| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/17/2007 9:23:10 AM | >>there is never never ever ever any reason to blow your nose in public. go to the restroom! good LORD!
You've obviously never suffered from allergies. Let me enlighten you: Your nose can run so bad that you have to blow your nose every minute or two during a severe attack. If you don't, it will be running down your face. And it doesn't go away, like a cold; it lasts an entire season, usually spring or fall. So you can't stay home sick.
Sorry to gross anybody out, but it is a disease, and you should have some pity for people suffering from chronic diseases.
Note: mine haven't been that bad in years--but I remember what it was like. | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/19/2007 8:34:03 AM | | I completely appreciate manners in a man. I love a man who will be on time, hold doors, and do the little things - flowers for no reason, a call or email just to say "hi", an unexpected hug or kiss - but that said, I also like a man's man - a man who is not afraid to tell me what he wants, and suprise me every now and then. | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/19/2007 8:52:14 AM | | Well in answer to your question from a guys perspective. I think the reason chivalry ,compliments, and treating ladies like a gentleman should ends or fizzles is partially because when he does so he is not shown that it is appreciated. Just speaking from experience. It is VERY discouraging when a fella pays a lady a compliment to continually hear the lady not receive them. Such not saying thankyou, etc.etc.etc. I hate it when I open a door for a lady and she says" I could have done that" rather than a polite "thankyou" ! Or when you say how pretty she is and either get no responce or the"no I'm not". Let us know that these things are appreciated ladies and it is real easy to keep doing them! | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/22/2007 3:14:25 PM | Yea, Theshadow, you are right!!
Posts from ladies like sweetandreal who say they want doors opened for them and flowers for no reason really don't appreciate it when they get it. They will tell you that's what they want, then when you give them that, they reject it and thus get control over you.....which is what they really want. | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/22/2007 8:36:50 PM | I think the reason chivalry ,compliments, and treating ladies like a gentleman should, ends or fizzles, is partially because when he does so he is not shown that it is appreciated.
I totally agree. I AM a gentleman and quite chivalrous but one thing is quite certain, if I attempt to open a door for a lady, pull out her chair, or otherwise and she, after several attempts, decides to continue doing it herself, then I am not going to play the fool. My chivalrous, kind nature shall withdraw from such attempts and not be reiterated. Reciprocation/acknowledgement is key.
Just speaking from experience. It is VERY discouraging when a fella pays a lady a compliment to continually hear the lady not receive them. Such not saying thank you, etc.etc.etc. I hate it when I open a door for a lady and she says" I could have done that" rather than a polite "thank you" !
Again!! Here is a prime example of the overly-independant woman that so many have become today. You want equality? Fine, be an equal but take your place as the recipient when such mannerisms are offered up. Now it it time for the female gender to swallow THEIR pride for a change.
Or when you say how pretty she is and either get no responce or the"no I'm not".
That's merely a matter of self esteem or shyness which is easily translated once the ice has been broken between two.
Excellent example *Shadow*, Thank You.
God Bless
Scott | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 1/24/2007 3:01:09 PM | | My take would be that nowadays a lot of people are more worried about themselves than the other.... personally i am a guy who does act like a gentleman when i with a woman all the time.u could ask my ex wife and she would agree!!! most of my friends dont or so for a bit then stop. i think it is horrible. mt grandfather drilled that type of respect into me.. if it was not for him i probably would not either.. he used to say that that type of person makes the world a better place and god rest his soul but he was right.. it is a type of respect that has been in our world for generations and let me tell u one thing.. my 7 yr old boy is already holding doors open for his sisters and mom! couldn't be prouder | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 2/16/2007 9:14:20 AM | Thought I would drag this thread from the pits of forum obscurity...
I just wanted to focus a bit on the "compliment" part.
It is important to me to always try and look my best. Sometimes it works and sometimes...well...bad hair days happen to all of us!
I do this not only for myself but for my "female vanity". What can I say...I like my partners attention! It feels good to catch him looking...at me!
I don't need this validation but shallow as it sounds it gives me that "feel good" rush!
I am equally as generous when it comes to noticing and paying attention to my mates "ego" needs.
So I guess what I would put to you Forum friends is this....
Are "compliments" in a relationship a neccesary part of continuing to be sexually attracted to someone? or does it really matter? | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 2/16/2007 8:54:12 PM | | Relationships require constant attention. Being complementary, to me, is not only necessary but fun. It's good for the emotional as well as the sexual attraction in a relationship. By the way, your hair looks nice. LOL | |
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| Compliments and criticisms
Posted: 2/27/2007 12:50:41 PM | | Compliments are not necessary for a relationship, but certainly indicate to your partner that the spark is still burning. Two other comments: Insincere compliments are so much rubbish and for the discerning are obvious and insulting; and the volume of compliments appears to diminish as the relationship matures (unfortunately). So my rule of thumb is if you feel it say it, and say it diplomatically. Obviously, criticisms and how to handle them requires an entirely different and much more discriminating and diplomatic touch. | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 2/27/2007 1:15:07 PM |
Are "compliments" in a relationship a necessary part of continuing to be sexually attracted to someone? or does it really matter?
I'd say that it depends on one's love language. I'm referring to the book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. My primary love language is words of affirmation; my partner's is physical touch.
I thrive on compliments, which are a form of affirmation words; I also thrive on hearing "I love you".
While compliments and mushy stuff are welcomed by my partner, he doesn't "need" them as much as I do. He thrives on affectionate touch and hugging and snuggling (and fortunately, so do I).
Some people need compliments in a relationship in order to sustain it; others need it much less. | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 2/27/2007 3:42:27 PM | Being a gentleman has LITTLE TO DO with the little social etiquette ways that you mentioned above. Being a gentleman means :
- Respecting you above all else
- Actions speak louder than words
- True to his word
- Being there for you to protect you, care for you and so forth
All the little " gentlemanly " things such as opening doors, letting you walk in front of him, pulling out chairs for you etc...mean SQUAT if he is a player or a liar or anything " less gentlemanly ". | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 3/2/2007 5:52:19 AM | when i read your question bound for camelot i honestly shouted at the computer "oh my god your so right"
im 22 years old myself so you couldnt really call me old fashioned but when a guy opens a door for me, helps me with my coat, smiles, pays me a complement (and means it), carries something heavy for me and generally acts like a gentleman - i love it.
not because i need him to do any of those things, but because it shows he sees that im a lady and he has good manners and respect for women. and that of course is gonna make me think hes a keeper. though he should do it cause he wants to/it comes naturally - not cause he thinks he should.
when it comes to work though and a professional enviroment, things do get a little different. working and dating are two totally seperate things. i think in general, in the work place everyone should open the door for everyone. your not trying to impress,your just showing common manners. its like giving up
showing ettiquette whilst on a date does not make me feel like im any less equal to a man, feminism does not make us men, it shows we are equal when it comes to basic rights.
so lads, try it the next time you go out with a woman you really like and respect - if shes a lady she'll appreciate it.
P.S. bad boys and rude boys are very different men!
i hope this helps someone. | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 5/19/2007 10:04:05 AM | I agree with wizard... I think if you were raised right thats what you do... if they want to be treated worse then somewhere down the road they will leave for someone that will not treat them badly... its sad but true.. has to do with low self esteem .. and feeling like you dont deserve to be treated like a princess or a lady... and like wizard ... I'll not change... its better to like your self for keeping your standards high and be alone than to "settle" for less.... now some women are just not used to being treated good .. thats fine .. if you keep showing how much you treasure her being in your life they she will learn that she does deserve it... and the best part is... even if it doesnt work out...... she has raised her standards also...so she will be happier for having met you... patrick   | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 5/19/2007 2:07:27 PM | You know.....my momma raised me to be nothing BUT a gentleman. And in all my relationships, it wasn't just a way of courting to win her affections, and then stop. It continued throughout the entire relationship, in all four that I ever had in my life.....the car door was always opened first....the door was always opened...the chair pulled out.... the only times this didn't really happen is if the settings or events were so casual or hurried. But it's always the first thought on my mind.
Over the last few years though, I've been questioning as to whether or not this is the truest way to go now.......
I spend most of my year flying. And it's funny to witness the ladies in their business suits, who are out there doing their thing in the business world, being independent, self reliant, smart, intellectual, proving they can go toe to toe with any man in business......until they board the plane with the carry on that SHOULD have been checked because it's so big, bulky and overstuffed that they can't pick it up, and put it in the overhead bin........then suddenly pulling out the 'womanly wiles' with a heavy SIGH....looking at me.....giving me that 'would you be a DOVE?' look....and suddenly becoming HELPLESS..........
Yeah........RIGHT!!!
Then after leaving the plane and heading out the door of the fuselage.....I'm greeted by the gay flight attendant who says.....'buh bye'.........and the FEMALE PILOT standing at the****it door................ She just landed a 777 JUMBO JET FLAWLESSLY......What am I going to do?? Carry her bag?????
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 12/28/2008 9:53:51 AM | | I'm here to say, there are plenty of women around here who appreciate being treated like a lady. I've taught my daughter & all her friends, if a guy gives you a compliment, simply say Thank You. Of course we can open the door for ourselves... but this old-fashioned gal says, part of the art of old-fashioned "dating" is playing the parts. With no expectations or obligations. Maybe some girls think if they let you be so nice, you'll expect payment later? just a thought... not directed toward you! just a thought... | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 12/28/2008 10:31:58 AM | I was raised that a guy should be a gentleman....set up the date first, picks you up, helps you with your jacket, opens the car door for you etc. Sounds old fashion but I don't think there's anything wrong with it.
I don't think etiquette on these type of men fizzles out entirely....they just become so comfortable with you that they think they have done enough to win you over and you are content with them. Once men are in a serious relationship with you, it does fizzle out but they show other ways how much they care about you.
For any woman who DOESN'T appreciate a man being a gentleman...I seriously think they have issues. Women can still feel equal with men showing nice gestures like these. They want to do these things because they feel good about themselves when they can have the pleasure of making a woman happy...nothing wrong with that! | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 12/28/2008 10:14:07 PM | I consider myself to be a decently courteous person with decent manners (not very good but good), but again, I only do what comes naturally to me, and I am often forgetful it seems too. If I reach a door first, I'll usually hold the door open for most anyone, if it's a woman or child, or even another guy who happens to come along after me. Most of the time. Other times, I'm not thinking about what I'm doing and simply forget. Usually I'll realize what I just did and feel a little bad about it, but I know there is nothing personal intended towards anyone and move on.
I will be sure to compliment her if I think she looks nice, or if I notice she put some effort into trying to look good. Not just on looks, but anything she does, say finish a painting, cook a great dinner, etc., if I feel it needs complimenting, I'll let her know. I want to show that I appreciate it, even if sometimes I do forget to mention it right away, I will bring it up later if I can, to let her know how I feel.
I don't go out of my way to be gentlemanly but just do what comes naturally and from years of habit. I couldn't fake being extra nice or courteous if I wanted to. I'd simply forget to. Isn't honesty grand?
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 12/30/2008 12:12:36 AM | For what it's worth, I won't settle for anything less than a gentleman. Women who do, in my opinion, need to work a little on the whole self-respect issue.
Good question! I suspect it's of great interest here. And again, for what it's worth, I do think it's a lost art. | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 12/30/2008 11:13:38 PM |
So I guess what I would put to you Forum friends is this....
Are "compliments" in a relationship a neccesary part of continuing to be sexually attracted to someone? or does it really matter?
Oh heck yeah it matters!!!
When two in love quit complimenting and supporting all auras, then intimacy has died, and inevitably the relationship and energy.
No doubt!
God Bless,
Scott. | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 6/14/2009 8:40:04 PM | I hold a door open not just for women but for anyone who happens to be close to walking through when I am there. Heck I've held it open for several minutes where there is a crowd going through. It feels good to put someone else ahead of me, however, not all the time. It is called giving. I think society has lost focus on what giving is. Giving is something where you don't expect anything in return.
The compliment thing. I've read somewhere that a child who grows up with criticism learns how to criticise. Received lots of that throughout my life. I will pay a compliment where there is one due. I find compliments can embarass people, including myself. I have had them used to try to manipulate me and seen them used for that purpose. I probably am guilty of that at one time or another.
I know I get complacent with the compliments. I guess my mentality is if I told you once that should be good enough. I think complacency comes with familiarity and comfort. Sort of like after the honeymoon phase. | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 6/16/2009 10:03:47 AM | I work on a factory floor. There are women working out the front in reception and sales, but for two years I was the only female 'out the back'. For the first couple of months every swear word was followed by an apology. It didn't matter how many times I said not to, or that I wasn't offended, it kept happening.
Then one day I dropped a piece of glass and it broke. The language wasn't pretty and I think I shocked a few of the older gentlemen. After that the language got a bitless blue, but the apologies finally stopped.
I have never been treated as other than a lady there. The door thing is equal opportunity. Whosoever gets to the door first opens it for everyone. First in line, gets first dibs on the microwave.
I was raised with 'common courtesy' drummed into me. You know, do unto others, etc.
Anyone who opens a door for me, or does some small feat of courtesy gets a sunny smile and a thank you.
Unfortunately I've also copped the 'I opened the door, you owe me' garbage. I've been abused by men, and women for opening doors, holding elevators, moving out of the way on escalators. All I can do is shrug and move on.
Oh, and nice guys should finish last. Its only polite. (and gets you laid more often) | |
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| Compliments, being a gentlemen and other forgotton traits..
Posted: 6/16/2009 12:09:05 PM | For the OP:
It is, sadly, mostly gone. As time passes, fewer parents teach this to their children so not only do the guys not learn, but the women don't learn to expect (or hope for) this treatment.
Also, if you look long enough, there's at least one thread about a guy randomly complimenting a woman and her freaking out on him. Most women I've met either find my own treatment of them (as I am one of those gentlemen you mention, long term, not just to impress) either strange or 'sweet' ('sweet' usually equals 'wuss' in most minds, and apparently, women want a man's man. See other threads for this).
It seems to boil down to 'be a man or be a wuss'. Women want to date, hang around with and have sex with 'real men'. They want to dream about and settle down with nice guys.
Problem is, by the time most women get to the latter half of that, the nice guys are either depressed, gave up, or simply don't want to be bothered anymore. | |
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