| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/12/2007 1:09:55 PM | My belief is that a gent does still open doors for a lady, has her sit first, and all those nice little social graces that make her feel taken care of, as capable as she may be of opening her own doors and taking care of herself.
Any person who would respond rudely with a curt "I can open my own door, thank you!" to a gentlemanly gesture is expressing some sort of resentment, it would seem to me. That's not the place to express resentment. Maybe if she was turned down for a job that she was more qualified for than the male applicant who landed the position, she'd be justified in feeling anger, but not because someone showed her the kindness and graciousness to open a door for her, without getting paid to do so.
Why does it end? OP, what are you finding but guys who put their best foot forward only to have that best foot start dragging later? It was just meant to impress, but it's not ingrained in their nature? Are these guys who have a history of taking their gals for granted sooner or later, perhaps? Great guys are rare, just as great women are. Keep on searching! To paraphrase a popular adage: "When one guy doesn't open the door for you anymore, another door opens". | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/12/2007 1:16:40 PM | Some of it is just fluff. Of course you can pull out your own seat, or take off your own coat...Yes, it feels cool to do these things for a girl. But they really are just fluff.
Now, walking a girl to her door or her car is actually meaningful...it increases her level of safety.
And, refusing to discuss the intimate details of your relationship with a girl protects her from some of the harm that society's double standards can do to a girl. (ie, don't kiss and tell)
These are the true measures of a gentleman--the things that as a man you can do to actually protect a lady. And these should not end. | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/12/2007 1:29:12 PM | Many years ago, I worked in a programming department, and there was a move. The women who were so touchy about their rights and perjogatives seemed to expect the men to move their packed boxes and sift desks. After noticing this for a few minutes. I moved my own stuff, and stopped.
When a woman asked me to help some other guys move her desk, I smiled and said, "Sorry sore back. Besides I don't think the company medical insuracne would cover any mishaps."
You'd be amazed how many fellows figured out that they were being used as manual labour after a few minutes. In the end the company had to bring in professional movers to shift the desks.
Ketch | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/12/2007 3:55:02 PM | It was just meant to impress, but it's not ingrained in their nature?
With only a couple of exceptions this has been my experience.
NOTE...
This may not make me very popular with my peers, but my thought is that in the pursuit of equality that our fore sisters fought so hard to gain, we may have stripped from man the very essence that is them. The hunter/gatherer instinct. In doing so many other base instincts were corrupted as well. Perhaps, the idea of "chivalry" may just be one more of those lost ideals...
But I could be worng...
JMO
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/12/2007 4:12:14 PM |
Any person who would respond rudely with a curt "I can open my own door, thank you!" to a gentlemanly gesture is expressing some sort of resentment, it would seem to me. That's not the place to express resentment. Maybe if she was turned down for a job that she was more qualified for than the male applicant who landed the position, she'd be justified in feeling anger, but not because someone showed her the kindness and graciousness to open a door for her, without getting paid to do so.
That is probably the time when I would slam the door in her face....Ungrateful **** lol
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/12/2007 4:21:12 PM | Just to give you a sense of my political leanings, I was the University of Western Ontario's first Women's Issues Commissioner, way back when.
Yet I am touched and delighted by my partner's gentlemanly ways. He always opens the car door for me, and waits until I sit before closing the door gently behind me. He pulls the chair away from the table to seat me. He helps me on with my coat and scarf. These are only a few of the ways that he is a true gentleman.
His mother was a lawyer, and his aunt a doctor, long before it was the norm for women to be in these professions. Yet his mother taught him how to treat a woman right. He says that she would turn in her grave if he treated a woman with anything but consideration and respect.
It goes both ways. If I go through a doorway first, I hold it open for the next person, be it male or female. I do little considerate things for my partner as well. To me, it's all about respect, and considering the other person's needs. | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/12/2007 4:37:35 PM | Hey Camelot... 
I've always thought of chivalry as something that should be appreciated and acknowledged. I've often seen a woman ignore the gentleman she is with when he opens a door, but thanks a total stranger...
And it would definitely be nicer to see this happen more often...
I'm perfectly capable of opening my own doors and putting my jacket on myself... but I see these little acts of kindness as simply that. If it's done by a stranger, I'll thank him, if it's done by someone I'm with, I'll at the very least smile to acknowledge that the person has done me a favour, but more often than not, say thank you.
Gushing and ooohing and ahhhing over these things aren't necessary, after all, I don't expect whomever I'm cooking for to gush with every meal...
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/12/2007 5:33:25 PM | I don't know where I learned these "chivalrous" actions. It wasn't from my Dad... He was a great guy, a good father and husband. But he was just as likely to get in the car and honk the horn to tell Mom to hurry up.
I've always done those "old fashioned" things for women. I've only run into a couple of them who said something uncharitable about me doing so. One said, "I'm perfectly capable of opening the door!" I simply responded, "I know you are. That's not the issue, you just shouldn't have to if I'm with you." She got to like it.
Most women appreciate, or at least accept the fact that I'm going to do it no matter what. I'll open her car door, wait 'til she gets seated and pull the seatbelt out for her. I open doors, pull out chairs, stand when she joins me at a table. If it's cold out and she is going someplace I'll go out and start the car and get the heat going so she doesn't have to get in frigid car. And if I'm around a woman never has to take out trash or put gas in her car.
Does it make a difference? Does she really need me to do any of those things for her? Of course she can do them herself. I just LIKE doing them for a woman, especially if we are dating or in a relationship. And no, it doesn't end after we've grown comfortable with each other. It is nice if she accepts it and appreciates those things. | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/12/2007 5:57:25 PM |
With only a couple of exceptions this has been my experience.
NOTE...
This may not make me very popular with my peers, but my thought is that in the pursuit of equality that our fore sisters fought so hard to gain, we may have stripped from man the very essence that is them. The hunter/gatherer instinct. In doing so many other base instincts were corrupted as well. Perhaps, the idea of "chivalry" may just be one more of those lost ideals...
But I could be worng...
How did you "strip" us? If you did then there is nothing we can say anyways about it, because I doubt anyone would want to listen to us for some reason. | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/12/2007 6:33:37 PM | | I was raised to be polite...and I still do it. Even if I am not out on date, I will hold open a door before a woman gets there...regardless of age, sex or anything. Remember...what goes around, comes around. Nice guys don't always finish last...I hope. | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/12/2007 7:22:24 PM | i wouldn't date a guy who was socially retarded.
i am a feminist, i work in a male dominated trade and i demand equal pay for it.
i also get my car door opened for me every....single...time by my boyfriend. i think for a man to behave otherwise shows ignorance and a terrible upbringing.
he carries heavy things for me, when he drops me off at my apartment he sees that i'm inside safely before he leaves, he treats me just like a lady. even though i try to convince him i'm not | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/12/2007 7:28:36 PM | i wouldn't date a guy who was socially retarded.
i am a feminist, i work in a male dominated trade and i demand equal pay for it.
i also get my car door opened for me every....single...time by my boyfriend. i think for a man to behave otherwise shows ignorance and a terrible upbringing.
he carries heavy things for me, when he drops me off at my apartment he sees that i'm inside safely before he leaves, he treats me just like a lady. even though i try to convince him i'm not
you mean feminist as in EQUALITY Feminist??....cool! I agree and am for that. Just as long as you and everyone remembers that at the same time women have their own responsibilities too. But I am sure you understand and know that!! lol
even though i try to convince him i'm not
What does that mean?lol you are fake? not a lady? a dude? lol | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/12/2007 7:31:31 PM | yes, equality feminist. we're no better than you guys
i understand us women have our own responsibilities and when i have a guy who understands he has his i am more than willing to live up to my side of the bargain. seeing him happy and comfortable means everything to me
oh i am all woman, but i curse and sometimes i fart. in public. i think it's funny | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/12/2007 9:55:25 PM | Too many compliments in the beginning signal to a woman that the guy really has nothing interesting to talk about. Compliment a woman that you have just met and you get a thank you and the conversation is over. She has heard it 14 times that day. I try to stay outside the box when it comes to being predictable......and that turning into boring. Boring and predictable equals the next relationship......and some guys hit you with so many compliments that they become needy and clingy......bahhhh. Don't you hate that. There is a balance and most dudes don't get the balance.
D Rock | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/13/2007 4:03:36 PM | Too many compliments in the beginning signal to a woman that the guy really has nothing interesting to talk about.Compliment a woman that you have just met and you get a thank you and the conversation is over.
Please don't speak for women...since you are not one, how would you know about the 'signals' we send or recieve? Also making assumptions that 'she has heard it 14 times that day', most likely that isn't true.
My bf is very complimentary of me. I truly appreciate his words which he backs them up with his actions. I can promise I am the polar opposite of 'needy and clingy'.
It's simple guys...for the most part women by nature are responders...if you treat us well, pay attention to what we want/need we will do the same for you.  | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/14/2007 2:15:40 AM | Camelot,
I dont think it's something has died out completely. It's just something that is rare. But, I can see the arguments for why a guy wont do it any more. I mean, have you ever been dating someone and they break up with you, so you ask them why, and they tell you "because your too nice"? Yeah, i've had that happen and i'll tell you that it's enough to make a person not want to do those things any more.
That's who I am though. I enjoy doing those things. So I wont change! lol
Another reason I can see why men stop doing those things is because at first, it is acknowledged by the women. Like, the first time I opened a door for the girl I last went on a date with, she had a look on her face like "OMG!". It earned me a hug. And for the longest time, I could tell that she respected what I was doing for her. I'm not saying I, or any guy like that, needs a constant stream of thank you's or anything for what they do. It's when that look goes out of a womans eyes is why I think alot of guys stop doing it.
I know that when my ex-wife no longer seen any of the things I did I stopped doing them for awhile just to see how long it would take her to notice. It took her almost 3 months to realize that I never brought flowers home any more or that she was always opening her own doors. And then she had the nerve to get mad at ME for not doing it any more. If it was so important to her, then dont you think she would have noticed sooner? (Note: Those 3 months were very hard on me in trying to remember to not do those things)
Dont think that it's a dead thing. But if it's what you want, then you'll just have to search for it. Alot of gus still do it.
Nic | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/14/2007 3:01:32 AM | my grandfather taught me to walk on the 'gutter' side of a female, so that when a horse and carriage should happen by, i would 'catch' any sprayed water!
I learned this one, and it's a bit instinctive to me, but then I learned, that puts them on the filthy hobo side. I'm not sure which side to stand on anymore. 
We do what works. It's that simple.
Don't waste effort on something that doesn't work. And if something does work, make sure other guys see it working. They'll imitate it in no time. The cause and effect needs to be seen. Results, now. That's what works. Not, results in the future when you appreciate what he's done and the rewards are given later. The outside observer can't see that.
That, and again, what works? Does she see it as dorky, old fashioned or unwanted behavior? That's not going to work. Better play it safe and tone it down a bit incase she's not the kind to like that.
The "nice guy" does this. It doesn't work for the "nice guy". The "nice guy" gets bitter and makes a thread about it. | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/14/2007 4:06:47 AM | | I don't recall any of my "liberated" girlfiends helping me tune up or change the oil in their car, or reaching for the check in a restaurant. No big deal. I like being the man. If we ever get mugged by more than two people, I will need for you to knee someone in the groin while I incapacitate one or two of them. | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/14/2007 6:52:05 AM | I think it all depends on the person, how they were raised, and the respect that they have for other people.
My thoughts are that there are not probably enough gentlemen in the world. Maybe it is being lost a little, with each generation. How DO kids these days, learn etiquette ? Probably from their parents, or by observing other adults.
I AGREE WITH THIS! I AM TEACHING MY BOYS TO BE GENTLEMAN! If a man wants a true lady then he needs to be a true gentleman! | |
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