| Lose the extra weight before trying to date?
Posted: 1/17/2007 5:42:39 PM | lilac
You said you were 5' 124lbs I think and that definately isn't "a few extra pounds" to me. People also carry weight in different ways so my advice is to put several recent pics of you including a full body shot. Forget about the height weight, and body type descriptions. Attraction is based on so much more than that.
The way you wear your hair, the clothes you choose, the expressions on your face just to name a few.
For me at least, a woman is as attractive as she thinks and acts. I've never been attracted to the model types, I prefer what most other men consider average I suppose.
Look for a man that accepts you as your are. Metobolism changes with age and that will affect your weight as well.
David
BTW, I used affect correctly, I looked it up :) | |
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| Lose the extra weight before trying to date?
Posted: 1/17/2007 6:11:41 PM | >>
BTW, I used affect correctly, I looked it up :)
It's a slightly silly distinction. "Effect" implies a passive consequence--as in, the uniform requirement will have the effect of making everyone wear a tie.
"Affect" describes how something will affect something else--not passive. As in, how will the new uniform requirement affect the way kids dress?
Guess what? I am about to let you in on a huge secret. Grammar is not written in stone. Yep, that's right, some of the things they told you in high school were bullshit. | |
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| Lose the extra weight before trying to date?
Posted: 1/17/2007 8:42:01 PM | I have to agree with message 13.
I have been on the weight gain/loss rollercoaster for relationships, and medical reasons all my life. It was a roller coaster because it was never for myself, it was for boyfriends, or doctor's orders.
Eventually, I started doing it for myself and that method worked the best...hard determination, and for the feeling/high of being healthy. A healthy active body is more addictive than any drug once one gets used to having it.
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| Lose the extra weight before trying to date?
Posted: 1/17/2007 9:00:20 PM | Ok...little secret here...fat women date too. Now don't go rushing out to tell everyone, that is just between me and the OP. Even bigger secret, fat women get laid and married and have happy relationships. I know this is shocking, but I swear it's true!
Seriously, at 124 lbs are you just looking for a self esteem boost that you aren't fat? Be realistic, unless you are an Olsen twin, that would be considered thin. It's well under the BMI Index for obesity. | |
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| Lose the extra weight before trying to date?
Posted: 1/17/2007 9:19:07 PM | At 124 at 5' depending on genetics and frame it could look bigger than what you would think.
I am 5'1 and 129 but very muscular, because I workout a lot. If I didn't work out, and stayed the same weight I would look very different.
My grandmother was my height, and when she was my age she couldn't even hit 100 lbs when she jumped on the scale But she never ate meat. | |
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| Lose the extra weight before trying to date?
Posted: 1/17/2007 10:53:19 PM | I do look bigger than what the numbers would indicate, mostly because the weight went on disproportionately; under chronic stress people put weight on through the abdomen. At my height, too, even a few pounds of weight gain (especially fat as opposed to muscle) is really obvious. Most of my adult life my weight has been about 95 lbs., which is within the normal range for my height -- so the extra thirty pounds makes me look quite different.
And my BMI right now is above 25.
I asked the original question because there's a noticeable difference in the way I've been treated when doing such mundane things as trying to reach things on the top shelf at the grocery store. A few days ago, a man stood and watched me trying to reach something, and didn't offer to get it for me even when I tried to climb the shelves. Seeing as such incidents have happened a lot since I've gained weight, it makes sense that perhaps the same attitude might be reflected by potential romantic partners, and it's made it somewhat difficult to feel self-confident. | |
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| Lose the extra weight before trying to date?
Posted: 1/18/2007 2:38:36 AM | | It doesn't seem to sink in, in type. Some guys don't actually realise that the picture they conjure up in their mind, of a beautiful "full figured" woman, isn't the same as the figure of the woman they are about to meet. Guys don't always fall in love from the crotch. Love has a funny way of sneaking up on a person. But I will say, there is invariably always some form of physical attraction that is the catalyst. So, know your best point, and subtley accentuate it. Subtley... | |
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| Lose the extra weight before trying to date?
Posted: 1/18/2007 6:14:49 PM | | I didn't lose all this weight for my ex....( although it feels great!) There's nothing like the feeling when you see them, to see the look in their eyes when you look buff and they gained........ We guys who get dumped need something to feel great about sometimes....... Her ass is getting fatter by the day...... I don't feel so bad anymore, LOL!!!!! God forbid she sees who I date in the future..... I don't want to be responsible for her suicide....... | |
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| Lose the extra weight before trying to date?
Posted: 1/18/2007 7:53:54 PM | That is unfortunate novemberlilac, I do understand...I haven't been 95lbs since I was 14, but I actually looked about the same at 129lbs, if not better than I ever did at 95lbs.
Once you have that fat, it is difficult to get rid of unless you become incredibly disciplined.
Just work on an exercise routine, the rest will take care of itself. When your body and health are not a worry, your self confidence will escalate enormously...and love life/social life with improve naturally.
It is not to say that you should put things on hold, but at this time, your health should be the primary focus. If you are happy, the other things just happen...people will find you.
People actively seeking rarely successfully find what they truly want. | |
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| Lose the extra weight before trying to date?
Posted: 1/19/2007 6:53:55 AM |
Once you have that fat, it is difficult to get rid of unless you become incredibly disciplined.
And for whatever reasons, women have a harder time losing weight than men.
Regardless, lose the weight for yourself, to make yourself happy. Men will perceive that happiness and respond quite favorably!
Yes, it is true that a majority of men are attracted to more slender and toned female bodies. And yes, there are some men who prefer more curves than not. It is what it is. | |
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| Lose the extra weight before trying to date?
Posted: 1/19/2007 7:10:47 AM | Hehehe....I dated women when I was pudgey and I wanted to lose weight. Then I lost weight and dated women. Before you think that it's more important for women to be fit....it's not completely true. Show interest in the men you want to date and go for it anyways. Losing weight should be a seperate endeavor.
Drop the..."lose weight, then date" attitude
One is not dependent on the other and one shouldn't be the cause for the other. Keep them seperate and the best way to lose weight is to do it for yourself.
My weight wasn't a problem...and it didn't keep me from talking to the women I wanted to date. | |
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| I've decided not to sweat it
Posted: 4/20/2007 11:04:34 PM | it doesn't seem as though any two people have the same opinion of what's overweight and what isn't. I don't think they have enough catagories to choose from. A few extra pounds, to many, implies 5 to 10 extra lbs ...... BBW implies obese. I'd like to see a catagory that falls between the two....you know....the one that implies, "maybe I have more padding than I should but, damn...I still dress up well and look sexy. Like I stated in my profile, I had a long informative description about my physical status. I erased it. I didn't feel I needed to lure someone in with my body. If I meet him and he's disappointed, it's his loss. I can't say I'd lose any sleep over some ass who doesn't have the decency to be, at the very least, kind.
In my opinion, many men who tend to be the worst critics of women's weight are the ones who, probably due to low self esteem, need to impress others with their arm candy.
A confident, secure man knows that the woman who stimulates his mind, heart and body is by far the sweetest candy of all.
Just a thought..... | |
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| Lose the extra weight before trying to date?
Posted: 4/21/2007 1:48:15 AM | Ubkobolt always making me crack up.
Anyways I don't think you should make such a big fuss over it. I married my wife when she was 5' 130lbs. and to me she looked good. Not thin but not huge. After a few years she got to be 240lbs. I still loved her regardless. She had medical issues that didn't help her either.
I say date find someone who likes you for you not what they might want you to be. Now you do have to make your goal clear to them that you are planning on loosing the weight(and you have in your profile). That way if they like you how you are but don't want a thin woman then your both saving each other time by being honest and upfront about your goals.Good luck. | |
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| Lose the extra weight before trying to date?
Posted: 4/22/2007 11:22:48 PM | screw that idea.......let him be happy with you as you are now....if you want to self improve....let him enjoy the transformation each step of the way. We're all too critical of ourselves and assume everyone else will be too.
Imagine if the perfect man for you waited to date until he had hair implants. Would you have loved him any less bald? | |
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| Lose the extra weight before trying to date?
Posted: 4/22/2007 11:31:58 PM |
Good Lord lady
5' and 124 lbs.
I didn't notice this till you pointed it out..
Honey, you do not need to put "a few extra pounds." Average is pushing it. I'm your height and am not near your weight, and yet I don't feel the need to justify it. You don't need to work on your weight, you need to work on your self image, and don't put your weight in your profile.. | |
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| Lose the extra weight before trying to date?
Posted: 4/23/2007 9:53:34 AM | 5' and 124...oh baby...mooo, as is mooove down here! That is NOT fat! That's not even average (US standards).
Based on your statements, you fall in the lower 25 percentile for body weight for a female of your age.
The problem becomes when people don't remember the mathematical definition of what "average" is. If all the average women gain 10 pounds, the new average is going to go up. They ought to just put a height and weight column in the profile sections instead of a body type description, because they don't even have good descriptions for those.
Heck I'm 6'3" and around 190 (give or take 5 pounds on any given day). A body type of "Sorta like a praying Mantis, only not quite so good looking as a Mantis) isn't an option!
Any guy carrying around a beer belly that complains about supposed "fat" women? Well kinda fits into the pot calling kettle black.
Me? Nobody is seeing me naked until I don't look like a Manatee and my six pack abs are back. I've lost about 75% of what I need to lose to have them back. The external obliques are ripped, but the internal ones, well getting rid of that last bit of fat is killing me. | |
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| Lose the extra weight before trying to date?
Posted: 4/23/2007 10:32:17 AM |
Ok...little secret here...fat women date too. Now don't go rushing out to tell everyone, that is just between me and the OP. Even bigger secret, fat women get laid and married and have happy relationships. I know this is shocking, but I swear it's true!
OMG ROFL - I think I love you! This is exactly what I was thinking. Some of the most happily matched and beloved women I know are fluffy.
Whether you are lovable, or loved, has nothing to do with your weight. It really doesn't. It certainly does have to do with whether or not you turn the heads of some men, and of course there are men who prefer slimmer women over fluffier ones. But there are also TONS of men who are thoroughly attracted to a woman for her total package, not just her waist size.
To the OP, I'm wondering what empirical evidence you have for your belief that the men you date are turned off by your extra pounds? Did one of them say, "wow, I'm glad we met, but I just can't date you because you're a little larger than I thought"?
Because I'm wondering if the real problem here has nothing to do with your weight or size, and everything to do with the fact that you have a bizarrely goofed up self-image, and it makes you slightly neurotic and insecure.
There's nothing on the planet sexier than self-confidence. And nothing more off-putting than self-doubt. | |
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| Lose the extra weight before trying to date?
Posted: 5/17/2007 4:37:08 AM | My recommendation is to eat less,exercise more...join a gym. You can meet some really nice people and get in shape at the same time. You might meet Juan the personal trainer!
(Cortisol is also affected by diet and a sedintary lifestyle) | |
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| Lose the extra weight before trying to date?
Posted: 5/17/2007 5:12:29 AM | | Honestly, in your situation I'd be fine dating someone with a few extra pounds who expressed interest and presented a motivated attitude towards working it off. Nutrition and fitness are things I'm always willing to help someone out with. It's also fun to go running, go weightlifting, or cook a healthy meal with a girlfriend. | |
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| Lose the extra weight before trying to date?
Posted: 5/17/2007 5:16:11 AM | Since my earlier post on this thread, I've lost another 15 lbs, but even though I have plateau-ed, I have dropped another clothing size since staying at the plateau.
I am doing it so I have more opportunities in all walks of life, not specifically dating.
But to the OP it sounds like you are making way too much of an issue about it. Someone your size doesnt need to lose any more weight. If I were you I wouldnt even bother mentioning it in the profile. I think your profile has TMI on the subject. I can tell it bothers you, try not to let it bother others. If it bothers you that much, then start walking or cycling. Trouble is, society puts so much pressure on us to be stick thin and we feel we aren't worthy if we're not. Just be yourself. | |
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| Lose the extra weight before trying to date?
Posted: 5/17/2007 10:53:07 AM | | Every over weight person I've met that has some medical excuse for weight gain also does little or no exercize at all and eats like an elephant. So I have difficulty believing the medical excuse. People would rather make excuses than be responsible for their own actions. | |
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