| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 10/8/2008 6:45:35 PM | I'm 36 and I think I've hit my expiration date in terms of having kids. Guess it just isn't meant to be.  I don't however, see anything wrong with a guy my age or a bit older wanting children. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/5/2008 8:09:06 AM | | What difference does it make? There are problems both ways. I find myself desiring a younger woman simply for the fact that most women in my age group (I'm 51) do not want to raise anymore kids. My 2 year old son is my best asset (for lack of a better description). Most of my family and friends put me down for marrying a younger woman (she was 26, I was 47) My second mariage and her fourth. She has four kids including mine, and does not have any of them with her. I have custody of ours (her third), my second. I checked the box Prefer Not To Say on my profile when it comes to wanting children. I got negative responses when I said No because of having a child at home now. I meant I do not want any additional new children. Also had negative responses of women thinking I would not accept their child. I did not mean that. I am willing to accept her child as I expect my son to be accepted. Hope that clears this up. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/5/2008 8:10:32 AM | | Don't think that. My sister had her third child at 42. I was 49 when I had my second, but for a man it is not that big of a deal. Its only a big deal to reaise them as I am now raising my 2 year old alone. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/5/2008 6:14:55 PM | | I don't think there is a set age limit for this. I just think there comes a point when you get older where your mind begins to noticeably shift and you are forced to consider the possibility that it might not happen in this lifetime. Once you grasp this concept you are able to make adjustments and slowly adapt to a different angle on life. I mean it sucks to think about not being able to procreate but, it can't be the end of the world. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/6/2008 11:44:54 PM | I'm sorry, but I have to say this: all I am hearing on here is "what I want" or "what she wants". What about the child ???? What about your responsibility to the child ???
Do you really think that raising a child ends when they are 18 ....or 20 ???? Are you really so sure that you will live to be 90 ???
My father was 42 when I was born, my mother a few years younger. They were
( and are) the most amazing parents. Thank God they are still on this earth. I'm so lucky, my dad just turned 86 a couple of months ago.
Besides accidents happening, everyday people in their 50's or 60's die. From what I can tell, it would seam that everyday you live past 50, your risk of dying increases. I have seriously worried about my parents dying for 20 to 25 years. Again, I really do feel lucky that they are still around .....I'm 43.
There are many more issues that I don't want to go into on here about having "older parents", but the cold hard truth is, no-one should have to live with the serious risk of losing their parents when they are 20 or 25.
I wasn't ready for children when I was in my 20's. In my 30's, I just didn't have a good long term relationship that produced children. Now that I'm in my 40's, there simply is no-way that I would consider putting a kid through that. Sure, I would welcome a woman that has children, and treat them as my own, but to start a family at my age is ir-responsible. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/7/2008 5:02:45 PM | | Although the OP seems to have left POF, I thought I'd add something anyway. I just turned 40 and would have liked to have had children by now with an awesome man. I was in two long-term relationships that (I thank God now) didn't produce any children. I did have my profile marked as wanting children, but it seems men my age have already had theirs and don't want anymore. I've since changed it to open/unsure...Because I am older, I am considering fostering children and/or adopting children. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/7/2008 8:49:17 PM | I would look at your statement in a few ways. I personally think it's smart to wait until you're in your thirties. Many people that i know who had children in their late teens, early twenties.. struggled. When you're in your thirties, you are more established.. which I think is fair for the child.
Second, it's genes. Studying science.. there has been some research that suggests when men are in their 40's, a defect can happen. Though, there are a ton of other factors.. My point.. Men do not age as fast as women. It is so much easier for a man to look sexy at 43 (using that as an example), than a woman. Men do have more options at that age, in my opinion.
Each case is certainly different. Speaking from my own experience, I've already been married. It lasted for a short amount of time. The job market SUCKS.. Working on a second degree. I don't think it would have been fair to put a child through a divorce, then struggle with school. I'd like to have a child, though when school is finished. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/8/2008 6:57:17 AM | | Easier for a younger woman but when you want a family the urge never goes away however the biological timing does...hence why many older couples end up adopting in addition to infertility reasons as well. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/8/2008 1:18:48 PM | | Sorry, I still think that with a lot of men, saying they want children when they are over 40 is an easier way of saying they don't want to date women in their own age group. If they accept adoption, well then they are being realistic and it could be that the really do want a child, but if they insist on having their own biological children..well, then it could be an excuse. I guess this is because I've met a few guys like that. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/9/2008 1:22:39 PM | | It's up to you. For me, no I don't want children now, my oldest is 28, then 26 and 21. Have grandkids that are 5,4, and 2. Personally, I don't want any kids coming out of my body younger than my grandkids. If a person I am seeing has children of any age, thats perfectly fine with me, cause they aren't mine. My cousin had her children starting at the age of 45, her and her hubby love it, and I do love my little cousins, they are so cute. Just depends on the person. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/10/2008 4:36:12 PM | The stats say that after a woman turns 35, risk of autism skyrockets. I hadn't read about the male age factor before, but that could make sense too.
Don't mention reality like this in public - people go psycho and yell, "You can't prove there is a connection between age and autism".
All you have to do is look at the age/autism charts. Apparently there is a lot of money to be made with fertility treatments for older women, so I guess this is supposed to stay secret and keep saying "we don't know what causes autism", when in fact we do. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/10/2008 6:06:26 PM | | What these older men don't realize is that there is also a risk of illness and birth defects when the father is older also. Perhaps not as high a risk as with women, but there is a risk. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/11/2008 2:40:32 PM | | My children came when I was younger. I do understand people wanting kids if they haven't had them, but it is a deal breaker for me when a lady wants children at my age. I'm also not interested in not adopting. It's almost time for the grandkids to start coming now. I definitely don't want to be raising young children when I'm in my 50's. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/11/2008 5:56:44 PM | | I don't know when my expiration date is..........I have two beautiful girls but would love a little boy, but if I don't meet anyone I am fine with not having anymore either. I guess that is a decision I and the person I choose to be with will have to decide together. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/11/2008 8:01:35 PM | I'm in my late 30s, with no children, and I'd still prefer to have children if I met the right partner who was also willing.
I have noticed that there are quite a few men in their late 30's and 40's who don't have children and want children. It seems selfish to me. I certainly don't believe I'm "selfish".
-Wouldn't it have been more selfish of me to deliberately have children when I was too young and not financially stable enough to provide them with a stable up-bringing?
-Would it not have been more selfish of me to concieve children prior to being in a committed relationship which I expected to last? | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/12/2008 6:39:19 PM | post 180:
I think men over 40 who say they still want children so they can have an excuse for dating younger women Well, I'm not 40 yet, but I'll respond to this.
My reason for still hoping to have children is: I do not currently have any.
As far as dating, or a potential relationship, I'd really prefer someone close to my own age.
But, I will admit that there's few women my own age who are still willing to have children. So I realise that if I do end up meeting someone to potentially start a family with, it would more likely be with someone a little bit younger than myself.
I guess my most likely options are:
-meet someone my own age and never have children of my own,
or
-have children of my own with a younger partner. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/12/2008 8:46:49 PM | Ferruginous:
I said most, but not all...and honestly? Since you aren't over 40, you aren't too old to want children and in your case, it really isn't an issue. You do make some valid points though, I'd have to agree. Not to be rude, you probably shouldn't have waited so long! (don't take that as an insult!)
I think most men 45+ who still want to have their own biological children are a little selfish and in a lot of cases, using it as an excuse to exclude dating women of their own age. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/12/2008 11:18:31 PM | Your right for the most part about older men. =)
I had my daughters when I was 33 and 35 and for that I am so thankful.If I would have had kids when I was in my 20's I don't I wold have been a good father I woould have loved them and fought the world for them,,but financially,career wise,maturity wise--forget it. 30's are the best time to have them.IMO | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/13/2008 5:35:04 AM |
Not to be rude, you probably shouldn't have waited so long! That's your personal opinion. I don't think it's rude. But I do think it may be a little ignorant.
I am a person who would not want to have children, until a had a secure lasting relationship. Perhaps you think that's wrong. I personally believe it's much more responsible than the people who concieve children at a young age, and raise them in dysfunctional homes. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/13/2008 5:38:37 AM | Ferruginous:
It could be a little ignorant, yes. I guess the reason I feel that way, is as a woman we don't have that luxury. It's unfortunate, but because of biological constraints, we are almost forced to have children before we are ready. I do agree that it's more responsible to wait, unfortunately not a lot of people feel the way you do. So, there I back up my opinion. | |
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| When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 11/13/2008 7:39:47 AM | ^^^^What's ignorant is your suggestion to me that I should have had children sooner.
You even agreed that it's more responsible to wait. Are you contradicting yourself?
I can accept the fact that many people past a certain age may not want to have children.
But it's ignorant to suggest thayt they should have deliberately had children at a younger age, just for the sake of having children.
Far too many social problems in our society result from people concieving children outside of stable relationships and/or concieving children at a time when when they're not prepared to raise them properly.
In my opinion, it is ignorant, and irresponsible, of you to suggest that more people should have been concieving children prior to having stable relationships, or at a time when they may have not been able to raise them.
I haven't had children, yet. But that also means:
-I've never raised children in poverty.
-I've never abandonded kids.
-I've never dragged children through the drama of a parent's seperation, or bitter custody battle.
I consider it very ignorant for someone to suggest that it would be better if I had raised under those circumstances, rather than wait until a later age to concieve them. | |
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