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| Sex fetishes and group encounters... Good or bad for a relationship?
Posted: 1/13/2007 11:03:33 AM | OK Dana..I'll be the one to spill the beans since I have experienced both types of realtionships and hopefully it wont change the way my friends think of me.
To start off with, you have to be very committed to the one you are with and communication and trust is very important. There is no real answer to weather it is good or bad for the relationship...it all depends on the relationship and the 2 people involved that choose an alternative lifestyle.
In my 2nd marriage..after being together for about 7 years we chose to explore some of our fantasies. It was a decision made by both of us. We were not trying to fix anything as we had a good marriage and an awsome sex life. It was not giving us the right to cheat as nothing was done without the other. We did become, I guess what you call "swingers" but we did not go to swinger clubs or advertise or have swinger parties. Whatever we did was kept between us and whoever we were with. It was a fun time in our relationship and thats exactly what were were looking for when we chose to do it. It lasted for a couple of years and I dont have any regrets for anything that happened. It did not ruin our marriage because of the trust we had with each other. Our marriage ended cause of drugs and alcohol. It can however ruin a marriage or relationship. I did see it happen to a friend of mine.
Will I choise to ever go back to that lifestyle....NO!
I do prefer to have the old fashion type of relationship and being with only one person. | |
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tj7
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Joined: 11/7/2005
Msg: 30 | |
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tj7
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Joined: 11/7/2005
Msg: 33 | |
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| Sex fetishes and group encounters... Good or bad for a relationship?
Posted: 1/14/2007 4:45:08 AM | hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, thats is a thought.......
if you are old fashioned and this would not be acceptable it would be the end of things
but if you are open minded, curious, and feel strongly about this person it may not be a bad thing.
in my younger days sharing was not a big deal........in my older age, I have not been asked to share, would I if asked? probably not. | |
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| Sex fetishes and group encounters... Good or bad for a relationship?
Posted: 1/14/2007 5:53:14 AM | I have a friend who just got married. Both very young and still in college. Dude just asked me recently about "golden showers". His new wife has a fetish with it. He didnt know what to do. It goes against what he knows, but he doesnt want to end a perfectly good relationship on a technicality.
So I told him to just pee on her. What the heck. He loves her, and wants her to be very happy.
Long story short, he loves it now. He loves how it turns her on. They have awesome sex. He's even got a couple of his own wishes fulfilled.
Do you think, our parents and grandparents, didnt have freakiness in thier love-making?
I hope they did. At lease I'll know its genetics that causes me to be a freak 
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| Sex fetishes and group encounters... Good or bad for a relationship?
Posted: 1/14/2007 5:55:06 AM | I've been thinking about this one. I thought I should have an opinion about this, but it seems to be so far outside of my experience and what I would choose to do, that I can hardly form any words about it.
As far as group encounters, for me that would violate commitment. So this is entirely out of the question for me. I would walk away from anything that includes more people than me and my guy.
The other things that happen between two people are just that: between the two people. I don't want to know what other people are doing, and I'm not going to tell what I'm doing. In my mind, the meaning of intimacy includes secrecy. If it wasn't secret, it wouldn't really be so intimate, would it? I know I'll get jumped on over this comment, but I heard someone say once that inaccessibility tends to create a feeling of worth. | |
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| Sex fetishes and group encounters... Good or bad for a relationship?
Posted: 1/14/2007 6:02:08 AM | i've had several opportunities to be involved in 3somes or 4somes but never took the chance to experiment with them. now, here's something really funny...my ex b/f, you know, the one that broke my nose because of me telling another woman verbadem what he wanted me to tell her...anyway, they've been together ever since i moved out (a month after he broke my nose). he came to me quite a few times with the idea about having a 3some. apparently someone isn't making her man very happy and he needs help. he wants me to join them to show her what kind of sex he's into, what he likes as with position, what he likes to do with hair pulling and stuff. i told him that i'm sorry but i'm just not up to it. then he told me that he'll do me with her watching then he'll do her with me watching and i can tell her what she's doing wrong. not!!! i'm not falling for that. if i'm with someone i want him for keeps, for me only and me for him only. i'm not into sharing. call me stingy, call me greedy, call me a nut but i'm a one man woman. | |
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| Sex fetishes and group encounters... Good or bad for a relationship?
Posted: 1/14/2007 6:09:45 AM | That lifestyle is certainly not for everyone Anna.
Both partners have to want it for purely entertainment. And not to "fill" a gap in thier relationship.
Personally, things like this, I leave it up to the woman Im with to bring up the subject. Of course, I'll never say never to anything, until I try it once. | |
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| Sex fetishes and group encounters... Good or bad for a relationship?
Posted: 1/14/2007 6:45:42 AM | | in a committed relationship between two lovers...i think anything u do one on one to satisfy the sexual desires of the other person is cool as long as the activity hurts neither one of you...bringing other folks into the bedroom....morally wrong.... | |
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tj7
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Joined: 11/7/2005
Msg: 44 | |
| Sex fetishes and group encounters... Good or bad for a relationship?
Posted: 1/14/2007 10:31:28 AM | Just for the sake of argument, who decides whats morally wrong?
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm - I believe that each person decides for him/herself what is and isn't morally wrong or right for themselves.
Then in the end, it is all left to the Big Man upstairs!!!! | |
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| Sex fetishes and group encounters... Good or bad for a relationship?
Posted: 1/14/2007 1:21:28 PM | | jon - if i was asked years and years ago i would have given it some thought but now? nahhhh, i'm gonna stick with one guy and only one guy. that is, if i can ever find one that's willing to meet me. oh well, life goes on........and on..........and on...........and on even if it is alone. *sigh* | |
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| Sex fetishes and group encounters... Good or bad for a relationship?
Posted: 1/14/2007 3:58:55 PM | just go ahead and say it jon...............................................................................
i'm morally wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but hey i look at it like this it sure was fun getting this far in life! | |
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| Sex fetishes and group encounters... Good or bad for a relationship?
Posted: 1/14/2007 4:33:15 PM | LOL DSL!
Morally wrong: beating on a woman, child, dog, cat (well sometimes thats not too bad). Things like that can be agreed upon. Id add things like cheating or dead-beat parents in there among other things but thats still a personal preference.
When it comes to sex, thats a different ball game (pun intended!)
Sex is supposed to be fun and exciting. Especially with someone you are in love with. It takes 2. For those who think thats not true, (I.E. taking care of one's own "business") most people still need some sort of external stimuli to do so. Example: men like to use porn for an audio/visual stimulation. Women re-live a sexual act, maybe with a previous partner or a celebrity figure in thier mind. Self-fulfilment is also used to explore fantasies without the embarassment or axiety-produced situation often caused by exploring the topic with a new partner.
Still, sex is what you make of it. I know some who think sex is strictly for procreation. I think we all know at least one person who has constant casual sex partners for the pure enjoyment of sex without the guilt. | |
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