| why are so many women in the City afraid?
Posted: 1/11/2007 3:47:28 PM | we could use more like you :)
maybe we need to pack all the City folk up and move them to the burbs for awhile and all the burbonites downtown :) | |
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| why are so many women in the City afraid?
Posted: 1/11/2007 4:11:42 PM | Frankly I've lived in this city for over 15 years now and I can tell you most of the women in Toronto are just standoff-ish. You want to approach them but they have this aura that says "don't approach me".
Which is silly.
If you're out at a bar, club, etc then you're probably there to have fun with friends - and possibly - meet new people!!
It also doesn't help that they're usually with a bunch of other women.
Then you're approaching a gaggle of girls. Which is an excellent way to prevent a lone male from swinging by to say "Hello".
Personally I am not into the bar scene any more and would prefer to meet women somewhere other than at a bar. But where do you go? Church? Supermarket? Library? Online? Guess that's part of what landed the lot of us here.
Here's a better question: How do we know to approach you ladies?
Is there a time, a place, a situation, an obvious signal that clearly indicates we can approach? Do we need a written invitation? | |
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| why are so many women in the City afraid?
Posted: 1/11/2007 5:29:33 PM | How are you dressed when approaching women in a city?
The only men that approach me generally in the city...or have time to approach me are panhandlers.
If you are not dress in a business suit with a briefcase, I would probably back away too.
It depends on the where and when really.
In a residential area, where there are no panhandlers, I would say hi. In the downtown core where there are office buildings and lots of bums... I would have my guard up all the time. | |
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| why are so many women in the City afraid?
Posted: 1/11/2007 5:51:19 PM | does that imply panhandlers (no I am not one) and not deserving the respect of a hi? I understand giving everyone of them a dime could be expensive but there are some that actually had careers at one time or another, and some even though they may look dirty, I am sure they are decent ppl..
I wear jeans, I work in a professional building in a professional enviroment, I get and give respect within th eoffice and never judge becasue I am comfortable, I dont look or am I dirty.. but because of not wearing a suit one may not say hello?
Approaching people while wakling down the street is not something I would really do either except a passing high.. or follow women around like a stalker or ever try to make anyone feel uneasy.. Im just talking like riding the bus, sitting next to someone on the subway, in the library or even at a mall asking a lady if they think a certain thing is nice Example: I asked a lady at the mall if certain pillow cases looked good and not too femine.. well.. needless to say I was sneered at and walked away from.. I didnt think I did anything wrong and didnt ask to hit on her, I really just needed help in picking out the right lokoing cases lol..
Anyways keep the comments coming. | |
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| why are so many women in the City afraid?
Posted: 1/11/2007 6:06:28 PM | "does that imply panhandlers (no I am not one) and not deserving the respect of a hi?"
Well actually it has nothing to do with what they do or do not deserve. Some of the panhandlers are quite aggressive if they know who they can mark. They will start following you around.
One of my co-workers gave a panhandler a cigarette once because he asked and eversince he just took them out of her hand whenever he saw her lighting up outside work. Or if she came out of the coffee shop he'd harrass her for change...until she gave it to him.
I've seen it happen with several different panhandlers and different people. I make a point to avoid them, because they are mentally ill or on drugs.
But I do see your point, city people tend not to be as friendly as small town ones. Or if they are, there is usually an alterior motive. | |
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| why are so many women in the City afraid?
Posted: 1/11/2007 6:48:03 PM | | oh I didt know that.. I never had one be mean towards me or act that way. Maybe I am just too darn friendly, an easy target as they say. | |
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| why are so many women in the City afraid?
Posted: 1/11/2007 6:53:24 PM | | ok lets say its not about panhandlers, why are women still so cautious or feel so threatened over a fella talking to them.. no hittin on them, not asking for cigs or money but just words... | |
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| why are so many women in the City afraid?
Posted: 1/11/2007 6:54:39 PM | like Random97 said:
Here's a better question: How do we know to approach you ladies?
Is there a time, a place, a situation, an obvious signal that clearly indicates we can approach? Do we need a written invitation?
(sorry I dont know how to do that cool grey box thingie with your message in it) | |
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| why are so many women in the City afraid?
Posted: 1/11/2007 7:24:23 PM | Actually, I went to a club, as part of a stagette. And the whole thing was sort of a dare game, but we weren't dressed weird to stand out like most stagettes.
Each girl in the stagette had to approach a guy to do something, or obtain something...like a phone number, a kiss...a drink...on and on. But all the guys were very stand offish. So it isn't just women. | |
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| why are so many women in the City afraid?
Posted: 1/11/2007 8:27:05 PM | maybe because they may known you were using them for a game nothing more? I would not to be a pawn ..and doubt any female would.
Could we not use this as what many kids today (and through history) did in sororities? "To become a brother/sister you need to first get a pic of the nerd girl/guy ready to do you bidding". Or less extreme, dares that I hear about that kids do now which has one get the ugly persons phone number and let on you like them to obtain it? That sort of thing can be hurtful and is not nice, I would expect anyone t be standoffish.
This is a different sort of situation entirely.
...and for the young lady, maybe yes I need a country gal again, but I am not going to go back home to NB to find one lol | |
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| why are so many women in the City afraid?
Posted: 1/11/2007 8:37:13 PM | No, that was the point I was trying to make. It was a stagette, but we were not a huge party, only 4 girls so we did not make a scene.
And we were not going after just nerd boys.
But perhaps you are in need of 18/19 year old girls. When I was that age, I was pretty friendly ...even as a city girl...before I knew better  | |
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| why are so many women in the City afraid?
Posted: 1/11/2007 8:43:37 PM | why on earth would a 18 or 19 year old girl interest me, where anywhere have I posted such a remark or even suggested it?
You do not need to make a scene when in a bar with other women or other men for others to know something is not right, just watching your table.. a man could see you all giggling and getting up and figure it out on their own as I am sure a female could.. you mean to tell me if you were in a bar and 4 men came in, began doing their silly dares amongst themselves women in the bar would not know what was going on, as soon as a man (as I am sure a girl from your table returned) with its conquest they would laugh, show the number/beer or lipstick mark or whatever.. this will make the female (or in your case male) feel small.. or at least embarrassed. no? | |
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| why are so many women in the City afraid?
Posted: 1/11/2007 8:49:02 PM | | see we are not talking of dares, or ways ot play jokes on ppl.. the question simply was why are women in the City so afraid? Basically of simply conversation and as Random asked better earlier how does us men know when its ok to approach ladies without placing anyone out of ease? | |
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| why are so many women in the City afraid?
Posted: 1/11/2007 8:56:18 PM | | Im not here to be argumentive, Im here to learn.. I have not dated in a long time nor even attempted to ask a lady out, but I enjoy speaking to them very much yet this is the hardest thing to do it seems in the City. | |
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| why are so many women in the City afraid?
Posted: 1/11/2007 9:01:52 PM | Jon - My friend, Toronto has changed. The fact that crime has gone up, especially in the entertainment district, hasn't helped much. The city is growing, and so has the crime.
Our city was beautiful, but, as one poster has mentioned, we are breeding panhandlers. So much so, that we are importing them from other cities. We allow them to do what they want, sleep where they want, and just allow them to annoy anyone. Don't get me wrong, I do feel for them, but being on the street, on every corner is not good for them. Not only is the MILLIONS some of us Toronto folk spend to keep them healthy and alive, but, still on the street. In my line of work, I have seen some take things off of women, such as smokes, rings, earrings, hair holders (or what ever you call them). The city allows it, well, they did ban squeegee kids, but that didn't last long either.
On the street, do I blame women for being hesitant? NO. On the subway, or streetcar, HELL NO. I have seen normal guys act stupid on them. And they were sober.
In a club, things change a bit. Not by much. Now, the lady has to put up with pushy, whats your name, number, lets grind on the dance floor NOW type of thing. All night. I'm sure most get tired of it.
When I am in uniform at work, women will talk to me, and give me a smile (sometimes). Out of uniform, well thats a different ball game. Only time a Toronto woman will talk to you, is when they are on vacation.... in another country.
This is from a guy without a daughter with me... You have yours with you, and still won't smile or talk? Welcome to the new Toronto :) Sad, I know.
My 2 Pesos | |
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| why are so many women in the City afraid?
Posted: 1/11/2007 9:07:05 PM | "what was it that made you weary of strange men"
I can't say that there is one specific thing, because there isn't.
There are many things. But mostly men, and people in general will want you for alterior motives than for what they initially talk to you about, or tell you. That is the city life. Manipulation and games.
Men will say one thing...but really it equates to sex. Everything for men in my life has always come down to SEX. Does not matter what comes out of their mouth...it always means SEX. They can talk about candy and butterflies, but really that means SEX.
So if a strange man is coming up to me out of left field with a silly smile, I see SEX written all over his face.
That sounds really messed up, but it is just the leariness from being used and approached in that manner so frequently. | |
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| why are so many women in the City afraid?
Posted: 1/11/2007 9:16:17 PM | ....agreed its a shame normal nice people just cant get along lol.. your right though about Canadian women on Vacation, met some in Mexico, Cuba and even Englad and it was all fun and laughs none of this turn your head deal.
I understand the City has grown and people are more weary.. yet I dont. (not sure if that makes sence or not) .....I dont know, Im just confused about all this non talking thing, Im just not use to not talking to others when sitting around a coffee shop or on a boring bus ride through town or even on the 45 min ride to work! Heck even at the crowded zoo with my child, most others would just walk away and that was just small talk about the animals.
To put bluntly.. it sucks. Thanks for your insight Beattle. | |
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| why are so many women in the City afraid?
Posted: 1/11/2007 9:18:45 PM | talista you seem like a smart, bright lady hopfully you really do not beleive that? Men only want sex or mean sex no matter what they may talk or initally speak of?
That would be like a man stating all women only want is their wallets... its not a fair statement at all. | |
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| why are so many women in the City afraid?
Posted: 1/11/2007 9:22:03 PM | | .....and besides my face (and head) is too shiny to have SEX written all over it.. so there (that was a funny in case you didnt get it) *ducks in case talista tries throwing something at me through the window* | |
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| why are so many women in the City afraid?
Posted: 1/11/2007 9:25:09 PM | I always like to believe that, and often times many will convince me of that, but all turns to pot on the first date when they unzip their pants.
But I am optimistic, that someone will wait until the second date  | |
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| why are so many women in the City afraid?
Posted: 1/11/2007 9:29:42 PM | thats when you need good knee pads talista and know just the right place to oouchhh them!
Thats just wrong and you've been with @-holes (not sure we can say that word here or not)
that will make them think twice next time about unzippin anything | |
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| why are so many women in the City afraid?
Posted: 1/11/2007 9:30:50 PM | ...wait asec! you said "But I am optimistic, that someone will wait until the second date" aw aw aw.. shame on you lol.. that was a funny right?
If not even the second date I would hope men would not do this.. unless times really have changed THAT much. | |
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