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| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/13/2008 4:53:04 PM | | that's a good one. I like how you say empathy, and by practice being the other person and what you would say to reject, really puts it into perspective. thanks. ...good stuff.. | |
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| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/13/2008 4:59:02 PM | Why do you think he's rejected you?
Have you ever heard of The Work by Byron Katie? Try this...
Ask yourself these questions and turn it around:
Issue: That guy rejected you
1. Is it true? (maybe, maybe not. Did he really reject you?)
2. Can you absolutely know that it's true? (I'd have to say no, you can't be absolutely sure)
3. How do you react, what happens, when you think that thought? (seems like you get depressed and saddened).
4. Who would you be without the thought? (If you rejected the idea that he rejected you, I'd assume you'd be happy, confident, secure, etc.)
Turn it around-- really think about this:
He didn't reject you
You rejected him
You are rejecting yourself
(etc.)
Think about it. Look up Byron Katie for the full info. It's a pretty good way to put things into perspective. | |
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| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/13/2008 5:13:03 PM | Reading only the first few posts when this came up:
KellyOBX, the ball is in your court and you kinda dropped it. Times have changed and men don't have to do all the pursuing. If he told you to call him if you wanted to hang out, then he basically said "it's your move next". He needs to know if you are interested, too.
Try it
^^ Matchless - perfectly said.
There are times when the guy isn't interested - but from my experience, and many male friends, women seem to have this perception that all they need do is sit back and wait, let the guys chase and chase and chase. Don't return calls, rarely initiate calls, etc. and everything will still be alright.
Then wonder why the hell the guy seems to have 'disappeared' or isn't interested.
I just finished going through that with a woman I've known for a few years - started as friends, moved to dating for a few months - but she never had time or wouldn't initiate calls - I always had to be the one to call first, set up a dinner or movie or other outing. Terrible at returning my messages. When I told her a few weeks ago that I'm tired of it, that we're not going to work out, she freaked, got angry, told me she put in all this 'effort', that I shouldn't have played "games" ...
Not all women are as she is, obviously ... but don't be surprised if more than a few guys get tired of the games or apparent lack of interest guised as gender-assigned "roles".
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| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/13/2008 9:46:54 PM | | Yeah I'm right there with you. I met this, what I thought to be, a great guy on POF. We had a lot in common and loved to talk to each other. He would call me a few times a day. We set up a meet and everything went great, I thought. Talk about mixed signals. He was hugging me, totally wanted to cuddle. I got the impression the he wanted to kiss me a few times but I blew it off because I thought It was too early. Everything went great. I went home happy and hopeful. The next day I started getting the feeling that something wasn't right . So I called him in the evening and got the lamest excuse to get off the phone followed by I will call you back. NOTHING!!! Now I've been left with confusion and the thought of what went wrong. He initiated everything. I thought it was mutual. Any wise answers?? | |
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| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/14/2008 4:16:23 PM | ''He initiated eveything''...any wise answers?
OCBelle, sounds like an oversensitive person. As long as he led the parade,and you followed, well his world rocked. Quite likely his problem is made worse because he was up against a differing opinion from a female. Some guys can't handle being [in their view] subserviant to a woman . He most likely had issues going in , add to that his inability to conquer his failure to deal with others .Probably thought the date was going to go the distance , without rain. Nothing you could have done for him, this is obvious by the way he is acting, surely he has no sense of self worth. | |
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| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/15/2008 6:48:00 AM | sorry caint help you much iam in the same boat
but my problem was i did still love my wife evan after 18yrs,
if all this bloke can do ih blow his horn dont bother about him
try and move on,iam sure you will meet someone who will treat you right
iam hopeing and you should too,keep your chin up  | |
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| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/15/2008 7:33:20 AM | Girls ~ girls ~ if you don't get want you want ~ when you want it ~ "It's a rejection!"
I don't see rejection ~ I see "not at this moment" ~ not now
reasons a many ~ and may have little to do with you
You need to play a long game ~ instead of a short game ~
a man gets older and wiser ~ , he might be thinking , You are too good to be true!
and looking for the sharp end of the hook.
Live your life and enjoy it ~ being needy is unattractive
Take advange of being free ,to do as you wish ~ go and do what you want
This requireing a blood oath ~ to share some laughs and fun with is BS.
You have educated us ~ and now we understand ~ now it time for you to understand the cost of your freedom.
If it's to be ~ it will be ~ Stand equal but sererate ~ this co mengled ~ co dependency
is confusing ~ and offer much stress.
To be a good saleperson ~ you must know how to close a deal ~ put it to bed
The deals ~ needs to be a win~ win situation. hence ~ the long game.
Childern play short games ~ they know ` no different
joy ~ dar
~ | |
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| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/15/2008 10:03:25 PM | | ok so I was all depressed on Valentines Day, hated the world actually. I got the weirdest feeling that this guy was up to something. Well, when I got home I had this email from him with the " Its not you, I really like you, but I want to start out slow and be friends first" BS. So I wrote him back and said that I totally understood and I respected his honesty with me and now i am once again forgotten. Could that have been the typical "Its not you, Its me" line and I was so blind sighted that I missed it?? It actually sounded pretty believable but I am second guessing myself for the simple fact that I have not heard from him and he has not responded to my last message. I think someone to knock me in the head, maybe it will bring the brain back alive. Anymore opinions?? | |
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| DEALING WITH REJECTION
Posted: 2/15/2008 10:06:17 PM | | thank you bandit. I appreciate it and I am sure you are right. It just really hurts, especially for me because I attached myself. Stupid, yes. Avoidable, probably not. I connect with people really easy. Anyways, I hope you find what you are looking for. Just remember, dont give into the game. It sux. | |
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