| disability does it matter?
Posted: 4/5/2008 2:53:51 AM | I've resurrected this thread simply because the other day whilst browsing profiles I came across one for a lovely person who sound positive and full of life but also explained that they were disabled.
I thought that was a really open thing to do on the preamble of a profile. | |
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| disability does it matter?
Posted: 4/5/2008 4:09:52 AM | The cloak of anonymity means people are more ruthless online, so I imagine getting a date is more of a struggle on here than in "real life" for a disabled person.
On the hand, the average individual apparently decides within 30 seconds of meeting someone (face-to-face) whether or not a relationship is possible. For disabled, it seems to be 0.5 seconds. So, meeting online has the benefit of providing a means to sell oneself, via a profile for example, in a way that cannot be done in person.
Those are my general thoughts. Personal experience? One date (very nice...), but nothing to report since. I do like intelligence and emotional maturity, which seem to be in short supply around here, as a few minutes of profile-browsing will quickly demonstrate. Yes, it is possible to be both disabled and picky! | |
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| disability does it matter?
Posted: 4/5/2008 4:51:46 AM | I wear glasses and am not the unber sporty type so "disability" doesn't bother me tbh. When I'm physically perfect myself then I'll get fussy on those grounds.
What does concern me about online dating is the hidden flaws - sociopaths and peados are not "disabled" in the conventional sense but I sure as heck don't want a relationship with one! Also I can't cope with the trunk loads of bitterness some people carry around about their ex partners and project onto everyone else they meet - to me that's a "disability" I can do without.
So physical disabilities are not an issue for me, but the personality/emotionally disordered will get weeded out as soon as I spot them. | |
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Joined: 3/22/2008
Msg: 29 | |
| disability does it matter?
Posted: 4/5/2008 6:12:51 AM | Apparently I'm 'disabled' having an artificial hand, though I've never thought of myself as such. I don't put it on my profile though it is visible in my picture if you look closely.
It's never posed a problem for me, if I speak to someone and I think they are worth talking to further, I'll throw it in there, see the reaction. I certainly wouldn't take it personally if anyone was put off by it.
And yes, I realise that by posting this it will now be linked on my profile, lol. | |
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| disability does it matter?
Posted: 4/5/2008 6:28:49 AM | would you be put off meeting someone for a date if they were honest enough to state they had a disability?
Bit too vague a question really, it would depend on the person themselves and the actual "disability" (a term that encompasses a very wide array of afflictions, not all of which would be classified as a disability by everyone).
Someone mentioned "If you really have an affinity to the person why should it matter", which is all very good and politically correct and all that, but in reality some people are obviously going to deliberately avoid making that "affinity" because of the disability - assuming it's of a serious nature (there will also be people who won't avoid it - but that's life - people are allowed to have preferences).
A lot of people would obviously be worried about being drawn into a "carer" role more than a "partner"...
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| disability does it matter?
Posted: 4/5/2008 6:40:13 AM |
A lot of people would obviuosly be worried about being drawn into a "carer" role more than a "partner"
In most relationships doesn't this happen to some extent anyway? We take care of each other, support each other, attempt the tasks that the other one can't or won't carry out.
As has been posted before diferent folks define disability in different ways, I chatted to a chap for ages, we got on really well, had lots of common interests . I sent him two pics of me, the first without my specs and his reply was very complimentary, second pic with specs was met met by "I don't date girls who wear glasses!" Well sorry mate without them everything is fuzzy, so go and discriminate elsewhwere!
The person as a whole package is what is important, if they are missing or unable to use a body part, well that's a part of what makes that person unique and therefore part of why you love them. | |
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| disability does it matter?
Posted: 4/5/2008 7:42:52 AM | Suppose we could fit any word in. Not just disability. People have specifications for dating.
I am a big girl...a lot would not date me and would actively see it as a disability.
When I was first on the internet, I was talking to a guy in a wheelchair. He had a degenerative muscle wasting disorder. He was also a single dad to two boys.
I really got along with him but he became obsessive and would not leave me alone. At the time I was 20 and thought he was obsessed because I was nice to him. Naive I know. As since then I had many 'able bodied' guys who got obsessive.
As to whether I would now date someone with a disability, it would always depend on the severity to me. I don't mena, if someone is in a wheelchair, it's a no. I mean if the disability affects mental ability greatly. Most the disabilities that people have declared on here would not bother me at all, I believe.
There are probably many people who have looked at this thread and not posted. As there must be truly many who would not date someone with a disability. They would just prefer not to declare it for fear of the backlash. | |
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| disability does it matter?
Posted: 4/5/2008 8:26:13 AM | Wouldn't bother me at all....
In fact i had a damaged spine 14 yrs ago and sometimes still get pain from it.
Most don't even know.
Lets face it we're all human beings with emotions feelings wants needs. why should a disability hold anyone back?
As long as its only a physical disability.
I don't think i would date an alcoholic, compulsive gambler or someone with depression or bi-polar.
(sorry folks) but at least i'm being honest. | |
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| disability does it matter?
Posted: 4/5/2008 12:42:27 PM | I cant answer the question with regards to physical disability as i have never been in the situation, however i can answer with regards to mental health disability and that would be a resounding no.
There is very good reason for this, i am Bi-polar and have found in the past that to live with someone who has a mental health condition too can cause an amazing amount of problems as i am fragile to my surroundings and the moods of others, but it can take me much longer to overcome mine, just as mine can set someone else off. not a great way to have a relationship survive!
I can also understand why people would be wary of dating me due to my bi-polar as even though i am currently stable on meds the understanding of bi-polar is minimal and people assume the worst case scenario is the standard for all, well it isnt, as with everything there are varying degrees. | |
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| disability does it matter?
Posted: 4/5/2008 2:54:24 PM | Depends on the disabilty, I don't think I could date someone in a wheelchair or an amputee purely because at 22 I like to get out and do things without planning or thinking about wheelchair access etc However when I first came on here I met a guy on a friendship basis who has ms and that didnt bother me at all I didn't know much about it but he was open and able to talk about it and explain, Also I dated a who who had lost an eye while serving in Iraq and this didn't bother me at all, It looked a bit odd and took some getting used to.....I still get told off for walking/sitting on the wrong side of him  | |
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| disability does it matter?
Posted: 4/5/2008 3:09:30 PM | Of course disability matters. But only in the same way that height, hair colour, muscial tastes, etc "matter".
Some people are fussy/picky/know what they want/etc and so would only go out with, for example, someone taller than 6ft. Come on, how often do you see that in a profile? But its no different to saying "must have two legs". I'm not saying its wrong, you have the right to your own preferences and if there's something you know is a pre-requisite in a partner then its only fair to say so. If you don't then it's equally reasonable to say no to the advances of someone who doesn't meet your personal criteria (or that you don't find attractive!)
For others, height isn't an issue (or, to maintain the analogy, the leg count) and so it isn't mentioned and isn't a barrier. I don't believe that having a disability should be any more of a barrier on PoF than being short, bald or being into Country and Western music or anything else that makes us unique. | |
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