| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/10/2007 5:37:15 PM | | There is no 'rejection'. To reject - a verb - requires effort, and the effort comes from YOU. No one else. If you reject who you are then how can you accept anyone else? I am not telling you what to do, but please read A Course in Miracles, and when you are finished read a book called 'Awareness' by Anthony de Mello. It will help you rise from your sleep (and I am not being sarcastic, I assure you). ACIM will take some time to read, let alone understand. But when the enlightenment does come, there will be tears of relief. - Thule | |
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daisie
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Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 27 | |
| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/10/2007 5:45:08 PM | Rejection goes with the dating deal....like exhalation goes with inhalation.
Just accept that some people will like you and some people won't.
Only a really stuck-up person would expect everyone to like her/him.
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| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/10/2007 5:52:05 PM | Kelly,
I'm hoping that all pics of you and your ex have been removed from your walls/desk/dresser/etc.? | |
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| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/11/2007 8:13:14 AM | ^^^^^ Oh yes, they are gone and are never to resurface again! LOL  | |
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| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/11/2007 8:37:13 AM | hey kelly,
try not to worry your a good looking woman eventually you'll meet your match in someone else. the best way to deal with rejection is to take it on the chin and hold your head up high your better then they are shrug it off its his loss and your gain... | |
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| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/11/2007 9:44:14 AM | Kelly
I am certain that your situation is very common and remains a very large problem for many of us. Some of us just aren't prepared to handle rejection in any form and probably will never be.
I wish I had a solution or answer for you; but, unfortunately, I don't except to say that I have found that the passage of time is the only answer. I know it isn't any consolation for you as I am dealing with rejection at the moment as well. There is an intense aching within and it doesn't seem that it will ever go away; but, I can assure that it will.
I have found that there is no catylist like finding another person who excites you and who holds your interest. You will eventually find that person and the hurt that you are experiencing now will flee from you faster than you can snap your fingers. It has worked for me and it will again.
Good Luck my dear!
Ron | |
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| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/12/2007 12:58:57 PM | op,
what you do is this: drink some beer, go to a club or bar, and hit on another guy. Just remember, all men are replacable. You will never be hurt again with this attitude. | |
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| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/12/2007 1:17:34 PM | You can't drink your sadness away and drinking will make you more sad since it is a
Depressant anyways...
And for GOD SAKE don't date people at work!!!!!!!
You have to keep in mind..you don't always feel the same for someone as they do you..so why would you think it is different for others..sometimes you just don't click :) | |
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| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/12/2007 1:30:07 PM | like everything in life it all boils down to "choices"...
you can choose to see it and other future scenarios as "rejection" or as "learning expereinces"...
Listen to what Sassy said..shes a smart cookie!
In every dating sitaution there will be confusion and concern ..etc...the only thing you can control is how you react to it all...and that again comes down to you making a choice.
From what you have said..i hardly think he rejected you...i would suggest hes just trying to get his thoughts straight about you...
You'll have to know..that dating has not improved since the last time you were on the market...there is still lots of drama...and no situation will ever result in all good stuff..
Best to approach it with some fun in your heart..laugh at the situation and yourself.
And if all that fails..well then ...ya go get yourself a beer or 20...wont make anything better..but at least youll be "tipsy"..lol. | |
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| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/12/2007 2:03:55 PM | | guys are jerks..you deserve alot better than what that guy gave you or...didnt give is a better word for it..there arent alot of decent guys left you you find one dont let go | |
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| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/12/2007 2:13:22 PM | | guys are jerks..you deserve alot better than what that guy gave you or...didnt give is a better word for it..there arent alot of decent guys left you you find one dont let go | |
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| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/12/2007 2:20:39 PM | | if he tells you to call...hes just being polite an nothing more. hes not interested. samething when someone says lets do lunch...ya ok...like that ever happens..lol..another polite way to just brushing someone off. someone offers me theyre number...i say no thank you. | |
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| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/12/2007 3:05:41 PM | | I remind myself that there is no accounting for taste or the lack thereof. If they haven't the good taste to appreciate me, that's their problem. | |
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| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/12/2007 3:56:28 PM | | Well, the one time I was rejected... (officially with proof?) "LOL" hmmmm... it was hard. I mean we hit it off, we shared intensely, I cuddled with her on a bench late at night outside the coffee shop we were just in... we were there for each other. She even teased me a bit (touching and flirting) playfully... she was even laughing... and we kissed sensually WOW! Everything was going fine and we planned a second date. She was a no show... then the silence... the lame excuses... her computer and phone both broke at the same time? A week later, I flew off the handle and displayed anger... then I apologized and we had an "amicable" exchange of thoughtful kind words. Something obviously was not in me for her needs or desires. (She still stuck to her lame story of her computer and phone not working) She just wanted an out. She's just not into me. We remain acquaintances... BARELY. ~No big deal~ I told her the truth and I feel fine. I still compliment her respectfully and just come to realize I'd take any kind of interaction she'd like because I am so drawn to her. You never know what might happen down the road... don't burn any bridges! ~Uzi~ | |
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| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/26/2007 9:57:41 AM | | I'm rejected all the time but it's their loss. These people include the many selfish women on this site who read and deleted or unread and deleted. I know I'm a great guy and I see women running around with jerks so I guess girls don't want good guys anymore. Nice guys finish last in their book. | |
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| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/26/2007 10:17:32 AM | its not about attaining a thick skin. you have just had a major life change. that would rattle anyones cage. you just need to relax, and learn to enjoy this time alone. find out who you are. i promise you. when you meet the next mr right. you will know it, and worrying about rejection will be the last thing on your mind. realize that you are a great catch, to the right guy. he will give chase when he comes into your life.. just take this time for you.. you are fine.. have some fun, and cry with laughter.. wow.. i really like that last part.. lol... | |
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| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/26/2007 10:49:19 AM | OP my 17 year marriage (plus three more years as fwb) more or less went the same way. Like you I hit the same single’s world. I ran smack dab into the “now woman” (to me it seems to be) world and rejection up to my eye balls. The very same female that got my attention had 500 guys trying to get her attention - I was lost in the shuffle.
My ex wife is 14 years younger - I went straight to the age group I was use to - right to the better looking gals (like she was) and found most of them looking for 30 year old stud muffins. I am not a 30 year old stud muffin.
I am use to rejection in the business world but I was not so use to it in the personal world.
We need to become immune to rejection. Both Sylvester Stallone and Harrison Ford had rejection out the ears and became immune to it. That is was in business - personal rejection is tuffer to deal with.
I finally accepted that about half of the gals in my preferred age group are after guys younger than they are - I accepted they are (now days) - just like me in that regard.
I finally ended my feelings of rejection by changing my thoughts. This will not apply to you - but I personally stopped trying to contact gals - they have enough other guys feeding their ego - they don’t need me in their pile.
Some overcome rejection by doing the numbers game - I can do that in business but not in my personal life.
Some battle rejection with bitterness and blame - To me that is silly and destructive. I am different - I don’t call people shallow if they are not interested in me.
This might not be the answer for other but - I have been rebuilding my self confidence/esteem (mine got damaged pretty bad in those 20 years). I am thinking that a healthy esteem factor will deal with “rejection” in the proper way.
My final answer is > self esteem | |
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Jemue
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Joined: 1/26/2005
Msg: 43 | |
| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/26/2007 10:52:27 AM |
I know I need to develop a thick skin to it all...but I am a seemingly attractive, intelligent, independent and genuine person who feels like Im never gonna find the guy who will treat me right and be into me 100%. I hope I am wrong. Any suggestions on how to stay in the game without being crushed when rejection comes my way?
First, don't stay in "the game" have a break, time out, heal up, hang out with friends.
You can't play a game on empty, or if your carrying around memories. I see lots of people (and chat to a few) that have just broken up with the ex and days later and looking for the quick fix replacement.
As for rejection, that's a fact of life and a very common one. Personally I see it from the other persons point of view opposed to mine.
Did they say no and reject me, or brush me off ? Sure, is that to do with me ? Of course not, they don't even know me. They are probably having a bad day, its the wrong time for them, they aren't in any condition to date or take this further, as a matter of fact they are doing me a favour.
Example : I'm out and say hello to a cute girl I see, she comes back with a hard rejection and put down (I live in a big city, it happens a lot). She's just saved me minutes of my life talking to her by letting me know she defiantly isn't someone I want to know ! | |
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Mia828
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Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 44 | |
| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/26/2007 11:21:42 AM | Let's face it no one likes to be rejected. It's a blow to one's ego. But when it happen try to think of it for the best. I say move on. Go out with your friends for drinks and/or dinner. If you don't have friends to go out with then go out by yourself and just enjoy your life. It's a great way to meet new people.
Don't allow yourself to get crushed, because when you think about it, you didn't have anything invested to begin with. Meaning with the new guy, not your ex.
And you are an attractive person. You seem to be intelligent, and a genuine person. Give yourself time and enjoy meeting new people and dating new men. After all we [most of us] are all here for the same reasons to make new friends and find that one special person we can click with. | |
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| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/26/2007 12:16:57 PM | You know i used to worry what people thought of me and when women rejected me it hurt alot. Over time i've started to realize that all thes women that rejected me gave me 30 seconds then walked away, they didn't get to know me, and they were shallow.
You have to start to realize ... hmm what did this guy miss out on. It's his loss not yours. Not everyone clicks with everyone.
I went out on date the other night that i sort of got sidetracked into. After about 15 minutes of the date it was apparent that she wasn't into me. To be honest i didn't feel anything for her either. When a girl walks away from you to join her friends after a couple minutes of dancing with you then doesn't spend time with you the rest of the night. Then she takes off without even a peep it's usually a bad sign.
How did i deal with it? I just wrote it off as a bad date and made the best of the rest of the night. There was a band playing, they were pretty good, so i stuck around.
How did i feel at the end of the night? I felt like i still had a good time overall and the fact that she didn't say anything to me and just left was kind of immature i thought.
The lesson ... life goes on .... don't let one bad date or one person rejecting you let your spirits down. Get out there and let the world know that noone can get you down. Be strong and have faith in yourself!! | |
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| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 3/6/2007 9:21:25 AM | Put yourself in the other person's shoes and try to undersand the psychology of it. At least that's my advice. Very few people know how to practice empathy. Imagine rejecting someone yourself. You tend value the freedom of being able to do so.
I'll message you and you can practice it on me LoL... | |
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| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 3/6/2007 11:08:04 PM | When I spoke with him on the phone last week, he asked me about the status of my divorce
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^^^ Your saying that, coupled with things initially cooling as soon as he saw your ex on the wall/pics., seems to confirm what you were thinking. That his pulling back was related...
It's good you connected again & had a chance to clarify... | |
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| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/13/2008 4:01:14 PM | My first time at bat with REJECTION, I recall something sparked me suddenly into a crying jag; never like I experienced before or since!
Lasted like ten minutes, afterward , from hence forward, I never ever again felt so much as an itch over rejection! Felt like...MR SPOCK ...still do 
''I'm really truckin captain!''
''SPOCK! KEEP THOSE ..POINTY EARS AWAY from the
WOMEN, they only have TWO EYES !
MR SPOCK, nothin ever ...FAZERS [pun intended] that guy!
So what did happen to me? A METAMORPHOSIS ?
Did my brain [the upper one] endure a drastic chemical transformation?
BTW.....12 years later.......the new transformed me...MR SPOCK ,was hunted down by that former flame! she walks up to me, announces she is leaving MR LUCKY for ....You guessed it ....MR SPOCKAROONERS, and she rented A ROOM.....I'm SERIOUS here folks.......OUR RENDEVOUS ..THAT EVENING ! SUSSSPRIZE! SNAGGLEPUSS!
Wanna venture a GUESS what I did?  this or  | |
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| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/13/2008 4:33:08 PM | | Hi, i split up with a long term partner not so long ago and whilst i think i am better than average looking i have met a few women and not seen them again, mostly their choice, the thing is, because with our long term partners we had all or most things we are trying to jump straight back in to that whereas along the line we will get rejected but that will make you or me a stronger person and find someone more suited in the end. It is a struggle but getting a gym membership helps a damn lot, go and spend a bit of money on yourself, it will not only make you feel better but people can make themselves look attractive from the inside as well as the outside, i hope that makes sense ! ps, honking his horn, i do hope he aint one of them boy racers ! | |
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| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/13/2008 4:45:17 PM | | Yes well rejection can generally mean one of two things: a) you are no good and no one will ever want you -or- b) you've forgot to apply Homer's First Law of Everything: Trying is the first step toward failure. | |
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