| Going back to the Ex!!!!
Posted: 2/2/2007 2:15:22 AM | Going back to the Ex!!!!
WHY?
An ex, IS an ex, for a reason.
Burry any thoughts of them, and leave em waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyy, behind ya, and move on and never, ever look back.
The ex, IS. H-I-S-T-O-R-Y.
Ya had your time with them, let em go for once and for all. | |
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| Going back to the Ex!!!!
Posted: 2/2/2007 11:46:29 AM | YesIAmCute:
"I love you too much to change you, and I love myself too much to settle for you."
Well said. Splitting with someone does not mean they are a bad person. It mostly means you aren't compatible enough to live together and maintain a permanent relationship.
It has always bothered me how divorces and other splits so often come to blows. Why not just accept your differences and move on? | |
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| Going back to the Ex!!!!
Posted: 2/2/2007 11:55:27 AM | Nat12345:
Since nobody else answered your questions, I'll give them a shot.
What if you feel that your ex IS your soulmate?
Great! Enjoy each others' company. But being soulmates doesn't guarantee complete compatibility and happiness, does it?
What if you had the best sex ever with your ex?
I did. When it happened. But relationships don't revolve around sex. Or, at least, they shouldn't. There are a lot more things behind a relationship than just good sex.
What if no other guy came close to how your ex was with you in bed?
See above. But how do you know there isn't a better person out there for you? For me, sex is only a part of the relationship. And it's better if the other emotional parts are there, too. [BTW: For me, please substitute "other woman" for "other guy"] 
What if you feel that you can love no other like you love your ex?
I'm sure a lot of people feel this way; especially those who did not make the choice to leave the relationship. But, ask the same question the other way around. "What if you feel that you can love someone else like you [think you] love your ex?"
For me, I look forward to finding someone with whom I can have a wonderful and lasting relationship. The past is the past. I'm looking forward to the future.
~Rick | |
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| Going back to the Ex!!!!
Posted: 2/2/2007 1:01:04 PM | i have thought about going back... to my kids step dad..
we broke up for a variety of reasons.. one being his ex wife.. and finanically.. child support can be totally unreasonable at times..
my ex has his kids back living with him full time.. so now there is no major financial problems.. and the ex wife has finally decided she likes her total freedom.. ( the boys are 17 and 14 years old) ..
but as i have thought what if we worked things out.. i realized i enjoy our friendship.. now. and it really worked out for the very best.. we are good friends, we spend time with the kids.. his parents still invite me for dinner..
why would i change it.. and make it complicated by trying to work things out..
i believe things happen for a reason..
yes i know i am lucky that i can enjoy the best parts of my relationship with him...
this may change if either of us end up in another relationship,.. that is a bridge we will cross one day. | |
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| Going back to the Ex!!!!
Posted: 4/14/2007 6:28:25 PM | | I know from experience and from fiends who have been in the same boat; but what really made sense to is when one friend told me that women are like donkeys, once they learn something they always do it agian. But I'm sure this applies both ways. thanks. | |
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| Going back to the Ex!!!!
Posted: 4/14/2007 9:20:03 PM | Sometimes it depends on where you are in your life. Your ex was a part of you and your life prior to being an 'ex'. And in that prior life they fulfilled certain needs. Some of them may have been sexual but mostly emotional.
I have an ex with whom I have re-connected 10 years after we broke up and again 33 years after. I think it's quite wonderful to reconnect with someone who was important to you and who played a large role in your life. They have a whole different perspective on who you are. I believe the ideal is to be able to have your ex'es still be important people in your life. For me, my ex is someone whom I can trust and feel comfortable with. I don't have to pose or pretend to be other than whom I am. Yes I am a little older, wiser/stupider(?), but there are like an old friend. They can say things to you from a vantage point that very few people in your life have!
Personally I don't like the never look back attitude. I think it takes time to reach the plateau of being able to do this and not all ex-es and break-ups are suited for this but I definitely feel it's a worthwhile place to be and my ex has been a valuable friend. | |
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| Going back to the Ex!!!!
Posted: 4/14/2007 10:46:33 PM | I have FINALLY admitted to myself ........... nope.
It took me three long years to actually go over the hump from wishing to ...... realizing I am better off.
Married 17 years - friends with an occasional bOink and pretty close phone contact - for three more years. She killed the marriage - but I finished it off after those three more years.
I would be a fool to potentially wreck all the work I have done on myself over these last 8/9 months. I had to totally rebuild every ounce of my self esteem/confidence/pride and self worth.
We will always love each other (in a certain fashion) be we are just too mix matched on the affection department. I am not even talking about sex. I am talking about feeling worthless/unimportant/undesirable and alone in the same house. | |
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| Going back to the Ex!!!!
Posted: 4/14/2007 11:07:00 PM | | Everybody is so negative and quick to throw away love or not even try to save a relationship.I think the second time around would be the best because you'll fix the problems from before and know what not to do this time around.Your more likely not to take each other for granted and know if you don't make an effort it will end and this time for good.Way I see it if more people go back to their ex's doesn't say much about the dating pool out there does it? I've gone back to ex's in the past and it worked better then the original relationship is many cases.The key is that both people WANT it to work and they make a sincere effort.If they want it and they make the effort how could it not work? if they don't how could it? | |
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| Going back to the Ex!!!!
Posted: 4/14/2007 11:24:49 PM | Do you miss him or just the idea of him?
I think we tend to have selective memories when it comes to remembering old times. It's only when we do get back together and those same old feelings are triggered that we wonder if we've really forgiven, forgotten and are ready to start anew.
It's been interesting to see the variety of perspectives on this question. I have mixed feelings about my own situation. Ironically, this is one of the reasons I joined POF. I think, in my case, I wasn't so much missing "him," I was merely missing the whole idea of being in a relationship.
When he contacted me, it felt all "comfy, cozy" again...for about 24 hours! LOL
Some folks were mentioning things like loyalty, committment and working things out. My parents tried to do that for 45 miserable years. I vowed that I would never try to flog a dead horse like they did. It was awful. Their marriage ended when my father died, but in reality, it had been dying a slow, painful death long before that.
If you're anything like me, you probably will give it another try. LOL I'm sure there are tons of success stories out there. As many others said, it's as personal and individual as you are.
Good luck with this! Please keep us posted.
Marjatta | |
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| Going back to the Ex!!!!
Posted: 4/14/2007 11:25:42 PM | I have! I was in a 15 year relationship have children yada yada....split up for about a year and then got back together for a year...it was a nightmare and I am going to tell you...no matter what is said....things return to the same old things that made you realize you couldn't be with them in the first place....they just get a little better at hiding it! | |
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| Going back to the Ex!!!!
Posted: 4/14/2007 11:41:48 PM | | Yes I did with my last bf and it was no good he still did the same things .So I don't think I will ever go back to another relationship that has ended I can see now that if a relationship ends then there really isn't a point of trying to make it work again because it probably will be the same way it was before you broke up. Most breakups happen for a reason everything happens for a reason. | |
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| Going back to the Ex!!!!
Posted: 4/15/2007 4:55:46 AM | Something like this has no right or wrong answer or response...
If you throw a pebble in a pond the ripples with expand outward in a predictable pattern... But, within that same pattern lies the possibility of the unpredictable. People can change, but only if they want it. People can find happiness, but first they must try to find it within themselves. A blade of grass is a blade of grass because that is what it is, there can be no compromise, but a person is not a blade of grass; a person can bend, a person can break, or a person can learn and adjust, not just for themselves, but for those whom they care about.
Sometimes it takes time and a different perspective on things to truly understand the toxicity of their attitudes and personalities... Compromise is not a bad thing, but one should never bend so far they break. There has to be a happy medium...
The biggest problem is when one person in the relationship never sees their wrongs... their indifference to what is going on and their part in it. People can blind themselves to the true issues at hand. They can turtle shell into believing their own hype and ego.
Nobody is perfect and sometimes a second time around can net you a healthy and happy relationship. You should never close a door or burn a bridge without thinking it through and thinking with a clear mind and sharp eye, not only on the other person, but on yourself as well.
the giggleparts - So white and so hairy, I amazing myself daily | |
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| Going back to the Ex!!!!
Posted: 4/15/2007 7:49:41 AM | | My Granny always said.."The past is the past for a reason"...and "the past is the past...leave it there"Smart woman my Granny:) | |
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| Going back to the Ex!!!!
Posted: 4/15/2007 8:56:47 AM | Well first off you are asking the question in a "Singles" site which means most of the replies you are going to get are going to say no. Maybe you should find a happily married site and ask the same question,, I am sure the answers will be a surprising yes depending on your own set of reasons.
A friend of mine once said,, "when you put the garbage out at the road, you dont go out and bring back in do you?"
Sometimes seperation helps both parties realize what they had and learn to appreciate it and then reunite successfully. Other times there is just too much water under that bridge and any reuniting is just bound for a second major flop.
I guess it all depends on you and your reasons and only you and your partner really know the answer to this question. | |
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| Going back to the Ex!!!!
Posted: 4/15/2007 9:20:33 AM | i agree that if both sides are committed to communicating and willing to integrate a new way of doing things (to prevent whatever caused complications previously)...
then yes. going back may actually prove to be good. and can also be an even STRONGER of a relationship.
but if you cannot see yourself being with that person and dealing with each others faults for the rest of your life, dont bother.
for the record:
i know of two couples close to me who got married after a break up. and they are in a very strong marriage to this day.
-my cousin dumped her boyfriend after they had been dating for 4 years.
they have now been married for 5 years with two beautiful girls.
-another was in a relationship with her man for a year or two. he dumped her. and they both became completely estranged from each other for years. he dated 2 other girls. and she eventually became engaged to someone else. but she broke the engagement and got back with the "ex". they have now been very very happily married for 5 years.
dont listen to all of the negative. there is definitely positive. | |
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| Going back to the Ex!!!!
Posted: 4/15/2007 9:30:39 AM | I feel that my ex will never change even though I love him so much ! It hurts to not talk to him or see him . It might hurt that much more if I did see him or talk to him!
I feel like hes the only one for me ,and if hes not why can't I stop thinking about him. I really need to know because I want to be happy with someone.........
P.S. HELP ! | |
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| Going back to the Ex!!!!
Posted: 4/15/2007 9:34:24 AM | sweet_carma,
no one else in this world will ever make you happy.
you have to be happy being alone.
the icing on the cake is someone to share your life with. | |
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| Going back to the Ex!!!!
Posted: 4/15/2007 10:13:38 AM | In response to the original message:
I think if you have doubts that it won't be better the 2nd time around then don't go back .
NOW if both of you keep missing each other, even after a considerable length of time following the breakup (such as 6 months) and you feel like you love them more than ever, despite the issues you had ...if you can see those issues in a realistic light... if you are ready to accept that person back as they were and with reasonable expectations that both of you will try to behave better towards each other...showing more respect and concideration...and you see the work it may take at first to establish trust again ...then go for it....Really what better sign is there that IT WILL WORK but that missing...longing for the other dispite them showing the worst of themselves?  That is true love waiting to happen...but it will require courage and faith.....and work!!!  | |
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| Going back to the Ex!!!!
Posted: 4/15/2007 10:24:37 AM | I went back to an ex fiance after 12 years. We ended an 18 year marriage a couple of years ago. Would I do it again? No! Why? Because when I broke up with him, at the ripe old age of 19, it was because I could see who he really was. The 12 year separation somehow dulled that vision. I cannot tell you how many times in the last 9 or so years that we were together I wondered what in the hell I was doing with him.
Yesterday the ex turned 50. Seems he suddenly decided that I should be back in his life again and has spent the last few days calling, and emailing me, telling me that he had screwed up his life and wanated to undo all his mistakes and pointing out all the GOOD things about our relationship; good things from his perspective. I finally told him to either stop or I was going to forward his emails to his gf. His response? But I love you! That and a couple bucks won't even buy coffee at Starbucks. | |
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| Going back to the Ex!!!!
Posted: 4/18/2007 10:59:28 PM | Ok I read some respoonses here from some really bitter people. First off it depends on the circumastances, If no evil was done, Then you should consider it. Make sure the issues that arose are dealth with properly and learn from your past behaviors. Sometimes people just need a break some one and then they find themselves again. Aslong as you like their company and they make you happy than i say go for it. It beat the hell oout of being with some losr who could be much worse. | |
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| Going back to the Ex!!!!
Posted: 4/18/2007 11:18:27 PM | | We give up easily, why not...Love will prevail and it never rests in peace! | |
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| Going back to the Ex!!!!
Posted: 4/18/2007 11:30:38 PM | | well i would have to say that trying again is not the worst thing the you could do, but........ dont be like me and try more then that. you should have the answers the you need by round 2 and there is really no need to go 3 or even 4 rounds. | |
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| Going back to the Ex!!!!
Posted: 4/19/2007 6:59:38 AM | | Too each their own I guess!!!! For me I would rather stick hot needles in my eyes but thats just me. | |
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| Going back to the Ex!!!!
Posted: 4/19/2007 7:09:09 AM | I've gone back on the rarest of occasions. Usually because there was unfinished business and/or things to deal with. When I did it was freely because I did have very deep feelings for the person. We understood each other and did have a special love for each other.
In my experience although things did not work out, we decided mutually to end it and became distant friends. You know, always glad to hear from them, always remember the good times, always wish them well and truly care about them in a warm special way.
If anything it allows closure. It allows you to grow and realize that it was not meant to be and you can truly move on with your life emotionally and psychologically. By closing this chapter or avenue in your love life you truly can move on freely and find another to truly love again without the hang ups or baggage.
Sometimes it is therapeutic and healthy to know the real final answer to "What If".......
The truth sets you free. | |
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| Going back to the Ex!!!!
Posted: 4/19/2007 7:19:40 AM | | For a while after parting with my ex i constantley kept thinkin have i made the right decision should i go back, wat you have to do is weigh up your pros and cons and the most important thing when was you must happy with or with out, life is short so dont waste it.......... like my ada always said if ' if theres doubt don't' | |
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