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| I NEED ways on building self-esteem and being positive!
Posted: 1/11/2007 9:29:26 PM | Hey Jewel:
Its tough what you're going through, but you will get through it and be stronger too.
Some suggestions:
1. Go for a nice walk. 15-20 minutes. Try to fit it into a regular time, like 3 x/week.
2. Nothing wrong with a pity party. Just keep it short, like 10 minutes. Then go do something fun, listen to fav. music or do something nice for yourself.
3. Try to notice, just notice, when you put too much pressure on yourself or fall into to self-critical well of pity. It happens. Just notice it and try to shift to something else.
4. Pick 5 things you like to do to self-nurture yourself - warm bath, nice meal, nice dance, nice dress, talk to a nice friend, draw, write, paint, read, run, laugh, take a break, play a game, do a sport, go out to an activity......
5. Self-esteem, be gentle with yourself. Someone already said it comes from positive self-fathering (guiding, advising, building character, support, etc. ) and positive self-mothering - (nurture, holding, guiding, comfort, ) however you call it. Be a nurturing parent to yourself.
6. Self-esteem doesn't come fast. Sometimes some yoga or standing tall (putting your body in a confident position) even if you don't feel that way, can help.
7. Send yourself some positive affirmations. Write them on a post-it note. Put them on a mirror.
8. Stick to a regular bed time. Get enough rest. Go for a walk in the morning if you can, or before or after dinner. (Eat well, Sleep well, play well)
9. Make a list of your 10 best qualities, gifts, talents.
10. Find something you're really good at,like to do and do more of it. Teat yourself.
Some like B. Fisher's book: rebuilding when your relationship ends.
If you're not feeling better in 2-3 weeks, don't be shy about looking for some extra help.
Good luck. | |
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| I NEED ways on building self-esteem and being positive!
Posted: 1/12/2007 12:05:24 AM | Hi jewel,
I am an older and now much wiser woman.
I too, had a relationship, over 2 years ago, with a younger man, we were both married, to others at the time, for diff reasons we got 2gether. He advertised, on date site, looking for a lady companion, "to spend my lonely days with,(and maybe more, if things go that way!) in between jobs, he was a personal trainer, back then. we had a HOT sexy thing going, for a while, a "once a week" session, but we also shared outings etc. He split up with his wife, then decided to spread his wings further, not happy being with a OLDER woman, he dated others, with no luck, for a while, I was his "come back and cry on my shoulder" woman. Then he told me he had been chatting to another female , for 6 months, behind my back, all the time, making out he was keen on me! I got dumped, over 2 years ago, the first 1 lasted 5 months, b4 the 1 he is with now. I was his backstop in between these 2. NOW I am a widow, at 53. (My hubby was older, died from cancer)I had my share of being cheated on, dumped lied too, and felt awful, as he told me, I found you to be useful, that's all. You just wanted me for sex! NOT so, he told me, later in an email, he really just wanted a casual sex partner, as his wife lost interest, when she didn't get pregnant. SORRY this is a long and winding reply, but I had to tell you MY story, so you dont feel like your the only female, that has been treated like crap. NOW I have found a younger, most loving and caring man, who is very honest, upfront, and decent. OH I do see ex bf, but not as often, now. we are "just" friends, nothing more. The sex with ex was fantastic, a pity his mind and personality weren"t as good. My new BF is great in bed, but his thoughtfulness and lovely personality, makes me happier. GO out there girl, and keep looking for that "special" man, You WILL find him! GOOD lUCK. He was the loser, you weren't!   | |
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| I NEED ways on building self-esteem and being positive!
Posted: 1/12/2007 12:12:14 AM | PS> Just whistle a happy tune, go out for a walk, meet a friend for a coffee, see a movie that's funny. Shout yourself a treat, swear your head off, and get it out of your system, make a relaxing****ail, and read a magazine, tell a good friend how you feel, or go buy some plants to put in garden etc, think positive thoughts! Dont think it was your fault, it wasn't!YOU will feel better, time heals. I t is working for me, so it will for you. Sandy.   I am in Melbourne, Australia. | |
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| I NEED ways on building self-esteem and being positive!
Posted: 1/12/2007 3:53:59 AM | hi jewel i know where your coming from my ex was unfaithfull to me all the time we were together but i had no idea untill we got married and then it was my mate that caught him with his trousers down i mean how could i i had our baby indoors and he worked permanant nights.we have been divorced 4 5 years now and i am still as bitter as i was the day he walked out of our house and it was in front of my little boy he was aged 3 then.but believe me it does get better just try and build up your friendship list and good luck for the future.
there,s plenty of more in the sea. | |
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| I NEED ways on building self-esteem and being positive!
Posted: 1/12/2007 5:43:32 AM | LUVTOFISH Thank you fo sharing that with me and the help on these post is just amazing Thank you all fo rthe insights and I will follow the ideas posted ,these are no strangers to me Im just thick!!It gets better every day as far as trust it will take time but the red flags go up sooner now!!  jewel | |
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| I NEED ways on building self-esteem and being positive!
Posted: 1/12/2007 5:46:57 AM | MR FIT...your pic has got to be the most charming on this site....( a man in a suit and tie)or jeans and tee shirt) LOL and thanks for the suggestions they are on the $ ..wow what are u doing on a free website LOL...look like you need to be on the Rich and Famous or Sugardaddies that site does crack me up!!! Thanks again most sincerely Jewel  | |
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| I NEED ways on building self-esteem and being positive!
Posted: 1/12/2007 2:10:33 PM | hey first of , give no more chances! he had one too many anyway xx
Getting over a split is hard work, you feel lousy, depressed as hell and your self esteem walks out the door waving bye!
So what do yo do? a good old cry, , have a down moment . But after that tell yourself tomorrow is a new start, take a look at yourself and start from the top of what you are going to do and change to get you out of the grief you feel, do whatever it takes , i did!! and am still building on it now. image, hobbies, talents ,new friends, the whole make over.. Grab the bull by the horns and go for it.
but as i said no going back, he was yesterdays news, so put it in the past.his loss! so tell yourself he wasn`t worth your tears !
Pick yourself up and move on, it is hard and it is a bumpy road too, you get knocked down, but get back up again. confidence grows if you allow it so open up and let it in.  good luck x | |
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| I NEED ways on building self-esteem and being positive!
Posted: 1/25/2007 12:56:17 PM | | What really did it for me was to stand up for myself, to say no. to exspect others to treat me with respect. I also read self-help books on how to think positively, and saying affermations. We all know about self fullfilling profecy. Basically, what you think is what you get. Also, from 12 steps, you let go and let God. You let go of controlling another person or situation. This really works better than worrying. If you think the best, the best will happen. I was raised in a dysfunctional family and this was so hard for me to do. But, it is very important. When you change the way you think-the things you look at things change. I like Louis Hay, Joel Osteen, Robert Schuller, Wayne Dyer. These are a few authors that have helped me. Take a look at the self-help books and find the ones that appeal to you and your situation. You have to believe you deserve to be treated with love and respect and start step by step treating yourself nice. You can do it! | |
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| I NEED ways on building self-esteem and being positive!
Posted: 1/25/2007 1:13:36 PM | read a book.. self help books are great!
find something new that you want to do
join a gym and how up... physical activity is really important.. and all these things together will help ease the pain and as you start feeling healthier and all arround better you will see your self esteem improve!
there you go!
be selfish and work on yourself and this will all play out in the right direction for you! | |
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| I NEED ways on building self-esteem and being positive!
Posted: 1/25/2007 2:10:52 PM | I've been taking a class on this myself. I think you should try one or more of the following ideas:
1) Set tiny, baby-step goals for yourself each week, and celebrate for yourself each time you successfully achieve one.
2) Keep a journal of your day, and only write the good things that happen. Always fill a page in your journal (and make it a good-sized page: no cheating! ) with good things that went on each day. Don't give up.
3) Scale your opinion of each day you've had from 1 (literally the worst day of my life) to 10 (literally the best day of my life). If you feel depressed a little in a given day, but not every single minute, then it's a 4. Think in terms of outside events as real weights to the numbers. Use it in conjunction with other ideas for a gauge of your improvement.
4) Think back to the most recent times you came out of that mean depression, and write down *immediately* what the thought was that took you back into your happy life. Keep it pinned up.
5) *You Really Should Do This*: Whenever you're given a compliment, remember it and write it down whenever you can afterwards. Put it up in your workplace, in your kitchen, and by your bed and bathroom window. It may also help to write down who said it, even if you have to write: "A stranger"
6) *The Most Important One*: Don't give up. The One for you deserves to have a chance at meeting you. Don't be so selfish as to do that to your Truest Lover, especially when that lover hasn't even met you yet.
~ David | |
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| I NEED ways on building self-esteem and being positive!
Posted: 1/25/2007 2:15:16 PM | Jewel ~ just remember you have people that care about you :) and are always willing to lend an ear when you need to chat :)
and David (guardian) I just love your posts
maybe take notice to what he had to say as well....he has a way of sheding light on a truly dark situation | |
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| I NEED ways on building self-esteem and being positive!
Posted: 1/25/2007 2:42:01 PM | Hey Jewel,
I really feel for you, I'm sure you are in great pain right now.
Sometimes in life things may "happen" to us in order to wake us up.
There are many usefull suggestions people before me gave you, they are however like band aids on an open wound. May stop the bleeding but won't heal the source. It is time for you to look inwards, ask yourself what you really want from your man, get back in touch with your intuitions, and stop compromising. My feeling is that with this man and several previous relationships you had, you were compromising what you were all about in order to make the relationship "work". Turning your back on yourself in order to please others rarely work.
I feel you are ready now to start building yourself to be so strong that no man will be able to break your heart again! If you want to get to that point you may start by trying to assume responsibility for your happiness (easier said than done, but well worth the effort). You cannot change other people, but you can change yourself, and by doing so, change the people you attract into your life. It sound like lots of work, but easy does it, and have the end result in site, isn't it worth the ultimate reward! | |
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| I NEED ways on building self-esteem and being positive!
Posted: 1/25/2007 2:54:19 PM | Jewel,
What worked for me is going to the gym and really concentrating on working out. A punching bag is a plus!
Listen to the song "Wasted Years" by the Eagles. It put everything into focus for me.
Best of luck sweetie you deserve happiness! | |
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| I NEED ways on building self-esteem and being positive!
Posted: 1/25/2007 4:51:37 PM | I only recommend this for broken hearts and nothing else...
Break stuff. Break stuff that is hard like those wooden boards in karate class.
Just go to your hardware store, buy some cheap wooden boards and break'em.
Keep breaking them.
Works out frustration very nicely for broken hearts, the adrenaline rush will help you focus. The fact that it is exercise helps build you up. Swear, get angry let out the pain then dust yourself off and return to normal.
Sometimes the only way to keep your sanity is to let go of it for a bit. | |
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| I NEED ways on building self-esteem and being positive!
Posted: 1/25/2007 10:53:55 PM | hi jewel, your storie is pretty sad and could crush your heart not just break it! i was with my EXhusband for 18 years and we had 2 lovely children together, he was a cheater and a minipulator and I always felt that I was to weak to stand up to him and say what i wanted, so 8 years ago i got a bee in my bonnet, became empowered by my own growing strength and requested he leave ( much the same storie as yours) he was my soul mate, my one and only( so I thought)
I shall tell you my storie, then you can decide what you choose to do from there.
I picked myself up and my children who were teenagers at that time, I went back to school and got a nursing career, this also enabled me to raise my own children, buy my own home and car, i no longer needed a man in my life ( accept thursdays) My strength and independence grew , my children were happier, i began to take control of my own life, i also understood that all work and no play was not such a healthy thing either. So I went out and got my motorbike license, got me a bike and rode like a woman possessed, i also met some of the most wonderful people ever, they became my family, the support and comradery from the club I had joined, only a few years into my divorce it had all got to much, my mental state was apauling, although I continued working, i hit rock bottom and had to be medicated, my bikey mates and family were there for me, my mum dragged me off to the drs and even spoke for me ( as I could not) I could no longer work, all i could do was ride my bike, not wash, not brush my hair, not even feed my children( they fed me if I ate)
This was something that needed to happen, I had to acknowledge I had been hurt from all the past events, I gained 10 months witha psychologist and made wonderful progress.... I began to get stronger..
It is now 8 years since my ex and I split and I have met and dated some of the most wonderful ppl ever....my children are grown, Iv been through 4 bikes and am now completeing my bachelor of nursing at university here in australia, I am nearly 45, I am strong and independent and need a man for nothing ( accept thursdays)
I suppose what Im trying to say is, once you have aknowledged your saddness and loss for the relationship, move on , use your inner strength and courage to mould the rest of your life, you control your own destiny, it is not easy by any means but be determined that you will fullfill your dreams, you do not need a man in your life ( only thursdays) for you are a woman and us women stand together, go join a club or do a sport of some sought, but you must do something, meet people, rememebr you are on plenty of fish.
Oh and a little cry now and then is healthy.......
rememebr the old helen reddy song " I am woman hear me roare" well just do it!!!!
oh and I must say, if you become so low that your life can not function normally any more, go to the drs....... and get some help.....
well Il get off my tuckerbox now ..... I hope you feel better now as its been 2 weeks since your post..... sorry Im so long winded....
oh and thursday is rubbish day..... you certainly need a man to put the rubbish out hehehehe | |
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| I NEED ways on building self-esteem and being positive!
Posted: 1/25/2007 11:45:50 PM | hey jewel i know that song!What you should do is put some dance music on and dance like crazy in your living room.let yourself really go!In no time you will be smiling and the music will stick in your head all day!Also, whenever you find yourself thinking about him, just remember what a jerk he is instead of all the good things and tell yourself he is not worth your pain and heartache.I understand what you are going through.I went through it myself and let it put me in a deep, dark hole.I was the only one who could get me out and it took some effort but i did it.Dont let yourself get to that state.No one is worth going through that.Think about all the good things you have in your life and count your blessings every day.Chin up girl and start smiling | |
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| I NEED ways on building self-esteem and being positive!
Posted: 1/26/2007 12:02:42 AM | | so so true.do what makes you feel good...we all deserve someone we are compatible with..let go of the past and make life what you want to make of it....we all like to be happy and content.....so...nut in honeys advice is so true.. | |
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| I NEED ways on building self-esteem and being positive!
Posted: 1/26/2007 12:32:55 AM | Hi Jewel
You have recieved lots of positive suggestions on this site and I applaud enveryone for them. Have been there and experienced what you are going through. One process that has really worked for me is to give a positive emotion a colour and shape eg CONFIDENCE. Draw it on a piece of paper. Close your eyes and think about the time in your life that you felt really confident, the sounds the smells, how you were breathing and the overall feeling at the time. Then physically step into the shape and feel all those positive feelings, remebering to breathe and take it all in.. Physically step out and look into your couloured shape and "see" the feelings. Close your eyes again and step back in and feel the feelings again! This process can be done with all positive emotions (strength, courage, love, health, beauty, happiness etc), I do this when I am feeling scared, alone, ugly (I am not really but I sometimes feel that way), unloved, sad etc. This works for me and my friends have started to do it with some amazing results.
Best of luck
Harmony | |
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| I NEED ways on building self-esteem and being positive!
Posted: 1/26/2007 4:35:53 PM | THANKS to all of you it helps soo much!!!Its always darkest before the Dawn...!!The Good Lord willing he will send me a MAN..
I loved the THURSDAYs'Man thing I laughed soo hard Im wondering all along she MUST have a boy toy on Thursdays!!The garbage man LOL!!!
Always wanted a BIKE also I got my helmet and Im settin on READY lol thats what got me into trouble the last time THO the Bad Boy Biker image thing My kids thought Id lost my mind lol Hey never to late to be a Harley Mamma!!!Just need the RIGHT Harley guy Man prefered not a boy!!! Thanks again to all!!!jewel | |
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| I NEED ways on building self-esteem and being positive!
Posted: 1/28/2007 3:48:20 PM | Well I find delving right into it, and allowing yourself to cry it right out, helps. It helps to release the pain. Also writing your feelings in a journal helps. Write him a letter telling him exactly how you feel will help also. Now you mail or burn it. That is up to you. Now you are ready to pull your socks up and start over again. Make sure you do nice things for yourself. Go to a spa, get your nails done. Take a nice candle lit bubble bath with nice soft music,( I include bubbly wine). Go buy yourself flowers. Treat yourself well. Now if there was a flower icon on here, I would send it to you. I hope this helps. Most important is to be good to yourself. And if anyone is reading this, go ahead and try it.  | |
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| I NEED ways on building self-esteem and being positive!
Posted: 1/28/2007 3:55:24 PM | My father had a phrase. "I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet".
What he meant was that instead of bemoaning my fate, I should look at the world and then find people to help where were less fortunate.
That is what you want and need to do. Volunteer. Helps the sick, the old, the infirm, the lonely, the lost and the abandoned. I'm not proposing this from some judeo christian viewpoint but from simple practical psychology.
Put your time and energy into helping people and you'll feel better about yourself and you'll discover there's another world out there.
Ketch | |
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| I NEED ways on building self-esteem and being positive!
Posted: 1/28/2007 4:03:05 PM | ive been through the same thing, i have been hurt alot and im sick of it also. i have a low self esteem and i have depression. all i do is cry. im not trying to get people to feel bad for me but what i really want is to be accepted and loved for who i am.
im a good person and deserve treatment also.
I WANT TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS AND WISH PEOPLE WOULD GIVE ME A CHANCE. I WISH I HAD PEOPLE MAIL ME AND HAVE SOMEONE TO TALK TO MALE OR FEMALE.
I NEED HELP MOVING ON ALSO. I HOPE I COULD FIND A FRIEND AND HAVE SOMEONE TO TALK TOO. IT WOULD BE NICE TO HAVE A FRIEND.
I HAVE DEPRESSION WHICH SUCKS AND A VERY LOW SELF ESTEEM. MY HEART CANT TAKE MUCH MORE.
IM VERY FRAGILE AND SCARED OF GETTING HURT, I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED AND ACCEPTED.
I HOPE SOMEONE WOULD MAIL ME AND HELP ME TO MOVE ON, PLZ.
THANKYOU.
JEWEL, YOU EVER WANT TO CHAT YOU COULD MAIL ME OR YOU COULD EMAIL ME, YOU AND I ARE GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING, MAYBE WE COULD HAVE A GIRLS TIME AND JUST TALK AND HAVE SOME LAUGHS. I COULD LEAVE YOU EMAIL ADDRESS IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO MAIL ME ON POF AND THERE I COULD LEAVE MY EMAIL SO WE COULD CHAT.
IF YOU WANT, GET BACK TO ME,. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL THOUGH, SO IHOPE TO HERA BACK FROM YOU SOON. | |
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| I NEED ways on building self-esteem and being positive!
Posted: 1/28/2007 4:25:36 PM | There were many good times - after all, that is why you were in the relationship. Remember those times and smile. Now, being very honest with yourself, sit down and make out a list of all the ways you have felt let down and not happy about the relationship. You might notice you were selling yourself short and that, even though it is hard to end the relationship, it frees you to be who you desire to be, and to enjoy life to some extent once again. Do not let fear hold you back - step out and do what you need to do to make you happy.
Go to the dollar store and buy a small scrap book. Fill it up with all the stuff that makes you happy - pictures from magazines that resonate with your heart and the true you. Honor yourself.
Blessings! | |
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