| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/16/2007 5:13:38 AM |
BTW I have seen any number of posts from the OP and he seem quite an affable and intelligent guy..al along I have wondered if he Really "dsn't get it" or just likes hearing our opinions..and getting hits to his ad.....sssssssssssssh do no tell the OP i said this ..
either way I think it's been a fun thread.
Ha, nice. And yes, I'm analyzing the hell out of it.
Usually I'm able to stand in the other person's shoes, and see where they're coming from.
This time, I'm standing in the shoes, and I'm not getting upset or offended. It's foreign.
I know it's there, and I can accept it's there. If I can understand it, I can respect it better. That's all.
I can see how if it happens all the time, and that's not what you're looking for, it can be frustrating.
But instead of that starter doing it's job, having a predictable cause and effect....instead, it just explodes for no good reason. And "It just does, ok?" doesn't seem like a good enough answer. There's a reason for everything. | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/16/2007 7:06:28 AM | Honestly, when someone I barely know (or don't know at all) chats to me or emails me with a "nice tits" or something equally . . . lacking thought, I'm neither offended nor elated. But, I wouldn't want to pursue a conversation with them mostly for this reason: my gut reaction is that they probably suck in bed. I imagine him as a modern-day primitive groper. "Modern-day primitive" meaning, they get all of their "material" and "knowledge" from Playboy editorials and porn. Now I have nothing against Playboy or porn, but, if you watch porn, it's just the same thing over and over again. So, when I get a comment like that, I think, "ugh," and imagine a guy groping on my boobs, paying no attention to the fact that I'm not the least bit turned on, getting straight to naked without the seduction of slowly removing clothes (i.e. porn), and a sloppy, messy kisser.
On the flipside, I would be equally horrified by a guy attempting to woo me with ridiculous poems and sappy talk. I'd say the best compliments include more than two words, even a "Damn, you are beautiful." Or a swell one on this site is, "your profile is very well-written." And, the best way to create a conversation is through wit and humor. And THEN, when I actually dig a guy, nothing turns me on more then him whispering all the dirty, nasty things he'd like to do to me in my ear - and mean it. | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/16/2007 7:35:26 AM | "It's foreign." B I N G O 
That is exactly it. With so many of these little issues we ask "why" about the why really does not matter. The fact is the opposite sex is a foreign culture. That is the way it is and the way it should be and the way it always will be unless our society advances to asexual reproduction which ain't likely.
With foreign cultures what do you do? You try to learn the language. But before you do that you ACCEPT enough that it is worth learning the language.
That is really where your hang up is. Acceptance.
Remember. Foreign Culture. | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/16/2007 8:20:49 AM | Because in the initial stages it isn't about them desiring YOU, it's about them being horny and wanting to get off.
You used the example of an ex who calls a year later and wants to come over, then mentions he's horny. Well why do you think he wants to come over? To get off and nothing more. This isn't about him desiring the person he is talking to. It is about him wanting to get off.
If you've been talking to someone a short time and they want to discuss their giant****and how great it is, do you think they're doing it because you're somehow special and attractive to them? They'd do it with any woman willing to listen for 5 minutes.
I don't find it offensive. I find it insulting to my intelligence. Do you honestly think I'm not going to see through the line of BS? | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/16/2007 9:00:35 AM |
I don't find it offensive. I find it insulting to my intelligence. Do you honestly think I'm not going to see through the line of BS?
Yes... ?
Oh, wait. No. I mean, No. Yeah, "No."
With most women, it takes at least 10 minutes of conversation before I start discussing my giant ****. If a chick's particularly hot sometimes I accelerate things a bit. | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/16/2007 9:32:50 AM | | In the middle of my seperation and pending divorce my soon to be ex hubby at the time had the nerver to offer me $50 for a blowjob or if I didn't want the 50 then how about a pizza as payment. This was when I asked him for childsupport. He thought it was oh so funny and I was pissed. It's all about timing but some things are just crass because they are. | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/16/2007 10:24:14 AM |
And when I said I want it all, I meant that. I do want what's on the inside, and the outside. I want the brains, the personality, AND the sex object. Not "merely" the sex object. So, with that, I shouldn't be ashamed or guilty at all.
If you want it all, try learning about her brain right off, and then compliment her on that *first*...why be like so many other guys and compliment looks first, especially in a not-so-flattering manner? | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/16/2007 2:06:58 PM | You said it, cowboy! I know the day is going to come when all the raunchy, rude, and out and out uncivilized sexual comments are going to stop and that will be a sad day for me! Something tells me you have a way of telling which woman needs a non-threatening sexy pick-me-up- lol! Good for you!  | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/16/2007 2:44:23 PM | Hey k-lo what's up I remember you from true! lol It's funny seeing you on plentyoffish.
While we are talking about tits I must say my triple A cup man boobs are just fantasic.. Wouldn't that be funny if women e-mailed men saying "You have nice man tits" lol | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/16/2007 3:46:23 PM | Ubkobalt...I must say that I am surprised that you would post such a thread ....
I cannot answer for all the ladies, only for myself.
I don't want to be treated like an object, period. When a man infers sexual comments to me when he hardly knows me, it tells me that when he looks at me, what he sees is an object of desire, not a three-dimensional woman with much more to offer than merely the physical. Am I offended? Not so much offended but definately turned off. I would rather he tell me that he finds me attractive and leaves it at that.
There is the whole double standard at work as well....I don't want to be one of "those women" and don't want to be treated like I am one of them either.
I think if women went around telling men they found them really hot and wanted to f*ck them...over time....you would also find it a turn off. Being objectified over time gets old....we all want to be seen as a whole person, don't we? | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/16/2007 4:48:19 PM | Ubkobalt...I must say that I am surprised that you would post such a thread ....
Why?
If you're reading into it that I don't know what's polite, and what's not, you're reading it wrong.
This is a question where sensitivities and emotion aren't involved. But
But I get the feeling, it's like trying to explain sight to the blind, and hearing to the deaf. It's obvious to those that have experienced it.
I'm also now trying to get a feel for if it's a female thing, or if it's a cultural/learned reaction. Does this same thing happen around the world? I don't know.
If a woman came from a place where this was normal and acceptable, and she moved to somewhere where it wasn't acceptable, would she feel less attractive?
I know one thing though, women don't do enough of it. Out with the catcalls already. I know I'd like it, if it was only for a piece of me. It beats the "absolutely nothing" by a long shot. Women, I think you're being rude for NOT doing this enough.  If men are supposed to be so ego driven, why do you insist on not feeding it? Sadism? 
I'm also learning an interesting opinion here. The "that's all he's interested in" opinion. You could be right, and probably are. But that's a pretty quick judgement, when you aren't able to read his thoughts. You're inserting your own judgement to make it a reality in your opinion, when from his point of view, you don't know what he's thinking. No judgement there, just interesting. | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/16/2007 5:22:53 PM |
I'm also learning an interesting opinion here. The "that's all he's interested in" opinion. You could be right, and probably are. But that's a pretty quick judgement, when you aren't able to read his thoughts. You're inserting your own judgement to make it a reality in your opinion, when from his point of view, you don't know what he's thinking. No judgement there, just interesting.
Ok, let's try some analogies here.
It's like a candidate going into a job interview, and the first thing he asks, instead of "What does the job entail?" is "How much vacation time do I get"? One dimensional candidate, not serious, with dubious credibility.
If you're hoping to make a good first impression on me and stand out from all the other guys with an opening salvo like "nice rack", you would have failed miserably. You see, I will have to make the agonizing choice between the handsome well-spoken guy who works out and races bikes on the weekend, and, well, you....the "nice rack" guy.
It's not that I don't have a "nice rack", and it's not that I don't want that "nice rack" to be appreciated at some point, but unfortunately we won't be getting to that point, as you have been unsuccessful at distinguishing yourself from the herd enough to get to said point. Does that make sense? | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/16/2007 5:31:52 PM | One question I may ask the women in another forum: How many guys who say "nice rack" or "nice ass" are out there? Maybe online there are, I wouldn't know, but in person? It seems only drunk people do that.
I seldom do it, and even then only when very drunk and to women I have no intention of trying to date/sex, usually people I know already. | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/16/2007 7:22:18 PM |
If you're reading into it that I don't know what's polite, and what's not, you're reading it wrong
That is how I was reading it and that is what struck me as odd because from your other posts...it seemed out of character.
Perhaps you are trying to understand something that you will never be able to understand because you are a man. Being a woman and one who has at various times in her life been "subjected" to this rude treatment by men...I have learned not to take it personally but rather to take it from where it comes.
As for making judgements, we all make them and they are based on our lessons learned in life. When I was a teenager, I can remember standing waiting for the bus and getting horns honked at me. I was complimented by the attention at the time. In my 20's, doing the dating thing (rather disastrously I might add) I learned that guys that are that "forward" are only interested in that one thing. So now if a guy wants to talk to me in that way, well...he can only expect one reaction from me...dismissal. | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/16/2007 8:03:10 PM | Ok... to answer the question posed... "why is it disrespectful"...
I don't ever assume that my picture and profile was something you saw in passing and immediately became so overjoyed by my personality it made you lust for me at that moment... no.. instead, the first thought that comes to mind is "this guy is looking for sex, probably hasn't read my profile, and even if he has, has no idea how to be suave or romantic, and has no tact".
You mention about a girl asking about your money.. ok.. well.. it's the same.. if she only asked about how much money you make, what kind of car you drive, if you own your own house, etc.. and if girl after girl did this... wouldn't you start to think the ONLY reason she contacted you was because something made her think you had money... You know you have more to offer, but if she doesn't appear to be interested in any of the other stuff.. well...
THAT'S your answer. | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/16/2007 10:59:10 PM | jasmineKai
I dont what it is I love about you more, your biting, edgy and yet throat
cutting, blood spilling sarcasm....Or your beautiful face.
You are the beacon of truth in a world gone mad, you ginsu knife wielding,
black thigh high boot wearing, human resources working,
hot asian woman!!
If they make a "pretty woman" movie part 2, I hope you get the part, cause
Julia roberts aint got nuthin on you girl! | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/17/2007 7:55:17 PM | Dear Elphaba,
I appreciate your comments.
"Nice Rack" would not be an opening Salvo, naturally.
Might a substantial distance have something to do with expressing no interest? You are in a decided minority! Lots of my fishie friends are infatuated with me in a nice way.
We are no longer prudes. We have the right, privilege, and responsibility to make positive comments if possible, even if they are a little off color, without meaning any disrespect.
I asked a fishie to marry me a couple of days ago. She hasn't said "No" yet. I wasn't werious, and she knew it, but I like her a lot anyway.
Ron | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/17/2007 8:03:13 PM | aceirmada...
yes, it is more prevalent online...
however...
I can't count the number of times some schmuck (not often drunkasses either) comes up and asks if I'm a "REAL redhead?" with a wink and then asks if he can 'see proof'.
OH PULEEEEZEEE.... yea, that's sexy... and oh so original.
i can't imagine what it's like for the 5'4", 120 lb model types out there.... so trust me when I say, it happens... both online and irl.
trust me... even when my kids are around and we're on the bus or lrt...
i'm not one to say 'men are pigs' but on those occasions... yea... i'll admit... that's what I'm thinking.
nope.... NOT FLATTERING! | |
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| Tell me why bringing up sexual topics is disrespectful
Posted: 1/17/2007 10:48:52 PM |
I can't count the number of times some schmuck (not often drunkasses either) comes up and asks if I'm a "REAL redhead?" with a wink and then asks if he can 'see proof'.
I'm sorry. I'm can't even imagine having the balls to say that. (Well, maybe I could if I thought it would WORK!) I admire them for being dumb enough to try though.
Now you see, from my point of view, I'd consider dying my hair red JUST to get that kind of comment. Come on....gather 'round everyone. Plenty to see. Don't be shy now.
Maybe spread a rumor that I have an interesting tattoo down there or something. | |
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