| coping with the hardest decision of my life.
Posted: 1/17/2007 6:25:54 PM | we have already agreed on the custody, and will be signing on it as soon as possible. I am not leaving the house ,because, well, I cant afford to yet. I wish not to leave the house, and my kids, until I have a home for them to stay as well. I am doing my best to be strong when she is home, and even stronger when im not home, and I know what she is doing when im not there.
This really really stinks. But I know ill prevail by having a happy existance.....eventually | |
|
| |
| coping with the hardest decision of my life.
Posted: 1/17/2007 8:14:08 PM | I want out of the house, and I know I will not be able to afford the mortgage as well, she thinks she can, so she will try to buy me out.
Her fling is her girlfriend, guess you all can know that now. I expect them to eventually live together once i move out, to at the very least, help with her bills. I know when I buy a place, i am getting a room mate, who, naturally, I have already been accused of sleeping with. See how she justifies? yeesh, where was I when I was havin all this sex? | |
|
| coping with the hardest decision of my life.
Posted: 1/18/2007 10:06:22 AM | If you are both still in love than I recommend a marriage consoler or a person of knowledge such as a priest in your church if you are catholic or whomever you have as a leader in whatever church you are attending if you are not attending church or a synagog or whatever you have been raised up with than get into the nearest church or synagog you can find to get some soul nourishment. Please include jesus in this equasion.
Do not be intimate with each other until all your issues have bee resolved and you are sure you are both still in love, or you will drag this conflict out too long. Take anger management classes, ask your therapist, if you don't have one get one. The children need to see stability. If your wife does not agree to the above stated recomendations than do it without her. Remember where there is love there is forgiveness and where there is forgiveness there is gratitude and a desire to set things straight.
Children are smarter than you think and they may already be picking up on this problem especially if they see you sleeping in another room, as well it would be wise for you to do so to help you gain a prospective on all of this. I can not tell you when the time is right to tell the children and I feel for you and your wife in this issue. If you both can find it in your hearts to forgive each other for whatever led to this situation and the culmination of it, than there can be a chance to save your marriage, this is what the professionals are for, be brave go forth and find a professional, if there is anger than get a hold of your anger and find the lord, if you already have found him, than seek him on a higher level than you have ever done before. Go within yourself and and take him with you, in this time of need he will be there to comfort you. You have to do your part as does your wife. If she is not willing and I doubt that, than take courage and do it on your own as I have said, you may be surprised to find how helpful counseling, anger management and spirituality can be and how it can all work together to mend the pain and maybe save your family. You and your wife owe it to the five of you to try to work it out once and for all.
Peace | |
|
| coping with the hardest decision of my life.
Posted: 1/18/2007 12:35:25 PM | | yeah, we were in the middle of all of this when she decided she didnt wanna go to counselling anymore, and I caught her having sex with her girlfriend again! sorry, that ship has sailed. | |
|
| coping with the hardest decision of my life.
Posted: 1/18/2007 8:47:34 PM |
I know when I buy a place, i am getting a room mate, who, naturally, I have already been accused of sleeping with. See how she justifies? yeesh, where was I when I was havin all this sex?
I am pretty sure I don't need to tell you this...just incase....she is going to do whatever she can to get/take whatever she can from you. Have you contacted a lawyer? You need someone who is going to play hardball for you. I am seeing way to many red flags here.
I know how you feel about the accusations...that too will only get worse before it gets better. You will find out who your true friends are on this journey. | |
|
| |
| coping with the hardest decision of my life.
Posted: 1/18/2007 10:11:25 PM | T..I am soo sorry to read about your heartbreak and the break-up of your marriage. I send you much positive energy and hope God helps you through this hard time.
I have to say...reading posts like this really doesn't give me hope or faith in marriage today. I have dreams of a happy marriage but it can turn sooo ugly, with sooo much at stake that it really makes me NOT want to ever marry. And that makes me sad to be honest...
Best of luck to you ..you deserve better and you WILL get it one day. | |
|
| |
| coping with the hardest decision of my life.
Posted: 1/18/2007 10:30:37 PM |
Does anyone know of any online support groups that deal with things like these?
Go to www.beliefnet.com. There are several discussion groups/communities that suit your sitution. Besides, they don't delete a thread for no good reason either! | |
|
| coping with the hardest decision of my life.
Posted: 1/18/2007 10:37:07 PM | Yeah, you need to get the seperation and closure as soon as you can. Sorta been there myself....twice. fortunately we could be civil with each other. I know exactly though what you mean. If the Trust is gone, it almost never can be regained. No trust, is cancer for any relationship. Good of you to take the High ground. You'll sleep better after all is said and done and your kids will remember it if they are old enough to understand what is happening. As for her reading your email, I hope you have another alias to use now online. That would lead me to think she may have more "e-info" on you?? Credit Cards...etc... Anyways if lawyers are involved in this, then a tip is to bury money..seriously (don't forget the map) In this day and age, Lawyer's cant trace crap unless it's documented or wired somewhere's. And "give" as a gift to a trustworthy buddy any thing that is yours, that she may try to take or force you to sell. Hope it all works out for you.
PS: Coffee Tins make the best "Money Capsules" | |
|
| coping with the hardest decision of my life.
Posted: 1/18/2007 10:47:47 PM | haha, thats a good idea. so far we are being sorta civil, but i can sure tell that the Magic is gone...hehe
we have agreed on the things that matter to me...kids
so the rest is moot, i do need the house buy out | |
|
| coping with the hardest decision of my life.
Posted: 1/18/2007 11:20:15 PM | What are you doing on a site to meet singles?
I would be questioning your motives.
And if I was married or going with someone and found
that they had a profile on a site like this...
I would be copying everthing you said on here and and your emails using it
to my advantage.
You need to get yourself into therapy...
I read everything you said and you sound like you are
just fed up with married life...
News flash for you.
Marriage is not easy
and can be a challenge and what makes you think that being with someone else will be different?
You have children and are responsible for their mental health and security.
You may not like what I am saying to you,but you need to grow up
and take some of the ownership for your actions too ,that may have caused
your wife to do what ever it is that she did.
There's two sides to a coin my friend and a judge will see both sides.
I don't envy you,you will be racked through the coals and the only real winners will be the lawyers..
You better stop and think this through as a mature man that you portray
yourself to be...
One more thing,airing your laundry in public is demeaning and irresponsible.
Lets hope your children or one of their friends doesn't read your WOES.
Don't bother replying,because I have no use for woe is me people,
With Greatness,comes responsibility.....Sir Winston Churchill | |
|
| coping with the hardest decision of my life.
Posted: 1/19/2007 1:18:06 AM | I would advise in the following manner...
Take your immediate belongings and move out ASAP so that you can gain perspective.. DO NOT MAKE ANY RASH decisions in the emotional state that you are in... Simply own your pain..and sift through it at a remote area...
If your wife wants to make it work, I would say go for it... but not now...
It is not easy breaking up a family... the kids especially feel the brunt of it... and I think it is your moral duty to bite the bullet and to try your darndest to smooth things out to a palatable level.
You suggest, by your refusal to do so, a serious breach in your marriage contract.. perhaps counselling (for yourself at first) with a member of the clergy would be appropriate at this time..
If she has cheated, don't overreact... you are no longer your own person; but rather, the father of 3 small children who will thrive better within a two-parent home---
Cool down. | |
|
| coping with the hardest decision of my life.
Posted: 1/19/2007 9:10:49 AM | Sometimes i wonder if when ppl respond to a thread if they read the whole thread before posting their replies as the OP has alread answered most of these questions.
OP I am sorry to hear about your marriage and it doesnt matter how much you try to make it ot hurt the children it does hurt. Mommy and Daddy should always be together in their minds. As for your own Sanity i think you should get divorce counselling if thats ata ll possible and maybe find out from the counsellor if their is ways you can make it a little easier on the little ones.  | |
|
| coping with the hardest decision of my life.
Posted: 1/19/2007 9:34:57 AM | LierRtrue
take some of the ownership for your actions too ,that may have caused
your wife to do what ever it is that she did.
She is missing an oar in her boat? Somehow his fault?
tballin
I caught her having sex with her girlfriend again!
LieRtrue
There's two sides to a coin my friend and a judge will see both sides.
Sure...sure...I can just imagine...lol
LieRtrue
With Greatness,comes responsibility.....Sir Winston Churchill
*cough*
Was Churchill caught in bed with an MP of the same sex?
Focus on the children. | |
|
| |
| coping with the hardest decision of my life.
Posted: 1/19/2007 1:10:00 PM | doent really matter of she is bitter r no, shemay have noticed that I switched my profile to separated, maybe not, I just dont wanna be labeled as married to her anymore, thats all. If she bothered to read my profile. It says "friends" it is what it had always been set at. I have met a lot of friends on this site, and will continue to do so. I have yet to go on a date not do I plan in it. I know what I need to do, and was posting in here fr some "friendly" advise. It is my life, if I CHOOSE to air my "dirty laundry" then it is not for you to judge me. You chose to respond to my "laundry" so either help wash it, or dont bother posting.
I have posted in this site for numerous reasons, and in numerous topics and threads. and I dont think most of them are of the poor me variety.
word! | |
|
| coping with the hardest decision of my life.
Posted: 1/19/2007 1:45:19 PM | There's a great website out there called divorcecare.com..(sign up for daily e-mails) Its a christian based thing but, if you weed through it they have a lot of helpful stuff as to how to cope with the feelings and the problems that divorce brings with it.. Stand firm and surround yourself with caring friends you'll get through this.
JC | |
|
| coping with the hardest decision of my life.
Posted: 1/19/2007 1:58:37 PM | | my advice to you is get some good legal advice from soliciter and then you can move on with your life and feel secure in everything you do just protect yourself 100 percent when people split they say they want everthing to be done on good terms but it doesnt always work out that way its good just make sure all the best lisa | |
|
| coping with the hardest decision of my life.
Posted: 1/19/2007 5:22:10 PM | Hi,
So sorry to hear about your hard times. Been there done that have the T shirt it's all worn out. Twice no less last one was a real cheating dog. Called him a whore because that is exactly what he became on the internet, the internet made it so easy for him to hock up with any will slut.
But first and for most you MUST talk to a lawyer because what ever move you make. Be it moving out, child support or what ever you are locked into it.
Like one of the other writers said kids have tention radars so be aware of that. Being so young too they will have so much trouble understanding alot.
But I have a question why are you on the Plentyofish sight in the first place? And have a profile no less. You could have chosen so MANY other places to look for help. | |
|
| |
| coping with the hardest decision of my life.
Posted: 1/19/2007 5:42:21 PM | i found this site when my wifes girlfriends ex husband started dating, he said it is a good way to meet friends. So I came on here, looking for friends, found a few as well. I have just recently changed my profile, as I stated on my last post, i think. I am still only lookng for friends, I just thought changing the profile a little would make me feel better. I usually come here to cruse the forums, as I enjoy giving my opinion, and asking for others input. I dont surf a tonne of sites, I have a few sites that I am loyal too and dont like starting in on new ones.
Take my words for whatever, and judge if you feel you need to, thats your thing, not mine. I just wanted to ask for some support, not get attacked, which seems to happen in every thread here, so , far all the fishers are helpful when ever I needed a hand.
thank you
any other questions?
| |
|
| coping with the hardest decision of my life.
Posted: 1/19/2007 6:25:03 PM | Sorry that many on here don't seem to be reading everything you've written and thus responding inappropriately. I am also sorry that you are going through this. But, as many of us on here know, you will make it through this. It is going to be a tough year ahead, but there will be many rewards at the end. For now I will tell you that any attempt you make at dating for several months will be a foolish waste of time at best or a major castastrophy- be careful. We all do foolish things sometimes out of pain, just try to keep your mistakes small is what I am trying to say.
Also, I would seriously think about staying somewhere else for a while to allow yourself some time and distance to process these very raw emotions you are having. Don't fool yourself, the tension in the house is very noticable to your children. Give yourself a break from trying to hold it together all the time.
In the long run, with a lot of time and some distance, you will be able to see things in a more neutral light if you think about it. You two were together since you were kids it seems and grew up together. Often times that means growing apart as well. I suspect your wife didn't have a clear idea of her sexuality as a teenager- unfortunately 15 years later you and your children are paying the price for that. Along with that, comes your own fear of being without someone you've grown up with and been with for so long. I'm sure that you are feeling like the foundation of everything you know is crumbling around you- it's not. It is changing and you will be able to change with it. Be gentle on yourself and stand up for yourself when necessary, but do your best to be gentle on those around you as best you can. Good luck. | |
|
| coping with the hardest decision of my life.
Posted: 1/19/2007 7:18:10 PM | Who cares why he is here. He asked for advice not to be treated like a piece of shit. Some of you ppl are some of the most cold hearted peeps in the world. | |
|
Home
login 
