae ( as they grow up) I wish someone would show me where these women are who like older men and hook me up. LOL! I seem to find the ones who are through having kids, or can't have them, or they don't like me for one reason or another. I wish I could go back in time and NOT marry my 13 years older ex-wife. Please help!!! | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 8/11/2008 4:03:46 AM | We sure do have alot of medical professionals on POF!! There's plenty of women having healthy babies after 40. But POF is fantasy land where everyone thinks they have all the right answers and think it's ok to test drive people before getting into a serious relationship!!! | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 8/11/2008 4:27:36 AM | I am a child of older parents.
My mum was 37 and my dad was 44 when I was born.
From the age of about 9 to 34 I spent most of my time as a carer due to long term illness in both of my parents before each of them passed away.
Caring is really hard work and isn't something I would want a child of mine to have to deal with at such a young age as I have been on the other side of it. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 8/11/2008 1:10:04 PM | Hello Rocein,
I have read your posting, I totally agree with you. I am 36 years old I am running a business and like you I would only consider having kids with the right person, and of course as I am getting wiser with time I feel it will be better for the kids as you can indeed pass all the knowledge you have along with all the feeling you have built over the years. It is equally important to be in a loving and long term stable relationship to bring the little ones up in the very best conditions. The life we lead now is fast and furious, pressure to earn more money, spend more money and in doing so catching a breath for a moment to stop and think about why and what we are doing. My dreams equal yours I sometimes feel at 36 it is getting late but hey best to be alone than with the wrong person and try to have kids for the sake of it.
Rocein your profile fascinate me, unfortunately for me the website will not allow me to get in touch with you. I hope we can find a way to connect! | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 8/11/2008 1:36:35 PM |
Is it fair to a child/older woman for an older man to still want children?
I believe it is. Often guys who want kids at a later age never had them. Or at least went through the experience of being there through their development. I 'd say it is similar to someone who never experienced a childhood and acting it out at a later age. Women may typically do the same thing but get to experience it through a surrogate if they are not able to have them themselves. I do think when a person goes through the process of having children it becomes something they are less likely to be willing to do after two or three. But I think it would depend on the couple and their ability to manage having kids. I don't have children. It was more of not wanting to be slowed down. So I didn't have them. I'd be open to it at this point. But if someone thought it was unfair to consider having children at an older age I would say that they are developing opinions based on old information. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 9/7/2008 2:21:29 PM | I dont think fair or any of that comes into play. Its our life and its the only one we get unless we are into reincarnation... Im not. So If I want kids at any age its my choice to either choose to be in a relationship where it is an option or reprioritize. If that means some womes are off my list for age or do to their own stated preference of not wanting them then hey. Thats how it goes, some women wont give me the time of day because Im 5'6 or because I ride motorcycles or travel too much for work or they hate blonds. Everyone is entitled to make their own decisions.
As for what do I mean when I say I want children. Well it means I want at least one child who shares my own DNA to walk this planet after I am gone. Am I completely fixated on that? NO, but I am fixated on having a real family with kids. If you have some, one, an army of them... AND... I feel that I like them, could love them as my own and bond with them enough that I think it can satisfy my need for a family that I will always feel is MY family, not some borrowed on the weekend kid that resents me for taking his mom and I'll never be his REAL dad and he/she doesn't have any desire to hang out and do fun parent, kid stuff with me, then I will probably place my feelings for the woman in question and our compatability far higher than my needs to procreate and father my own offspring. Just as I could be happy adopting... I could be happy helping to raise the right kids with the right woman. They don't even need to call me DAD, but I want them to feel it and I need to feel it.
Thats only fair. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 9/8/2008 8:09:40 PM | I am 38 and have given myself until I am 40 to have children. I have a lot more patience now than I did when I was younger and am also in a better place to be able to provide for that child as well. People are living a lot longer than they used to and older people are a lot more active and healthy now too.
At the same time I have come to like the lifestyle I lead as well and having a child would change all that. For better or worse I don't know. I know I wouldn't be the exception and mistaken for my child's grandma though. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 9/9/2008 8:35:03 AM | | I am 37, I have been a parent since I was 20, my youngest is turning only 5, am I 100% decided not to have anymore children, no. But by the time Imeet someone, move along the relationship to the point of considering having children, I'll probably be 40 +, do I WANT a teenager in my house when I'm in my 60s, no I dont, I want to travel before I'm to old to enjoy it. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 9/30/2008 2:12:20 PM | Caring is really hard work and isn't something I would want a child of mine to have to deal with at such a young age as I have been on the other side of it.
This is exactly the point! This woman is thinking of her children, and NOT of herself. Deciding to have children is a selfish decision. The selflessness comes later.
Think of your children and their future. I don't begrudge or would not tell anyone to NOT do it, but THINK about it. I personally wouldn't want my 9 year old having to take care of me either.
You're lying in bed with your lover and you are dreaming and discussing "the baby will have your eyes" etc., etc., this is NOT serious talk, this is dreamy "I want" talk. Many many many people don't really think beyond that "I want" stage. My father didn't and he admits it.
As for anything in life being a risk, this is true, but there's no proof that you will die or live tomorrow, but there is proof that you get sicker as you get older. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 10/3/2008 7:31:19 AM | Well biologically my father had me when he was 47 and my mom was 42 and that was *ahem* 43 years ago and a time when that was rare. And my brother in law became a father for the first time @ 50 or so, and my sister was in her 40's, and that was 17 years ago, and it was a lot less of a shock/medical issue...
And do to all manner of life stuff, I haven't had kids....though I want to, but I have kind of resigned myself to it not happening, in fact I switched from "wanting kids (1-2)" to "Open to the possibility" because of this....it's not a total deal breaker for me anymore, although sometimes it is, I go back and forth on it.
So personally I'm not worried about my ability for my "fishes to swim upstream," it's just finding a partner who want to. Most women in their 40's have done it and aren't interested...so that would mean someone in their 30's. But to be honest I haven't found many mid-late 30's who shares the same values and interests as I do.
It's funny, in my late 20's I didn't want to have kids, in fact I seriously considered have "the operation" to make it not possible....Looking back, and knowing how I feel know, I'm so glad I didn't make that decision. I'm still childless....but at least the potential is there.
I've been told by most of the women who I have dated who have kids, that I would make a great father.... | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 10/4/2008 7:33:54 AM | At a point when you need to resort to fertility treatments you really should reconsider the selfish need to reproduce your DNA and adopt a child instead.
IMO when nature is telling you loud and clear you're unfit to be a parent, you should listen. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 10/4/2008 9:33:24 PM | There is no rule on this.
Age: a couple in their 50's may treat a child better than those young couples you hear about in the news each night -- we all know the types. Guess who's raising the kids of some young parents these days? Yep, grandma and grandpa.
Longevity: You can be a young couple then both of you can die in a plane crash or be killed in war-- the results are still the same.
An older couple has less chances of birth defects as a younger couple who use recreational drugs or drink heavily.
There's no one set formula for anyone.
It's all about if the child will be loved and cared for. That's it, really.
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 10/5/2008 12:20:19 AM | My dad was 49 when I was born, my mom was 40.
Both my parents passed on when I was in my early 30's.
My dad passed on before his mom did, he was 79 years old.
Its all ok by me.
Too old?
Wasn't the average life span around 40 years, from waaay back eons ago, right up until the last few centuries? So what would have been considered too old back then to have kids.... 21 years old?
Humans live for an incredibly short period of time.
100 summers is next to nothing by my perspective.
You are too old to still want children when you are dead.
And with all this crazy modern technology, it might not be too late even then, genetically speaking. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 10/5/2008 1:47:49 PM | | Are you serious? Having a baby with a guy who is 58? I'd be way too worried about birth defects, mental illness, etc. Plus, the guy would be close to 80 (if even still alive) when the kid graduates from high school. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 10/5/2008 2:29:58 PM | hthr60, yes I was serious.
I had my 3 kids with my then husband, now X. He brought the worst genetics and all of it was traced back to him! He was under 30, but he has some bad genetics running in his family. I have a 5 yr old high functioning Autistic daughter, a 4 yr old who was born with TWO holes in his heart and they closed naturally and he can now do anything that a normal 4 yr old would, and my 3 yr old has a stutter and delayed motor skills.
Now, I see the difference in the genetics of a man who is 5 yr older then me and they are proven bad(above) and the genetics of my 58 yr old BF, he has 2 daughters younger then me who are very bright and no genetic faults. Now I look at the track record and have to go which would I go with? The bad gene pool young guy or the good gene pool older guy??
Oh and yes, he would be 76 and I would be 49 when a baby would graduate high school.  | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 10/5/2008 5:34:06 PM | | Do a google search on "advanced paternal age", which is considered 40+. This is the reason fertility clinics don't even take sperm donors over the age of 40 anymore. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 10/5/2008 6:56:44 PM |
Do a google search on "advanced paternal age", which is considered 40+. This is the reason fertility clinics don't even take sperm donors over the age of 40 anymore
Hthr60, in the ideal, all children would have loving parents, with perfect genetics, and who are prepared to parent well. Obviously, that's not the case, and there are all sorts of variables.
I will readily admit that there is a greater risk in having children at my age, than there were at age 20, 25, or 30. That being said, even the elevated risk, by age, are offset by other factors, of having no history of genetic defects with the two daughters who were born, when I was in my 30s, and that there is no history of birth defects in my family.
Let me add, too, Hthr, that my 25 year old daughter has 2 Master's degrees. My younger daughter, a college senior at 20, because she skipped 5th grade, will graduate the week she turns 21. Neither ever had any sort of serious disease. Neither every had emotional or behavioural issues.
One other factor, that will indicate many others, is that I've asked my daughters, and both affirm that they never remember being told, by either their mom or me, that they were "bad", or discouraged from pursuing their hopes or dreams. Neither ever feared their parents.
I taught both girls to read, from McGuffy readers, when they were 4, and each was the best reader in their grade school. Both were doing basic arithmetic at age 5, having been taught at home. I was also their softball coach for several years. They are reasonably well adjusted, well educated, socially balanced young women.
So, what are a child's chances in life with me as their father, in my late 50s, or a 20 year old, that one might see on an episode of "Cops"? Or how about a 25 year old with a family history of genetic diseases, or birth defects?
So, while having more children was a thought I had let go, when I hit 50, part of getting involved with much younger women, is the possibility of having more children. I'm not averse to the idea. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 10/6/2008 12:57:54 AM | It's all Irrelevant
1 In 1200 young women has a down syndrome child - but TONS more women have kids at that age = so your chances are actually higher for your young missus to have one since not only 10,000 women have a Child that year In that age group but hundreds of thousands.
People need to stop playing doctor with what they heard once - especially the men with NO Idea! Or actually look Into stats and how they were formed 
Bet ya grannys all had a kid In the 40s - was normal before birth control was so easily available - and errr they are FINE!
Had to add my useless bit as these threads are so annoying with so many nfi men on about they need a younger woman = 1 in 1000 kids at any age group mother is still born - best u not have a kid - you cant handle the stats men
Theres A RISK at any age with children period - a older or younger woman Is not going to change that for you.
And by the way check out the latest french uni studies proving its sperm over 35 that causes most of the Issues The older women getting the young sperm DO FINE - as even fertility clinics say - dont touch sperm over 35 unless your married to It. Ie dont use a donor past that age If you can avoid It.
So u may now find since Its all out there - no young woman would risk a old man - for he may give her a child with problems.
If you want a child and you can have a child naturally at any age - do so simple. But guys need to wake up to the realitys not be trying to only chase women masses younger then them = who If they research It wouldnt have a child to them anyway due to the Incredibly higher miscarraige - deformity and still birth rate now proven attached to OLD sperm from men past 35 | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 10/6/2008 8:24:05 AM | | My sister was in her 40's when she had her kids. She said it was great because she had her career and everything when she was younger. She said being more settled in life made her a better mother. She had all the time in the world to spend on her kids since everything else had been taken care of. She married a much younger man though and I think that had a lot to do with it. | |
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warning. My BF had that issue and I accepted it, but when he said he was open to trying, I didn't oppose him but made sure it was truly what he wanted.
