| children and dating
Posted: 1/15/2007 7:06:05 PM | Personally, I'd rather date someone with kids or who wanted kids. Not necessarily because I want them but because I spend so much time with my nieces and nephews, and friends children. I can't imagine my life without children in it. If someone absolutely positively DID NOT want kids and DID NOT have kids of their own, I don't know if I would be as happy with them. Now if that person could not have kids for whatever reason but still enjoyed spending time around children, then that works for me. Children will always come first in a relationship and I'm fine with that. I cant promise I won't teach them the odd mischevious little thing but I am more than willing to be the "second" place when the little ones come first because I know I'll get to be "first" later on.  | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 1/15/2007 7:39:50 PM | | I've dated men with no children and can't imagine doing it again. If a man has children, he understands and appreciates the time and attention I give to mine. Sure, scheduling time together can be a little more challenging but the rewards are worth it. Knowing a man is a good father also tells me that overall he is a good man. | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 1/16/2007 4:29:06 AM | What is even more interesting and confusing is when guys post pics of themselves with a small child or a baby.. and.. they answer "No" for "Have Children." Odd!
I agree that it is creepy that people post pictures of children on a dating profile. There are far too many weirdos out there in internet land. If they fixate on you, stalk you, cause you trouble at least you consented to having your picture posted for the world to see. They did not.
I have mixed feelings to be honest about dating a man who has children. If its a mess with tons of drama going on with ex spouse or spouses I would be shy of this, but if its all good and healthy then it might add to my experience and my life if someone good for me had children. | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 1/16/2007 10:28:41 AM | I agree with the masses about the fact that in my dating experience, most men are NOT adverse to my having a child.
But I strongly disagree with Cudley and a few others on the never introducing your kids to your dates until you are "serious". Not that I introduce my daughter to everyone, but she knows when I go out on dates, and I do not 'avoid' introducing them if the situation is appropriate.
My feeling is this...
I do NOT want my daughter to think that the first man I introduce her to is "the one"..
I do NOT want my daughter to think that the first boy she dates will be "the one"
I want her to know that you can date.. casually... that most of the men/boys you meet are actually not "the one". I want her to know that many "dates" just become good friends. I want to be an example of how to take your time finding the right person to get serious with.
Nor do I want her to be threatened by a sudden invasion of someone serious in my life.
I would prefer that she and I both get to know him together.. and visa versa.. if he has kids, I want to meet them fairly early on.... there would be nothing worse than to fall for someone who's kids you hate or who just does not have a connection with yours.
Talk about a mood killer..
JUST MY TWO CENTS WORTH.
Bonnie | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 1/16/2007 6:33:28 PM | | I agree 100%. My daughter meets everyone that I meet and that her dad meets when dating. In fact, one time she met a potential girlfriend of her dads and said "Is your name Saturday?" She's only 8 but she knows what she's doing. Quite the comedian! Your kids should be as into your life as you are into theirs. | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 1/16/2007 7:14:47 PM | I do NOT want my daughter to think that the first man I introduce her to is "the one"..
I do NOT want my daughter to think that the first boy she dates will be "the one"
I want her to know that you can date.. casually... that most of the men/boys you meet are actually not "the one". I want her to know that many "dates" just become good friends. I want to be an example of how to take your time finding the right person to get serious with.
my kids (8 and 6) know i date....n they know for the same reasons bonnie mentioned ^^^^up there.....n cuz they know i date they tease the crap outta me......the ever familiar "mommy's got a daaaattttteeeeee.........mommy's got a daaaatttteeeeee" and if the occasion happens to come up ill introduce whoever.
....but my kids wont be introduced to anyone as my boyfriend unless i think its important for them to know that information because something is becoming more serious, and their time with me n whoever would be (and in the past has been) very limited.......i dont want my kids getting attached to people and having to go through that loss repetatively...IMO....divorce is hard enough on kids nevermind the boyfriend whos always there......then gone......then new guy there....then gone......etc | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 1/16/2007 9:41:40 PM | | My kids are one,two three,four,then me I'm five[If I don't take care of myself how can I take care of them],my mom is six,my dog has always been there for me ,maybe I should stop now? | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 1/20/2007 1:22:14 PM | from a mans view on this i have custody of my 6 year old daughter and i've ran across ladies that have the same problem as some guy's do with dating adults with children . i look at it this way when they tell me they don't have time for a child in thier life i just laugh and say i don't have time for you either and have a nice life. it took me a while before i started dating again cause i spent most my time with my daughter and sometimes i think that you have 2 types of people you want to stay clear when you have children . 1 the ones who are afraid of you cause you have children and 2 the ones who use your child against or to get you . but hey if they're afraid of our children then thier not worth our time or effort . | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 1/21/2007 11:25:09 AM | I agree with you Bonnie. After spending 10 years married to a man who had children that hated the ground I and my daughter walked on.
My daughter is 12 and value her opionion as to how she feels. I have always told her the truth and I am not about to begin lieing to her. She likes to tease and say I have a boyfriend when she meets the gentle man but I always make sure she understands that this is just the begining of a friendship.
When he has children I make sure that all are treated the same as I watched what my ex did and never agreed with it.
My two cents says tread carefully when involving others but always be honest and up front. | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 1/28/2007 1:33:35 AM | | I am a guy with children and I am not finding it easy to meet any ladies who have children.Perhaps the fact that my kids are the number one priority in my life leaves women thinking I am not interested.Possibly I am guilty of not spending time persuing women but my fear is to meet a lady who wants more children or needs too much of me which would detract from the time I have to spend with my daughters.I suppose I will remain alone as it is a sacrifice I make for my ability to be here 100 per cent for my kids.It would be so nice to fit someone in for my spare time but realistically that would be unfair to ask.Is there anyone out there that would like to fit me into their spare time.I hear about women who are single with children and just want to spend time with an adult of the opposite sex for dinner or drinks sometime.I have yet to meet one.If you are out there somewhere please contact me | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 1/28/2007 3:13:54 AM | I've got no children. That's a choice I made.
I've dated or lived with a few women with children.
Do I get scared when a woman has children?
Not at all.
But I do get carefull. Children develop attachments much differently than we as adults do. I don't want to see the attachment before I know I'll be around a while.
When getting "serious" about a woman, I like to get to know who she is and who and what "we" are before finding out how things fit with children. I get carefull but not scared off. It's rare to find a woman my age without children. And I like children.
But I also know you gotta be carefull with them if things are going to get serious.
-ds | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 1/28/2007 5:53:59 AM | At a very young age, I decided against having children. I love kids, I like to interact with them and getting down to play with them at their level (much harder to get up from the floor these days ) I think when it comes to kids it is a people thing. Either they get to your soul or they don't. I don't have the experiences that you all have with children and yet can understand the difficulties of having children and being a single parent. I gotta tell you it is hard to meet people PERIOD. The times have changed and the basis for trust has changed. You can't get paranoid about it, just keep trying in a smart way.
At my age now, it is generally grown adult children and a fellas grandchildren. I have no issues with either. If the adult children don't like me and I don't know why they don't well then I give them space but my relationship is with their pop. As I said earlier in this thread I do revere fathers as the single parent. Dating and in a Relationship are two very different things when children are involved. Only time defines the course.
Baggage, what is baggage? Baggage (I think) is unresolved issues whether you are single, married, with or without children. Most baggage is something we ourselves carry. People are responsible for their own baggage and if someone else is the reason for that baggage then the person is not handling the issue(s). When there are issues and you want to move on with your life in a positive way, you MUST draw the lines very clearly on issues. When you meet someone that you wish to 'pursue' and when it is the right time, tell them the issues and the lines. BUT never never forget that they are somebody else's children no matter the age. My mother remarried when I was 28, I couldn't stand him, nor his kids (good people just not my kind of good people). At the reception he was telling everyone he was my 'stepfather'.   I would very pleasantly intergect that he was my mother's husband and that I had had one father and he was dead. Heck at 28 I didn't need a stepfather. Sure glad she didn't marry him when I was still at home.
The marriage didn't last (Not surprised). I respect other people's space. | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 1/28/2007 8:12:12 AM | Great post. I also agree with duddly duddly. A pic of your child
on this site is like posting it freely on the internet.
Along with all the people who don't have good intentions
there's always those people who are computer wizards
(if you know what I mean?) and use the internet
for their own purposes. An example - I've seen several
POF'ers at the grocery store or coffee shop who have their
pic's posted on this site - he/she doesn't know me - and I
don't know them but we recognize each other. Same goes
for posting childrens' pic's (my 2 cents worth) you just never
know.
Now on the topic of children and dating - there's been so much
great feedback on this subject I once was a single parent
raising 3 daughters. It's so very important that children are
first and if someone doesn't like that - pooff that should be
the end of it! If they want the entire package - then tread
slowly - and no sleep overs! Children don't understand.
My children are all grown with children of their own and they are
still a huge part of my life. Not consumed, although always there
for them when they need me.
So when I tell someone I have 4 grandchildren and another making
an appearence in May! I can hear them think - 
(I want to travel not sit with grandchildren)!
The point I'm trying to get at is that your children will be in your life forever
even after they're parents themselves so it's really important the person
your with or end up with understands the entire process - and also understands
that once they grow up and leave the house - they'll still be a huge part
of your life! My 3 cents worth!
Now I'm a single grandmother of 5, any takers lol! | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 1/28/2007 8:38:24 AM | My kids are number one... Dating is secondary...
Cuddly... you rock and I do agree with you for the most part.
The men who post pics with small kids... and say they don't have any... are usually proud uncles who adore thier family... so I have no issues with that at all! I do however have issues with women posting scandalous pictures in thier profiles NEXT to a picture of a beautiful child.. It just screams out trashy ho, and a lack of respect for your child, and is quite irritating. I also think that children (young children) should be left out of the dating loop until you are 100% serious about being with that person! I don't approve of people who seek out casual sex and bring thier men/women to thier homes and introduce them to thier children.. Nothing like promoting permiscuousness in children... RIGHT ON!!! You are supposed to be setting an example for your child so they make good choices in life and become productive members of society, your love life should fall into second place. I agree you do have a right to be happy... But kids come first no matter what... and I'd kill for mine!
I go to the store and pick out airfreshner.. I smell them all and decide which one I am SURE I will want to keep... How silly would it be to buy the ones you havent ever smelled or tested and bring it home...only to have it stink up your entire house and you immediately make you wish you had saved that reciept so you could get your dang money back...
Product Testing works... 4 out of 5 Doctors agree | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 1/28/2007 9:22:43 AM | Love the airfreshner example islandsugar!
What a great example to 'relate' to.
And Cuddly Dudley sorry about the misprint in your name.
Haven't opened my eyes yet today!
Sheesh hope I have it right this time! | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 2/20/2007 12:35:02 AM | | I like dating women with kids and it is not to get at the kids.I have my own children and would prefer to keep the numbers down.It creeps me out a bit that a lady would post pictures of her kids on this site and I would not date someone who does.My children are not dating on this site and I don't expect to find a lady who would want to see a picture of them here.I will be searching for women with kids to relieve me of the biological clock ticking that most younger ladies experience.If you have children and don't want any more then you are one step closer to dating me.If you look forward to having children someone else may be more suitable.If you have not had kids and don't plan to then your outlook is different than mine and I am not interested.A man who refuses to provide you with more youngsters can seem like a gun with no bullets and it is easy to discount him as past his prime. | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 2/20/2007 10:01:14 AM | I'm a single dad who has raised my children from ages one,three,five and seven.I've found the exact opposite.It's woman that arn't very accepting of men that have custody of thier children
You know what? It says a hell of a lot when you hear of a father having custody of his children... just as much as it says about a mother who doesnt have custody of hers. Your children are very blessed to have you and it shows where the priorities lay. Smart women will see this in a man and the "light bulb" will go on... who doesnt want a man like that?
I don't think children should be introduced to dates, at any time, until the relationship is very serious or the kids are old enough, 16 or older. It's too much turmoil for them.
CD, I completely agree with you. Ive heard it over and over that children are introduced to the parents 'date' on the 1st, 2nd, 4th, after 1 month of seeing each other... because of some lame excuse like: the kids should have a say if they like who Im dating... wtf??? it truly is disgusting and shows where the parents priorities lay... in their need of being in 'a' relationship or just in their crotch. Too harsh? oh well.
It goes hand in hand with parents posting pics of their kids - its a dating/friends 18+ site for Pete's sake. Its not a place to look at how cute your kids are... I see more and more profiles with tits & ass pics right along side with their kids pics... dont get me wrong, Im not opposed to the t & a pics but they shouldnt be side by side with the kiddie ones... it tells alot about the person for many of us
This is one irks me... | |
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Gorbaf
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Joined: 11/17/2006
Msg: 44 | |
| children and dating
Posted: 2/20/2007 11:50:17 AM | I agree. There should never be pictues of kids on a dating site.
As a single Dad that has his kids, I've got of agree with several other Dads. Kids are often too much for potential girlfriends. It's happened more than once, even with POF people. I have a yes for kids on my profile so go figure. There is so much good advice and common sence on this thread though. It all comes down to careful screening in the begining. | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 3/26/2007 9:00:07 AM | | I am a single mom with two kids and I actually chose not to date for a number of years, simply because my kids came first and job came 2nd. My kids are now well adjusted and I have gently explained to them that I will be dating. Over the years I have always said that if I meet someone, then he would be a family friend. My kids spend time with their Dad and that is my free time. I will not introduce a potential mate until I have had many dates with him. I know I am more reserved and cautious then most, however I love my children and I also love my life the way it is. Anyone who comes into it will add a new dimension to it and will provide new outlooks and insights. Finally, I have met some men who have grown children or no children and I find they are not compatible, since they don't have a clear understanding of the comon issues with kids and dating. I feel my best match is someone who has children at a similar age to mine. | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 4/6/2007 8:34:13 PM | | anyone who doesn't have time for a child in their life should stop and think of how their life would have been like if their parents had said the same thing about them. where would they be now. Very unhappy and feeling like never loved. Children are on the earth for a reason, to be loved and to keep us adults humble. We can always learn from our children. I raised my 2 children on my own for 12 years and am proud of how they turned out, maybe a bit messed up but both of them are happy that we made the right decision in life. My son is 21 and is living with me for now (he left when he was 16) and moved home this past christmas. My daughter will be 20 this month and is married and living in mississauga ontario with her husband and is expecting their first child in september. and I know for sure that trying to find a good friend when you have children is hard but when you do its worth the wait... im still waiting and mine are grown up.. and so for me to meet a man with kids is a pleasure and a wonderful thing for me.. i work with a lil 3 yr old with sickle cell anemia and i love her with all my heart and will always love kids.. after all we are all someones kid... | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 4/7/2007 4:59:50 AM | I think that women are generally more cautious about MEN with kids, than men are with women with kids BECAUSE
1) a woman's generally not going to want to fall in love, and have kids with someone whos not gonna stick around, and if hes already got kids off somehwere... then he obviously doesnt stick around. (obviously, details of the different situations play a role here, there are alot of good dads out there - Im just saying this COULD be one reason)
2) Its harder for a mother to share motherhood than it is for a man. I mean really, children ARE ALways a blessing, and generally women take over the nurturing roll in the family, thats a hard roll for some women to share, therefore, theyre a little more reluctant about getting involved with a man with kids, than a man might be with a woman. | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 4/7/2007 2:58:23 PM | Im not realy replying to any post in paticular but ive found myself in a situation where I left my girlfriend of 5yrs because of her children. To top it off my 13yr old son has decided that he wants to come live with me. (awesome) So now Im looking for a place of my own and trying to afford to go get him and find a job that he and can survive on.
What now. | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 4/7/2007 3:44:25 PM |
1) a woman's generally not going to want to fall in love, and have kids with someone whos not gonna stick around, and if hes already got kids off somehwere... then he obviously doesnt stick around
Thats a pretty sexist statement! Not all men or even most men that have children are the "bums" insinuated here!
Relationships end for one reason or another, and both sexes are to blame for the breakup!
On topic..I have kids and do find it harder to meet people because I do. They come first, no question! They take most of my free time (and most of my money...haha)
I have no problem or issue dating someone with children, and in some ways prefer it as they are more understanding of the priorities. It can of course be difficult if you have conflicting schedules.
As for meting my "dates", I never introduce my kids to my dates at first. They do know I date, but I don't want them to meet anyone until I think there is a chance of a longer term relationship..That doesn't mean they have to be "the one" but that they are atleast committed to more than just casual dating.
In turn I don't want to meet their children until that point either as I don't think its fair to the kids.. | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 4/8/2007 12:02:18 AM |
what gets me is the women that post pixs of themselves and thier kids? This is the internet, not a place to post that type of info.
Or men who do it hoping to get the "oh what a good dad" sympathy of the women out there. I agree with you totally and imagine my suprise when I found the profile of my ex on here with a picture of him and MY children (well our children but the mama cub in me is very protective).
I contacted him and asked him to take them off - NOW. He said that he did not have any other photos of himself so he would not do it. I gladly took some new ones of him, saved them for web viewing and emailed them to him. Those photos are now up and my children are offline (at least on this site and the other sites I know of).
Some people don't think about how open the internet is - and what people can do. He may think a woman is contacting him about those cute girls in the photos but who really knows...... You just don't post pictures of your kids, tell people your city and what you do for a living (especially if it is a rare occupation). DOH!!
Okay - putting the soapbox away. I am still a bit PO'd - can you tell
And as for the OP - I also think you are finding the wrong type of people. Although I am a single mom and have not had lots of dates either (but I am still relatively new here - lol). | |
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