| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/12/2007 9:56:01 PM | Sure there is..and I have said this before. You have to be charming but not obvious, shy but no introverted, confident but not arrogant, strong but not aggressive, respectful but not chauvinistic, show interest but don't be overt, be a gentleman but not a wuss, ...etc...
Its really quite simple. Hey, at least you don't have to wear 4 inch heels to make your legs look good. | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/12/2007 10:15:04 PM | Ubkobalt.. it's all about the approach. I'm all for open communication, I just prefer the subtle as opposed to the overt.... and preferably not in the first conversation.
Was chatting with this guy today that I've chatted with before, and maybe it was just me.. but the conversation revovled around meeting (for the first time) and getting it on... or more specifically about me going down on him. I just kept thinking.. um.. not a chance in hell. First off.. I don't know you, last thing I'm going to do is stick your c*ck in my mouth and get you off. When do I get mine? I've put in my time donating blowjobs to a$$holes who don't reciprocate. I'm done with that. Plus that isn't what i'm looking for right now.
Something I was told was to do things in such a way as to make a man believe that everything that happens was his idea... hehehe.. I know.. sneaky, but effective you can pull it off. For me, same sort of things applies. You are much more likely to *get some* if you keep it subtle and make me think i'm seducing you... hehehe.. ooops.. might have said too much! | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/12/2007 10:41:41 PM | If you are going to pay for a woman then sure, letting her know of exactly how you
want it in the first minute is a good idea, after all she's on the clock
As for a potential partner, whether it be for friendship or even pen pals, it should only be mentioned in the discussion when it comes naturally... I have found that to happen more so on msn as it is a real time chat and that makes it easier to jump from one subject to another... Sex can make for a really relax subject and in that context, most women seem to enjoy joking around and stuff but nobody enjoys tense, uncomfortable moments and it's always a good idea to gear away from those, no matter what the subject is.
As for balancing all of those qualities mentioned earlier, the balance is different for everybody and since their is no exact science on the subject why not be yourself and land on the one for whom your balance is interesting?
By the by, I have dressed up as a woman one Halloween ages ago and high heels are most definitely a pain in the azz! | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/12/2007 11:02:49 PM | I feel the original Poster's friustration but, I also see that he made the comparison of a guy getting directly to sex w/ a girl getting directly to a guys wallet.
If A supermodel comes up to you and asks "how much do you make a year?" or "what kind of car do you drive" - too soon - We may still have a desire to 'boink' said supermodel but most guys would probably think twice about dating her on a regular basis - unless of course you're loaded and have money to burn. | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/13/2007 12:09:13 AM | This seems to relate to Kant's views on ethics in that he believed that people should not treat other people as a means to an end, but rather as an end in themselves. Bring up the topic of sex with a woman too early and it appears that you want the sex rather than the woman. Sex should be neither a means nor an end.
Having said that, I think more men need to learn the art of zen seduction. Basically, the way to get laid is by not trying to get laid. If you explore as many reasons as possible to spend time with a woman other than sex, sex will follow in due course, perhaps at her suggestion.
There are many caveats and conflicting opinions, and I would like to hear comments from both men and women on the concept. | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/13/2007 1:47:56 AM | Let's just say, you're not the first person to bring up Kant around me. However, attempting to figure out what that guy was going on about leaves me confused and bewildered. I do like to play around with the idea of a consensus reality and perception though. But trying to explain it would just make me sound insane, on multiple levels.
Neither a means nor an end. Interesting. I get it. Writing this, I just went on a 15 minute thought trip, and I think I felt my brain snap. So I'm going to end this post on that note.
But I get what people are saying here. Since men do it all the time, it's not special. (Still, never slap worthy, or even worth getting upset over IMO.) And since women seem to almost never do it unless they're intoxicated, it makes it really special and flattering to a guy. | |
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kmhstx
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Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 33 | |
| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/13/2007 4:03:59 AM | There are ways to do it that are sexy and then there are ways that show you have NO idea what a women thinks is attractive.
For me there is a big difference between.
"Hey baby your hot, I wanna fu ck u"......lets just say something the OP has in mind...lol
and
" Wow you are so beautiful and sexy. I want to kiss you but if I start I don't know if I'll be able to stop."......................................Lets call this something alittle more sexy.
Why is one better than the other....because if this is the first time you are saying something like this to a woman....well using slang like HOT, its childish, and honestly reminds me of Paris Hilton lol....first turn off. And when someone starts off my telling me they want to just fu ck me.....it makes me feel like a piece of meat....thats all they want from me...and its a bit crude and rude. * now if we are already dating and sleeping together...alittle bit of dirty talk is much more acceptable.
The other is much more flattering, and no bad language...and if your hole intention is to FLATTER someone...if that is why you are saying the words in the first place....this is much more of a turn on....and is asking permission in a way....who knows if she feels the same way she might grab you and start kissing
I've had guys tell me the first way many times....and while I know its there way of telling me I'm attractive to them..it has never really done much for me.
I have had one guy tell me he cared about me and wanted me to feel amazing...that turned me on. | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/13/2007 5:35:54 AM | Because as we all know men and women think differently.
He says "Nice rack"
She hears "I see 2 boobs with legs"
"My ex called me up and I haven't seen him in a year. He said he wanted to visit me, but then he brought up that he was horny. Can you believe how disrespectful he was being to me?"
This is not complimentary because to us it says, "I'm horney, you'll do for now".
These types of come ons are not flattering to me at all because they paint a picture of a guy who wants to bang any girl because she is standing there at that moment and if she turns him down he'll just move on to the next girl. Very impersonal. The so called "compliment" has nothing to do with me, just a particular body part he wants to check out. As opposed to a man who wants to have sex with me because he is truly attracted to me and wants to investigate a further relationship. If that is what the guy is thinking when he blurts out this sort of thing, it isn't what he is comminucating to her at all.
Even if I meet a guy that I am sexually interested in, comments such as the ones you mention in the manner you speak of will turn me off in a heart beat, for good. I'd show George Clooney the door if he came across with that sort of attitude. | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/13/2007 7:35:51 AM | Actually ubkobalt, I understand what you mean about it being a compliment.
I used to be super thin just a few years ago, and guys were always always hassling me, whistling at me, trying to get in my pants, etc... and I found it so annoying!
Then I moved to this city and gained 30 lbs, and guys stopped giving me attention, they didn't even look at me twice. I felt like I was so ugly and disgusting! :(
Now that I've lost 20 lbs, guys are starting to notice me again, and it IS a compliment when a guy wants to sleep with you because he thinks you're attractive, so I DO take it as a compliment.  | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/13/2007 7:43:29 AM | BASEBALL FAN hit the nail on the head....when you bring up this kind of talk, you become like practically ever other man....it's boring frankly when all men want to bring up is sex...and how sexy we look...it's like do you not have an ''original'' thought in your brain....
I am a teacher, a published author, a dancer, I read and write all the time, i love learning about new things, i'm a music and movie buff, pop culture buff, love nfl football...love animals....
i also love sex...but guess what....not what i want to talk about 24/7 | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/13/2007 9:29:53 AM | | Surely you see why an ex calling up someone and saying he (or she) just wants to bang them is insulting??? If you've had feelings for someone in the past, and they call out of the blue and tell you that, it's very disrespectful and very hurtful. He/she thinks she/he is good enough for a bang, but he/she doesn't give a crap about them otherwise. That's inconsiderate at best...downright mean at worst. | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/13/2007 9:37:09 AM | What would you think of a woman who looked at your crotch at the first meeting and said "Nice Package"? I imagine you'd be thinking that she wanted to get in your pants, and probably be happy about it. But I bet that's all you be thinking she wanted. Same for women. If that's the gist of your attraction (Nice tits), then we assume that all you want is to get in our pants.
Women look at men and think "Damn that's nice" or "He's hot" but for the majority of us, it's not enough. We want to know how he thinks, even IF he thinks. And the whole "He's hot" thing turns into "no, he's not" if that's all there is to him. I think most women want to do more than your male organ, we want to do your brain. | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/13/2007 9:40:45 AM | I get emails with sexual innuendos and compliments frequently.
I respond to all of my emails of course and if there are overt sexual overtones, I would likely email back something like this:
"Thank you for complimenting my legs. In answer to your question, yes...I was able to put them over my head at one time. Now I have arthritis and 'roids, so it is much more painful. Mind you, the mental illness causes me more distress than this, so I don't think about it much."
If I get an email that is very complimentary regarding my 'shell', I am more likely to respond like this:
"What a wonderful email to receive. Thank you very much for the compliment, although I have to state that it really has to do with good genes more than anything. Have a wonderful day and keep your stick on the ice"
If the email was heavy with sexual innuendo, I would cut it off at the pass.
If the email was kind and complimentary, I would respond in the same manner.
I personally like kind compliments. It makes me feel, well, pretty. Like a lady.
^^BG^^ | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/13/2007 12:49:46 PM |
Surely you see why an ex calling up someone and saying he (or she) just wants to bang them is insulting??? If you've had feelings for someone in the past, and they call out of the blue and tell you that, it's very disrespectful and very hurtful. He/she thinks she/he is good enough for a bang, but he/she doesn't give a crap about them otherwise. That's inconsiderate at best...downright mean at worst.
Inconsiderate, I can understand. Hurtful and mean, I can't relate to as well. I know it's there, and can act accordingly. But relating and fully understanding is murky to me. I wish I could fully understand, which is why I ask. And if I could fully understand it, I could respect it more. Maybe it'll sink in. ("Because I said so." has never been a good enough excuse for me. )
What would you think of a woman who looked at your crotch at the first meeting and said "Nice Package"? I imagine you'd be thinking that she wanted to get in your pants, and probably be happy about it.
Yup. It would make my week, and I'd think back on it often for years to come. (And I know that there's a possibility she's using sex to get love.)
we want to do your brain.
Note to self: Aim for the head.
I also notice that people often act, react and feel certain ways because they think they're supposed to. Not because they think it's right or wrong inherently. And I wanted to get a feel for that as well. | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/13/2007 1:18:59 PM | OP I think you'll get the "hurtful and mean" part if someone who you've cared about deeply in the past (if you've ever loved someone...there's always a part of you that continues to love them) calls you up out of the blue and asks if they can come over and do you, but makes it clear they're not interested in anything else. (Just because I said so!)
I also notice that people often act, react and feel certain ways because they think they're supposed to. Not because they think it's right or wrong inherently. And I wanted to get a feel for that as well.
That's a pretty broad concept, and would probably make a good topic if you narrowed it down to say..within the parameters of dating. Because for those who behave a certain way because they're supposed to while dating...don't continute to behave that way when they're married....like the attentive man who brings flowers all the time and opens doors but forgets how shortly after the wedding...or the woman who just loves sex until after the wedding...then has more headaches than a forest has trees. (stereotyping...I know) | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/13/2007 1:43:52 PM | | OP, it's insulting because most of them men who do this simply want to get laid...and they don't care what women they do it with...Men like this tend to use these lines on all women they find attractive, until they find one who gives it up...They don't really care much for the other person except that they find something physical about them appealing. So it may not necessarily what or how they're saying it, but *why* they're saying it...*that's* what's so insulting. If the woman can be just anyone who's willing to give it up, it's no compliment to them. | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/13/2007 2:01:52 PM | #1 - If you bring it up too early then it is not flattering. If you want to discuss sex with someone you barely know then that speaks volumes for the type of relationship you want to have with that person. (Not saying that sex for sex sake is wrong, but if that's not what she's looking for then it will be a turn off).
#2 - Comments like, "I'm horny" only really work at can be appealing when you've been with someone long enough to know that they mean "I want YOU baby". If some guy says "I'm horny" within the first few days or your ex calls out of the blue to tell you he wants some, then how could it possibly be a compliment... it TOTALLY says, "I'm horny and I'll take it anywhere/anyway I can get it" and has absolutely nothing to do with the woman you're talking to. (At least that's how it seems on the receiving end).
#3 - the "Nice Tits" comment basically says to the woman, "Yea, I haven't been listening to a word you've said for the last ten minutes, I have been paying attention though... to your boobs". Now this is assuming it's in the middle of conversation or out of the blue of course, I don't think many women would be turned on by "nice tits" in the heat of the moment, but at least if she's naked, she knows your attention is focused on the task at hand... know what I mean?
Timing and delivery is everything... the 'nice tits' thing also seems a little immature, like you're gonna come up and honk her boob or something... like you don't REALLY appreciate her breasts, more like you wanna look at them like you'd look at a playboy spread while you jackoff in the washroom.
Basically, women feel there is more to them than sex, boobs and ass... if that's what you focus on early on then a lot of women feel like you don't want to know what THEY feel is important about them. Listen to what they have to say and before long they'll be taking your hand and placing it on their "nice tits". | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/13/2007 7:36:03 PM | | Disclaimer: That "list" I mentioned earlier was in joking. It's just like guys who want a girl to be a lady in public and a lady of the evening in private. The line between funny and complimentary and just plain slimey is blurry at best and varies depending on the woman. | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/13/2007 11:13:25 PM | Ubkobalt....you got it right on msg 11. Woman want to be appreciated for who they are on the inside and want to be respected as your equal and as a person....not as a hot piece of ass. Yes, yes we want you to see us as a hot piece of ass too but bringing this up too soon will make it seem like that's all you are interested in. And in turn insulting comments to you would be about money. I am sure you want a woman to date you because of who you are and not what you could buy or provide for them. If what your income is or what kind of car do you drive or do you own a house conversation comes up to quickly you would probably figure this woman is a gold digger.
Take your time earn her respect and when you are rounding 3rd then tell her she is a hottie with great ____ or whatever. Then it will be taken very well  | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/14/2007 1:20:44 AM | OP: Have you ever been hit on by a woman who clearly just wants to jump your bones as fast as she can?
Maybe I'm a weirdo...but I've found that to be unattractive...even if she is good looking...
...Yup...men and women think differently...but there are tendancies within all of us that are universal...the "cat callers" and blunt morons aren't REALLY being disrespectful....they're just unattractive because there is no intrigue...nothing to "dig" for....
...people are just lead to believe they are being disrespectful because of the world we live in....and it's that belief that really f*cks some of us up....if you think that talking about sex with a woman you just met is disrespectful...you really got to sort some things out.....
...all this talk about disrespect...and you got other threads where women admit to talking bluntly and graphically about sex with other women...granted that's slightly different than the thread topic...but apparantly we're all being disrespectful... | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/14/2007 2:33:23 AM | Because it is. Figure it out.
Uhh....thanks. Maybe I'll make a thread about it.
OP: Have you ever been hit on by a woman who clearly just wants to jump your bones as fast as she can?
No.
This happens? I mean, outside of fantasy?
I don't think I've lived the sheltered life.
the "cat callers" and blunt morons aren't REALLY being disrespectful....they're just unattractive because there is no intrigue...nothing to "dig" for....
...people are just lead to believe they are being disrespectful because of the world we live in....and it's that belief that really f*cks some of us up.
What can I say, I'm an observant person. Let others screw up first, then take the opposite route that doesn't have the landmines in place. I'm listening. I'm watching. Maybe a bit too much.
Anyway, I was more concerned about the sudden shift in attitude when this happens. Just trying to understand the thought process that triggers the upset reaction. I can understand not liking it, maybe rolling your eyes at the situation.
And why NOT appreciate someone's body AND mind? Why the certain order of things? These questions have been answered, and thank you for those who explained. But hey, like I said. I want the whole package.
It's like shopping for a car, and not being able to mention that it's attractive from the outside. And then the person selling the car saying "You just like it because it's pretty. No deal! You're all alike. Why can't you appreciate the interior?" Because I haven't taken the time to take it for a test drive yet? It's the first thing I noticed? | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/14/2007 5:20:51 AM |
It's like shopping for a car, and not being able to mention that it's attractive from the outside. And then the person selling the car saying "You just like it because it's pretty. No deal! You're all alike. Why can't you appreciate the interior?" Because I haven't taken the time to take it for a test drive yet? It's the first thing I noticed?
Uh oh. You compare women to cars and don't understand why graphic sexual comeons are disrespectful? lol, no wonder you "don't understand". ;)
Frankly, I can get sex from pretty much anyone if I asked for it. I've also dealt with sexual innuendo/come-ons regularly since I was 12 years old. Having some guy message me with "you wanna fack", just doesn't do it for me. It makes me think that he's no better than any other guy who's hit on me since then. I don't want someone just like the others, I want someone special.
Another point to consider, these men pretty much do this to anyone who walks past. We want someone to make us feel special, and this isn't making us feel special. It makes us feel like a walking vagina, and that our parts are more important than our whole.... I know I'm more than a pair of boobs, and it's insulting to me that someone else would judge me as being nothing more than that based on his own libido. | |
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